Jesse had found a hole in a stand of rocks about twenty minutes walk from Detroit, and the group gathered in the temporary camp. Lionel hid from view, while the others sat around the entrance to the hole and discussed what they should do.
For a whole day, the group mulled on a plan. Bradley mentioned that, with the proper dress and keycard, almost anyone could go into the city.
"I lost mine," Sue said, shooting a glance at Jesse.
"No, you didn't," Lionel said. "Jesse?"
"Oh, for the love of―" He started emptying pockets and produced several keycards. Each one had been taken from the towers that he and Lionel took down. "Don't you people ever hang onto stuff because it might be useful?" he asked, trying to justify it.
"Thievery, too?" Amos gave him a stern look.
"I was a terrorist for a while. Write a list," Jesse sniped.
Lionel looked at the pile of cards. "Seems like an idea," he said.
"You should all keep one, just in case," Bradley said. "Lionel won't need one."
"What are we going to do about him, though?" Sue asked, grabbing up her own keycard.
Bradley had a plan, which took him away from the hideout. He didn't tell them right away, Sue suspected, because the ghoul was staring him down meanly. No one asked him, again.
Bradley was gone half the day, so Sue and Jesse took the opportunity to get some sleep. At least, Jesse slept; Sue was having trouble with all the thoughts bumbling about in her head.
She looked at Jesse, in the somewhat passable light of sunset. She watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest, saw the beard that was beginning to grow on his face. She just looked at him, and she wondered.
Sue didn't understand how ghouls worked. None really did, but the ghouls themselves, she supposed. She knew about feral ghouls, Jesse had explained it. It was what happened to the demons in the Sepulchre. She couldn't really picture it, but she had a vivid description provided by Jesse in her mind. Sue wondered what happened to the ghouls that were considered Exalted. No one heard anything about them after they entered the higher levels of the Temple.
She tried to imagine enjoying a hug given by Lionel. He was a bit dried out, like a dead tree, whenever she'd accidentally touched him. But still―that ragged skin, peeling from the muscles, the ugliness of the exposed muscles; Lionel was slightly blue-tinged in that aspect. The veins that ran up and down his arm were disgusting. And his face, cheeks without padding, nose completely gone, his eyelids a tiny strip of skin that barely worked. No lips. How would you even begin to kiss that?
Sue shuddered at the thought. No one could look past that much carnage. She looked down at Jesse. Maybe Celia could, Jesse had told Sue she was a weird chick. Sue had a very hard time imagining who would want to touch Lionel on purpose, or do more―
She gagged, and clung to Jesse. He turned onto his side and mumbled something incoherent.
"Jesse?" Amos called out.
Sue poked her head out from the dip they were laying in atop the rocks and said, "He's sleeping." She was grateful for the distraction from her own thoughts.
Amos waved her down. "There isn't much we have for food, right now," he said. "Lionel can eat just about anything but I need Jesse to come out with me and hunt. Can you watch out for the ghoul?"
"You don't want him running off on his own," Sue stated.
"No," Amos said. "I don't. Don't worry, he won't eat you."
"Are you sure?" she muttered, and looked toward the hole in the rock.
"Yes. You're a girl, Sue. He'd eat Jesse before he'd eat you. Go on, I'm gonna rouse the rock fowl up there."
She trudged to the entrance of the hole and sat down, looking up at the sky. It was almost pitch black in the near areas of Detroit. She almost missed Sterling. Sue looked down and saw Lionel laying in the hole, his arm resting on his stomach. She wondered how he'd lost the other one.
"Quit staring," he said, and sat up. She quickly looked away as her eyes met his, those crazy starry cataracts right on her. Her heart pounded nervously, and the thoughts she'd had reared their ugly head.
"I don't get it," she said, once her chest calmed itself down. She stared at the dirt at her feet. "How come you traveled so far? Is she really worth it?" Her need to know was blaring an alarm in her head. If she didn't ask him now... she thought.
"I'll kill that kid for talking so much," he growled.
"No, you won't," she snapped back. "If you so much as lay your hand on him―"
He laughed at her. He laughed! She fumed. "Well, there's your answer," he said.
She thought about it. She couldn't say she was in love with Jesse, but he was hilarious at times, and she really enjoyed his company, especially the sex. It wasn't just the sex, she told herself. He was a good guy, and she could see herself with him, in the future. He hadn't asked her any questions she couldn't answer, hadn't pushed her into anything she didn't want to do.
"I guess," she answered the ghoul. Jesse's grumpy voice came over the air in snippets. "But how can you want to love someone who'll die before you?"
"Everybody dies, Sue," he said, patiently. "Some things in life, you only get one chance at."
She peered down at him and saw he was looking down at his hand, clenching it. "Not scared of going feral, anymore?" she asked.
It was a long time before he answered. Jesse's voice rose and fell over the rocks and Amos' low pitched rumble followed it. Sue had almost forgotten what she'd asked by the time his voice came through the hole in the rocks.
"We're all scared, kid."