June 8, 2013

"You're really putting it away lately," Celeste grins, grabbing a chip out of the bag in my hand.

"I just can't seem to get enough to eat."

"Must be all the extra exercise you've been getting," she smirks, wagging her eyebrows at me.

I feel my face heat up and know it's bright red. "Not anything out of the ordinary."

"Please. I've been your neighbor a few of those nights. I needed a cigarette afterward. Just admit you two are together and stop this charade."

"We are two friends who happen to have a physical relationship. That is all."

"Yes," she smiles knowingly, "that is called a relationship."

"No. It's not."

"Do you see other guys?"

"No."

"Does Jon see other girls?"

"None that he's mentioned."

"So you're monogamous."

"I'm just over a month from a heartbreak."

"That you have filled with a man who gives you very satisfying sex from what I've heard."

"That I won't argue with," I smile, "but that's all it is. Sex does not make a relationship."

"Colby says the only nights Jon stays in their room are the nights he doesn't see you."

"So?"

"So most guys that are in it only for the sex don't spend the night. They usually hit it and quit it."

"Not if they are resting up for another round," my brain supplies. "He's gone by morning."

"Let me try this from a different angle. How many times a day does he text you?"

"When he's bored in the car."

"How many times," she draws out each word.

"At least once, ok."

"At least once a day," she repeats her grin spreading.

"Just drop it, Celeste," I sigh, ignoring the dull ache in my chest.

"Are you crying," she asks suddenly.

I wipe my eyes and cheeks furiously. "Sorry. I've been tearing up over the simplest things for the past week. Must be early PMS."

She is silent for a few seconds before wrapping an arm around me. "Sweatpants and Netflix night in my room?"

"Sure," I smile.

"Ladies," Randy grins, "don't let me interrupt. Changes in my schedule."

I take the papers he extends to me, looking over them quickly. "I'll get on these."

"No hurry."

"Celeste and I are spending the night locked in a hotel room watching entirely too sappy chick flicks and I plan on having all my work done beforehand."

"Really?"

"Really," I state absent mindedly as I study the changes. "Why?"

"Nothing. Sounds fun," he smiles. "I might join you."

"What are you up to," my attention suddenly on my brother. "You hate chick flicks with the passion of twenty men."

"Nothing," he laughs.

I stare at the man meeting his eyes squarely, blue boring into blue.

"Nothing," he states again.

My stare doesn't waiver.

"Maybe, I just want to spend some time with you," he sighs, breaking eye contact. "You've been on the road with me for almost six months and most of the time I only see you is in the car. Even then you are usually on your phone or laptop."

"I'll make a better effort to not do that from now on," I sigh. "You don't have to torture yourself."

"I'm still coming tonight," he grins. "Deal with it. Who's room?"

"Randy-"

"Mine," Celeste interrupts. "Six thirteen. Right after the show."

"I'll be there," Randy grins, kissing my temple before disappearing.

"He is trying to make an effort," Celeste shrugs off my questioning look. "I for one think you need to let him."

"Okay, when do you concern yourself with me and Randy's relationship?"

"Since I noticed you changing," she shrugs again. "I don't have to look for you down some dark hallway or hidden in some out of the way alcove with your laptop. You're out where other people are gathered. You're interacting with people instead of trying to fade into the background. So I nudge you towards other changes to see if they'll take too. Wish I could take credit for you making those changes," she mumbles as Colby approaches.

"Hello Beautifuls," he smiles pulling me into a quick hug before turning his attention to the other woman.

"Hello," Celeste smiles kissing her boyfriend as an arm wraps around my shoulders from behind.

"Jon," I smile.

"Good guess," he whispers, coming around me.

"I've had your arms around me enough to know it's you," I smile.

"Really," he smiles quirking an eyebrow.

"Really. What brings you two to the gorilla area. Don't you enter through the crowd?"

"He was looking for Celeste and I wasn't going to pass up a chance to see you."

"I feel so special," I smile, leaning against his side.

"Got plans tonight?"

"Just made some with Celeste… and apparently Randy."

"Got room for two more?"

"You have got to be kidding me. What's with the guys around me suddenly taking an interest in chick flicks."

"I just want to be with you tonight," he smirks, pressing a kiss to my temple. I ignore the way the contact effects my heart rate. "Colby is getting cranky without his Celeste fix. And I am not even going to chance a comment about your brother. Just tell us when and where, Babe," he smiles.

"Celeste's room, six thirteen, after the show," I supply.

XXX

"You know you never told me why you stabbed your ex," Jon murmurs as I drift towards sleep.

"Does it matter?"

"Not really," he breathes against my ear, "But it's not like we have anything else to do but talk with Colby and Celie over there," he nods towards the other bed in the room holding the sleeping couple, "or your brother over on the couch there and I'd like to know."

"We could always sneak off to my room," I suggest.

"Or we could stay here and act like the friends we keep claiming we are."

"Let's not ruin a perfectly good night with my ugliness."

"JJ," he sighs, "please just tell me. I want to know what happened."

I glance over at Randy and catch a flash of light flashing off his cracked eyes. Finally it clicked why Randy was so adamant about joining us tonight. I look up at Jon stretched beside me on his side, propped on one arm. I pull myself up to face both of the men listening to me, trying to organize my thoughts. "You know you're the first person to ask me what happened," I sigh staring at a point just over Randy's head. "It's always why did I let something like that happen. How could I let something like that happen. Never what happened. It's such a simple question, I don't know why no one ever asked it before."

I see Randy swallow hard in my peripheral vision.

"The name Orton doesn't mean as much where I grew up, you know. Until Randy came along no one really remembered the name in wrestling. It's not the same in St. Louis. I had just lost my mother and thrown into a family that didn't really want me at the time. People would look through me until they heard my last name then they would fall over themselves to make me happy. I made some mistakes but I learned quickly. I learned to see the fakeness of everyone. By the time I was sixteen the only person I would ever talk to was Randy. I made it through high school and college but I still saw fakeness everywhere. Until Rick that is. He somehow slipped past my radar. He actually went to high school with Randy and claimed to remember his cute little sister. I still don't know how I didn't see what was going on," I growl punching the pillow beside me. "He convinced me to date him and then we were living together. Three years with the man. I should have seen it coming. I should have seen through all the bullshit. He wanted to spend more and more time at Randy's, especially when Randy wasn't home. He was drinking more at night. The night I stabbed him, he cornered me in the kitchen. We had sex. He always liked it a little rough but this was different. He seemed angry. When he was done, he threw me on the floor, said it was like having sex with a dead fish. He said," I swallow down the bile rising up my throat at the memories. "He said maybe he should try out a different Orton. Maybe he could get a better reaction from my sister-in-law. Or… or maybe my niece. I was enraged. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to threaten a four year old. Randy lives in a gated community. You have to show id to even enter. I told him I was going to make sure he never got anywhere close to Randy's house again and after that I was calling the cops on his sick ass. I never saw the hit coming. Or the one after that. I managed to cover up after the fourth punch. He told me the next time I tried to tell him what he could or couldn't do he would make sure I never spoke again. He them proceeded to knock everything off the counter above me including the knife block. All I could think about was him hurting Alanna," I wail. Suddenly Jon is beside me pressing my cheek against his shoulder but I'm staring straight at Randy, who had given up any pretense of sleeping. "I couldn't let him hurt that little girl. I lashed out with the first thing I could wrap my hand around. No one cared though. When the cops came they just saw me with a knife and arrested me. No one ever asked me what happened. Then the family was there, looking at me with the same shame that they had when I showed up on their doorstep years earlier. No one wanted to know. I just didn't want him to hurt Alanna or Sam, Randy."

My brother raises very slowly off the couch and approaches the bed. "Jaybird," he sighs, holding his arms out. I fling myself at him. Pressing his forehead to mine, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug, trying to look away from his eyes. "You were so mad at me, you wouldn't talk to me. That just made me angry at you."

"I didn't know. I'm so sorry. So sorry. Please forgive me."

I nod numbly.

"First thing in the morning I want you to write out your side of this and I'm mailing it to your lawyer. When we get back home this week I'm looking into pressing charges for the assault against you and the threats against our family," he growls pressing a kiss to my forehead. "You're a good aunt and a great sister. I don't blame you. I should have never blamed you for a damn thing. I would have done the exact same thing. The exact same. I'm heading to bed. Goodnight JJ."

"'Night Randy," I whisper.

And then he was gone. The relief flooding me starts the tears anew. "Thank you, Jon."

"That was all you, babe," he whispers pulling me into his lap. "All you."

We sit in silence as the tears the slow, his arms wrapped around my shoulders, my face buried against he throat. Finally I drift off into a restless sleep. I give up sleep completely after waking up at three thirty. I lay staring at Colby and Celeste sleeping in the next bed. His hand wrapped around hers as they lay spooning. A dull ache spreads through my chest again as I watch a smile spread across Celeste's face. "Stop being jealous and be happy your friend is happy," my brain scolds. "But I want that," a smaller part screams.

"Hey," Jon breathes, a hand running down my back, "is everything ok?"

"Fine," I sigh sitting up. "I need to get back to my room."

"Don't go."

"I have an early morning."

"Babe," he sighs, wrapping an arm around my waist, "don't go, please."

"Don't call me babe," I growl standing. His arm falls from me.

"I've always called you babe."

"Well stop."

"JJ, wait," he calls.

"No. No, I can't. Not right now."

"JJ."

"No, Jon."

Rushing down the hall I reach into the pockets of my yoga pants and find nothing. "You left your room key in the Celeste's room, idiot."

"Forget something," Jon asks from behind me.

"Yes," I mumble miserably pressing my face against my locked hotel room.

"What's wrong?"

"Colby and Leste."

"What about them?"

"They are too fricking cute and too fricking perfect. They are everything I want. I was laying there looking at them and it just hurt. I want that. I want the relationship and the sappiness, and the cuteness. I don't know if I'll ever get that," I whine pulling myself away from the door. "Can I please have my room key. I just want to be miserable alone right now."

He hands over the keycard silently and I slide it into the lock.

"JJ," he sighs, grabbing my arm gently as I enter the room.

I don't bother looking back. "I really just need to be alone."

"Fine," he sighs, his hand slipping from my arm.

I shut the door softly behind me and lean heavily against the wall. My eyes flicking to the small box on the bathroom counter. "Tomorrow," I murmur.

XXX

"So what happened last night?"

I look up to find Celeste standing in the bathroom doorway. "What are you doing here?"

"Answer the question. I mean you were happy when we went to sleep. Then I wake up in the middle of the night with you crying at Randy. That's over and you're crying on Jon. Then I wake up and you're snarling at Jon and rushing out of the room. I can't get shit out of Jon. He just sits sulking at the window. Why is there a pregnancy test on the counter?"

Her sudden change in subject throws me off balance. "What?"

She reaches behind me to pull the box off the counter. "Why is there a pregnancy test here? Are you pregnant?"

"I don't know," I answer quietly.

"Which question?"

"I don't know if I'm pregnant. I mean I was always so adamant about protection and I know it's not a hundred percent but I never expected… I don't even know what I didn't expect. I just started thinking yesterday about my life. I've been so moody lately. I'm up. I'm down. I'm up again. I'm eating like a pig," I sigh sitting in the floor. "I'm three and a half weeks late. I just thought it was because of stress but… I can't even think straight."

"Then take this," she smiles holding the box out. "We'll worry about the rest once you know for sure."