The telephone snapped Judd out of his flashback at Bruce's house. He answered the phone and talked to Bruce for a minute. Bruce said he was not going to make it home in time for dinner with Vicki since he was slammed at the church. He wouldn't be home until after midnight. Judd said he would relay the message.
He hung up the phone and moved back to the counter. He poured her hot chocolate into the mug and pulled the marshmallows out of the pantry. Vicki liked a little hot chocolate with her marshmallows. He poured himself a cup of black coffee and went back into the living room.
"Who was on the phone?" as he handed her the mug.
"Oh, it was Bruce. He said he's slammed at the church, so he won't be here for dinner."
Vicki looked up at him. Chaya wasn't going to be home for dinner either that night. Vicki looked scared.
"Vick, what's wrong?" Judd asked.
"Uh, it's nothing." She said hesitantly.
"Vick, come on, you can talk to me. You know that."
Vicki paused. She took a deep breath. "I haven't been alone since I got back from Northside. I'm scared of being alone." She looked down at her hot chocolate and waved her hand, and said, "But don't worry about it, it's my problem."
Judd stood up and moved toward the phone. He called the closest pizza place and ordered two pizzas for Lionel, Ryan, Mark and John at his house. He called to let them know that it was on its way and that he would not be home for dinner.
Judd went into the kitchen and grabbed a roll of hamburger that was thawing in the fridge. He started pulling ingredients out of the cabinets and pantry, banging pots and pans around.
Vicki limped into the kitchen. "Judd, what are you doing?"
"I'm making dinner, what does it look like?"
"Judd, you don't have to do this. I will be fine."
Judd dropped the pan on the counter and walked towards Vicki. He put his hands on her arms and looked into her eyes.
"I know I don't have to, but I want to. I don't want you to be alone." He paused, looked down and blushed. "Plus, it would be nice to have an evening for the two of us to just talk and hang out."
Vicki smiled as Judd went back to work. She set the table as best she could. Judd had to help her reach the plates since she couldn't raise her arms above her head for fear of ripping her stitches.
She went back into the living room to rest while Judd finished up. She walked around the couch and looked out the window. It was already dark, even though it was only 5:30. She turned off the outside lights and flipped the switch to turn on the Christmas lights. Then she stepped on the button to light up the Christmas tree. Bruce had bought all new ornaments that year since most of the ornaments he had his children had made. It was too painful for him to pull them out. She went to the tree and looked at the ornament she had picked out: a beautiful cross with gems on it. She heard Judd come up behind her and look at it.
"You've got good taste." He said amused.
"Oh, shut up. Is the food ready?"
Judd bowed a gestured toward the kitchen. "After you, madam." Vicki giggled and went to sit at the table.
Judd had made spaghetti and meat balls with a side salad. It was his mom's recipe, and she loved it. He had made it when the day they returned from the airport after the rapture.
"Yes!" She said, raising her fist in the air, wincing from the pain she felt in her side. Judd touched her arm and asked, "Are you alright?"
"No, I'm starving. Let's eat!"
Judd pulled her chair out for her and helped her sit down. They prayed over their food and began eating. They ate and talked and ate some more. When they were finished, Vicki was stuffed. She sat back and rubbed her stomach.
"Wow, I think that is the most I have eaten since I was sent to Northside." Vicki said. "My complements to the chef."
Judd laughed and took a bow. "Thank you, thank you." He stood to clear the table and ran some warm water in the sink to let the dishes soak. "I'll let this sit for a while. Let's go back in here," he said as he helped her steady herself.
They sat on the couch and sat in silence for a while, taking in the breathtaking sight of the Christmas lights. This was the first Christmas they had felt like celebrating since the rapture had happened. After a while, Vicki broke the silence.
"Judd…" her voice trailed off.
Judd scooted closer to her and looked at her with concern. "What is it Vick?"
She looked up at him and looked back down. "I haven't told anyone this. I don't want anyone to worry. But I need to talk to someone." She took a breath. "Northside was awful. Drugs, violence, Enigma Babylon…Solitary made me almost go insane. And, of course, there's this…" She looked at her side. "I have nightmares. I can't sleep because I'm afraid if I do, I will wake up and this will all be a dream. My side hurts constantly. I have panic attacks when it gets dark and I'm alone in my room. I have to sleep with a light on…." She said as tears streamed down her face.
"Vick, why didn't you say something? I could have helped you. Bruce, Chaya…all of us," as he put his arm around her, trying to comfort her.
She put her head on his shoulder and wept, finally relieved that she had told someone about her fears. She sobbed as he held her, putting his hand on her head and holding her tight. He didn't say a word. He just held her as she told him everything. After a few minutes, she stopped talking and just cried. And cried and cried. A few more minutes went by and she was still crying pretty hard. Judd pulled away and grabbed a box of tissues from the coffee table.
"Vick, you need to take a deep breath. You're going to make yourself sick if you keep crying this hard."
But she couldn't stop crying. She was reliving the nightmares over and over, not just of Northside, but from her childhood. Things that happened that no one else knew about. She pulled back and looked at Judd.
"I need to tell you something, but you have to promise you won't look at me any differently," she said between shallow breaths. "Because I can't keep it to myself anymore, or it's going to make me go insane."
"Vick, nothing you could ever do or tell me would make me see you any differently than I already do," he said tenderly as he wiped tears from her cheeks.
She took a deep breath and looked away from him. She stood and looked out the window. Snow was starting to fall hard, and the wind was starting to blow. Kind of like my life, she thought.
He came up behind her and turned her towards him. "Vick tell me. You can trust me."
She hugged him and put her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to keep her safe from whatever was traumatizing her. She took a deep breath and whispered, "When I was nine, my mom's brother used to come over and visit. One time, he was babysitting us, so my parents could go get slammed. My brother was at a friend's and Jeanni was down for a nap. As soon as my parents left he took me in my parents' bedroom. I thought we were going to play a board game…" her voice trailed off. She looked Judd in the eyes, filled with rage behind the tears that were forming. Her voice was barely audible. "He molested me. That was only the first time. It happened three more times before he moved away." She buried her head in Judd's chest and sobbed again.
Judd pulled away from her and looked her in the eye. "Vick, I can't believe you have kept that to yourself all these years."
"Well, I didn't exactly trust anyone to do anything about it. But ever since I got sent to solitary in Northside, I began relieving it again. I figured if I could tell someone to help me through it, maybe I could stop the dreams and get some sleep," she said as she wiped her tears and blew her nose into a Kleenex. "Maybe I could stop reliving it every night as I lay down, afraid someone is going to…"
Suddenly, Vicki didn't feel so good. She grabbed her stomach and ran to the bathroom.