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Maybe I am just not enough. You've made me realise my deepest fear, by lying and tearing us up

Carla slowly made her way over to the bar, her eyes never leaving Michelle. "What's the matter, darlin'? Cat got your tongue?" Carla was good at this, acting confident when she felt like cowering away. The anger bubbling away in her stomach kept her going though, it told her she had to get this out to ever move on.

"Are you drunk Carla?" Sean asked from the other side of the bar, almost cautiously but not nastily. He always had cared about Carla, he might like a gossip as much as the next person, more so, but he didn't want to see his boss make a fool out of herself.

Carla's head snapped to look at him and she glared, her voice low, "No I am not Sean." Her eyes were soon back on Michelle's. "See, Seany, I really love this baby. I mean I really love it." She spoke as though she wasn't in a crowed room of almost everyone she had grown to know in the last 9 years. She spoke as if she didn't realise they were all hanging on her every word, jumping at the chance for some drama from such a fiercely private woman. She didn't look at them, only Michelle, her back to most of them and to Peter who kept his eyes firmly on his wife, ready to protect her if needed, "I know most of you lot think I'm some kind of monster but all I've ever wanted is to be loved and to love. You know? Just like you lot. I'm not that different. But most of you never even bothered to get to know me. Eh, not that I care." Carla took a deep breath. No one knew where this outburst was going and in all honesty, neither did she.

"I've done alright for myself, I think. I think I do a pretty good job of picking meself up, but some things you just don't recover from. That's the thing when you lose someone." For the first time, Carla turned around, looking at them all. She tried not to falter, to stumble. She just wanted her say and she wanted everyone to know she was not always the bad one. "It's not saying goodbye that's the hardest. It's adjusting to life without them. It's trying to fill that void of emptiness they leave you with. And there's no escape, no button to press to make you forget those feelings or the memories. You just have to kill yourself missing them everyday until you don't. But I don't think that day ever comes, when you don't miss someone who was snatched from you. I just don't."

Carla's eyes glazed over as she caught Peter's watchful look but she quickly regained herself, turning back to Michelle, "You know all about that, don't you 'Chelle. Having people taken from you.." Carla just nodded when she obviously received no response. "I were there when Michelle's first husband died. He was a good kid Dean, he 'ad a heart of gold. It's always the best ones though innit? And well most of you lot were there when her brothers died. My 'usband.. Liam. She were there for me when I needed her back then. She were there when we lost our Hayles. When I lost my little girl." She could see the look of desperation, true heartache and terror on Michelle's face and it nearly killed her but there was no going back now. She needed everyone to know.

"She's a good girl our 'Chelle, in't she? I think she would have been a good wife an all, Steve... If she hadn't shagged my brother." Carla felt the tension in the room instantly. Well it was out now, no hiding. She couldn't tear her eyes from Michelle, watching as her hand was by her mouth, shaking her head desperately. Carla just continued, ignoring the whispers around her, "She slept with my baby brother and then she killed his baby." She could feel all eyes on her and she felt sick, but she felt relieved too, almost free of something killing her inside.

"Oh and did I mention, instead of telling me about the abortion, she let me think, no 'ang on, she actually told me, that I had caused a miscarriage." Carla tapped her hand once on the bar, signalling to everyone with her head at Michelle, "And that, everybody, is my best mate. Who needs enemies, eh?" With one last glance around, Carla walked out, leaving the entire street in a shocked state and chaos ready to erupt as her footsteps echoed around them.

As she stepped outside and onto the street, free from the constraints of the pub, Carla finally breathed again. She didn't even want to imagine what was going on back in there but she had hoped she'd feel better after sharing. She didn't, she felt just as bad as Michelle. She hated her. Michelle had dragged her down to her own level and now she had been the one to cause pain and upset.

Bending down, she picked up a stone and held it in her hands. She thought how it would feel, as she looked up at the window, to throw it and smash the glass, letting it shatter into Michelle's room along with the rest of her life. She imagined it might feel exhileraring, freeing.

When she heard footsteps, Carla assumed it would be Peter but as she looked up, she saw the last person she was expecting.

"You don't wanna do that. Trust me." Carla looked from Leanne to the stone and then up at the window before throwing it back to the floor with an annoyed sigh, rubbing her hands on her trousers, "Good choice."

Carla looked across at her, her eyes saying everything she wasn't. Her damned eyes always betrayed her and she quickly remembers Liam telling her her eyes were like a window to her soul without any curtains. She almost smiles. "Where's Peter?" She feels weird asking his ex wife that but she doesn't know what else to say.

"I asked him to give us a minute."

Carla frowned, confused, "Why Leanne?"

Leanne shrugged, watching the older woman in front of her, someone she used to tell everything to, "I dunno to be honest, Carla, I just- was all that back there true?" At Carla's small nod and sniffle, Leanne blew out a breath and slightly shook her head, her hands in her coat pocket, "Wow. Poor Steve."

Carla let her eyes linger over the Rovers and thought about the emotions that would be thrown around in there as everything sunk in. She'd really ruined Michelle's life, she didn't know if this was something you could ever recover from and suddenly, she felt a bit sick.

"You think I'm a bitch don't you. For doing it like that, on his wedding night, in front of everyone."

Leanne sighed, "I think you could have been a bit more tactful. Then again, subtle never was your thing."

Carla scoffed, "That coming from an ex prostitute."

She looked up at her and they both gave a small chuckle. When was the last time she had laughed with Leanne? Although the state of them, an ex hooker and a homewrecker more than once over, standing on a cold street awkwardly making conversation really was almost laughable.

"Look, Carla I just came out to say... Carla you'd be an idiot to let this push you back to square one. What you said in there, no one thinks you're a monster. I used to. I mean I could have literally killed you with my bare hands at one point." Carla raised her eyebrows, "I'd like to see you try, Battersby." She shuffled her feet on the floor, not looking as Leanne just laughed, "I'm happy now, with Kal and Si's happy and I guess it wouldn't be so bad for you and Peter to be 'appy an all. Don't mess it up this time, not when for once in your life, most of that lot are fighting your corner and you've got a lot to smile about." Leanne shrugged, not even sure why she was saying all this. Something Carla had said in the Rovers had really struck a chord with her, after everything they had been through. She didn't even think she hated the woman anymore, and maybe this was tiny step in the right direction.

She slowly turned to walk away, leaving Carla with a million thoughts buzzing around her head. "Let Peter in, Carla. And just remember what it felt like when you lost Liam and Paul. Michelle's been an idiot but there might be a way through it. Anyway, it's good for the soul." She called as she walked back towards the Rovers and Carla frowned, calling back, "What is?"

Leanne just smiled, "Forgiveness."