August 28, 2013

"I'm coming. I'm coming," I call rushing for the buzzer. "Yes."

"Ms. Orton," George, the building doorman, replies.

"Yes, Sir."

"I'm sorry to wake you Ms. Orton."

"I was up painting, George. No worries."

"There is a gentleman here that is not on your list of approved guests."

"I wasn't expecting anyone."

"It's a Mr. Jonathan Good."

"I know him," I sigh. "Send him up."

"Yes, Miss."

"What the fuck is he doing here," my brain questions. "I guess I'll find out soon," I answer out loud unlocking the door. Cracking the door, I take a seat on the couch to wait. After a short wait there is a knock on the door followed by it swinging open to reveal Jon. My heart rate doubles at the sight of him.

"Hi," he breathes.

"Hello. Come on in."

"Thank you," he sighs, closing the door behind him. "I know it's late but I just got in."

"How did you find me, Jon?"

"Lawyer."

"Bullshit. Both lawyers have Randy's address not this one."

"Fine. Colby gave me your address. He was afraid he would have his ass kicked if you found out."

"Smart boy," I smile. "So it's been two and a half months. Why the sudden appearance?"

"I got the results in from the test."

"And?"

"Jay," he sighs running a hand through his hair, "I'm sorry ok. I reacted badly."

"That's the understatement of the year. It's water under the bridge."

"No it's not. I-"

"You haven't said what you're here for," I interrupt. "Spit it out."

"Can I," he asks motioning to the opposite end of the couch. I nod and he lowers himself slowly.

"You're-We're having a girl," he sighs smiling weakly.

"You were right the first time."

"Does that mean that I've messed up so badly that you're going to keep her from me," he asks suddenly finding the pattern of my coffee table fascinating.

I study him for a moment feeling my resolve to be cold dissolving. "No," I sigh. "Not after growing up the way I did, you know I couldn't do that to her. She deserves her father if her father wants to be there for her."

"Thank you," he breathes relaxing noticeably.

"I'm not doing it for you."

"Thank you anyway. So?"

"So," I repeat.

"How are we going to do this if we can barely talk to one another anymore?"

"We're talking now," I state calmly folding my arms over my baby bump.

"What can I do for you, JJ?"

"I don't need anything from you, Jon."

"Damn it Jay," he growls. "I'm-"

I hold up my hands to stop him. "You are not responsible for me, Jon. You are responsible for your daughter, that is all I want or need you to concern yourself with."

"At the moment my daughter depends on you so I'm going to concern myself about you."

"I got someone concerned for me, you don't need to worry about me."

He swallows thickly, his eyes on the hardwood floor. "Oh," he sighs.

"Me," I smirk at his reaction. "I've got me. I'm not exactly prime dating property right now."

"I wouldn't say that," he murmurs, his eyes meeting mine briefly before dropping to my stomach.

"I would," I smirk jumping to my feet as his hand comes out to rest on my stomach. "You just got in?"

"Yeah."

"It's too late to bother with a hotel room tonight," I sigh. "I never really got around to setting up the guest bedroom for anything other than storage. Is the couch long enough for you or would you like my bed?"

"I could manage on the couch," he mumbles looking slightly shocked.

"I'll get you a couple pillows and a blanket then. Make yourself comfortable."

"Thank you, JJ," he smiles.

XXX

The soft murmur of Jon's voice pulls me back from sleep as the bed sinks beside me. I open my mouth to question him when his words reach me through fog of sleep. "I am so sorry, baby. I really fu- messed up this time," he murmurs as a hand slides over my stomach. "I will never be so stupid again. I promise you that. I'll never walk out on you ever again. Never. I refuse to screw you up like I have been." The pressure on my stomach changes. "His lips," my brain names the familiar pressure with glee. "He kissed your stomach."

"Jon," I murmur trying to block out the feelings rushing through me.

"Sorry," he whispers, removing himself from me. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay," I murmur, tugging the blanket higher. "What are you doing in here?"

"Me being stupid has caused me to miss out on so many things. I just wanted to come and talk to the baby… my daughter."

"Well, if she responds, let me know how you did it. She's been moving around so much lately except when I talk. I'm being froze out by my own daughter and she's not even out of the womb yet," I sigh.

"Are you ignoring your mom already," he asks my stomach, his hand returning.

"She's lower," the words leave my lips without thought. "She's been riding my hips lately."

His hand slides down, his fingers curving around my left pelvic bone as our daughter flutters beneath.

"Great, she's already showing preferences."

He stares down at the hand on my stomach. "Was that?"

"Yep."

A smile splits his face as his thumb slides around the spot causing memories of his hands grasping my hips to flash through my brain. I press my hand to my eyes to block everything out.

"JJ," he whispers.

"Yeah," I sigh.

"You never answered my question earlier. How are we going to do this if we can't talk?"

"That sounds like Colby talking," I smirk. "He asked me the same thing four times last week."

"And what did you tell him?"

"As soon as Jon pulls his head out of his ass and makes some attempt, I can't tell you."

"I'm attempting," he sighs, reclining, his hand staying put.

"And I have had how long to think about this."

"What can I do to help?"

"Again I don't know, Jon."

"You use to be able to talk to me," he growls.

"I could say the same to you but you walked away instead of doing that."

"Put your feelings aside and think about our child," he snaps.

"He's right." I roll my eyes at myself, sitting up and breaking the Jon's grasp on me. "What did you expect? Did you forget how I am? You've refused to communicate with me for two and a half months and then you show up and expect me to be all chummy again. That is a lot of hurt to ignore. Now I am trying but you have got to give me some leeway here. It's been," I check the bedside clock, "three hours since you've shown up trying to play nice again. I'm dealing with conflicting emotions, right now. I am hurt but…"

"But," he prompts softly.

"But I haven't been touched by a man in two and a half months and your hands are magical," I think. "But I know I need to do the right thing. I just don't know how to start."

"I can understand that," he sighs. "Can we at least attempt to start working this out?"

"Does it have to be right now? Just let me get some sleep, please."

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry for waking you again. I'll talk to you in the morning. Goodnight. Goodnight baby girl," he smiles sliding a hand to the spot it had previously occupied. Another flutter meets his hand.

"I think that was a 'Goodnight Dad'," I smile softly.

"That's just so amazing," he sighs, returning my smile. Reluctantly he removes his hand, "Goodnight JJ."

"Goodnight Jon."

XXX

The smell of food pulls me from my bed the following morning. I make my usual morning stop to look at the nursery progress and have to do a double take. The walls I had just started painting last night are now fully painted and the furniture moved in. "Jon," I groan inwardly, continuing down the short hallway. "He always knows how to kill my anger." "Morning," I sigh taking a seat at the small kitchen table, picking through the fruit bowl on the table before choosing a banana.

"Morning," Jon smiles placing a glass of orange juice in front of me before turning back to the stove. "I figured a good way to tame a pregnant woman is to give her a good breakfast."

"Good plan," I return the smile. "So how long were you up last night?"

"Just a bit."

"Liar. I saw the nursery."

"Just trying to help," he smiles. "I heard you tell the doorman you were painting. When I was done the room just look so empty so I found the crib and everything."

"Thank you. Sam has been on my ass to get started on that before I'm too pregnant," I smile as he slides an omelet and two slices of turkey bacon onto a plate in front of me.

"Don't mention it."

"So, your feeding me, you've done all my work for me, my hormones are swinging towards happy right now, and I'm not entirely awake to let my feelings get in the way. Do you want to talk?"

"Yeah," he sighs, taking the seat across from me with his own plate. "Do you think we can do this? Be parents?"

"We don't have much of a choice now do we? At least I don't. You still have the chance to walk away."

"Do you honestly think I could do the same thing my father did," he asks darkly.

"I don't know," I answer softly. "I'd like to think you wouldn't but you've walked away once already. You can't do that to her. This isn't something it can take you months for you to figure out your feelings on. You need to be sure of yourself going into this. Her father can not be the first man to let her down. You are either all in or gone."

His hands grip the edges of the table tightly. "I'm not leaving."

"Okay," I nod, my eyes drifting up to meet his before dropping to the food in front of me. "How do you want to do this then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are we going to work out a verbal agreement or do you need to talk to your lawyer?"

"I am so sick of talking to that money hungry bastard," he growls. "After he got the results from the DNA he was practically drooling from the possibilities. I'd rather just work this out with you if that's ok."

I nod, keeping my eyes on my plate.

"We can't do that though if you won't talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" "Even though I agreed to keep things casual I fell in love with you. When you walked away from me it crushed me more than anything in my life." "I want to hate you so much and some days I might even convince myself that I do for a short time." I hear him inhale deeply as I pause. "But in reality I can't really do that. The time I spent with you made me a better person and you gave me the greatest gift anyone ever could," I smile, my hand drifting down to rest on my stomach. He is silent as he picks at the food in front of him. "Since you finished setting up the nursery for me I guess I better start stocking it."

"Give me a list and I can do it. You bought the furniture, it's the least I can do."

"The only thing I bought was the rocking chair and the new carpet in there. Everything else was the family. They have been so helpful."

"Just give me the damn list," he sighs, "I know you've already made one."

I chew on my bottom lip before sighing, "It's on my phone. I'll text it to you. What you don't get, I will."

"Was that so hard?"

"Somewhat," I smile, allowing myself to relax slightly. "I think we can do this. It's not going to be easy but I think it can be done."

"Yeah," he smiles, "I do too. I'm terrified though."

"Me too," I sigh. "I'm pretty sure it's all part of being a parent."