Every night you cry yourself to sleep, thinking: "Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?" Hard to believe it, it's not over tonight.
As soon as Leanne disappeared, Peter was out of the double doors of the Rovers and in front of Carla. He was terrified she'd push him away, not let him in. They'd come so far but Peter knew it'd take many more months of building up their foundations before they felt less fragile. Thankfully, he was ready to catch her as Carla almost fell against him in desperation and he held her tightly against his chest, gratefully even. He stroked his hands through her hair and pushed her face against his neck in a small attempt to settle her while shushing and whispering lovingly.
"Peter I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault." Carla's voice sounded as broken as Peter was sure he'd ever heard it and in that moment he felt nothing but hatred for the brunette barmaid come heart breaker back inside the pub. "I know love, I know it wasn't." He places soft kisses to her head before pulling back slightly but keeping her tucked into his side, "Come on you, let's get you home, eh?" Carla just nodded slightly and let him lead her back, knowing she wasn't in any state to look after herself and Peter being all she needed right then. All she ever needed.
Back in the comfort of their home, Peter took her straight through to the bedroom and sat her on the edge of the bed. He knelt in front of her, giving her a look of nothing but love as he slowly undressed her. Carla's eyes fluttered shut and for the first time in a long couple of days, she felt loved again. She let her walls come tumbling down for him as a few tears dribbled down her tired face but Peter stopped them with a tender stroke with the pads of this thumbs across her soft cheeks. Tonight, he vowed to himself to be the perfect husband and that's just what he did.
Peter slipped one of his tops over her Carla's naked body and smiled as he placed a kiss on the swell of her tummy. He climbed up and left her sitting silently for a moment. When he returned, Carla was surprised as he knelt again and ever so gently began to remove her make up. She wasn't sure anyone had ever made her so naked and uncontrolled before when the reason behind it wasn't sex and she knew that no one had ever done this. It made her love him even more and she hadnt believed that was possible in the last few years.
Carla let her hands rest on Peters thighs after he had moved to sit behind her on their bed, her sitting between his legs. He still hadn't spoken and neither had she, neither of them wanting to ruin the quiet perfectness of their shared intense moment. She let out a soft breath as Peter carefully dragged a brush through her hair, repeating the loving action until it was soft and knot free and then moving her locks to one side. Carla's mumbles broke their silence as Peter placed gentle kisses to the side of her neck and his hands wrapped around her and under his top she wore, resting on her bump.
"I can't wait for Monday my love." Peter whispered, his lips and warm breath tickling Carla's neck as he did his best to distract her, "finding out if my beautiful wife is giving me a son or a daughter."
Carla smiled, a real genuine smile again and nodded so slightly, "I can't wait either baby." She let her hand rest on Peters and her fingers rubbed his softly, "I can't wait to feel her. Or him. Y'know for the first time." Carla was sure she was having a girl but she hadn't shared this with anyone, even Peter. Truth was she didn't know if it was because of the little girl she had lost, but even so, the thought of that connection warmed her heart.
"Theres a something I want to do, Peter. Before baby comes." Carla hadn't shared this idea with him yet and she hoped he would be opposed to the idea or think it strange. She felt his nod against her as he placed kisses to her skin still, just adoring her and wanting to take her mind of the recent events even just for the night and the next day they could talk practically. "Okay sweetheart, what is it?"
Carla breathed heavily and closed her eyes briefly, nervous suddenly. She found it easier to talk with not having to look at Peter but her grip on his hands tightened slightly.
"I want-" She sighed, having no clue where to start. "When we were kids, well teenagers I suppose, me, Lee, Paul, Dean." Carla swallowed back, "Michelle.. We 'ad this place we'd always 'ang out. It were in the back of this park in the woods and we were always there, drinking and getting up to mischief usually." A faint, fond smile traced Carla's lips. "We all carved our names on this huge tree and sometimes Chelle and I used to still go, y'know? To feel close to them. Silly I know.."
Peter shook his head and trailed his kisses to Carlas ear, making her eyes close in content again, "It's not silly at all love. Carry on.."
Carla squeezed his hands gratefully, "I were 'oping we could put something there for our baby. Our first baby." He could hear her voice change and the pain become even more evident, "A sign or something. Just for me and you, something to remember.. not that we could ever forget or that or, god I don't know, it were just a daft idea and I 'ad when I read a poem that.. that Chelle sent me." Peter's kisses had stopped and Carla inwardly panicked she had said the wrong thing. She didn't know what to do or if what she had suggested was wrong, she was out of her depth in the situation of losing her baby and she just wanted something to show she had been loved and remembered.
"Carla I think that's a perfect idea." Peter whispered honestly, "I think they'll all be looking after her wherever they are, eh?" He nuzzled his face against her skin as she tried her best to fight her tears. She didn't want to cry any longer, she wanted this to be a positive thing, a memorial. "What was the poem love? Maybe we could have that written on something with her name, hmm?" He asked because he knew whatever it was had struck a chord with her and we wanted to do anything he could in order to make her happy.
Carla smiled lightly at his reaction, eternally grateful for the realisation that he had craved and mourned this baby as much as she had. She remembered the poem by heart now, she had read it enough, "You never said I'm leaving, you never said goodbye, you were gone before I knew it and only god knew why." Peter listened intently, feeling everything Carla was feeling just as much as her, "A million times I've needed you, a million times I've cried. If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still, in my heart you hold a place that no one could ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you but you didn't go alone, for a part of me went with you, the day god took you home."
Carla breathed out and bit her lip, almost proud of herself for holding back her emotions but as she turned to Peter and saw his face awash with pain and small sobs escaping him, she thought she would break down. Instead, she turned to him properly and held him against her chest. She realised then that she had hardly given him a chance to morn their daughter and that though it was heartbreaking, it bonded them closer than ever. She held him tight, and comforted him, grateful for his protection and distraction from what had happened that night and loving him and their baby more than ever.