A/N: Another chapter is up! Thanks for Reading!

Muito obrigada! De coração! :D

Credits:

Rohh Lael: Portuguese Beta

wintryone: English Beta

Artwork: goo. gl /reLVl (without the spaces)

Yep, it's Duncan this time. Pencil and paper, old style. Let me know what you think about it!

Disclaimer: Dragon Age Universe Belongs to Bioware.

"Lost in a dream nothing is what it seems,

Searching my head for the words that you said,

Tears filled my eyes as we said our last goodbyes,

The sad scene replays,

[...] I can't believe this is true."

-Trust, Megadeth

Chapter 4

Something about Trust

.

Mahariel

The fire was burning and so were my eyes.

I could not see an inch in front of my nose. My vision was blurred and I knew I was crying, but I did not care.

I was feeling everything and nothing at the same time, numb between my own feelings.

My body was reacting to Tamlen's funeral on its own, while my mind was in chaos. It took me years to admit my feelings for him, and now, just now when I was determined to make the things right between us, I'd lost him.

There wasn't even a body to say goodbye to.

I could feel that I was dying. I didn't need a Shemlen to tell me that. Although I wasn't offered an option, in the end it was my choice to join the Grey Wardens. And it wasn't to save me ... No... It was because of them. I would destroy every disgusting creature and avenge my people.

To kill every darkspawn. For Tamlen.

Paivel finished his prayer to the creators and I took a step forward. The Shemlen said the only thing that was found in the ruins was his bow, which I carried in my left hand. The original plan was to burn it at the pyre to represent his body and his memory, but instead of doing that, I pulled my own bow off my back and threw it into the fire, along with my heart. I didn't know what I would do with this hole in my chest. Actually, I did not know how I was breathing. It was a great irony that my body was struggling to stay alive while all I wanted to do was die and end the pain. The only thing I was sure of was that I would use his bow from now on, to keep his spirit alive inside me.

Merrill sobbed beside me, and I put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. Only a Few people understood her obsession for restoring our history and the glory of our people the way Tamlen and I did. Now she would be alone and I could not help myself and Now Merrill would be alone, and I could not stop myself from worrying over what she might do without her friends around to watch out for her. She is strong and smart, but she needs someone to look out for her. It may sound overprotective, but it's not like I didn't trust in her ability - she is a very naive person. Her extreme naive caused so many problems in the past, and certainly would bring more in the future.

All I could do was to have faith that she would be fine.

The ceremony was over, and soon I was left alone in front of the pyre. I could see the brown haired Shemlen staring at the fire, his face thoughtful. It was pretty hard to read his expression. But I had no time for this nonsenses. It was almost noon and I still had to pack my things.

With a last glance at the fire, I went back to my tent, leaving not just my old bow behind, but also… everything.

"Dareth shiral, Da'len,*" The Keeper said placing both hands on Mahariel's shoulders.

Saying goodbye was hard. Well, it was never easy. They were gathered at the beginning of the trail that would take them to Ostagar.

"Be well, Keeper," she said with a broken voice. Her eyes were red from crying. Mahariel turned to Merrill, who wept quietly, and embraced her tightly. Her protective way reminded Kallian of home and she had to look away to keep from crying.

"Be strong, Merrill. Don't do anything foolish, okay?" Mahariel said, her eyes still wet.

"Lethallan..." Merrill sobbed against her shoulder.

When they broke the hug, Merrill looked at Kallian with pleading eyes. There was still a trace of resentment in her face, but not as intense as it was earlier.

"Take care of her," Merrill whispered. Kallian nodded with a weak smile.

Mahariel took a deep breath and looked one last time at her clan, tears rolling down her face. "Goodbye."

Kallian stared at the horse for long minutes. The herbs anesthetized her leg, but she couldn't find the courage to face another eight hours of riding.

"Something's wrong, city girl?" Mahariel said behind her, with a leather bag in one hand and Tamlen's bow in the other. They would share one horse, since they only had three.

"No," replied Kallian.

"So if you'll excuse me," Mahariel climbed on the horse at once, with a lightness and grace that not even Noah had. "You're coming?" Her voice was filled with indifference.

Kallian didn't answer immediately, just got on the horse, behind Mahariel at a safe distance, holding her waist.

"Learn with a real elf, city girl!" Noah yelled, and gave her an evil smile.

"Oh, shut up," Kallian said upset, but could not stop her lips from curving into a small smile.

As the hours passed, Noah confirmed his suspicions. They were advancing almost three times faster than they had before.

Duncan realized how Mahariel was experienced with horses and the group was moving at a faster pace, which they sustained very well the entire way. At least they would reach Ostagar by morning.

Even though they were keeping the pace, Kallian felt Mahariel's body flinching. At first, it was just a falter or two each hour. Now, she barely could keep steady.

"Are you okay?" Kallian asked, touching her shoulder.

"Yes," Mahariel replied, but her hand slipped from the reins. Kallian caught them with her rogue reflexes, and their hands touched briefly.

"You're fever!" Kallian said, putting her hand on Mahariel's forehead to confirm the warmth she had felt in her hand.

"Yes," Mahariel repeated. "Look, I do not need your pity. You're weak, and I don't need help from a creature like you."

"Excuse me?" Kallian loosened the reins and began to search for something in one of the bags tied to the horse. Am I fated to meet these kind of people? Void be damned… She thought.

"You're no different from the Shemlen," Mahariel continued, "You hide yourselves inside those holes you call home, and let humans do what they please with you and do nothing to change it. You're afraid to fight."

"Yes, of course, and you hiding yourselves in the forest and living on the run makes you better than me," Kallian rolled her eyes, and taking the reins from her hand, she replaced it with a potion the Keeper made for the occasion. Mahariel didn't complained and took the medicine, letting Kallian lead the horse. Her body was too weak to protest.

Far ahead, leading the group, but close enough to see the whole scene, Duncan smiled, satisfied.

They traveled until late at night, enjoying the light of the full moon to cover as much ground as possible. Mahariel's fever lowered enough for her to take control of the situation again, but she was not exactly well. It was near midnight when they stopped.

Although Noah and Kallian both had problems with nightmares, they fell asleep really quickly that night. It didn't matter how great the will to resist was – there's a point when the body does not obey the mind anymore. And for the first time, they both really rested.

But the biggest surprise came shortly before dawn.

Kallian woke up with a hand shaking her shoulder. Her first impulse was to pull her small dagger and slit the throat of whoever was there, but Noah grabbed her wrist before she did any damage.

"Rise up," He said, letting go of her hand.

"What happened?" she asked, half dazed by the sudden movement.

"The Dalish fled," he said roughly.

"What?" she stood, looking around. Mahariel's bedroll was empty.

"Forget about it," Noah said, putting his sword on his back. "Pack your things. We're leaving now."

Kallian took a while to process everything that happened, but gathered her things and headed to where Noah and Duncan were with the horses.

They rode in silence for a while. The forest was clearer because of the sunrise, but the visibility was still bad. Kallian waited until the orange rays of light stayed strong before she said something.

"Duncan?" She called.

"Yes?"

"You were on watch yesterday." It was not a question.

"Yes." He looked at her in a way that implied that he knew where she was going.

"Why did you let her get away?" Kallian knew that this kind of thing only could happen if he had allowed it.

"I didn't," he replied calmly.

"But you didn't stop her either." Again it was not a question.

"No," he confirmed.

"Why?"

"I think your real question is why she and not you." He looked into Kallian's eyes.

"If I was the one that had escaped, you would have found me."

"Yes, probably I would." He looked back at her.

"But you will not try to find Mahariel?" She no longer knew where he was going. With each question she asked, things made less and less sense. "No," he said.

"I don't understand."

"Why don't you try to honestly answer why you have stayed?" Kallian thought for several minutes but said nothing. "Even though you did not like leaving your home, you've embraced the idea. Deep inside your heart, you agreed that as a Grey Warden you can do much more for them than just staying in the Alienage as the Scrapper," he said, calmly. "Although I recruited you, it was you who chose to continue on that path." He paused. "I have faith in you two. And I know you will be great Wardens one day, because is not the hunger for glory that moves you." He looked at her and smiled. "I know Mahariel embraced the idea, she just does not know that yet. She needs some time."

"So..." Kallian said, trying to assimilate everything. "Do you think she'll come back?"

"I have as much faith in her as I have in you." He turned his eyes to the road.

Humans do not have faith in their slaves, she thought. They'd know each other a little less than three days and she no longer felt uncomfortable in his presence.

I wonder if he really meant it ... Kallian thought.

"I can't believe we did it…" Noah said getting off the horse. They had arrived in a large ruin, crowded with soldiers and tents. Everything was organized, in perfect harmony with the part of the forest that had invaded the buildings. Kallian forgot for a moment that they were at war.

"We will fight the Horde here," Duncan said as he tied the horses. "There are only a few Grey Wardens in Ferelden, but all of us are in Ostagar. We must prevent the darkspawn advance northward, otherwise Ferelden will fall."

"What's next?" Noah asked, looking around.

"Well …"

"Ho! Duncan!" A blond man in golden armor, who was surrounded by guards interrupted them. Duncan made a little bow, while Noah and Kallian kept their stances.

"King Cailan. I did not expect..." That the King was on the battlefield? Neither did I, thought Kallian.

"A Royal Welcome? I was starting to worry. I thought you'd miss all the fun!" he said, excited. Noah clapped a hand over his face. Cailan still isn't taking anything seriously, he thought.

They briefly discussed the situation. Cailan spoke about the glory of the battle that was to come like an epic fairytale, which left Duncan visibly uncomfortable. Kallian had never seen Noah rolling his eyes so much in so little time. The king did not seem to heed Duncan's warnings.

"These must be the recruits that I heard of." Cailan turned to Noah. "You must be the youngest son of the Cousland. Tell me, how's Bryce?"

"Dead," Noah said crossing his arms.

"What? Duncan, you know something about this?"

"Bryce Cousland and his wife are dead, your majesty. Arl Howe proved to be a traitor and took the Highever Castle," Duncan said. Noah was frowning, his jaw flexed hard. It looked like he was going to explode at any moment. "If we had not escaped, he would have killed us, too, and he would have invented any story that was the most convenient."

"I understand," Cailan said. "I believe that you're looking for your brother, but he is patrolling the forest right now and should not return until after the battle."

"I need to talk to Fergus. Can't you send a messenger or something like that?" Noah asked hoarsely.

"We cannot locate them. You'll have to wait for him to return to speak with him." Noah Pinched his brow. "Once we're done here, I will go with my troops to the north and I will ensure that justice is done. You have my word."

"Your word?" He raised one eyebrow. "Nothing more?"

"There's nothing I can do before that," Cailan said. "For now, I can only ask that you use your grief against the darkspawn."

"And what would a fool like you know about my grief?" Noah growled.

"Ahem," Duncan cleared his throat and Noah stared. He had no intention of apologizing.

"Don't worry Duncan, I understand." Cailan raised his hand and smiled, turning to Kallian. "And you, my friend? What's your name?"

Kallian crossed her arms. "Kallian." And you're the guy who allowed us to live in a living hell. You are definitely not my friend; she completed mentally and bit her tongue to keep from saying it aloud.

"And where are you from?" he said smiling.

"Denerim's Alienage"

"And how are things there? ... My guards-"

"Oh, please, don't pretend you care," Kallian said indignantly. "Everyone knows that people like you do not give a shit about us, so let's cut to the chase."

"I'm sorry, your majesty," Duncan interfered, clearing his throat again, "Do I have to remind you two that you are talking to the King of Ferelden?" He cast disapproving looks at both recruits.

"Do not worry, Duncan. They are only stressed by the journey. They need a break." He turned to Duncan "So, any news?"

They began discussing details again, but Kallian and Noah only heard the words "glory" and "darkspawn". Duncan said they should meet with a Warden named Alistair - who had gone on some task –and for an hour, they were free to explore as long as they didn't leave Ostagar.

When they were far enough away, Noah growled.

"Something wrong?" Kallian asked, looking around trying to find the Warden's Quarters that Duncan had mentioned.

"Our king is an idiot," he said angrily.

"Your king, not mine."

"Whatever," Noah shook his head. "He thinks this is a joke. He does not believe that this is a Blight."

"Do you believe?" They stopped and looked at each other for a moment in silence. His expression softened.

"I trust Duncan," Noah said and turned to resume walking.

Kallian thought about what he said. Trust was a strong word, but she could not think of any other way to describe how she felt about Duncan. She had not know him for even a whole week yet, but he was good and kind to her and never subdued her. It was the first time a human had treated her as an equal. Trusting or not, one thing she was sure of - she respected him.

But it did not change what she felt towards the others.

As they walked into the heart of the camp, she could feel the stares the others threw at her. Being in a place surrounded by humans was unpleasant. One of the soldiers even asked if she was Noah's servant.

"What? Say that again to my face your bloody son-of-a..." She was prepared to make him swallow the words, but Noah stepped between them.

"Let it go," he said, casting a glare cold enough to make the soldier go away.

Things with Noah were different. He was rude and annoying, and she definitely did not trust him. But living together, turbulent and chaotic as it was, somehow, it was just easy.

His moodiness was apparently directed at everyone. It wasn't something he saved exclusively for her

No looks. No touches. Only silence, most of the time.

This might not be so bad after all, she thought.

They arrived at the Warden Quarters. Apparently, Duncan had ordered them to prepare tents and equipment for their arrival. Kallian put her bag on the floor and pulled her sketchbook from it, along with some pieces of coal. While she was throwing her stuff inside the tent, some of her papers fell to the ground.

"Seriously?" Noah said, picking up one of the sheets and analyzing it. It was a very detailed drawing of an elf he did not know.

"Really what?" She turned, noticing the papers on the ground.

"You brought a sketchbook for the war?" He raised his hand above his head when she tried to take picture out of his hand Most elves are smaller than humans, but Noah was tall, and the top of Kallian's head barely reached his shoulder. "What the hell were you thinking?"

She gathered the rest of the drawings from the floor and crossed her arms "Give it back."

He released the paper and kept staring at her until she put it inside the book with the others.

"We're screwed," Noah said, shaking his head and turning toward his tent.

Kallian had to count to ten several times to keep from shouting at him. Forget what I said about him, she thought.

Notes:

Dareth shiral, Da'len: Have a safe journey, child.

Lethallan: Caring form to call someone you like.

A/N: Come on, don't be shy, leave a review! I would love to hear your thoughts about it :D