Sorry for the lack of updates, struggling with writing recently. I hope you're still enjoying this, please keep your reviews coming, I love your views!
I'm hurting, baby, I'm broken down, I need your loving, loving, I need it now. When I'm without you I'm something weak. You got me begging, begging, I'm on my knees... When I'm without ya, I'm so insecure. You are the one thing, I'm living for.
Peter sat on the grass of the common, leaning against a tree and holding the open bottle of whiskey. The poison swirled around in the bottle as he held it, reminding him of everything he'd lost because of it in the past, everything he stood to lost if he continued on this downwards spiral. One he started, he rarely stopped until everything was well and truly a mess.
Which is why he hadn't started. He wanted to. God he wanted to drink himself into an oblivion, forgetting everything and feeling that sense of freedom, the burn in his throat as he downed it. But he wanted Carla more, and for the first time in his life, he wasn't letting drink win. He was putting his demons aside, for now anyway.
Peter held his phone in his hand, twirling it around and around as he thought about dialling Carla's number and his fingers hovered above her name countless times. But still he couldn't bring himself to do it. Part of him was angry, his selfish side wanted to make her hurt like he was, wanted to wait for her to contact him, scared and worried and desperate. But the other side of him, the side that loved Carla more than he ever believed humanly possible, wanted to wrap her in cotton wool and hide her from the cruel world. He wanted to tightly hold her and kiss her and just... feel her. He wasn't sure which side would win yet.
Carla lay on her back on the tiny bed in the hospital, her hands on her bump where they always seemed to be these days. She'd stopped crying, just. But only because her eyes had ran dry of tears. She didn't think it was physically possible to cry anymore. As she spoke softly to her unborn baby, Carla's voice cracked with emotion, broken. "I'm sorry, little one. I'm sorry for bringing you into this world when it's all such a mess." Her fingers trace patterns so tenderly, "Your auntie Chelle isn't very well, but she's going to get better to meet you, I promise."
Carla had no idea Peter was back, no idea he was listening from the side of the open door, "Your daddy's run off somewhere, again. He's good at running off when the going gets touch. Then again, so am I." Carla whispered honestly and Peter squeezed his eyes closed with regret. "I'm sorry kiddo. Sorry you're stuck with a useless mother and sorry your dad's an idiot and I'm sorry for making a mess of everything I do and everyone I touch." She still cried no more, empty and numb almost, "But me and your daddy, we love you so much and I do love him, I love him ridiculously and we'll make it work for you, I swear." Carla nodded determinedly, "Not just for you, for me too. Because I don't think I'd cope if he left us again. I'm not very good on my own, baby. Well, I'm not very good at all. But I'm trying me best, I swear I am."
Peter stood silently still, listening intently to Carla's words, taking it all in. Carla still spoke, almost waffling but comforted by talking to her unborn child, "Your daddy's not that bad y'know. He's a damn sight better than me anyway. He's got the biggest heart really and the brownest eyes and the most irritatingly charming smile that just gets right under me skin. And he's already such a good dad and he's trying so hard and I know he loves us both. You'll have him wrapped around your little finger, I know it. I'll probably have to fight for his attention when you're finally here, but I won't mind. I'll pretend I do, pout my lips at him and demand a kiss but really I'll love it because you'll be here and we want you so much, little one. We really, really do. So you just keep doing whatever it is you're doing in there, keeping getting bigger and stronger for me. And don't tell your daddy what I said cos he's already got a big head and he'll never let me live it down when I'm meant to be angry at him for leaving me here on my own. I'm not though, I don't blame him. I'd probably leave me too. He'll be back though, cos he'll be back for you. I know him and I know he'll be back for you." Carla scrunched her eyes up and took a deep breath, "I just hope he's not doing anything bloody stupid cos I'll kill him." She whispered under her breath but still loud enough for Peter to hear as he stepped into the room more but leaned against the door frame,
"I didn't just come back for our baby." He said softly, his voice making Carla sit up in confusion, oblivious to his presence until then, "I came back for you and for us." He slowly stepped towards her, "I didn't... Do anything stupid and you will never have to fight for my attention. Not anymore." Carla's eyes were still intently watching him as he perched on the end of the bed, his hand on her leg as he sat in his old battered leather jacket, watching her back.
Carla swallowed back the lump in her throat as she pulled herself up and rested her hand on Peters, "Baby.." She whispered, surprised he was back already, having thought he'd be away for so long. "Please don't leave me again.." She spoke with such raw emotion, needily, as he crawled up the bed and wrapped his arms around her. He didn't speak for a moment and neither did she, they didn't need to. They just needed a few minutes of complete and utter love.
And as they lay wrapped up in eachother, neither of them noticed how Michelle's hands moved slightly on the bed, her fingers twitching and her eyelashes fluttering every so gently.