Chapter Eighteen
The sun had shone brightly through the window. I looked down and my skin was shining and sparkling. It was a really nice day out today. All night, all I could do was stare at that envelope thinking about the possible outcomes from whatever next move I decide to make. I just can't seem to make a decision and I have so little time to do it. I looked over at the clock and I saw that it was 10 in the morning. I sighed and got up walking to my bathroom. I know I don't need it but I just really wanted some water to splash on my face.
"What are you going to do Bella?" I whispered to myself. Nothing that I went through so far in my life is compared to this situation. This is the most difficult thing I ever had to deal with. I know that I shouldn't be just thinking about what's best for me but what's best for Renesme as well. Because no matter what I decide to do she will be effected greatly by my decision. I know that she will be finishing up school in a week. Jasper knew that as well. That's why he must have made the end of this week the expiration date for these tickets.
"Hey mom?" I heard Renesme knocking at my door.
"I'm in the bathroom sweetie." I called out to her. I heard the door open and she came right in. I looked up at her and there was something different about her. She was glowing, and she just looked so mature and so different. Like it probably would be best to put her in high school this year and not middle school because she doesn't look like she belongs in middle school. Something is completely different about her, but what is it?
"How are you feeling?" I asked walking up to her grabbing her hand.
"I'm doing okay. I'm still trying to take all this in." She said softly. I guided her to my room and we sat down in the love seat that Edward and I had in our room.
"I know that this is hard and I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this. I promise you that your dad is going to come back. So don't worry too much about any of this, let me handle it okay?" I said trying to ease her nerves.
"So it's all true then?" She asked looking down. Of course she knows everything, she heard Jasper going on his stupid rant. My heart froze, I knew that this talk was coming but I didn't think it was coming this soon.
"Yes, it is. It's true." I said softly. We just sat there in silence for a minute or two.
"Why would you do something like mom?" She asked. I couldn't look at her even though I could feel her eyes staring at me.
"Let's not talk about this right now Renesme." I replied.
"Well when can we talk about it?" She asked.
"I don't know Renesme, just not now." I got up.
"Mom, don't do this. Don't shut me out! I deserve to know." She exclaimed.
"Renesme I said not now!" I raised my voice a little. I finally looked at her and she had tears running down her face. I felt my heart ache when I saw them. I was hurting her, I was the reason why she was crying and I hated myself for it.
"He's never coming back isn't he? I wouldn't come back if I was him. How could you do something like that to him, mom? How could you do something like that to us?" She yelled through her tears. I could hear Jacob behind the door. Of course he would be standing by listening to us. I felt like I was in a corner and there was no way out.
"I'm so sorry darling." I whispered.
"You shouldn't be saying that to me, you should be saying that to dad!" She yelled again. She was so hurt right now.
"Renesme, don't you think I have already. I'am truly sorry for all of this, I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I was wrong and I'm so sorry!" I said grabbing her hand and she yanked from me.
"Don't touch me!" She exclaimed.
"Renesme, I'm still your mother." I said.
"I will never forgive you for this. Even if dad does I never will!" She said coldly and with that she left. She left me feeling alone. I can't believe she said that to me. She slammed the door behind her and I fell to my knees. I need help.
JPOV (Jacob)
I heard the harsh words Renesme spat at Bella before she came storming out of the room. She walked past me and straight out of the house.
"Hey wait up!" I called after her. I can't believe that she would say such things to Bella like that. Like I understand that she's angry and maybe even hurt but she didn't have to go that far. I caught up to her and I grabbed her arm.
"Hey wait a second." She pulled away from me.
"What Jacob?" She growled.
"Don't you think that was a little too harsh back there?" I asked feeling myself getting angry.
"This is my family okay? So just mind your business!" She shouted. Ouch that hurt, I've always been considered a part of this family even when I didn't want to be. The moment I first set eyes on Renesme I knew that I would always be a part of this family no matter what.
"This is my family too Renesme. So this is my business." I replied.
"See that's where you're wrong!" She spat back.
"What's your deal right now? I know that you're angry because of what your mom did but it's no reason for you be acting like an ass!" I said trying to keep calm.
"Oh I'm acting like an ass? Me? You're the ass Jacob! You only used me to get over the sick love feelings you had for my mother! Yeah I heard your conversation with her last night!" She said coldly. Fuck, she heard about that.
"You think I'm stupid or oblivious to the relationship you use to have with my mother? Quil told me everything one night when he was drunk at a bonfire! He told me how you used to feel about my mother, how you tried to take her away from my dad!" She yelled. Damnit Quil, wait until I see him I'm going to kick his ass.
"Nes, you got it all wrong it wasn't like that!" I said still keeping calm.
"Then how was it? Hmm Jacob? How fucking was it? I can't believe that I listened to every word you said, I can't believe how I just took and believed every lie you told me! You don't love me, you never loved me you were only using me to get over Isabella Swan, your true love." She said as more tears slipped down her face.
"Renesme, you got it all wrong that's not true. I do love you! I love you with all my heart!" I said walking towards her.
"Stop it! Stop it right there, I don't want you anywhere near me. You tricked once, I'm not going to be stupid enough to fall for your lies again! I'm done with you Jacob Black! You can just leave now and never come near me and my family again!" She yelled.
"Renesme, please don't do this. You don't mean any of this." I begged her.
"But I do, I mean every single word of it. I never want to see you ever again Jacob Black." She said emotionless as more tears fall and with that she ran off leaving me feeling like the biggest joke in the world. She doesn't mean any of this, she's only upset. I kept telling myself this over and over. I wanted to move, I wanted to go after her but my body just wouldn't let me. Shit!
BPOV
Wow, I can't believe all of that just happened. I feel like this is all my fault. I stayed in the living room even though I'm sure Jacob knew I heard all of that. I feel so terrible, I want Renesme to know that there was never anything going on between Jacob and me. I've always loved Edward and Edward only, yes I loved Jacob too, but never the way he wanted me to and he accepted that and moved on and came to love Renesme. He loved her the moment he set eyes on her, and I knew that he would be happy. At first I wasn't okay with the idea of him imprinting on her that way but once I got over it and accepted it just like Edward did I felt at ease. I felt at ease because I knew that those two would always take care of each other. I'm not going to let things ends like this. I'm going after her. I got up from the couch and I quickly ran out the door after her.
"Bella what are you doing?" I could hear Jacob calling after me. I could still smell her so she must haven't gotten too far. This path feels so familiar. I know exactly where she's going now. The spot I always go when I just want to go away. The Creek. That's the place you just go to whenever you want to just get away from your problems even if it's only for a little while. I made it to the creek and I saw Renesme sitting on my favorite rock by the stream. She had her face buried in her knees and her body was shaking for crying. I felt like the worst mother in the world. My little girl was hurting so much.
"Go away, I don't feel like a lecture mom." She said not lifting her head. I smiled, it's amazing how mature and how much she has grown over the past couple of days.
"I'm not here to lecture you Renesme." I said finding a spot next to her.
"Then what do you want? Can't you see you've ruined things enough?" She said, still shaking with tears
"Okay I deserved that." I said softly.
"You deserve a lot of things." She said harshly.
"Renesme I'm really am trying. We're not going to solve anything like this if you continue to push me away." I said. She looked up and looked at me with sad eyes.
"I want dad to come back, I want my boyfriend to not be in love with you. Everything is going to shit right now because of you." She said through her teeth.
"Renesme Carlie Cullen! I'am still your mother and you will respect me no matter how upset you are!" I said firmly. I think she understood that because her face soften up and she looked more apologetic.
"I'm sorry mom." She said softly.
"Now I know I messed things up severely with your father but he told you he would be back and he will. He and I are going to get through this so you don't need to worry about this at all." I said assuring her. But I honestly don't know how we are going to get through this.
"How are you two going to do that if he's not here mom?" She asked while tears continue to fall.
"Don't you worry about Renesme, it's not of your concern okay? Just let me handle it all okay? I got myself into this mess and I don't need you telling me things I already know okay? I know I messed up and I'm going to fix all of this so don't worry." I said. She looked at me and nodded, I guess she finally understands me.
"Okay mom, I understand." She said quietly.
"You also owe Jacob a huge apology." I said. She looked down.
"Yeah I know. I didn't mean any of the things I said to him. I was just so angry, especially overhearing you two conversation last night." She said still looking down.
"I know what you must think. I don't know what Quil told you but Jacob and I never had anything romantic going on between us. Jacob thought he imprinted on me. He thought he was in love with me. My fondness for Jacob did grow when your father left me for a while. Jacob helped me smile again. He made me feel whole again and I will always be forever grateful to him. Your father will always be forever grateful to him as well because Jacob protected me when he couldn't. Jacob will always be a part of this family. I can't live without him and he without me." I said softly. She looked up at me.
"Yes I do love Jacob, I love Jacob so much but I'm not or will ever be in love with him. I love your father and Jacob loves you. You are the one he imprinted with you are the one he truly wants to be with. So don't you ever think for a second that what Jacob and I had will effect what you two have now, okay?" I asked looking at her. She nodded again. I heard movement coming towards us, we both looked up and there was Jacob coming like he was coming on cue or something.
RPOV (Renesme)
"Hey Nessie." He said softly.
"Hey Jake." I replied looking away nervously. I was such a bitch to him earlier and I feel so bad about it.
"Can we talk?" He asked.
"Yeah, I think we need to." I said.
"Well I'm going to get going, don't stay out here for too long you two." My mom said as she got up and she quickly dispersed. After she left Jacob sat down next to me and for a while neither of us said anything.
"I'm sorry." I said breaking the silence.
"It's okay Renesme. I knew you didn't mean any of it." He said.
"I guess I'm just so angry about this whole situation with my parents and I let off some of my steam on you and that wasn't fair to you. And then to hear you say those things to my mom last night I lost my cool." I said. I always wanted to talk to Jacob about the relationship he had with my mom ever since Quil drunkenly told me about it that night. But I never had the courage to do it.
"It's okay Renesme I understand really." He said looking at me.
"You don't have to explain anything to me, my mom kind of already did sorta." I said.
"Oh she did? Well what did she say?" He asked.
"Does it really matter, I understand and there's nothing for us to talk about now about that." I said trying to brush the subject off. I don't want to hear him he say how he harbored strong feelings for my mother. Just the thought of that makes me want to throw up.
"I love you Renesme, and I just want you to be happy, that's all I want." He said softly. I looked up at him.
"I love you too Jacob. I don't want to ever fight again. I want us to always be honest with each other and talk our problems out. I don't want to turn out like my parents." I said feeling the tears coming back.
"Renesme, we will be nothing like your parents okay? If that's what you're worried about then stop it okay?" He said getting up, he pulled me off the rock and wrapped his arms around me.
"Stop crying okay, I hate seeing you all hurt and broken like this. I feel like this is my fault." He said holding me tightly. His arms were warm and I felt safe and protected there.
"It's not your fault Jake, I just can't get over what my mom did. I'm worried that my dad is not going to come back." I said closing my eyes enjoying his embrace. I was trying so hard to not cry. I'm tired of crying.
"Renesme, your dad is going to come back. He told you so, so stop worrying about this okay?" He reached for my chin and tilt it up so his warm lips could meet mine. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his neck to deepen our kiss. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in closer. Our bodies were pressed against each other so tight that it made my pussy quiver. It was like it was calling for his heat. I wanted him more than anything. He slid his tongue inside of my mouth and our tongues gently danced with each other. He pulled my shirt off and then I pull his off as we still kissed passionately.
"What is going on here?" His voice stopped everything.
JPOV (Jasper)
"What is going here?" I clearly interrupted something that was about to take place between Jacob and Renesme. It look like they were getting ready to have sex.
"Jasper, what the hell are you doing out here?" Jacob asked pulling his shirt back on quickly. Renesme was too. She looked up at me with so much anger in her eyes.
"That's not the question that's being asked. What were you two doing? I asked again.
"None of your business." She spat at me.
"Are you having sex Renesme?" I asked her, my heart sunk. Does Bella knows about this?
"Again, this is none of your business. Don't you have more families to go ruin?" She spat back at me
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me, this is none of your business! You have no right to question me about anything. Let's go Jacob." She said grabbing Jacob's hand.
"Wait a second Renesme, you can't just leave like this. I'm not finished talking to you." I said firmly.
"Well I'm finished talking to you. In fact I never want to speak or see you again, let's go Jacob." She starting to walk off.
"Renesme I said wasn't finished." I hurried and I grabbed her hand.
"Let go of me Jasper!" She shouted trying to get free. I could feel Jacob tense up and he grabbed me.
"Let go of her man." He growled at me.
"Stay out of this Jacob this has nothing to do with you." I growled back. He wouldn't let me go.
"What's going on here?" Bella appeared.
"Mom! Tell him to let go of me." Renesme cried out.
"What are you doing Jasper?" She asked me.
"I was trying to talk to Renesme and she was being extremely disrespectful." I said in defense.
"Let go of her." She said softly.
"What?" I asked.
"I said let go of her." I looked at her confused and I let Renesme go. Jacob also let me go.
"You two get going." She said to Renesme and Jacob. Renesme nodded and then she left with Jacob.
"So you're seriously going to let her get away with that?" I asked looking at Bella furiously.
"You are in no position to lecture me about Renesme. She knows everything Jacob, I'm already walking on egg shells with her and I'm not about to make it worse." She replied.
"How am I supposed to fix anything if she just walks off like that?" I asked.
"You expect her to come to you or listen to anything you have to say right now? Right now, in her eyes you are the reason her father isn't here right now. She's going to resent you and me for a while and we just have to accept that. She will talk to you when she's ready. I'm not going to force her to do anything right now and I'm sorry." She explained.
"This isn't right Bella." I said.
"Well that's how it's going to be for a while. You just better hope that she finds it in her heart to forgive us both. But until then, just keep your distance from her." And with that she was gone. I can't believe any of this. I hate that Renesme hates me so much right now. But Bella is right. I'm in no position to force her to do anything. I just have to let Renesme come to me when she's ready. Damn it all.