A/N: Okay, today is not monday ( Oh, really?)

I got some problems yesterday and I couldn't post the chapter. It happens some times :(

A big chapter today thanks to wintryone, who helped me to put some things in their right places. In the end, I believe those 400 squares paid out, don't you agree? LOL This one is for you ;)

Credits:

Portuguese Beta: Rohh Lael

English Beta: wintryone

Artwork: goo. gl / ABxU7 (without the spaces)

Disclaimer: Dragon Age Universe belongs to Bioware.

EDIT 04-12-2012: Artwork's link is working now :)

Chapter 8

Breakdown

.

Kallian leaned against a tree, starting to feel tired.

Training definitely was not her best idea.

After the nightmare, she couldn't sleep again, as always. She quietly left the tent after realizing that the night was lost. She took her bag, leaving a sleeping Noah behind and doing her best to avoid being seen by other Wardens. She headed toward the same place that she'd went when she needed to be alone, just after they arrived at Ostagar.

Logically she avoided the area of the grounded wells.

Moonlight covered the place intensely, creating more light than the torches and bonfires around the tents. The gray rocks seemed like shiny crystals that grew strong and powerful from the dark ground up towards the endless dark-sapphire mantle and made the leaves look like polished silver. The full moon was mesmerizing, especially in the clear sky, dotted with stars that seemed brighter than ever tonight.

Kallian placed the lantern she'd borrowed on a rock and sat on the ground and began to draw to pass the time. Several images came to her mind: places she had seen - the ruined tower, Ostagar, the beautiful view in front of her - people she knew - The soldier who brought her out of the hole, The Keeper and her apprentice. Even the little Mabari.

But obviously her mind did not want to cooperate, and when the memories started to blind the tip of her coal, she decided that her mind needed a different occupation.

The only time her mind was truly empty was when she wielded her daggers. All that mattered was her beating heart and her breathing. No demons, no memories, no problems. Only the moment mattered – action and reaction. There was no room for thoughts or concerns.

When her leg began to throb, she decided to pack her things, defeated. It wasn't smart to spend all her energy hours before a major battle, much less get an injury because of an imprudence.

Kallian breathed deeply and closed her eyes. Her hand came to rest on her marked shoulder without conscious thought.

According to scouters, the horde was supposed to reach Ostagar by the early hours of morning. There was less than two hours until the dawn, but still it was a considerable time for a troubled mind like hers to wait.

Then a faint Mabari bark caught her attention, giving her an idea.

Probably the Kennel Master was asleep, but that did not mean she could not go visit the little dog.

She put her backpack on her back and went to the kennel slowly, looking around. Only a few people were awake - some training, others sitting around the fire silently, staring at nothing. The anxiety was palpable, like a dense mist over everyone's heads.

When Kallian reached the kennel, she found a soldier leaning against the fence, drawing circles on the ground with his toe, apparently lost in his thoughts, staring at the dogs. There was a sword similar to Noah's resting on his back. After studying him calmly and confirming his identity, she approached him slowly, careful not to alarm him.

"Carver?" She asked leaning against the fence, several feet away from him. He looked in her direction, so lost that it took a good few seconds for him to recognize her face.

"Oh, it's you," Carver lifted his head. His sunken, tired eyes analyzed the little elf carefully. "Kallian."

"You don't look well," she said, staring back. Carver held eye contact for a bit, but he couldn't hold it for much longer.

"Definitely not. You're making me lose a lot of money." He grunted moodily, holding the fence tightly.

Kallian stifled muffled laughter, "am I?" She asked, opening the door and entering the enclosure of the white Mabari. Her first reaction was to think Carver was joking, but after looking at him for a second time, she realized that something was wrong. Beyond angry, he was tense - he seemed to be looking for something or someone that was there but she could not see. That sparked her intuition, making her smile disappear.

"Indirectly, acting like the poor girl while…tsk." He snorted angrily.

"Let me see if I understand correctly: You're saying that you would rather that I had died at my Joining? That's It?" She asked, indignation impregnating her voice.

"Yes," Carver replied without hesitation, which only increased her anger. Humans. In the end, all of them show their claws, she thought, shaking her head.

"Well, I'm sorry if I survived," she said sarcastically, and walked to stand on the other side of the fence.. "But it's your fault for underestimating the elves, human." Kallian turned to face him, holding the fence about a few centimeters from where his hands were. She positioned herself in a way that, even with his head lowered, he was able to look her in the eye. It bothered him a lot but he was not able to divert his gaze.

"I'll be here, whether you like it or not. I refuse to fall until my goal is met. And if you do not like me, get in the queue. You're not the first, nor will you be the last. "

Carver said nothing, only snorted, considering the weight of her words. He finally understood who he was talking to, and the anger quickly gave way to guilt.

His sister was messing in his life again.

The white mabari followed the short discussion with his eyes. When Kallian sat beside him, he looked up excitedly, pushing her hand with his nose to ask for some affection. The little elf smiled widely and patted his neck affectionately, rubbing his nose in it.

"Hey boy, how do you feel?" She asked, holding his face with both hands. He gave a muffled bark and wagged his tail, her big violet eyes staring intently, as if to make sure that the message had been transmitted. "I think that's a yes."

"It looks like he really likes you." Carver said, getting off the fence and crossing his arms.

She cleared her throat, "Animals have this advantage: They are not disguised as humans," she said angrily, stroking the back of the mabari's ear. He closed his eyes, leaning into the caress to feel it better. Kallian had the impression that, if she took her hand off, he would topple over.

Carver scratched his head uncomfortably. Really, to wish the death of another person by pure selfishness was not like him. And again, he spoke without thinking.

"Look ... Do not take it personally," he began, staring at the ground.

"Oh, really?" She rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious, I did not mean ..." He put his hand on his forehead. "I'm in a bad mood, that's all."

A bad mood does not justify that you act like an asshole, Kallian thought, but said nothing. She remembered how Noah - despite his annoying bipolarity - had his outbreaks of kindness, then she decided to give him a chance, although she did not like this situation very well.

"You're not the only one going through bad times," she said, stroking the Mabari's head. The dog stared at her with the questioning look, as if he was waiting for something. She frowned, not understanding very well. He was waiting for permission? For what?

Carver's voice interrupted her thoughts, "I know. I just ..."

"You fought with you sister again?" Kallian asked.

"Yeah," he admitted defeat. Suddenly, it was like he was ten years older, "I cannot stand it anymore."

Kallian turned back to the Mabari, who regarded her the same way as before, still sitting like a statue.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"For a start, that she was not so arrogant, smug, meddlesome and -"

"No, not you. The Dog," she said, pointing to the small one with her head.

"Ah ..." Carver said scratching his head, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. He cleared his throat to try to dispel his embarrassment and compose himself. Kallian thought that his reaction was somewhat entertaining, although she did not smiled. She was still too upset to let down her guard.

"This is a characteristic of imprinting," he continued, the color of his cheeks returning to normal. "He wants to know if you accept it."

"The Kennel did not tell me that." She said confused.

"The mabaris are intelligent creatures. Some have stronger personalities than others," Carver said, shaking his head. "You see, while your pet wants your approval to remain by your side, my sister's mabari simply followed us until our mother just got tired of shooing it, "he remembered with a smile.

"But ... He belongs to the royal army. I can't just steal him," she said, looking at the Mabari.

"I do not think they have any choice," Carver said, "he'll find a way to escape and sooner or later he'll find you."

Kallian looked at the small dog, who stared expectantly, holding his breath.

At that time, all doubts whether or not she should stay with him disappeared as if by magic. No way she could say no to those big pleading eyes.

"It will be an honor to have you by my side," she said as she held his cheeks.

The Mabari happily barked twice before giving a long lick on her face. Kallian chuckled in response.

"I think now it's official," Carver said, smiling.

The Mabari was beaming, although the brightness of his eyes were giving way to tiredness. He was noticeably better, but still needed to rest.

"Hey," Carver called after a while, tenser than before.

Kallian made a sound with her throat encouraging him as her attention turned back to the Mabari.

"Err…" He hesitated. "Can I go in?"

"As long as you stop making me want to strangle you…" She answered, partly joking, partly serious. Carver took the hint as a warning – he should be cautious or he would make things with her even worse.

Kallian watched him while he approached them and sat next to her. The dog looked at him, then at her, unsure of what he should do.

Carver reached for the mabari, who wagged his tail in response.

"He is a strong boy, for sure," he said, rubbing the mabari's head.

"So, boy," Kallian said, in a more relaxed tone. "This man told me a lot of shit. What I should do with him?"

The dog stared at him for a while, and then bit his hand.

"Ouch, Ouch, Ouch!" Carver said, trying to free his hand. The dog wasn't serious about the bite, but he didn't wish to let the soldier get off so easily.

Kallian laughed so hard that she had to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"I can't bite him boy! I guess I will leave that for you!" She said, smiling widely, surprised by the dog's reaction. The mabari let him go, barking happily.

Carver couldn't help but smile, too.

She has a beautiful smile, he thought, looking directly into her eyes. He'd never paid attention to her this closely. Behind the wayward warden, he found a glimpse of the woman behind the scowls, and he was finding it pretty amazing. And it was enough to make the tension disappear - he felt a sudden urge to make the things right with her. His courage was back to his veins.

Kallian noticed his strange change of attitude and became serious again, startled by the new light that burned in his eyes. Unconsciously, she rested her hands closer to her daggers.

"Sorry," he told her, "For what I said. I wasn't thinking straight, and l let my personal problems..." He hesitated, giving her an honest smile. "What I'm trying to say is… I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry." For a minute Kallian thought he was looking at her in a new way.* Was he analyzing her? No, it was different. He wasn't wavering – he meant it. So, why couldn't she ease her senses?

"You're frowning again," He said, laying his finger on her forehead, forcing her to relax her brows. "Believe me, you're much prettier when you're not frowning." He slid his finger to the tip of her nose before he lowered his hand back to his lap.

Kallian felt her cheeks burning, forgetting about her weapons for a while She would never have expected that. Did he just said that she was… beautiful?

She opened her mouth but then closed it. How should she answer him?

If it was any other person, she would cut his hand off, without even thinking about it. But she was caught by surprise by his honesty. And then…

He was not the first guy that flirted with her. Back in the Alienage, when she was younger, there was a guy or two interested on her. But, just like before, she couldn't allow herself to think about these matters.

It's not like he wasn't attractive. Quite the opposite, actually. His smile was really cute, and his blue eyes were so tender that it was almost impossible to look away. However, he was a human. She knew how the human's mind works – how tricky and disgusting they could be – and she promised herself that she would never let a human lay a finger on her anymore.

"Carver, I-" Kallian began, but was interrupted by the loud sound of a trumpet, from the direction of the walls. Both looked at each other scared.

"What was that?" She stood, getting out of the enclosure, and looking around. Soon, people began to mobilize, leaving their tents and brandishing their weapons as they ran in different directions.

"It was the alarm of the scouters," Carver said seriously, pulling his shoulders nervously. His sword began to weigh twice what it should, "We're under attack."

"Kallian!" Alistair called, running to meet them, with a disheveled Noah right behind him. The Cousland looked more tired than he was when they spoke in their tent, a few hours ago. "The Horde arrived ahead of schedule. The King wants to see us immediately," Alistair said as they approached.

She nodded and started to run when Carver called her back.

"Hey," he said blushing, looking at the ground, "Good luck."

"You too," she replied with a smile, watching Carver nod and run towards the other soldiers.

"Your boyfriend, elf?" Noah asked, raising an eyebrow. "I didn't know you liked little boys like him."

"Oh, shut up," she replied, rolling her eyes and turning to Alistair, "Show us the way, please."

The leaders had set up a hasty meeting.

The young Wardens found Cailan, Loghain - the war hero and the king's right arm - and Duncan gathered around a table, discussing defense tactics with bland expressions on their faces. Apparently they were not expecting this little twist.

Their number was much more significant than they previously thought, and for what they could hear, the horde was advancing rapidly.

Alistair and Noah made a brief bow as they approached. Kallian remained still, expressionless, to which Duncan obviously disapproved. The Warden-Commander scolded her silently, but she just frowned in response. Maker's breath, Duncan thought, ruffling his hair slightly, This girl is going to be beheaded even before the battle begins ...

Cailan, however, did not seem to notice.

"We cannot just put all of our men on the front line and hope for the best," Loghain said.

"Agreed," Duncan said, studying the map of Ostagar. "We need a plan."

"What are our options?" Cailan asked with a frown, his eyes fixed on the map.

"Two waves of troops," Loghain suggested "One to give us time, the other as the element of surprise." The general suppressed a smile when he saw the seed germinating in the mind of the king.

"Yes .." Cailan said, "Yes!" He put a finger on the map, "Some of the troops will be here, waiting for the signal to attack while the other will be at the gates, buying time for us."

"It might work," Duncan said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Can I count on you to lead the major troops, my friend?" Cailan said, turning to Loghain.

"It will be an honor, your majesty," Loghain made a slight bow, putting his fist in his hand on his chest as a sign of respect.

"As for the sign," Cailan turned to the Wardens. "I think your new recruits are more than capable enough to light the beacon on the top of tower, right Duncan?"

"Yes, your majesty," Duncan said, looking at the three.

"What!" Alistair exclaimed indignantly "We will not fight with you?"

"Giving the sign is part of the battle. It's not only an important task, but it was a request of the king, and you will do it." Duncan said sharply.

"But ... Three Wardens to light a torch? Don't you think that it's a waste?"

"I agree with him," Noah stated, "You are underestimating our ability."

"Just do what you were asked." Duncan cut. "I know you are eager to do something, but believe me, will have an opportunity for that later. For now, just focus on what has to be done. You can join us later."

Alistair growled angrily in response.

"We will give you the sign from the battlefield, Alistair," Duncan continued, ignoring his protests. "You know what to do, now go!"

"Right…" he replied grimly, "May the Maker watch over you."

"May he watch over us all." He put both hands on Alistair's shoulders firmly, looking at him with affection, giving a slight shake. He did not need to say anything more for the Templar understand what that meant - Duncan was counting on him, and he would not disappoint him.

Alistair nodded, and was invaded by a sudden feeling of determination. He broke the exchange of glances and took a step back, determined to finish the job. "I will not let you down."

"I know you won't," Duncan said, smiling. He gave a slight slap to Noah's back as he passed.

Kallian stared for a while before she followed them.

"Kallian," Duncan called, seriously. She suddenly stopped and turned to him. "A last piece of advice, if you wish."

"Go ahead," She answered, crossing her hands.

"I know that you all want to throw yourselves in the front line and make it happen," Duncan began, approaching her. "And don't misunderstand me, I know you can. All of you." He stopped right in front of her. "However, I have not recruited you to be heroes."

"I thought we were without time to—"

"Be quiet and listen," He cut her sharply, in a commanding tone that made her listen. "Heroes are people who stand when no one else can and do what need to be done. You are the Scrapper – a hero for your people. And Noah, well, he is the Champion of Highever." Kallian looked at Noah, her eyes widening. She knew that few people that received the title of Champion. He was not a normal person, then. But she hadn't thought much about it, but Duncan continued to talk. " It's nothing you haven't heard before. You both know more than anyone, perhaps even more than Loghain, what I'm talking about. If you chose that path, both of you will go down in history."

"However, I didn't recruited you both to be heroes. I want you to be legends. Do you know the difference?"

"No and we don't have time to find out, do we?" Kallian said, impatiently. Duncan frowned, and she gave up. "Fine, fine, aren't they the same thing?"

"In theory, maybe. A legend is a hero, but with a little difference: He leaves his mark in the heart of people, as well. And you know why?" Duncan asked, glad for caught the attention of the little elf. "Because it isn't greatness in only one moment of glory. A true legend is great in everything he does, because he puts his heart in it. Even in small things like lit a beacon."

"This was supposed to make me feel better about being discarded from the main battle?"

"No, this was supposed to be an advice, just like I've said. You played many holes in your life, I suppose. And, in the end you don't need to be any of them. The others expect you to be just another elf, the elf everyone is betting against. Your acquaintances expect you to be their saviors, the Scrapper who fights against the injustices. Your friends expect you to be great, just like Adaia's daughter was supposed to be." Duncan sighed heavily, pausing before continueing." And you expect yourself to be stronger, to fulfill everything the world expects of you."

Kallian opened her mouth to protest, but she didn't say anything. This human was hitting the spot - poking the wound with a knife. But it was not entirely true. She needed to be strong, not because there's someone expecting that for her, but to keep control over herself – control over her own body, over her curse.

Duncan, seeing that she lowered her guard, put a hand over her head. And Kallian, reacted differently from their first contact, didn't flinched. She accepted his gesture, craving his next words deeply in her mind.

"I'm not expecting you to be more than you. The girl I've been seeing those last weeks made me doubt about my decision, but I know that the woman inside the mask can change her fate. I believe in you. And I know you will make me proud someday."

"Duncan…" Kallian whispered, more than herself than to anyone.

"Go," Duncan said, returning to Cailan and the others.

Alistair took a step forward, motioning for the others to follow him. The tower was on the other side of Ostagar, so if they wanted to arrive on time, they needed to hurry.

"Wait," Alistair stopped as soon as they left the meeting place. "This is yours," he said, taking two necklaces out of his backpack. Each one had a pendant - a flask with a small amount of red liquid inside.

"It's the worse time ever to care about souvenirs, don't you think?" Noah said, frowning.

"This is the blood used in your Joining," he said, starting to run again. "It's a kind of tradition, to remind us of what happened and of those who fell."

Noah looked at the necklace in his hand, the blood stirring inside the vial. He took a deep breath, trying to stop all the bad memories that were trying to take control of his mind.

Eleanor, Bryce, Fergus, Oriana… Even the little Oren, his beloved nephew… Their dead faces were fighting their way in so hard that was almost impossible to think of anything else.

Noah just put the necklace in his pocket, since there was nothing else he could do.

The memories also came back to Kallian's mind.

Jory, Daveth, Mahariel ... Where was she? Had she found her clan or had the taint claimed her body already?

She also tried to clear her mind in order to prevent her thoughts from taking her to places inappropriate for the occasion –like her home.

By luck or sheer coincidence, Alistair broke the silence and distracted them from their reflections.

"You know, Cailan can be stupid some times, but he is still the king," he began, looking forward. "Are you sure it was a good idea to be so disrespectful in front of him?"

"He is not my king," Kallian said, putting the necklace around her neck. "He never did anything to deserve my respect."

"Well, to me neither, but it's a tradition - you cannot just ignore it." Alistair replied.

"There are other ways to show respect to someone," she said.

"The others do not see it that way ..." Alistair said, looking at her. When Kallian looked back, her expression was full of resignation.

"I will never bow to anyone," she said hoarsely. "Obeisance is not a sign of respect, but of submission. You admit that the other person is better than you, that they are your master." She frowned, clenching her teeth tightly, "With so many people fighting for their freedom, it's stupid to put yourself in the position of a slave voluntarily."

"Being executed for insubordination is not smart either," Noah said, shaking his head in disapproval.

"I have been punished for insubordination before," she said, staring at him with that challenging, unwavering look that he hated so much. "And I keep thinking the same way. Nobody will make me change my mind."

"I don't know if someone told you that, but your stupid pride will not serve much of anything if you are dead." Noah growled angrily.

"You are noble. You always had everything easy, no one never forced you to do anything nor be subordinate to anyone. You will never know the value that the spirit of a person has," Her eyes began to burn with memories of her childhood - all the evil they had done with their people – with her. All the terror that grows in a place surrounded by sadists and hypocrites who do not care a shit about anything other than to impose his superiority and cause chaos for fun. When there was nothing left for her, it was in her spirit that she trusted - the only thing that anyone could never steal of her - her dreams, her beliefs, her convictions. The freedom of her soul.

"No. You will never know the true meaning of it," she concluded, shaking her head.

"I'm afraid not. I've always been unable to comprehend the stupidity of others," Noah replied, rolling his eyes.

While Noah was visibly upset, Alistair had been thoughtful. He was not sure if he was able to understand what she meant - especially by the way they reacted so resentfully, but he knew what it meant to fight against the odds, against the rules, because of what he'd endured in life. He had no idea what they went through to get here- what made them what they are today - but he knew that his own life was not easy and it was difficult to find reasons to remain standing - something to hold onto - when everyone around you expected you to fall.

"You're talking about ..." Alistair said a few octaves lower, unsure whether to get involved in the discussion or not, "The thing that keeps you believing even when all you want is to give up, right?"

"That's one way of putting things, yes," Kallian said surprised, her expression a bit more relaxed. She definitely did not expect that he, who seemed the most accommodating of them, was able to at least come close to understanding what she meant. More than that, she'd never hoped that a human could understand.

She stared at him incredulously silent for a moment. He only gave a small, weak smile, shrugging.

"I must have been a good son of a bitch in my past life to make the Maker put so many assholes in my life!" Noah said, slapping his own forehead, slowly sliding his hand down to his chin.

"Man, what's your problem?" Alistair asked, frowning.

Kallian rolled her eyes, "Don't ask ..."

"You. She. The blight ..." He trailed off, reaching a sudden snap in his mind. His brother was patrolling the forest. If they were surrounded by the horde, then that meant...

What happened to Fergus?

An image of his brother and all the most tragic outcomes haunted his mind. What if he was really dead?

The truth started to slowly hit Noah - he was alone. If his suspicions were correct, he would lose the only person he cared about. He had no more family, no friends, no home…

He still had his sister, though. She wasn't in the castle when everything happened, however, it's been so many years since someone had heard about her that Noah was unsure if she was alive. And even if she was, Noah didn't have any idea of where she could be, and even so, there was no guarantee that the horde wouldn't find her first.

He was alone.

He put his hand on his forehead, his eyes beginning to burn with pain, which spread through his body. Every beat of his heart was as if a knife was digging into his flesh.

"Focus, Noah. Focus," he whispered to himself, breathing in large amounts of air trying to calm down. There was no time to fall, there was no time for failures. People depended on him and that was what he had to concentrate on.

"Noah, you okay?" Kallian asked on impulse, watching his internal struggle. She recognized that look, the broken face - she saw herself reflected in his actions.

Noah looked at her deeply, studying her expression. There she was, acting in that way again. Suddenly, everything that happened repeated in his head.

There it was, that impertinent way again. The way she lived, without the fear of exposing her convictions. That willingness to fight against everyone and everything that made her feel invincible.

Yes, he knew very well what it was to have a free and unstoppable mind.

However, unlike her beliefs – that he used to believe - no one is invincible. Everyone can be broken, in one form or another.

Look at him: The youngest son of three. Everything he did had to be perfect, immaculate, and even then, it would always be insufficient compared what Fergus did.

For all the vultures circling his family, he was never strong enough, never smart enough. He was the eternal third of a competition that he had no chance to win.

Even with almost everything against him, Noah became the best warrior in the region - The Champion of Highever - for the pride of his father and even Fergus, who never failed to give him a word of encouragement. He was known for his strength and kindness, and for never standing still in the face of an injustice.

He also thought he could be indomitable - and the fact that the Grey Wardens wanted him in their ranks only confirmed that.

So where was all his conviction now? Years building a life for a single person-a damned traitor – to come and take all the good from his life, leaving only anger.

Hate. Desire for revenge.

It seemed that there was nothing inside him. And he actually believed that. The rage was so overwhelming and overpowering that he could not act differently.

And because of that, he did not recognize himself anymore.

As if that were not frustrating enough, these two wanting to talk about spirit with him - just with him, who lived his own personal hell and remained standing.

As much as something inside him - a small voice – said that keeping the discussion alive was not right –especially because he was the one who provoked it in the first place - it was too late. The anger had already numbed his senses.

"Get out of my business, elf," he replied bluntly, throwing a glare in her direction.

Kallian shook her head, regretting her decision to ask him something. "Whatever, then," she said grimly. "Do you even realize that I have a name?"

"Yes," he growled. Of course he knew her name. And the fact that he could not care was one of the things that most bothered him.

"Use it then, at least," she growled back.

"You elves have strange names. I don't have time for that shit," he replied, his voice rougher than before.

Kallian breathed heavily, frowning. She opened her mouth to answer him, but Alistair interrupted her.

"The tower is right there," he cut her off, not knowing another way to end the discussion, "Come on."

Next chapter: What if someone from your own team try to kill you? See you next week! ;)