A/N: Hey there, Readers! I know it's not monday (Oh, really? This again?). Yeah, yeah, I know. When I realized that it's 20th already, I thought: "I have to post the next chapter before the World ends! My readers deserves to know what will happen on the next chapter!"

Okay, jokes aside, let me be a little serious now.

I would like to thank you for all the favorites and the amazing reviews! Really, it means the world to me :D

And I wish you all a Merry Christmas! May all your wishes come true :)

Also a special hug for wintry, rohh and failusnot! You are with me since the very first step and I don't have words to thank you for the support ;)

Enough talk. Enjoy the chapter!

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Credits:

Portuguese Beta: Rohh Lael

English Beta: wintryone

Artwork of chapter 10: goo. gl /31nGX

Artwork of chapter 11: goo. gl /o9BXl

Disclaimer: Dragon Age Universe belongs to Bioware.

EDIT: Artwork is online!

Chapter 11

Facing Reality

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Noah

"This will not help!" Alistair yelled at me, rising from the trunk where he'd been sitting. The wood in the fire creaked loudly, burning inside the flames, but other than that, all I heard was that infernal buzzing that deafened my ears every time the anger rose, preventing me from thinking straight. The flames were dancing intensely, But it seemed it was my body that was burning.

The phrase "Head about to explode" was never so true.

I turned to Alistair still with my fists raised, blood dripping on the ground.

"I can punch your face instead of the trees. Is that what you want?" I raised my right fist toward him, threatening him. He shook his head disapprovingly and sat back down in front of the fire.

Satisfied, I threw another punch at the tree, putting all my strength into it. Dry and thin, it finally yielded, breaking into two.

"Shit," I muttered, switching to a thicker tree. Since I'd woken up, it was the second tree I'd killed by punching it to death. My hands hurt a lot, but that kind of pain it was what kept me sober through all this crap.

I would probably kill someone if it there hadn't been these trees nearby.

"Your friend will end up with the trees if you do not do something," I heard Flemeth saying. "It's so fun, haha!"

Crazy old hag.

"Oi, Oi, Noah," the elf said, approaching me. "What are you doing?"

I'm Playing Diamondback, I thought, but said nothing.

"I'm talking to you!" She pulled my shoulder, forcing me to face her, and I had to use all my strength not to punch her face on an impulse.

I took a deep breath, controlling my anger. Maker, I wanted to hit her. "Don't touch me," I growled through clenched teeth.

"Or what? You're going to hit me?" She challenged me. Her golden eyes showed no hesitation. She thought I was joking?

My body was shaking so hard that I didn't know how I was standing still. The most annoying was the buzzing noise which only worsened with the sound of the blood pounding in my head.

"Control yourself!" she ordered, and I felt something poking me in the belly. When I looked down, I saw her hand pressing one of her daggers against my stomach.

Clever, elf, very clever.

At that time, the buzz was already deafening. But somehow the scene was familiar. It felt like I'd done this before, but I had no real memory of it. Anyway, for me, it was enough. One of the benefits about punching objects was the silence. If I had an audience willing to provoke me, there was no reason for me to stay.

"Out of my way," I said, pushing the elf aside by her shoulder. She didn't resist, but she still wielded her dagger tightly between us.

Before heading back inside the hut, I gave one last blow to the tree that I'd been beating, breaking its trunk in two.

Kallian

I heard the wooden door slam behind me. I hadn't noticed until now that I still held the dagger tightly, as close as I could to my body.

Shit, I really thought I would have to use it!

I looked around. Flemeth was standing, talking about something with Morrigan, who in turn, was stirring a pot on the fire. Alistair was near the fire, but as far away from the apostate as possible, sitting on an old trunk. He was silent, staring at the burning wood while he fanned the flames with a thick piece of wood.

I went over and sat on one of the adjacent stumps. It was dark and the flames played on the objects, bathing the place with a strange orange color.

The atmosphere was dense, to say at least. Heavy, just like the weather before a storm. Not even the crickets dared to sing their song tonight.

I thought I should probably say something to him, but he was so intently watching the fire burning that I doubted he even noticed my presence. But that was not the problem. What I would say to him? I barely knew him.

"Alistair?" I called. Well, I had to start somewhere right?

"Huh?" He asked softly and hoarsely, surprised. He was haggard, his eyes red and swollen. "Ah, Kallian." He tried to force a half smile, without much success. He was always smiling, joking and being a fool since I met him. Seeing him broken like this made the words die in my throat.

"I..." I started, without knowing exactly where I was going. How are you? Terrible, of course, it's obvious. I didn't have many choices, and the clock was ticking. He stared at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Not so well, if that was the question," he replied, as if he could read my mind. He narrowed his sad eyes, staring at the fire, and his next words were no more than a whisper. "But I'll be ready to leave whenever you want, if that's what you're worried about."

"I just came to see how you were," I replied, crossing my arms. I didn't understand why he'd gone on the defensive so suddenly.

"I'll tell you how things are," he said, standing up. "Terrible!" Alistair started walking in circles in front of her. "And you know what?" He growled, "Things only got worse after your arrival!"

"What are you talking about?"

"If it wasn't for you both, everything would be different. I'd have been on the battlefield, and Duncan would be alive!"

"Are you saying it's my fault?"

"We already had enough trouble until you came," he growled. "Because of you and your damn problems, I had to baby-sit instead of helping the Grey Wardens, and now Duncan is dead!"

"That was as important to me as to you!" I retorted, standing up. What he was thinking?

"No, it was not!" He shouted, making Morrigan and Flemeth stare at us. "This fight was never yours, and all that you guys did was ruin everything, so don't pretend you care!" Alistair threw the piece of wood against the cabin, where it crashed when it hit the wall

"Idiot ..." I said shaking my head, as I stood up. Stupid boy. But that, Kallian, is what you get for trying to be a good person. To the Void with him!

I still don't know why I put my silvers on losing bets.

"Now, now ..." Flemeth said, approaching. "Before you decide to kill each other, I would like to know a few things ..."

I entered the cabin after a few hours, with Alistair at my heels. He laid down on his bedroll without saying a word. Noah was already laying down, but I didn't believe that he was asleep.

Anyway, I kicked his foot to wake him. He looked at me in the same way that a Mabari looks at a bandit.

"What is it now?" He growled.

"We're leaving in the morning," I replied, lying on my own bedroll, between the two.

"Who decided that?" He replied, giving me his back. Little did he know that I didn't care.

"You are a Grey Warden, you took an oath, if you will not respect it, well, then it's not my problem. The notification was given." I replied. Take that, idiot.

"Since when have I cared about your warnings, elf?" He grunted.

You know what? Screw it. I kept silent, turning my back to him too. If he opened his mouth again, I'd sleep outside.

"Where you going?" he asked me, after almost ten minutes in silence.

"Stop the Blight." I felt him turn behind me. I looked over my shoulder to find him staring at me in disbelief.

"You and what army?" He asked, and it seemed he was beginning to take me seriously.

"The army that we will create, starting tomorrow morning. We will use those treaties that force people to help us."

"Wait, you're telling me that you will cross the country alone and seek each group and convince them to mobilize an army for you?"

"I won't be alone. Alistair will come with me." I replied bitterly.

"As I said, alone."

I stared, the rest of my good mood vanishing. I didn't know how Alistair would handle all this humiliation without saying a word. He would have a lot of patience.

"Whatever," I replied, raising an eyebrow. "I don't understand the surprise. Isn't that what Grey Wardens do?"

"You got to be kidding me," he said, sitting up.

"You think I'm joking?"

"Let me guess, you want me to help you with this craziness?"

"No, I'm announcing that I will leave in the morning. You do whatever your conscience tells you." I turned my back for the last time.

"I honestly don't know what you expect. Nobody will listen to an elf," I heard him rolling in his bedroll.

"You're right. They will not listen to an elf. But they will be forced to listen to me."

Again, the silence reigned. And I didn't expect it to be broken until dawn, so I positioned myself to sleep.

One of the things that I noticed was the new candle on the table near the door. The candle was too far away for my taste, so I moved my pillow as close to the light as possible without catching my hair on fire.

I wanted to sleep and forget this damned day, but something caught my attention.

The shadows - they were so weird, drawing strange shapes on the wall. It was like ... they were watching me ...

Then came the breeze, ready to throw me right into the bottom of the abyss.

I felt like everything that had happened to me in the last week had hit me like a knife in my heart. Everything - from my tragic marriage until the last moments at Ostagar.

It reminded me of home. How were they doing? How they were handling everything? Were they angry with, for all that had happened? Did Shianni hate because I hadn't kept my promise to protect her? For letting that bastard touch her? And my father? There'd been no time to write to him.

How I wanted to hear Soris playing right now ... His songs always eased my heart.

Nelaros, Nola ... Innocent people killed because of me. If I had not been so stupid ... I should have realized what was going to happen. I… It was my responsibility. I should have seen that coming. How could I leave home without my daggers? Dammit!

Hadn't life already taught me that? What could happen when you lower your guard? That people die when you are too mesmerized with the fake illusion of peace?

I am definitely not good influence on people. Every time that someone gets close to me, they are negatively affected in some way. I tried to fool myself, thinking that I could change things, that if we would only stand up and fight, we could make some difference. And they believed in me, they believed that someday our lives would be better.

And the only answer we got, the only answer that was possible was death.

King Cailan acted like an idiot, but maybe he was just too innocent, living in his own fantasy world. His neglect always hurt others, especially us elves, but that didn't mean he deserved such a tragic ending.

By my side, Alistair muffled his sobbing, pressing his face against the pillow. The night was not easy for him either. I was angry at him, sure I was, but seeing a man crying it's always painful. I wish I could have done something to ease him, but what could I do when I couldn't even ease my own heart?

Duncan... did not escape either. I owed him my life, and now he was dead. It was a debt of honor that I could never repay.

Also, I remembered of the others. Good people that didn't deserve to die that way. Carver and his shy smile. He'd seemed like a good guy, and he was so young… Wynne and her gentle touch. We didn't talk much, and although she was a mage, I never felt a magic like hers before. It was the purest and kindest energy that I'd ever felt in all my life.

The white mabari…

That little dog was so full of life. He was able to understand everything that I'd told him, and sometimes I felt like he was talking to me, with just his big, pleading eyes and his doggy way of telling me how much I meant to him. Every time I close my eyes, I could see him happily wagging his tail and barking, craving to get up and run like any other puppy. I never had imagined that his violet eyes would haunt me so much.

The truth is, in those hard moments, we only seemed to be able to think bullshit. And it was no different with me. Later, much later, I would realize that Loghain was the only one to blame for our betrayal, the great and respectable hero that everyone loves so damn much.

But here, in that moment, it was like the weight of the entire world fell onto my back.

Ignorance was a blessing, yes, and the demon showed me that, numbing my mind so everything could explode at once, in the dead of night, just at the worst possible moment - surrounded by the shadows and alone. Not to mention that I knew he was here, waiting for me to break, sneaking through my sorrow until he could finally reach the abyss and drag me inside the heart of the darkness with his own hands – or paws, whatever.

I must confess something - I never cried so hard in my entire life.

A/N: There's nothing better than a little fight to start a relationship. Fluffy is coming, I promise ;)