"Has it ever occurred to you," said Ukitake placidly as he took a sip from his tea cup, "that Ise-san's little artifact doesn't, in fact, burn because of you." His friend was trying to be kind, Shunsui knew, but the implications stung displeasingly in his chest. He did not want the tea he was drinking, either, but he couldn't very well deny the little Kuchiki for offering to bring them both tea before she left for the evening.
"It occurred to me," said Shunsui, dejected, "but I don't think that's the case. You should have seen my little Nanao, if it had been anyone else, I doubt she would have reacted so icily." He couldn't get her eyes out of his head, they burned him. They warmed him, too. He was drifting between fantasy and reality, having Nanao-chan's eyes on him was always an exciting experience.
"It is a very personal thing, that flame – as I recall that boy from the academy vanished for a time soon after the incident. It is difficult, I imagine, to have a reminder of something as painfully unrequited as love, especially when other people are made aware of it," Juushiro took another sip of his tea.
"Yare, yare, Juu, you talk like you've never experienced it," said Shunsui, grinning at his friend. Juushiro smiled back but he rolled his eyes for good measure and coughed pointedly.
"This isn't about me," he said simply, the smile still on his lips.
"No," agreed Shunsui, "this is about my little cat and how I've stepped on her tail and haven't made amends."
"I don't believe Ise-san would enjoy the comparison," said Juushiro. He was probably right, thought Shunsui, but she was a cat to him in the same way she often compared him to a lazy dog and so the comparison was made, and he enjoyed it. "Regardless of that," said Juushiro, bringing him back, "you did cross a barrier, literally and figuratively, that you shouldn't have. It is hard to trust someone who doesn't respect privacy." Juushiro knew better than most the lack of concern Shunsui had for boundaries.
"If I respected every boundary Nanao-chan put between us we would never speak and she would have, very likely, already left the eighth. With Nanao-chan, it's not about not crossing boundaries, it's more about picking through them carefully and hoping I don't get shocked along the way." Juushiro laughed, Shunsui grinned. "Besides, my intentions were good. I honestly thought my little Nanao had made a mistake and forgotten to blow out all her candles, I intended to blow it out and be on my way, none the wiser."
"And now here you sit, a hurt fukutaichou behind you and a rocky path ahead," said Ukitake.
"You wound me with your honesty," said Shunsui, he brought a hand to his heart in a playful manner and wished the words had been just a little less true.
Nanao sat in her picture window and stared at the flame in front of her. Honestly, she did not blame her taichou for his intrusion, she could not expect a man who often did what he shouldn't to change his ways – even where her home was concerned, and it was very hard to be mad at someone who was so truly and unabashedly good. Try as she might. No, she only blamed herself in this regard. For leaving such a troublesome thing out in such an open area to taunt her so mercilessly; for feeling the way she felt in the first place. Leaving it out in the open, so she saw it everywhere she walked, was like continuously twisting a knife in the cavity of her chest. She'd almost come to enjoy the constant feeling of dread and dissatisfaction, to remind her that she'd endured worse. There were, in fact, so many things more terrible than love in the world. And she'd experienced as much before. She'd told herself that it was enough to have someone like her taichou in her life, to look after and to look after her. Love didn't necessarily require kisses and physicality, nice as that might be. She was such a fool, to know better and be unable to control herself in this regard. She'd always been so good about controlling herself.
Nanao brought her hand to her face, and rubbed her eyes underneath her glasses. They moved up and down the bridge of her nose. Then she picked up the little cage, placed it back on the bookshelf and walked to her kitchen. The bags she'd dropped outside when she felt for the intruder had been retrieved and placed orderly on the kitchen table. She sent a hell butterfly after Rangiku and made a pot of tea while she waited for her friend to come over.
The "personal" trip to the world of the living had been at Ranigku's insistence. The strawberry blonde had accumulated living world currency over the course of her visits to the ryoka, but had not accumulated the number of holiday days to spend it because she had the unhelpful habit of frequently forgetting to show up to work. Nanao, on the other hand, had copious amounts of holiday left because she so infrequently missed work. The compromise had been made; Rangiku would give Nanao money to go to the living world and buy her many of the things she'd seen in a magazine but been unable to leave to purchase, and in return, Nanao would, as her friend told her "finally get to take a break and stop being such a prudence." Nanao had wanted the break, too. She'd been overworked, under appreciated and very stressed. Her captain had been in the fourth for such a long time after the winter war … and she'd been terrified to leave his bedside. It'd been a week before he was finally well enough to jokingly start flirting with her again and only then had she returned to the chaos that was the office. Their troops were not effective in paper-oriented tasks and the division had suffered in the absence of its two most senior officers, namely Nanao.
The next month had been an administrative hell.
She'd intended to stay in the world of the living for a week, but had only managed four days before the idea of reliving that hell had driven her home. To her taichou. To this unfolding misery.
Rangiku popped her head into the kitchen with a smile too big and immediately bee-lined for the bags on the table.
"Welcome back Nanao-chan~" she smiled her charming winsome smile and Nanao hated the jealousy she felt for her closest friend, even as she reveled in the closeness of her company, "how was your trip?"
"Very pleasant," said Nanao, she sat at the table and brought the newly made cup of tea close to her face – not close enough to steam her glasses, but close enough to radiate it's warmth in the chilly autumn evening air.
"Then why are you back so early, hmm?" Rangiku went to her cupboard and fished out the bottle of wine Nanao hid there, a stash only the two of them were aware of. She grabbed two glasses from the shelf below and then flopped across from Nanao, pouring the drinks, knowing Nanao would start on her glass (a smaller portion) after she finished her tea.
"I became concerned for the well being of my division in the absence," she said primly, "I'm sure you remember the catastrophe I returned to after Kyoraku-taichou's hospitalization." Rangiku laughed pleasantly behind her cup.
"I only remember because my taichou flipped his shit when all the backlog came in at once after you returned," she looked pained as she relived the moment, "that was super hard on me, Nanao-chan," she said in mock seriousness. Nanao scrunched her nose at the nickname. Rangiku had adapted after her taichou and she did not appreciate it from either of them, but it was rather hard to get one to quit it for too long before the other revived it. Rangiku was also rather close to Kyoraku-taichou, the two frequently drank together. Nanao imagined they knew a great deal about one another – the kinds of things only shared between alcohol.
"Hmm," Nanao hummed, she continued to drink her tea as Rangiku began to dig through the bags. Articles of clothing were thrown about. Rangiku, in all her uncaring confidence, removed the upper portions of her uniform to begin trying on blouses and Nanao bushed prettily and averted her gaze. Her friend was not shy, that much she'd always known.
"You have really good taste!" Said Rangiku between outfits.
"I only followed the examples you gave me beforehand," said Nanao offhandedly.
"Yeah, but I only gave you ideas," she winked, "you did a great job picking stuff out!" She turned a scrutinizing eye on her friend then, and Nanao automatically recoiled and the implications in her expression.
"What?" she asked. A fine eyebrow raised.
"What did you get for yourself, hmm?" Rangiku asked, looking around. There was a singular bag on the floor, this was Nanao's, she had intended to put it up before Rangiku arrived. Rangiku plucked it off the ground and dug through it, there was a grace about the action that Nanao appreciated – the contents were somewhat delicate. Nanao studiously avoided her friend's gaze as the woman withdrew the contents. Inside were a pajama shirt – a silken pink one, of a dark shade, and a pair of pajama shorts, also silken, and black. Nanao blushed at Rangiku's suggestive glances, a devilish smile was on her face.
"I'm permitted to wear delicate clothing in the comfort of my home," Nanao defended. In truth, she'd wanted to feel beautiful…
"I'm sure your taichou would love to have you wearing this in his home," Rangiku grinned. Nanao's blush deepened, but she ignored it tentatively.
"I highly doubt Kyoraku-taichou will ever see them," said Nanao, "but as it is, the taichou and I are in something of an argument right now and it is likely I won't be speaking to him tomorrow."
Latching on to this juicy bit of gossip, Rangiku leaned forward. Her chest flowed onto the table top.
"You've seen him since you've been back?" Rangiku guess.
"I caught him in my house," said Nanao. She picked up her glass of wine and took a sip.
"He didn't–" Rangiku seemed to stop, vaguely gesturing to the living room.
"He did," Nanao confirmed. They were both silent for a moment.
"What an idiot," Rangiku chuckled lightly, "how mad are you?"
Nanao thought for a moment, looking severally into her living room with distaste.
"I'm not particularly upset," said Nanao after a time, she let out a sigh. "I'm embarrassed," she admitted.
"There's no reason to be," Rangiku said with a smile, "why be embarrassed about something so romantic?"
Nanao regarded her friend for a moment, eventually and with some note of finality at the edge of it she said, simply:
"We both know what kind of person Kyoraku-taichou is, there's nothing to be done for it, but to avoid any implications of what could, only for a time, last between us."
Rangiku hated to think it, but she'd seen Kyoraku-taichou in all his forms and she had to admit that, as a lover, he was a bad bet. She nodded simply, dropping a hand on over Nanao's.
"We give people the benefit of the doubt," she said, "and we open ourselves up to hurt."
Nanao imagined Rangiku knew a bit about that. She had, after all, known the monster in Ichimaru Gin, and loved it, too.
Wow. How long has it been since I updated this story? Ahhh, sorry for that. Funny about this chapter, you see, I was sitting in the library writing this out today, on whim, when I got a call from a company I'd interviewed with last week. My phone was on 1%, I rushed home so that I could call back. I'd been offered a job. I guess I'll always remember this chapter for that ... I'll have a job soon. I'm very excited!
Anyway, hope you all like the chapter, let me know what you think, I know it's been awhile with this story. I hope my writing is still good enough!