A/N: I messed up with the spelling of Ember Celica. I am a terrible, terrible person. Almost as terrible as Neo. Also, some of the formatting has gone astray in the first chapter, unfortunately - I wasn't aware you couldn't do strike-throughs on this, and it ruined one of the lines. I'll strive to be more diligent with future chapters. And a huge thanks to everyone who has expressed an interest already!

Disclaimer: An update on the ownership situation - I still don't own RWBY, and the owners are, in fact, Rooster Teeth. More on this breaking news as we get it!

Neo whistled happily as she made her way through the campus toward the next set of temporary team-mates. After the debacle in the Library, which resulted in a berserk Yang Xiao Long knocking out roughly twenty-five students with her bare hands and... accidentally... incapacitating Glynda Goodwitch with a flying copy of Ninjas of Love (that would teach her to doubt Neo's pure and honest intentions) before being taken down by a high-velocity Corgi courtesy of the newly-arrived Professor Oobleck, it had been decided that Neo needed to mingle with the other teams to help her learn how to interact with other human beings without causing massive damage to people and property. For obvious reasons, she was being kept well away from team RWBY, but she had been assigned to shadow various teams over the last couple of days.

The first team she was assigned to was led by a large, burly fellow called Cardin. Oddly enough, nobody really seemed all that concerned when he and his friends were reduced to a sobbing wreck. She guessed he was kind of a dick, or something.

She then worked her way through three other teams, all of which with predictable results - tears, violence, tears because of violence, violence because of tears, there was even one chap who broke her whiteboard in a tearful rage. Professor Ozpin seemed understanding when she explained (with a shiny new whiteboard) that the whiteboard had gained great sentimental value to her in the week or so since she'd gotten it and it was obviously her emotional distress that made her bounce the offender off the ceiling, three times.

Today, she was apparently being assigned to one of the more notable teams, JNPR. Led by a chap called Jaune Arc, and apparently they played a big part in the defence of the city during the Grimm invasion.

Ren sighed as the new girl tapped him on the shoulder again.

He turned around.

HEY REN

"Yes, Neo?"

She was holding up her ever-present whiteboard.

IS LIE REN A PUN

He blinked. "No, it is not."

She nodded, then started scribbling again.

GOOD, BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A TERRIBLE PUN REN

Ren merely nodded, turned back around and hoped she would find something else to distract her soon.

His prayers were almost answered by his team-mate and partner.

"Neo..." Nora asked excitedly, "Can I see your umbrella?"

"Parasol," Ren corrected absent-mindedly.

"Yeah, that. Can I see your parasol?"

Neo looked thoughtful as she wrote.

I DON'T KNOW

She flipped the board.

THE CAPABILITIES OF INFERIOR LIFE FORMS HAVE NEVER REALLY CONCERNED ME

Nora fell silent, a confused look on her face as she tried to work out exactly what Neo had just said to her.

The walk through the campus continued in blessed silence for a few moments before Neo tapped Ren on the shoulder again. He resisted the urge to cry as he turned around once more.

HEY REN

"What is it now, Neo?" He sighed.

DO I GET ROYALTIES FOR YOU DOING MY HAIR THING

He frowned. "Excuse me?"

YOU'RE TOTALLY DOING MY HAIR THING, WITH THE PINK STREAK

She nodded to herself as she turned the board around.

SO I SHOULD GET ROYALTIES REN

He opened his mouth, then closed it again as she held up the board again.

PAY UP BITCH

He took a breath to calm himself. "I wasn't aware that having a pink streak in your hair was a phenomenon that belonged to any particular person. I certainly apologise if it has annoyed you."

She narrowed her eyes as she scribbled her next reply.

I'LL LET YOU OFF THIS ONCE SINCE YOU DIDN'T KNOW

She nodded to herself, holding her board contently.

BECAUSE I'M A KIND AND GENEROUS SOUL LIKE THAT REN

"Indeed," Ren said dryly, "You are a paragon of righteousness."

Behind them, Jaune and Pyrrha were having a furious and very quiet conversation.

"We need to put our foot down!" Pyrrha whispered.

"Are you crazy?" Jaune hissed back, "Do you want to attract her attention? Because I don't! Ren's the patient one, he can handle it."

"Well, no, but Ren's our team-mate! I feel bad not doing anything," Pyrrha frowned.

"We'll just pay for his lunch for the next few days or something," Jaune said reassuringly, "We'll make it up to him somehow."

"Oh," Pyrrha sounded unsure, "Fine, but I don't like this."

"Me neither," Jaune admitted, "Look, I'd take a lot of things for Ren. A sword to the face. A claw to the back. A bullet to the chest. But that? Heck no."

Ren was oblivious to the contents of said conversation, as Neo tapped him on the shoulder again.

He turned around.

HEY REN

"...Yes Neo?" He said evenly.

I HEARD THAT EVERY TIME JNPR GETS INTO A FIGHT YOU END UP MORE INJURED THAN ANYONE ELSE

She gave him a questioning look as she held up her board.

ARE YOU A MEAT SHIELD REN

He frowned. "I certainly am not! I'm a close-range mobility fighter, it's only natural that I would take worse hits than the others in difficult situations."

She flipped the board around.

WHY ARE YOU A MEAT SHIELD REN

He clenched his now-trembling fist and declined to respond.

There was a moment of silence as they kept walking.

His eye started twitching when that grimm-damned board was shoved in front of his face.

HEY REN

He turned his head mechanically towards the current bane of his existence, who was giving him an innocent look while holding up a new question.

SINCE YOUR NAME IS LAST IN THE TEAM, DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE THE LEAST IMPORTANT

She scribbled again.

LIKE YANG

The board flipped around.

ARE YOU THE TEAM YANG, REN

It was at that point that the bullets started flying.

The legendary rampage of Lie Ren would go down in history as one of the most impressive disasters to ever hit Beacon Academy. It was said that he flattened almost an entire quarter of the Campus before they could calm him down - if not for the impressive talents of Professor Goodwhich, the property damage would have been estimated in the millions.

As it was, Neo had another team that she was not allowed to interact with under any circumstances, which meant the list was rapidly running short. They were now considering having her shadow some of the higher-years...