A/N: Dear readers, today I wish to talk about some serious stuff before we start. Feel free to skip this if you prefer, but I would appreciate a little bit of your attention.

When I hear about tragedies, some angst thoughts always cross my mind. And I am not the only one, I'm sure about it.

Last sunday was not different – hearing that tragic news has affected me to some degree.

231 victims. Dozens still in the hospital. Young woman and man that were celebrating the end of the summer break with their friends in a nightclub - mostly students between 16-20 years old – died that night in the fire.

Hell, it could have been me. It could be with my friends, with someone of my family. Thankfully, we're safe, but even so I can't imagine what they passed through – the panic of being stuck with 2000 people inside a burning building that only had ONE freaking exit .

The scene of the cellphones ranging inside the pockets of the pile of victims at the entrance after the fire won't get out of my mind.

So, I'm here to ask you something. It doesn't matter your religion – or if you have one – please, spent a little bit of your time to send a prayer or good thoughts to these families. They will need all the good energy they can get. I know it's something that happened far from our reality, far from where we live, but what happened in Santa Maria could have happened anywhere, with anyone.

Thanks for listening.

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Credits:

Portuguese Beta: Rohh Lael

English Beta: wintryone

Disclaimer: Dragon Age Universe belongs to Bioware.

Chapter 17

Honor Affair

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Mahariel

I never felt this bad in my entire life.

Not even the worst of the taint's corruption was this intense. But what does it matter? I was supposed to be dead now, lost inside some dirty and cold hole somewhere in the forest.

In a way, it would have been a more worthy end. Easier, too.

The creators must have a good reason to allow me to live even after everything that happened. That is, if I was even alive. Since I had recovered my consciousness - or at least what I thought that was my consciousness – I've kept my eyes closed, in a mixture of fear and hope regarding what I might find outside this dark, safe zone. I did not know if I was prepared to find out the answer. Somehow, it terrified me and I was not sure if I was ready to face whatever the Creators prepared as my destiny.

Whether I was alive or dead was not the only thing that bothered me. Actually, I did not remember even how I was able to get that far on my own, much less fight like I fought in my precarious condition.

However, other memories were playing inside my mind. There was a dragon flying in the sky. A huge, vicious dragon talking to me through a creeping song ….

I felt a cold hand touching my forehead.

I grabbed the hand and pulled it down to my waist, twisting it tightly. With my other hand, I took hold of the stranger's neck and squeezed, while at the same time I flipped them to the empty side of the bed. In a heartbeat I was straddling my attacker, and had not released my grip.

To my surprise, I found the redhead when I opened my eyes. She stared at me, partly surprise, partly serious, visibly troubled by her shortness of breath.

"What do you want?!" I asked, clutching her throat tighter. I could feel the muscles of her neck squirming, trying to open space for the air to reach her lungs, while something cold touched my own neck.

She passed her arm through mine, and her dagger was firmly pressed against my throat.

"Talk," She said, pulling her dagger from my neck slowly. She stuck her dagger in the wooden bed frame, raising an open hand in a peace sign.

"You are not in a position to negotiate anything," I said. "You really think you can do something without your weapon?"

"I do. I don't need my dagger to defend myself." She replied in a choked voice. "You are weakened by the fever, Mahariel. Don't force my hand - I just want to talk."

"Do not underestimate me, city elf!" I growled, trying to tighten the grip, but I had no more strength. She used her free hand to hold my hand on her throat, pushing one of my nerves with her finger as if they were forceps. The pain was so weird that I started to lose the strength in my fingers. Before I knew it, my arm was being twisted out of the bed. Soon my body began to tip over to the side without my consent, reacting to the pain. At the same time, she used my hesitation to hold my other wrist, twisting it too. To complete the quick reaction of the redhead, she threw me out of bed, rolling and pushing my ribs with her knee.

I was on the ground before I even realized it.

"I didn't want to do that, but I was running out of air," she said smiling as she pulled the dagger from the wood and sheathed it again, back to her waist.

"What do you want?" I repeated moody, still lying on the floor. My head started to hurt - it felt like it would explode if I try to move.

"There's no need to be so defensive," she said, taking something from the other side of the bed. "I'm not here to fight, I just want to talk." She handed me a potion, which I took gratefully. There was nothing more horrible than these potions, but they were great for headaches.

I drank the bitter liquid slowly, watching her closely. She said nothing, just waited in silence, sitting on the edge of the bed. Even after I had stayed silent, just looking at her for what seemed like ten minutes, she waited.

I sighed, feeling my head stop spinning. In the meantime, everything that was out of place began to fit slowly, and soon the memory fragments came together like pages of a book - with a beginning, middle and an end - that gave a new meaning to everything.

I had no reason to attack her. Actually, I was not even angry at her anymore for throwing me out of the bed. And I think she noticed my change, because soon she was reaching out for me, helping me to get back to bed. I sat by her side, leaning my elbows on my knees.

"Why did you save me?" I asked, without looking at her.

"Why wouldn't I?" She asked, crossing her arms. I'd say she was being somewhat ... cautious by the way she answered me.

"You tell me," I replied.

"Good answer," she said, scratching her head.

"Will you keep walking in circles or can we cut to the chase?"

"I could not let you die," she replied softly. Her eyes were lost somewhere in the holes of the wooden wall.

"Why?" I asked, turning my head to face her.

"I..." The redhead began, resting her chin in her hand. "I was sentenced to death, once…" she continued, her voice growing low. "For something that had to be done…"

"What happened?" I asked, surprised by her reaction. I did wonder if she was talking to me or to herself, because she was suddenly so lost in thoughts that it seemed that the Dread Wolf itself had descended to earth only to take her soul. When she finally looked at me, I had the impression that her eyes were slightly red.

"Nothing you should worry about," She replied as gently as possible, forcing a smile. "What I mean is that I was in a situation like yours – I know what it's like. And you can say it was an intervention of the Maker, of Fate, of your Creators, or just luck, whatever, but I had someone intercedefor me when I thought that everything was lost." Her hand slid from her chin to her forehead. "I thought ... just like I had a second chance, you also deserved one as well."

"Am I just compensation then? A good deed to soothe your conscience?" I asked, gritting my teeth. What was she thinking? That my life was a balance to her karma?

"Leaving someone to die ... That's not me," she replied. "I can spend the rest of the night working out pretty justifications for what happened, if it will make you feel better, but that's it."

I do not like how this woman looks at me. As she spoke, her eyes were staring at me so intently that it was like she was reading my soul. I was not intimidated that easily, but ... Definitely, there was something about that woman, something in her eyes or in her voice that made me want to believe in her. And when I realized that, I talked more than I had planned.

"I panicked," I admitted, but strangely I did not feel bad about it. Actually, there were a lot of things that I needed to put out – things that I kept to myself long enough. "I woke up on a normal morning to fulfill my normal routine and suddenly, I was lying on an improvised bedroll surrounded by people I did not know. The men that I…" A lump formed in my throat as I remember.

It's been more than a week since… and it hurt so badly as if it was the first day. I thought I might be able to suppress the pain as the time passed, but instead, more and more I was convinced that Tamlen had left a huge hole within me that nothing would ever be able to fill.

I know I had to be strong for him - for both of us but it was so hard ... Pretending that I was not in love with him, pretending that... this hallucinating pain wasn't there, threatening to drag me into the endless grief every time I closed my eyes. The closest we have been in, I don't know, our whole life was a kiss that he stole from me the night before the accident. I was so scared that I pushed him against a tree and ran to my tent without saying a word. That was why I left so early that morning, to go after him. I knew that I had hurt his feelings, and I was determined to make things right between us. And now, he would never know the truth.

"The man I loved, he…" I finally completed the phrase. It was so ironic. It was the first time that had I admitted it out loud, and the one listening was a stranger. It kills me to know that if I had not been so stupid, he would never have left so upset, and probably would alive now. "He was dead. I was alone, away from my friends, from my family…. I knew I would never see them again and that terrified me.

"To seal my fate, I was dying. Everything hit me at once. I could not think, could not breathe. I needed to leave, to run somewhere, find some peace away from humans... I do not know. I needed this time alone. At first, I tried to go back home. I ran for two days and two nights without stopping until I reach the campsite, but they were no longer there.

"I had the ability to track them down, but the truth was that, deep down, I knew that the Keeper would not accept me back. It took some time for me to realize it, to accept that I was alone, on my own, but finally the reality hit me, and I was lost again. The time alone, however, helped me to find my way.

"I concluded that my only option was to return. Accept the fate that the creators drew for me and try to be the Grey Warden that the Keeper hoped I would be. I restrained the use of the medicine and I started back. According to my calculations, the remedy would last long enough for me to get to Ostagar.

"When I finally got there, all I found was death – bodies, blood and Darkspawn. I was getting worse by that time, my medicine was at its end and I did not know where to go. At first I was desperate, and I almost gave up when I started to hear things.

"It was an awful song, shrill and strident that went straight to my head. I do not know, but it was like there was something talking to me. Words I did not understand, but I could tell that its transmitter was angry. I could feel the rage, you know?

"Then I realized I had to get out, away from the music, to anywhere else. Or, of course, have a slow and painful death at the hands of the Darkspawn. I knew that the forest was not clean – I had avoided several smaller groups while I was traveling back, but I would have no chance if I ran right to a whole horde. My only option was to go north, follow the road straight into the territory of the Shemlen.

"Not that I liked the idea, but it was the only choice I had. So, I ran again. It was when I found your trail - footprints and cut leaves that was not the work of those monsters. At that time, I was at the end of my strength. I was dead, and I knew it. I've even convinced myself that it was too late for salvation. And, between this crazy impulse to follow you and to sit there and die with my dignity intact… Well, you know what happened."

The redhead listened carefully to every word of my outburst, without diverting her gaze from me. When I finished, she stared at the floor for a while, probably processing everything. When she turned her attention back to me, there was no anger or reprehension in her face, but ... Compassion, perhaps?

"I will not lie to you. It's very easy to turn your back on your problems and flee in a moment of weakness, as you did," The redhead said standing. She walked around the bed and picked up something wrapped in my cloak, which rested beside a dresser. "And it takes a lot of willpower to start over after that. Somehow, I can say that I understand you." She came back to my side and sat on the bed, still holding whatever that was. "Why did you tell me this?"

"It was the least I could do after what you did for me." I whispered,

"I could tell you that I'm sorry, that I feel for your loss, but I know it will not bring you the comfort you need. Words can't do anything. Instead, know that you have my support, if you need something," She smiled weakly, "Thank you for opening up to me."

I smiled back weakly, but truly.

"Thank you for listening." I sighed. My head was still a bit heavy, my body ached and I was fighting against the urge to cry but I was feeling so light. I felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders. "Now what?"

"Well..." She put the wrap on the top of my legs, lifting one end of the cloth to show me its contents.

It was my bow and my quiver.

I touched the metal piece of the bow with my fingertips, following the two thick silver lines that circled the wood until they unite to form a pair of wings – one at each end of the weapon. Tamlen loved that bow so much… The Keeper gave it to him when he became a hunter because she knew about his love of the winged creatures of the forest. She also gave him a leather archer's glovewith a similar design that he gave to me when I came of the age. I still use that glove – dark brown with a silver eagle on the back.

I was so glad that I had not lost it!

"You're free to go." She told me, and I widened my eyes in surprise. Free?

Seeing the confusion in my eyes, she continued, "Yes, free. Starting now, you can do whatever you want," She stood. "I don't have the right to ask for you to stay - after all, cross the country, create an army from scratch and fight a war isn't an easy task. There's a great chance it will be a one-way trip. I'm not going to force you to do anything, the choice is yours. But I won't lie to you, I'll be relieved if you choose to help us."

I remained silent for long minutes. She probably interpreted this as a sign to leave me alone, because she nodded and put her hand on my shoulder before walk towards the door.

"Wait," I called, decided. I did not have to think – My answer was already deeply carved in my soul. I think gratitude was the best word to describe what I felt, and at the same time, it sounded so insufficient…. She fought for me, defended me like I was someone from her own clan. Now it was my turn to fight for her.

I know that the redhead was doing everything to contain her feelings and not to let her anxiety reach her eyes, but when she turned to me, her expression was full of expectation.

"You saved my life. I'm attached to you by a strong bond, a debt of honor that I cannot ignore. And I swear by Andruil that until my debt is paid, I will stand by your side and give my life to defend you if needed, City gi—I mean, Kallian. "

She giggled, more relaxed. "You can call me whatever you want. Anything but 'elf' is good enough." She sobered suddenly. "I'm glad you made that decision. I really am. But ..." She paused. "I don't want a bodyguard – I do prefer a friend instead."

Friend...

"What about Grumpy? I do not think that he will share the same feeling, much less accept your decision..."

"He doesn't have to like anything. It's my decision, not his. Don't worry about it - I'll take care of him. You just have to rest and get better. A good night of sleep and tomorrow you will be like new… sort of."

"Okay." I said, putting my stuff against the wall beside the bed.

"Ah, Mahariel ..." Kallian opened the door to leave but stopped suddenly, with her hand still resting on the doorknob. There was a smile crossing her lips. "The honor is mine."

"Eilleen," I said, lying on the bed.

"Pardon?"

"My first name. Eilleen."

"It's a beautiful name," Kallian smiled. "Good night."

"Good night," With one last smile, Kallian closed the door.