A/N: Did you all know how it's like to have more things to do than hours in the day?

Yep. That's it.

A big thanks to wintry again - the fastest and efficient beta ever lol

And to you, my reader, for sticking up with me! :D

Chapter 19

Hand in hand

.

Noah

"You're playing leader and subordinate, elf? Because the role of loyal dog suits him very well," I said, failing to avoid the sarcasm again, but what could I do? Everything about that guy got on my nerves. He got all jumpy on me, trying to prove his stupid, useless point. Of course, he failed, that weak bastard. As much as my urge to hold my temper is strong, I am made of flesh and bone. I am not obliged to stand still while that asshole is trying to make fun of me.

She sighed, pinching her eyebrows. She was counting to ten, maybe?

When she looked again, she was serious. I honestly thought that she would pull those daggers of hers on me. To my surprise, however, she just pulled a chair to the fire and sat in silence.

Watching… Waiting ... I wondered more than once if there was something on my face, because she was staring so intently that I felt like she was reading something written on my forehead.

"Why have you returned, Noah?" She asked me slowly, with a colossal calm, as if she was asking it of a child.

"Why do you ask? Was I not supposed to return?" I asked, not knowing exactly where she was going.

"It's a simple question, Noah, really." I hadn't understood her game yet, that was true, but there was something behind her words, I'm sure of it. I could see her eyes glowing, screaming that she had something in mind. I hate games so much. I would find only later, much later, the true meaning of her look – She was studying me, considering everything that I would do, watching every sign before she could make her next move.

Later. For now, I was just angry and wasn't thinking at all.

"If my presence bothers you so much, I can leave. Leave you all on your own. Is that what you want?" I replied, unable to avoid my aggressive tone. The buzzing in my ear never stopped - it was so loud that was hard even to hear her words.

"The door is in the same place. You know the way very well..." She replied, but I didn't realize that she was not teasing me. The buzz was so strong that I placed one of my hands over my ear, in an unconscious attempt to stop the sound.

"Are you challenging me?" I growled, walking in circles again, trying to expend the energy somehow. Otherwise, I would have to break something – or someone. For the first time, I wanted that stupid Templar near me.

"... However, you're still here." She continued, cutting me off, still in the same tone. She stared at me – looked, actually - in the same way. "Why?"

Why?

It was very hard to think straight with that maddening buzz in my ear. But little by little, some words began penetrate my mind – fragments, little pieces of will and hate coming together at the same time, fighting for a voice. Still, I was not able to form a whole sentence, mostly because I was not sure what I wanted to say.

We stayed that way for a long time – I wasn't walking in circles anymore, but I was still standing away from her, while the elf kept her eyes on me. A couple of minutes later, she sighed and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

"Duncan told me what happened," the elf said quietly, staring at the fire. I could see a hint of sadness in her eyes, which were lost in the dance of the flames. "About you and your family ..."

"He what?" I asked, turning my head so quickly that I felt like it would break. He didn't have that right…! I ran my hand through my hair, pushing it back. Duncan exposed my personal problems to a stranger ... How could he do that to me?!

There was so much anger mixed with the pain of the memories that I was not listening to anything again. I could only think of all the blood, all those bodies, the ruined faces of all those I once loved…

"What do you know? What you think you know about it? Huh?!" I growled, louder than necessary. If this elf thought that just because she knew about my past, that she had the right to interfere in my life or meddle in my affairs, she was absolutely wrong. I had to leave my parents to die in that blighted castle. The sad and determined face of my mother when she told me to flee still haunted my dreams.

She knew nothing.

"I'm not here to judge you, Noah." She replied, not raising her voice. It was too hard to hear her, but I could understand a word or two of what she was saying.

"So what?!" I growled, stopping in front of her. "Are you going to tell me that I have no right to compare my problems with yours? That my pain is no worse than the Dalish's? Just because you decided to play the leader it doesn't mean that I am obliged listen to your bullshit and take it as the truth-"

"I know what it's like to watch someone you love being killed before your eyes, very well," She told me, looking at me, and her words were no more than a hushed whisper, reflecting the pain of her eyes. "I cannot say that I know what you're going through, but I understand how it must be hard for you." She took a deep breath. "You want to disappear, but you don't know how. You're willing to give everything you have to wash the memories away. Your efforts to erase these angst moments is never enough, and even if you try to remember only the smiles and the happiness, it doesn't work ... It seems that every little thing we make only serves to cement the sorrow further inside our minds. Believe me, I know." She paused, probably to see if I was following her. "Indeed, I cannot imagine what would have become of me if I had lost my entire family as you lost yours. I sure would be lost. Yet, here you are, standing, and I respect this. A lot," She continued, leaning back against the chair again.

"I didn't ask to be leader, Noah. If I'm making the decisions, it's because someone has to do it. I'm not a soldier - I'm just a Scrapper. I don't know shit about teamwork or how I was supposed to act in the middle of the war. I always fought all my battles alone. And this - the new reality, new responsibilities – everything is crazy and scary. And you know what, Noah? I never asked for any of it. I just wanna go home. "

I sat on the floor, feeling my legs failing. The elf had just put into words much of what I felt in the last few days but could never name properly. All I could do was lower my head, unarmed, and wipe the sweat of my forehead with the tip of the sheet. She kept silent, waiting for me to absorb her words completely. I was no longer consumed by the blind anger that forced me to always break something to keep my head from exploding. I could heard her words clearly now, as if she was speaking directly to my soul.

"Why don't you go home then?" I whispered, looking at her again. She looked tired, aged ten years or more. I wonder if this was how the others see me...

Maybe that was why my guard had dropped so suddenly: I was seeing who she was behind the mask of sobriety she always wore, identifying myself more and more with her own pain, even knowing nothing about it. They were not mere empty words of consolation - it was like her personal outflow.

"If I don't take this, who will?" She let out humorless laugh. "We're elves. Nobody cares. If war reaches the gates of Denerim, we would be the first to be left behind. I wish I could say I'd take everyone and leave Ferelden – flee from the Blight - but with which money would I do that? Or with what weapons? They're not experienced soldiers; they're only survivors. This war is not for them. They would be massacred, no doubt about this. I cannot let that happen."

"I can't understand. Why are you sacrificing yourself to fight the war of people who would never do the same for you?" I asked, and she didn't take long to answer me.

"I don't expect anyone to do anything for me," she replied, staring at the ceiling. "The truth is that I couldn't sleep at night if I run now. Or if I just take my father and my cousins and leave the country. I mean, the Alienage is a cursed land, but it's also my home. They are my family. Good part of them helped me at some point in my life. I don't think I could leave everything behind so easily…" She shook her head, more to herself than to me. "I would be denying who I am."

I knew very well what that feels like.

"Elf, can you answer me one thing, honestly?"

"Go ahead." She looked back at me. I felt exposed, unable to lift my defenses again. But strangely it didn't bother me as it should.

"Do you really believe that you, alone, will be able to make a difference in all of this? Really?"

"If one person can ruin the life of another, cause irreparable damage and leave scars that will never heal completely, why can't someone have the same effect, but for good?" She gave a long sigh, and for a moment I saw a flash of anger in her eyes. I would recognize that sign anywhere – it was something so familiar to me, like a red aura that emanated from her body that I could touch with tip of my fingers, if I wanted.

"Besides," she continued, scratching her head. "It's not like a one person job. We started this whole thing with three people, and now we're five. If we could keep mobilizing people, we can make a difference, I know it."

"These are beautiful words, worthy of a good romance. Do you really believe that?" I asked, squinting. She laughed without humor again.

"I have to believe. If not, I will have nothing." She sank her head back, closing her eyes. "Today, when I think of Ferelden, I imagine a leaky boat, condemned to sink into the mysterious water of the oblivion. And we are spread throughout this boat. I would say that Morrigan would be at the top of the tallest mast, ready to vanish at the first sign of danger. Mahariel and Alistair, maybe randomly scattered through the rooms or along the deck. If you asked me where I think you would be, Noah, I'd say you're in the engine room - the deepest place of the ship, with water up to your knees.

"We have two options: The first would be to leave everything as it is and let the boat get sucked into the depths of the nothing. Morrigan would be far away when it happened and I think Alistair and Mahariel would swim to safety without any problem. I know I'd swim to the shore, for sure. What about you, Noah? Would you die drowned or would you swim? I don't know.

"The point is that we can bring this boat to safety. But for this, I believe that everyone has to take the oars and use all their strength to take it back to the coast. Everyone. So, I need to know if you're in or not. And for you to have that answer, you have to reply to my first question: why are you here? You don't need to tell me – If you could answer this for yourself it will be enough for now.

"All I need to know is what you're planning to do, because from now on, there can be no more middle terms. Either you're in it or not. Simple as that. Look, I'm not asking you to agree with me on everything, because that would be impossible. I'm not even asking you to like me, but we can't keep flying at each other's throat every time we disagree on something. I cannot be worried about breaking you and Alistair apart all the time or go to sleep at night wondering if you will be there in the morning. Can you understand where I'm going? "

"You don't understand because you defend that jerk. I hate him," I growled, not with anger but with indignation. Am I the only one who sees that he is not trustworthy?

"I don't like humans, and I hate mages," she told me, and I could see the flash of hatred back in her eyes, stronger than before. "I have reasons much greater for this hate than pure annoyance, as it seemed to be your case. However, you don't see me putting a knife at Alistair's neck or trying to turn Morrigan into a Tranquil every time they breathe, right?"

"You couldn't turn the witch into Tranquil even if you wanted to," I replied, giving a small smile at the thought. That apostate would turn her into mushroom for sure.

The elf slapped her forehead, shaking her head in disapproval. "You know what I mean."

"I do," I said, getting serious again.

"So?"

"I cannot promise you anything. If the boy provokes me, I'll break every bone in his body with or without your approval," I replied, rude, but sincere. "If you want to be in charge, I don't care. Just don't be all bossy on me, and we will not have problems. This is all I can give you."

"It's fair. Not the ideal, though, but it's fair." She said more relaxed. She rose from the chair, stretching her arms slightly. "So I think we're done."

"Who are you, elf?" I asked, starting to get suspicious.

The way she spoke, all the mysteries about her past, those marks of torture she always tries to hide and the uncanny ability to feel magic ... My instincts told me that there was more about her than meets the eye, and that she hadn't told me everything. And my instinct never failed.

"Pardon?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

"You're not a normal person. Who are you, really?" I saw her take a deep breath again, closing her eyes with her head up.

"I'm just someone who has lived too much." She remained thoughtful, but not for long enough for me to say something. In fact, by her weary expression I knew this would be the only answer I would get. It didn't ease my senses, especially because she didn't appeared to be older than me, but I would have to accept that for now. "Rest well, Noah. If Mahariel gets better, we will leave in the early hours of the morning. Lothering is not far." She said, walking toward the door. She paused before leaving, looking at me one last time. "Good night."

"The answer to your question," I said, before her silhouette could disappear into the dark corridor. "It's because I don't have anywhere else to go." I replied. I saw her shadow nodding slowly a couple of times before disappearing from my view.

What I didn't say and I will ever do so, is they were all that I had. Like it or not, they were my family now. And I had to protect them at any cost. So, there was nothing left for me now but to stay beside that elf and pray for the Maker to have mercy on us.

Kallian walked down the corridor, heading for the door of the hut. She needed air - even if it meant staying in the rain. Her idea of trying to reach a consensus with Noah using words may have worked, but she ended up talking more than she intended. Even though she didn't reveal any details, the wound was so alive within her heart, that just the mention her losses were enough to end her peace.

She closed herself to the death of her mother and her brother in such a way that the subject itself has become a kind of taboo - something she refused so much to talk about that it became a prohibited topic within her family. Whenever her cousins, her father or anyone else tried to question her, she always avoided everything, ignoring it or leaving the place immediately. Her escape itself was like a natural defense that her mind had created, so she could avoid the suffering.

The truth was that she never got over what happened that fateful day - the day when reality showed its true face, robbing of her innocence and her dreams, removing the ground from under her feet and forcing her to become an adult too earlier, with responsibilities and worries that no child was supposed to carry.

The day her life turned upside down.

She was about to open the door when Alistair called for her.

"Hey, where are you going?" He asked still sitting on one of the steps of the stairs, leaning against the wall.

"I need to think," Kallian replied, still with her hand on the doorknob.

"It's raining a lot out there," he said, stretching. The last traces of tension of his body were dissipated, as he realized that there was no trace of struggle in the little elf. His own neck, however, still had the red mark of Noah's hand lingering on his skin. "You can think inside, where it's warm and dry. The stairs is a great place for that. I know that it seems to be cold and hard, but after a while you realize that ... Well, that it's really cold and hard, but even so, it's better than outside!" He smiled.

Kallian could not help herself and smiled back, even if weakly. "The stairs seems a great option indeed, but I need to think alone,"

"Okay, I'll leave then," he replied, getting quickly to his feet.

She sighed partially defeated, dropping the knob and walking toward the Templar. She sat a few steps up from where he stood, motioning for him to sit.

"Your stairs, your rules. Besides, what are you doing here?"

"I said I'd be around if you needed me," he said, sitting down again.

Kallian eyes widened in surprise. So he was really serious about that?

"I know that I have no credits," she began, starting to get slightly annoyed. "But I said that I know how to take care of myself. I don't need you babysitting me all the time," she replied, a little more rude than necessary. She knew she had promised to start over with him, but she hadn't discovered the formula for oblivion yet – she still had a few doubts about him.

"I know you can take care of yourself," he said, lowering his head. "But that does not mean you have to put yourself in danger just to prove it."

"If you have not noticed yet, I was just talking to him," she said, frowning. "And I don't want to prove anything to anyone, I-"

"Calm down Kallian, I don't want to tease you or anything. There's no need to get all defensive like this." Alistair turned to her with a hurt expression, making her wonder if she wasn't throwing the indignation at him that she should have dumped on Noah.

"Look," he continued, "That man is dangerous. If I stayed around is because I was worried if he would treat you the same he did me. But if it bothers you that much, I can stay away next time."

"And why do you care about that?" She asked, leaning against the wall just as he had done before.

"I just don't want him to hurt you," he confessed, even though he didn't know exactly why of all this concern. He only knew that the idea of seeing her being attacked by Noah was something he could never accept.

"Why?" She asked. Actually, it was the first and only thing that came to her mind. She had even forgotten that she was starting to get mad at him.

"You defended me, I defended you ... It's what the Grey Wardens do - they take care of each other," he said, getting slightly annoyed for sounding like an obligation. He did care about her, more than he expected to feel. The fact that she was a Warden like him didn't matter at all – he would still break Noah's face if he dared to touch her. Kallian remembered Duncan's speech about that 'brother and sister' thing, but she was more concerned about his words. His actions. Everything was slowly feeding the trust she was starting to feel towards him.

Alistair cleared his throat, embarrassed but decided to speak his mind. After all, if he wanted to approach her, he should be honest.

"The truth is that you seem to be a good person. And don't forget the suicidal part. Now that I think about it, I guess it's part of the fun of being around you – saving your life and such."

"Oh, you're soooo fun. I think my jaw will drop for laughing so much." She rolled her eyes, watching his lopsided smile crossing his lips.

"You should see your face right now." He smiled, amused by the fact that she was visibly struggling to keep her serious expression.

"I know my face very well," She replied nonchalantly.

"Oh, come on, don't be so stubborn and play with me!" He smiled, poking the side of her head with his finger repetitively until her scowl turned out in a playful smile and her cute giggle could finally fill his ears once more. Kallian didn't laugh much - he could count with one hand how many times it had happened since they met. Even so, it turned out to be one of his favorite things about her - It was pure and honest, a rare gift in this chaotic world.

"Right, stop it!" She ordered softly, with trails of her giggle still lingering in her voice. The little elf was moving back and forth, trying to get her head away from his finger, but he was faster. She was not willing to give up, though – in a swift motion, she managed to grab his hand in the air.

His bare hand.

She was touching his hand for the first time. It was so warm and soft, despite the callus here and there because of the sword handling. She had some as well, so it wasn't a problem at all. It was big, too. Bigger than hers, at least. And the most confusing detail ever was how slowly and gently his fingers wrapped slightly around her hand. The sensation was different from anything she'd ever felt. She knew that it was stupid to make all this fuss over such a little thing, but it was the first time that a human touched her and it didn't hurt. Quite the opposite, actually: it felt good.

Kallian's first reaction was to break from his "grip", but strangely she didn't manage to find a way to make her hand work. Maybe the reason was her heart was pounding faster inside her chest in each moment, or the slight warmth spreading through her cheeks… She didn't know.

"I know that you're suspicious of me," He whispered, looking at their hands together. "But…" He lowered his hand slowly, loosening the grip just a little bit, to give her a chance to break free from it if she wanted. A small smile crossed his lips when she didn't move. "I think we get along sometimes." He whispered. "You even laugh at my jokes!" He chuckled, looking into her eyes, more than satisfied that she was staring at him so intently, drinking every word as if it was the air that her lungs craved to live. "What I want to say is that you don't need to do these dangerous things alone. You can count on me, you know that."

Always.

She smiled, surprised by his words once again. She searched for any sign of hesitation in his eyes, anything that could betray him, but there was nothing to be found there – only his caramel eyes and that cute lopsided smile of his. Bested by this new feeling, she decided to accept his words as true.

"An alliance, you say?" She asked, trying to understand what he really meant with all of this. As much as something inside her kept saying that his intentions might be good, it was still hard to believe that a human wished to get along with her.

Alistair scratched his nape in response.

"It can work like that, although it wasn't exactly what I meant…." he replied, disappointed that she had 'rejected' his friendship so easily. Well, maybe she didn't intend to do so, but he wasn't exactly clear enough. At least, not clear enough for her. But for someone who sleeps with one eye open like her, an alliance would be the nearest signal of trust that he would have, at least for now.

"Bad alliances can sink you, Warden," Morrigan said at the top of the stairs, startling them both. Alistair slapped his forehead, irritated by the interruption. Just now that the things were finally going somewhere!

"Nobody called you here, witch." He growled between his teeth.

"As her personal guide, it's my duty to warn her about the ways that can take her to her own doom. If a downfall is your goal, I must inform you that a meeting with the horde would be more appropriate. And, of course, it would less painful for your ears." Morrigan pointed to Alistair, grinning victoriously.

Kallian took a deep breath before answering, "Thank you for let us know that you're still with us, Morrigan. For a moment I had almost forgotten you and all your subtlety," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"The pleasure is mine. So what did I miss?" She asked, leaning in a provocative way against the banister, leaving her neckline almost fully exposed. Realizing her intentions, Alistair looked away, staring at his own feet. It was not like he hadn't reason enough to stare - after all, Morrigan was a beautiful woman who put all her sensuality in every little move. He just didn't wish to give her reasons for tease him later.

"I'm not sure if I understand the question," Kallian replied, frowning.

"I heard your new ally here yelling. Then that sexy beast shouted. Then you raised your voice, too. Some dishes fell, and then the silence reigned," Morrigan replied, leaning her body further forward, exposing even more skin. "I must confess that I was curious, but I was in my bathtub, in the middle of a relaxing hot bath, and it would be a shame to get out because of that."

"Wait ... Do we have a bathtub?" Alistair asked, surprised. He did not remember having seen one while he was searching the house.

"Yes, I have one in my room. Why do you think I chose it?" She replied, victorious again.

Wretched bitch, both thought, but none of them said it aloud.

"Anyway, I came down hoping to see the sexy beast pummeling Alistair," Morrigan added, pointing to the red mark on the Templar's neck.

"Nobody hit anyone, Morrigan," Kallian replied all grumpy. The idea of the monopoly of the bathtub still bothered her.

"Really? No punch?" Morrigan asked.

"Nope," Kallian replied.

"Blood?"

"Nope,"

"Scratches?"

"No, Morrigan, I told they didn't fight," Kallian said, losing her patience.

"Ah, but tis a shame ," Morrigan replied disappointed, starting to walk back to her room.

"Even if this had happened and we had killed each other, you would not even bother to come down and see what was going on, right?"

"No," Morrigan answered promptly, making Kallian immediately regret of opening her mouth. "But it would be very pleasant to watch," she said before slamming the door.

Kallian and Alistair looked at each other, stunned by what had just happened.

"By the Maker ...!" Alistair sighed.

"By the Void ...!" Kallian whispered simultaneously. They looked at each other, surprised by their similar reaction and, as they both knew that Morrigan had been serious, they started laughing.

Kallian looked at the Templar - he laughed like a child, with such a happy smile that it was impossible not to smile too. It was contagious. Talking with him was so easy. It was a different atmosphere - there was no tension, sarcasm or lines to be read, like it was with everyone else. She didn't have to think too hard to talk, or spend time choosing the right words – they just came to her. It was natural. And he even made her laugh once in a while. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she was starting to enjoy having that human around.

Through the night they talked about nothing specific – other wardens, something about a special tunic under his pillow or his incomplete Templar training. They didn't mentioned their previous talk – the momentum was long gone. Their hands, however, stayed together all the time, building up their trust more than any words could do.

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