Bo and Lauren went to dinner an hour from the cabin, both weary from sitting in the car for hours. It was getting late, and they stopped at a small diner.
Across the table from Lauren, Bo stifled a yawn. Lauren watched Bo, tracing the droplets of moisture dripping down her glass. She tried to think of a way to start talking about their relationship. A feeling of part anticipation, part anxiety seemed to fester inside of her. She couldn't shake the feeling that her own hang-ups were destroying her relationship.
Bo leaned back in her chair, raising her hands in the air, loosening up her cramped back muscles. "I can't wait to get into a nice, comfortable bed." She said, interrupting Lauren's thoughts with her voice.
"I love you, Bo." The words rushed out of Lauren, and she kept her eyes downcast on her glass.
The suddenness of Lauren's statement stunned Bo for a moment. "I know. I never doubted that."
Lauren lifted her eyes and admired Bo for a moment. So many times Bo was wrapped in a shroud of confidence that seemed to pour from her. Lauren always found this endearing, but for the last few months she'd seen that self-assurance slip in regards to their relationship. And that filled her with guilt because she knew she was largely to blame for it.
"I regret so many things, my behavior, our break... But before we start this vacation together. I just wanted to start with that, that I love you." Despite the tension that seemed to linger between them, looking at Bo now, Lauren felt a surge of love and hope well up inside her.
Bo reached out and took both Lauren's hands. "Well, I'd like to start this retreat with a simple, I love you, too." When their eyes met, Bo wished she could save Lauren from the inner turmoil that seemed to be plaguing her. She was worried. She loved Lauren so much she just wanted her to be happy. But all she could do now, with so many missed conversations, was hope that Lauren was ready to move past everything that happened between them.
They held hands across the table, for a moment, and Bo's eyes glanced behind Lauren to a TV. She snorted watching a commercial for her father's campaign.
Lauren followed her gaze to the TV and smiled. "Look it's your dad." She turned back around to face Bo.
"He's so focused on me being this hero," Bo held up her fingers to do quotes, "But all I can think about is the victims and that the perps got away. They're probably in another town doing the same thing there." Her expression darkened, and she pushed her drink away.
Lauren took Bo's hand again. "You did everything you could. You have a dangerous job, and you risked your life to save those people. The rest isn't your fault."
"Yeah, but I feel ashamed getting recognition when the case is still open." Bo sighed and gave a faraway look. "People died, and people are probably still dying, and they give me a medal for it. It's strange."
Lauren brought Bo's hand up to her mouth and kissed her fingers. "I wish I could help. I'm sorry that you don't have closure with this case. But I wish you wouldn't blame yourself."
Bo nodded and cleared her mind, reminding herself to stay present and focus on Lauren and not dwell on work. "Well, let's not worry about that now, I want to spend the next seven days wrapped in a Lauren cocoon."
Lauren chuckled. "That sounds nice. The cabin is very lovely this time of year. It should be very relaxing."
Pouring herself more coffee, Bo gave Lauren a thoughtful look. "As long as we're together I don't care where we are."
Lauren spent the last few days reevaluating everything about her feelings and actions, and she could see so many mistakes she'd made along the way. The fact that they were still together, fighting for their relationship, seemed like a precious gift. But she needed to prove to Bo that she was fully committed to making this relationship work.
Bo's eyes glanced over Lauren, and the distress and love she saw in Lauren's features pierced her heart. Suddenly, there was nothing else around them, and the only thing that mattered to her was their love and the way Lauren made her feel. What they shared was special and worth fighting for, and she wasn't willing to give that up, not now and probably not ever.
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Lauren stepped out of Bo's car and stretched out body, to loosen up the kinks. "Isn't this wonderful?" Her eyes swept over the trees, dark green, yellow, red leaves draped all the branches around her. Large trees surrounded them on both sides. And a small well-maintained house nestled behind them sheltered by many trees. She tilted her head back and inhaled the scents around her. Lauren felt at peace, a sense of tranquility rushed through her, standing there letting the sunlight warm her face. She let the knot that had been tightly wedged in her chest for a few weeks dissolve.
Bo lowered her sunglasses. "It's beautiful, babe, really." But Bo focused on Lauren, not the view, unable to take her eyes off her. She watched as a breeze tousled Lauren's hair. And she was happy, in that instant, to be there working on things, and she was filled with a sense of hope about everything.
Lauren walked over and gathered Bo into a hug. "It's just so peaceful here. It's almost overwhelming. I didn't realize how suffocating it was in that hospital for all those hours until now, how much I'd been holding inside."
Bo drew back and trailed her eyes over Lauren's features, her face was bright and relaxed. And Bo couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her so serene. She realized, at that moment, how blinded she'd been by how stressed Lauren had been over the last few months, and she suddenly felt guilty for not being more understanding about everything she was juggling.
Lauren glanced over her shoulder at the house. "You know I don't have many good memories in that cabin." She turned back and cupped Bo's face. "I'm glad we can make some happy ones together."
Bo frowned. "What do you mean?" Her voice was quiet and considerate.
Lauren stepped back and pulled her bags from the car. "Oh you know, my father's a nightmare. He never missed an opportunity to make me absolutely miserable even on vacation."
"Why don't you cut him out of your life? It's not healthy, the things he says to you about us…about you. It's not right." Bo's frowned deepened as she spoke.
Lauren sighed and gave a small shrug. "I mean I talk to him as little as possible. He's not really in my life."
"I still don't think it's healthy to engage in a relationship with someone like that, even if it's your father."
Lauren tossed her bags over her shoulder. "Maybe you're right. I've been avoiding a lot of stuff, for a long time, it's time to release myself from it."
With all their bags in hand, Lauren led Bo to the wide front porch. They moved across it to a swing. Sitting on the swing Lauren motioned Bo to join her with a smile. For a few minutes, they sat, swinging slowly back and forth, enjoying the quiet, the calm atmosphere.
Lauren broke the silence when she rested her head in Bo's lap and said. "What's the first thing you thought about when you saw me for the first time?"
Bo draped her arm over Lauren. "That you were hot." She said, stroking her fingers up and down Lauren's stomach.
Lauren chuckled, and Bo brushed her hair back. "Sorry, but it's the truth. What about you?" Bo asked.
"That you were beautiful but probably trouble," Lauren said and watched Bo's face in the fading light while the sun sank lower. The sky was ablaze with colors of red, orange, yellow, and those mingled color danced over Bo's features. A trace of a smile played on Bo's lips at her words.
"So we were both right," Bo said at last.
Grinning Lauren sat up to look directly at Bo. "You had me so rattled during our first conversation. I just had this feeling that I was hopeless against your charms."
"Right again," Bo said while moving forward and kissing Lauren's forehead.
"Bo," Lauren started, her expression turned serious. "I feel lucky, that we found each other, I want you to know that. What are the chances of finding the person you love at some random party teeming with strangers? It's pretty remarkable if you think about it."
"Thank goodness you wore that costume or I might not have noticed you." Bo teased with a smirk.
Lauren nudged her with her shoulder. Bo leaned down and kissed her. When they parted, a comfortable silence settled between them as they moved back and forth in the swing.
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Lauren stood in the living room, in front of the fireplace, and crossed her arms over her red and black flannel shirt and gave Bo a soft smile.
"You look really hot in rustic wore." Bo strolled up to her and kissed her cheek. "Keep wearing these shirts, please." She busied herself with opening a button on Lauren's shirt.
Lauren glanced down and watched her. "Do you think we should talk about us?" She took a deep breath to ready herself, her voice shaking faintly.
Bo stopped and froze over the next button. After a moment, she trailed her fingers up and down Lauren's neck, and chest. "I adore you, Lauren. I want to marry you, but I'm lost as to how to fix us. I would move heaven and earth to give you what you want if you'd just tell me what that is."
Lauren swallowed hard, feeling tears creep into her eyes. She fumbled for something to say that would repair all of the hurt between them. She'd rehearsed many different speeches and apologies, but suddenly the words abandoned her mind. She pressed close to Bo's chest, staring off into the room.
As they pressed together, Bo could feel the rapid beating of Lauren's heart and realized that she must be nervous about their conversation. She felt herself fall further into Lauren's arms. There was no resistance from Lauren. She yielded into Bo's tighter embrace.
After a long pause, Lauren let the words flow off her. "What I want is to be happy again. And you're such a big part of what makes me happy." Without thinking about it, she closed her eyes and buried her face into Bo's neck, perhaps because of some inner desire to shield herself from the shame she felt about the last few months. "Bo, I never wanted any of this to happen. When I asked for a break, I thought of it more as a pause on our relationship. But I realize now how unfair that was, it wasn't right."
Bo rubbed small circles on her back and held her close. "Lauren, I'm been blaming you for our break, but really it was me, just as much as you. I should have never made you choose between studying for your broads and spending time with me. That wasn't right. I was selfish and immature. It was an important time in your career. I should have been more understanding."
Lauren opened her eyes and leaned back to look at Bo. She slid her hands down Bo's arms, interlacing their fingers. "I should have made more time for you. And I shouldn't have asked for a break. I was getting overwhelmed in my career, and I pushed you away, in a lot of ways. I'm sorry for that." Her head fell, and she stared at the ground.
Sensing Lauren's uneasiness, Bo gently touched her chin, turning her face to her again. Within a second, Bo's lips were on Lauren's mouth. After a quick kiss, she leaned back, "Lauren, I don't think you realize how much I love you. I knew nothing about love before I met you. And having your love made me want to be a better person. You've given me everything, and all I did was hurt you."
Lauren wiped the tears from her eyes. "Bo, no, you didn't do anything wrong. We were on a break. I think I just got scared that, even on a break, after five years and everything we've shared you could sleep with someone else so quickly. But that's not a fair way to look at the situation. Looking back now I think that you sleeping with Ryan triggered some insecurity I have inside me, which has nothing to do with you. I have been so unfair to you. I don't know maybe I was looking for some excuse to push you away."
Bo hugged Lauren close, and Lauren could feel her tense and sensed the worry emitting off her. "Why?" Bo asked at last.
Lauren frowned and grasped for the right words. "People always end up hurting the one they love the most. I guess I'm just damaged goods."
There was a pause, and Lauren looked at Bo, at her beloved features and compassionate expression, and her chest ached.
"Don't talk like that about my girlfriend, I don't like it." Bo said firmly.
Lauren's gaze shifted inward, and her expression grew troubled. "I think, from a young age, I developed a habit of not dealing with things, not working through them. I escaped into my schoolwork, most of my life, then my career later. I avoided dealing with the tough stuff for so long it just burst out, unfairly on you."
Lauren paused and looked at Bo, she had a feeling Bo was full of questions, but she didn't speak any of them aloud. Instead, she waited for Lauren to continue.
"It became easier to lock some things and emotions away so they couldn't hurt me. Like compartmentalizing things." Lauren sighed, the more she spoke, the more obvious it became to her how much she'd been avoiding dealing with things. "But none of that excuses the way I've treated you. I'm going to make all this up to you and stop taking our relationship for granted."
Silence fell as Bo continued to look at Lauren expectantly. Her stance shifted, but she made no motions to speak or interrupt Lauren.
Lauren ran her fingers through her hair. "The energy it takes to hold onto the past isn't worth it. Old pain, old doubts about myself, old fears have to be released. If I'm always chained to the past, I don't think I can ever be happy, or whole. I need to stop fighting against happiness."
"Lauren, I just need you to talk to me so I understand." Bo sighed, momentarily, unsure if she should bring this up. "When you asked for a break, I thought I'd lost you forever. I was empty. Numb. Hollowed out. And I made a really stupid decision. I was weak and got really drunk. It's like I wanted to get all that out with sex instead of allowing myself to process everything, to feel anything, and I just happened to use the most convenient person I could find. Break or not I regret doing that, and I know had you slept with someone else, I don't know…I think that would have destroyed me. That kind of makes me a hypocrite, huh?"
Lauren didn't answer right away. Instead, she put her arms around her neck and rested her head on her shoulder. "Passionate love is a bittersweet thing." She breathed out. "We love each other so much, that it makes us more vulnerable to pain, and we can end up hurting each other more because of it."
"I don't want to hurt you, Lauren. I never did."
"And I want to stop hurting you. You've tried so hard lately, and all I have done is thrown your mistake back in your face."
"I think we need to stop punishing ourselves and each other for the past. No more blame. In five years, we've been through a lot, and we've changed and grown together. I don't want to throw that away." Bo brushed a lock of hair from Lauren's face. "Love is wonderful but can also be hard. We may stumble and mess things up again. But we have to strong together and decide if we can move forward, even when things aren't perfect."
Lauren peered up at Bo and a smile crept across her face. "How'd you get so wise?"
"Well, I met this woman at a Halloween party, and she taught me a lot about love and what it means." Bo said, and gently laid a hand on Lauren's shoulder.
Lauren placed her hand over Bo's hand. "I think maybe I still have a lot to learn about love myself. I'm learning more every day."
"I suppose we'll have to keep learning and growing together then."
Lauren gave a quick nod and her lips landed on Bo's lips, and they locked in a kiss that was both desperate and ravenous. Lauren forgot all her worries and fears, for a moment, letting Bo's words sink in, savoring her warmth and love. To be there, with Bo, and to be able to be kissed and comforted by the person she'd fallen in love with was exquisite. For the first time, in a long time, Lauren felt whole and herself again and was able to appreciate fully how much they loved each other and what that meant. Bo loved her, she loved Bo, she was certain and all the insecurities she'd been wrestling with over the last few months faded into the background.
XXXXX
They peeled each other's clothes off, tossing them haphazardly on the floor. When Lauren's eyes fell on Bo's scar, she gently kissed around it, her lips softly grazing her skin. A sigh of bliss escaped Bo, she closed her eyes and slowly moved them to the floor.
The fireplace burned beside them, flickering light around them and warming the space. Lauren sat on top of Bo, her legs draped around her hips. A second later, Bo's eyes opened with an expression of equal parts affection and lust, and a warm tremble ran through Lauren.
Bo teased her fingers between Lauren's legs and set Lauren's body on fire. Lauren spread her legs slightly, in an unspoken request for Bo to continue. With only the slightest movement, Bo moved her fingers inside her. Her motions were slow and measured, at first, building into a harder and faster pace.
With her fingers curled desperately around the back of Bo's neck, Lauren writhed in the grip of pure arousal. Goosebumps rose on her arms, and she bit her bottom lip to halt the cry of pleasure that threatened to escape her lips.
Bo smirked watching her and pushed harder into her. She strained closer to Lauren, their skin coated with sweat, their chests moving heavily from their movements. Bo kept her fingers inside her and wrapped her other arm around her back. Her knowledgeable fingers rubbed, stroked with precision. Lauren's head fell back, and Bo clung to her, her lips parted pressing open-mouthed kisses along her throat.
The rhythmic strokes of Bo's fingers made the impulse to climax enticing. And Lauren buried her head in the nape of Bo's neck, dragging her fingers up and down Bo's back.
Moments later, Lauren's body shuddered, her fingers gripping Bo's back. When she finished, she gave Bo a long, lingering kiss and pressed Bo back onto the floor.
Lauren hovered over Bo and Bo brushed her cascading blonde hair back cupping the sides of her face. At the same time, Lauren's fingertips touched her navel, then followed the trail lower down her stomach. The warmth of Lauren's sensual touch affected Bo deeply, bringing an ache to her chest and stomach.
Bo inhaled sharply at the sudden thrust of Lauren's fingers, the sounds of the crackling fire, floated over them. Bo's fingers kneaded along Lauren's spine, feeling the way her muscles moved and tensed beneath her touch. Pleasure swept through Bo's body in a burst, as Lauren's fingers slipped inside and out of her in tiny increments.
Lauren moved down, fitting her mouth over hers, a relieved sigh from Bo poured into Lauren's mouth. The scent of Lauren, surrounded her, filling her senses with every short inhale of breath. Lauren's hair swayed with her movements and caressed over Bo's face. Her hips rose and fell, leisurely and sure, matching Lauren's pace.
Lauren's strokes were meticulous, building Bo's arousal second by second, making the climb to release a lengthy, unhurried experience. Bo's head fell back, sweat glazed her skin, causing her hair to stick to her forehead.
Their gazes locked, Lauren's eyes watched her intently, noting every breath, every emotion that crossed her features. She sensed Bo's aching need, and she increased her pace and deepened her touch.
When Bo's orgasm finally hit, it was devastatingly intense, she could hardly breathe from the joy and relief of the release.
Bo's legs fell open wide in exhaustion, her chest heaving, and Lauren sank into her body, placing quick kisses over her face. Her touch was reverent, her lips warm.
It was difficult for Lauren to leave her position, but after a moment, she slid off Bo and cuddled up beside her. They stared at each other, perfectly happy lounging in the afterglow.
Lauren brushed her fingers over Bo's lips. "What do you want to do tomorrow?" She asked.
"This."
Lauren rolled her eyes and kissed Bo's cheek. "Besides that."
Bo smiled and reconsidered. "I just want to be with you." Affection and bliss showed on Bo's face. She hid nothing all her love was displayed.
Lauren searched her eyes knowing this was what it was like to be truly happy, in love, and alive. It was a feeling she'd been missing for a while, and it was almost a dream come true to be moving forward with Bo. Despite, the messy path of their relationship they always kept coming back to this place, a place of love. Even when things were difficult between them, the sheer perfection of being together would be enough to give her the confidence to keep moving forward, to be optimistic about the future.
Afterward, they lay in each other's arms, both basking in their own emotions and the comfort of the heat radiating off them and the fire beside them. There was an easiness, unguarded happiness at the moment, interwoven with love and hope.
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AN
I appreciate all the feedback with this story, so thanks for the reviews.
Next update: more bolo vacation time.
A million times over thanks for reading.