Stuart and Alice
Chapter 3 – Where the Gang Go
"I've been thinking," said Alice as she and Stuart entered the building where Sheldon and Leonard lived, "I'm not sure about the super hero names for Raj and Howard."
"But I think their names are great. Raj is Rat Man and Howard is Mouse Boy."
"Isn't there a rat superhero in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?"
"Are you thinking of Splinter, the turtles' mentor? He isn't a superhero. And Raj told me once that he wanted to be Rat Man because he would have cool powers."
"Like what?"
Alice stopped by the elevator as Stuart headed for the stairs. Stuart turned his head and saw her waiting.
"Oh, the elevator doesn't work. Don't you remember the story about the North Korean spy?" Alice joined him and they started walking up the stairs.
"He could zip through a maze in nothing flat, squeeze through really small holes, and shut down restaurants in a single bound. And Howard would be his sidekick, Mouse Boy."
"I don't know."
"We could make Howard, Kid Vermin instead?"
Alice shuddered. "That name just gives me the creeps."
"Mouse Boy it is."
They were now walking up the second flight of stairs.
"And what story to start with? Leonard, I mean, Stanley di Caprio, moving into the apartment with Sheldon, sorry, Grant Wheeler, how they met Howard, and then to follow up with the story about Joyce Kim? What did we say Joyce's name would be?'
'Had we chosen her nationality? Wasn't she going to be some obscure country?'
Alice thought for a moment. 'Angela Cohen from Israel?' she asked.
"Sounds good to me but we had better stop talking about it now just in case."
All the usual suspects were assembled in the lounge area. Leonard, Sheldon, Raj, Howard, Penny, Amy and Bernadette. There was a ring on the doorbell and Leonard answered the door.
"Hi Leonard, remember I said I might drop by?"
Leonard didn't remember this at all but was too polite to say so.
"This is my friend Alice."
Leonard gulped. "We've met before. Hi Alice, how are you?"
"Pretty good," she replied coolly. "Yourself?"
"Fine, just fine.' He swung round, "look everybody, it's Stuart and he's brought a friend, isn't that great? That's great, isn't it?' He was gabbling and Penny threw a surprised look at him. She got up and went to meet Alice, smiling warmly.
"Hi, I'm Penny, I'm Leonard's girlfriend."
"Uh huh," was Alice's reply. "I'm Alice."
Stuart resolved to tell Alice as soon as possible that Penny wasn't the girlfriend that Leonard had nearly cheated on.
'And I don't think you know anybody.' Leonard introduced them.
Alice looked at Sheldon long and hard, memorising his features. Amy noticed her staring and frowned. Alice also looked carefully at Raj and Howard but Amy missed that.
"Sorry, I need the bathroom," Alice said.
"Down the hall," Leonard directed her.
"Would you like a drink, Stuart?" Leonard asked.
"Yes, please." Stuart never refused a free drink nowadays.
Alice was in the bathroom so long, the gang started to make comments.
"Has she got a problem?' asked Sheldon.
Yes, thought Stuart, she's attracting attention to herself.
"Does she have regular bowel movements?" Sheldon continued.
"I don't know," Stuart said, flushing.
"Sheldon, you can't ask people those kind of questions," Leonard said.
"Why not?" Sheldon asked. "Because if she doesn't then I can tell her what to do about it. "
"Leonard's right, Sheldon," Amy said. "Although your questions are well meant, and probably would be helpful, most people think it socially unacceptable to talk about bowel movements in public."
"Well, that's just silly," Sheldon, declared.
Alice eventually came out of the bathroom and was surprised to see so many pairs of eyes staring at her. She blushed.
"Is something wrong?"
"No, nothing,' Penny said quickly to stop Sheldon.
"I was just wondering if I had met you before,' Raj said slowly. "Your face seems very familiar."
'Raj, that's a terrible pick up line," Bernadette told him.
Alice pricked up her ears at the sound of Bernadette's voice and looked at Stuart. He looked away; he had a terrible urge to laugh.
"It's not a pick up line," Raj protested. 'Alice's face does seem familiar." He addressed Alice. "Excuse me but have we met before?"
"I don't think so," Alice said. "But wait, did you buy a copy of the 'Adventures in Comic Con Land' comic book?"
"That's right," Raj confirmed, looking puzzled.
Alice laughed. "Mystery solved. You must have one of my photos then."
"Your photos?" Amy asked while the guys all looked at each other apart from Sheldon.
"Yes, I'm a graphics artist and I wrote a comic book that Stuart is selling in his store. You get a free copy of the photo of me dressed up as an Angoran slave girl with every comic bought," Alice said casually.
"So that was you?' Sheldon sounded interested and Amy's head jerked round. "I must say that you didn't really match the tone of blue very well."
Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Blame the shade of makeup available. It's hard to match precisely."
"Really?" Sheldon began but Penny interrupted with, "I'd like to see the photo. Have you got the comic book, Leonard?"
Leonard hesitated then his shoulders shrank. "I might have, I'm not sure."
Penny gave him a look. "But you always have your comics in apple pie order. Why not go and have a look see?" It was a command and Leonard slunk off.
He returned in a short while with the photo. He had debated with himself as to whether to try saying that he couldn't find it but he knew that Penny wouldn't believe him. He mutely held out the photo to Penny. The other girls crowded round.
"That's a lot of blue makeup," Penny commented. "Must have been hell to clean off afterwards."
"It was really messy," Alice admitted. Stuart struggled not to think about Alice showering.
Bernadette turned to Howard. "Did you buy a copy, Howie?" she asked. Her voice wasn't raised but there was a glint in her eyes.
Howard shrugged his shoulders. "I can't remember. I do like to support local artists though."
"Did you buy a copy, Sheldon?" Amy asked.
"Of course not," Sheldon said. Amy looked pleased until Sheldon added, "I only buy comic books about super heroes."
"Anyway, Stuart, did you come over for a reason?" Leonard asked. He was clearly hoping for a distraction.
"I told Alice about your Darth Vader head and she wanted to see it," Stuart told him. He and Alice had come up with this excuse earlier. Pretty lame but better than nothing and these fan boys would probably swallow it.
The head was brought out and duly exclaimed over.
Then Alice said, 'hey Stuart, hadn't we better get going if we're going to catch the movie?"
"Yes, that's right." He pretended to look at his watch. "Hell, we're late. Better get moving."
They both began edging towards the door.
"What movie are you going to see?" Howard asked.
"Sorry, no time. Tell you later," Stuart said and they quickly exited the apartment.
"What were you doing in the bathroom?" Stuart asked Alice as they were going down the stairs. "They were starting to get suspicious."
"Sorry," Alice apologized. "I wanted to make some quick sketches of them while they were fresh in my memory."
"Where did you have your notebook?" Stuart wanted to know.
Alice swatted his right arm. "Stupid. I had my phone with me. That was great, I've got a feel for them now, we can really get going with the comic now."
"I just hope that we haven't made them suspicious," Stuart said.