Author's Note: My apologies for the slow pace, I've had to combat writer's block as well as a lack of time. I promise I'll finish this story out, though! Thank you to all those reading, both new and old.
Chapter 84 - A Wandering Soul, Part 2
Serena was pacing.
They were in her room, or Alistair's room... she wasn't quite sure. She had fled, of that she was sure. The enormity of the situation finally washing over her as Morrigan spoke so casually... so Serena had fled. Down the hall and into the library where she had spent so much time their last visit to Redcliffe. She had collapsed into one of the plush chairs, tears leaking out of her eyes despite her attempt at batting them away, as she tried to wrap her mind around the chain of events she had set in motion.
"He's just doing what I asked, he's just doing what I asked..." she murmured over and over.
How much longer could it take? Hadn't it been long enough? Did Morrigan have to prepare some kind of... potion? Would Alistair have to drink it? Serena wished she had thought to ask more questions. Or didn't have any thoughts at all... Her brain was torturing her with images of them... together.
Standing up, Serena padded across the room and over to one of the bookcases, running her hand across the volumes. The shelves were packed with books of all kinds.
Large, hand bound books, most likely one-of-a-kind and bound solely for the Arl and his heirs. There were also smaller books, written by the more scholarly types at the Circle Tower, and bound by the Tranquil, the strangely docile ex-mages that worked there. Most were dusty, all but the most recently touched, most likely by her and some of the others from her group.
She pulled a book, Ferelden: Folklore and History, one of her favorites. Serena had kept a copy of it in her room, back in Castle Cousland. It had always taken her away from her stress, much in the same way praying did.
Turning to chapter 14, she settled into one of the more worn armchairs and started to read about the secret love between King Calenhad and Lady Shayna.
"Serena... there you are."
Alistair was standing beside her, only he was sideways. Turning her head, Serena blinked sleep out of her eyes. "I've been looking everywhere for you. When I came back, you weren't in your room, or my room. None of the others had seen you. I was worried."
The words came out in a rush, and Serena frowned. "How... what time is it?"
"Near midnight." Alistair picked her up gently and sat down in her place in the armchair, setting her in his lap. "It feels much later, though. We should already be in bed."
"What... what happened? Do I-" Serena sniffled. Her nose was clogged from her crying spell. "Do I want to know?"
"I couldn't," Alistair said. "I... meant to, but I couldn't."
Serena felt her heart drop out. "What?" Panic rose up and Serena started to shake. Where they going to die then? Morrigan had said...
"I couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself..." Alistair shook his head, his lips pursed. "I just-"
"Are we going to die?" Serena asked, her voice barely audible. "Our... what about our baby?"
"No. No." He put his hand over Serena's and squeezed it tightly. "I asked Theron to do it. I feel awful, but he was... grateful, to us, for saving him from the Taint. I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier... now he has a demon baby for an heir." Alistair frowned, his eyes scanning the ground. "Morrigan was... not happy." He paused. "Not that she ever is, but I think... I think part of her wanted a royal bastard, despite whatever she said, and I just... I'm not my father."
Serena opened her mouth to speak, but words would not come. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of Theron. She had been so hung up on it being Alistair, and with Alim being so far away from them... she had completely forgotten about the new Dalish Grey Warden.
"Thank the Maker," she whispered. She laid her head on Alistair's shoulder, letting his warmth soak into her skin.
"Do you remember what my father told us in the Gauntlet? When we were searching for the Urn? He said... he told me not to repeat his mistakes. I think this is what he meant." Alistair touched the ring on Serena's finger, his mother's ring. "He didn't choose those he loved over Ferelden, over what looked right to the nobles... over what was easy... I never want us to suffer the way he did. I couldn't go through with it. I love you too much."
He took a deep breath. "I love Ferelden, but my first responsibility is to my family. "Alistair put a hand on Serena's belly. "You and this little one are my family. I couldn't... I cant bring myself to do anything that would jeopardize that."
"I... I'm sorry I... that I brought you into this magic business..." Serena pulled him close. "If Alim had been here... she would have never even..."
"Alim is in a better position than we are to help protect Denerim," Alistair reasoned. "For that, at least, we can be thankful. Perhaps that mage... the one that looks like you, maybe they can ward the city, even. Like the way Wynne warded our camp all this time..."
"There's that choke point at the Hafter River," Serena said. "The...the Green Bridge. But that wouldn't slow them for longer than a few hours-"
"A few more hours for us to catch them. For Faren to reach Denerim, and maybe the dwarves can fortify its walls." Alistair sighed. He seemed ages older, and so very tired. "Any more talk, and we'll never get to sleep. We wake one hour before first light."
They both shuffled around, gathering themselves up to head back to Serena's room. A servant had lit a fire in her room's hearth, and Serena felt sleep push on her hard as the warmth bade her to her bed.
"I knew I was right," Serena murmured.
"Right about what, love?"
"You'll make a good king."
"Flatterer," Alistair muttered. He put one arm around her waist and slowly pulled her close.
"I learned it from you," she said.
The room was still then, and soon she could hear Alistair's soft snores from the pillow beside her. Her own pillow was soft and downy beneath her head, and staring up at the ceiling, it was only a short while before sleep took her, too.
The next day Serena avoided Morrigan. It was easy, really, as Commander of the army, there was always someone to put between them, someone who needed help, advice, her eye on some aspect of... something. She could feel Morrigan's golden eyes on her, watching her every move. Serena knew the witch was waiting for a moment when she could pull Serena aside.
I just won't give her that moment, Serena thought as she lead her mare over to the river. They had been marching since dawn, and this was their second break of the day. The next would be a quick lunch, with scouts returning from ahead to give them news. Serena had been receiving reports all morning, from various animals she had sent out to relay the positions of the darkspawn horde. The horde was moving swiftly east, unmistakably headed for the capital. She prayed that Alim and the others moved just as quickly, their group had almost a day and a half head start on Serena and Eamon's unit.
She had sent the fastest hawk in Eamon's aviary to catch up to Alim, the fastest according to the other hawks, at least; a bird named Lightning. Attached to his leg was a quickly scribbled note outlining Alistair's plan to destroy the Green Bridge outside Denerim, to stem the flow of darkspawn into the city.
The plan hinged on Serena's group winding south and slipping into the city via the Dregs, the poorest section for humans just to the westside of the Alienage. The plan hinged on the idea that the darkspawn knew nothing of this second entrance, built when Serena's father had been in small pants, to help refugees escape Denerim while it was under Orlesian rule.
As her mare drank, Serena sat upon one of the flattish river rocks, letting the sound of the water soothe her overactive nerves. Reaching out with her mind, she felt the nearby animals interest perk up at her call. Fish gathered in the water by her boots, flipping their tails in greeting, and a curious rabbit came out of the reeds.
"Hello friends," she said softly, reaching out to touch the soft fur of the rabbit. It snuggled it's tiny head against her fingers, unafraid of her despite her size. Perhaps it could sense she would never mean it any harm. "What can you tell me about these woods?"
"There's a great load of deer poop, for one," a voice muttered. "More deer poop than any man has a right to experience in his life." Zevran strolled down the path to the river, his boots splattered with various shades of brown. "Perhaps you could speak to the deer, my dear. Tell them not to defecate quite so much."
"I doubt I can have much sway in where the wildlife decides to take their bathroom breaks, Zev." Serena scooped up the rabbit in her arms, soothing it with her mind to offset the assassin's sudden appearance. The rabbit's already large eyes grew wider as he ducked into the crook of Serena's arm.
"You cannot avoid her forever, Blue Eyes," the blonde said, perching against the rough bark of a tree as he swiped at the filth on his boots with a large leaf. The smell of the muck wafted over and he scrunched up his nose in distaste.
Serena wasn't surprised by Zevran's comment, however offhand it might seem. He always knew what was going on, even when she didn't fully know herself. "I doubt we have forever, anyway."
"This is true. Forever is quite long, and the archdemon waits for no Warden." Zevran scrubbed carelessly at his boot before replacing it on his foot. "But as someone who has often worked to make an end come before it's time, let me tell you to be careful. You know what they say about a woman scorned, no?"
Serena groaned. "Believe me, I know. I just..." Serena dropped her voice. "We have an heir already. A legitimate heir." She tapped her stomach. "What she wanted... it could cause a civil war. Another civil war."
"Every day this country reminds me more and more of Antiva," the elf replied. "It becomes more selfish, more self-serving..." Zevran sighed. "Serena, I think she is trying to help, in her own narcissistic, and possibly evil way. You should speak with her, at the very least."
Serena made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort. "When did you become so sensible?"
"It's this deer poop, I tell you. The smell, it alters my mind..." The assassin stood, frowning at his ruined boots. Above him, a bird chirped, nearly dropping its liquid burden onto Zevran's head.
"Bleh, nature. I don't understand the allure, myself. Give me whores and a fine Antivan brandy any day." The elf shrugged, turning to go. "Think about what I've said... perhaps ask your bunny friend for his opinion. He seems like a reasonable sort." There was the crunch of leaves and then just the sound of the river as Zevran disappeared the way he'd come, back along the path to wear the others were resting.
"Maybe he is right, and I'm just being implacable," Serena whispered to the fluffy creature. "She can be quite intimidating and... pushy... but we are friends, of a sort." She sighed, finally coming to a decision. "True forgiveness lies in the eyes of the Maker."
In her arms, the tiny rabbit snuggled up, almost like a child would to its mother, and Serena felt a bit of the tight knot that had been twisting in her stomach since she'd found out about the baby start to unwind.
It wasn't until that evening that Morrigan approached her again, slipping into her tent after dinner. She heard the witch before she saw her, as Morrigan spoke curtly to the guard standing outside Serena's tent.
"Miss, the Commander is quite busy, you'll have to come back-"
Morrigan simply uttered one word.
"Move."
There was the sound of fabric, and then the she was inside. "Ah, Serena. I-" Morrigan shut the tent flap behind her. She glanced around, as if appraising the tent, perhaps comparing it to her own. The small lantern Serena used to light her map threw deep shadows across Morrigan, making her expression even more indecipherable than usual. "I wanted to speak with you. To discuss last nights events."
Serena looked up from the enormous map she had been plotting to watch as the dark haired girl moved like a shadow across the ground towards her, her golden eyes narrowed.
"Alistair told me what happened-" Serena began steadily. She had prepared what she would say.
"Of that I have no doubt," the witch snapped, cutting Serena off. "Had I known he would be... unable to perform, I would have saved myself the trouble..." She bristled, then seemed to shake herself of some emotion Serena couldn't place. "One cannot simply conceive a child whenever one feels like it, however." Morrigan eyed Serena's stomach, weary amusement now reading clearly. "You being the exception, of course."
"Oh yes, because now would be the absolute best time I could imagine to be having a child." Serena crossed her arms over her chest, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "What a perfect stroke of luck."
"Consider yourself lucky they are far enough along that they should contains a soul," said Morrigan softly. "I might not have bothered otherwise."
Serena was surprised at the idea- could Morrigan really have thought to sacrifice Serena's unborn child to the archdemon? But isn't that what she was doing with her own? Serena shook her head to clear the thoughts. It wasn't the time to dwell on these things.
"You made it very clear to me that you wanted this... archdemon baby," she began uncertainly. "Are you saying...?"
"You cannot understand, Serena. As a Grey Warden, you cannot look past the archdemon's corrupted form and see what it truly is- an Old God." Morrigan's face was intense as she leaned on the desk between them, her yellow eyes bright and almost gemlike. "This child will have an uncorrupted soul, it will be pure-"
"Pure evil," Serena muttered.
"Pure power," Morrigan shot back. "Power even I cannot imagine-"
"But how do you know?" insisted Serena. "How can you know any of this... that any of this will even work?"
"I know," the witch replied simply. "You... you will have to trust. Or you can continue to pray to a god who has turned his back on your people not once, but twice. It is your choice."
"Do not presume to speak to me about my faith, Morrigan." Serena's eyes were narrowed, her voice clipped and brusque. "I'm quite busy, so why don't you just say what you came here to say and be done with it."
There was a long pause where neither of them spoke. "I... this did not go how I had thought it would. I wanted... I just didn't enjoy the thought of you being upset because of me. "I was... I am trying to help."
"I know. It's just..." Serena shrugged helplessly and lowered her voice. "Dark magics and... and demon babies and Alistair... it was all too much. We've all become so close during this, and it just felt... weird, is all."
"'Tis true. Friends should... not share men, perhaps."
"Right, exactly. Also, ew."
Morrigan laughed, a dark and husky sound. "Sometimes I forget how young you still are."
Serena made a noise that wasn't quite a snort. "Says the girl who lived with her mother in a hut in the woods."
"Those were such simpler times," Morrigan replied. Her golden eyes gazed into the distance for a moment before returning to Serena. "I heard from the elven girl we are a day behind your brother."
"Yes, Fergus is moving just out of the valley as we're heading in." Serena traced a line on the map before her, her lips pursed. Her worry for Fergus and men he led had been foremost in her mind. It was the reason she had pulled out the map and started plotting routes on it in the first place. "He should reach the outskirts of Denerim by midday."
"And if the darkspawn are there? What then?"
"They would have to move much faster than their current speed shows to match his pace. The horde is vast, and slow-moving, which is much to ouradvantage." Serena shuffled some papers, pulling out another sheet that had a scrawled map of Denerim proper. She traced the path her brother was to take. "Fergus is supposed to head into the tunnels beneath the Dregs and hold the front gates from inside, but..." She frowned, a stray thought coming to her.
"He is not really one to listen," Morrigan supplied, echoing Serena's thoughts.
Serena crossed her arms, a grim smile tugging at her mouth. "Like so many I know."
There was another long silence, though this one was considerably more comfortable, before Morrigan spoke again.
"I could, perhaps, fly ahead. To... assist." The witch shifted, leaning on her staff. "I know you have your little pigeon scouts and whatnot, but there is no mage with your brother's group and-"
"No, no, that's a fantastic idea," Serena interrupted. "Even if you could catch Alim's group, or see if perhaps they've even merged... Yes, that would be perfect." She caught Morrigan's eye, hoping her eyes could convey some of the things she felt. "Thank you."
"You would do the same for I," Morrigan said quietly. She gave a curt nod and turned, heading for the tent flap. "I shall see you in Denerim then. Assuming I am not too late, of course." With a quick flip of the tent cloth, she was gone.
Serena shook her head, gathering up her maps. "Cheerful to the very last, that one."