Chapter 35

Uncalculated Risks

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Noah

I was right about those problematic people. They were really a family, and went by the name of Hawke. Obviously I'd not remembered their names, first because I realy didn't care, and most important, because they would leave soon. I even thought about calling them h1, h2, h3 and h4, but then I would have to work too hard to associate the number with the person, which would put me back at the initial problem, so I just pushed the idea away.

I would find a way, it was only a matter of time.

With three mages in the group, it became easier to keep the pace, especially with Spitfire ahead of them. She was insane too, and if you ask me I would say that her main goal was to end this at once and get rid of us as soon as possible.

The elf's boyfriend was fighting beside me, and I had to admit that he was better than he'd appeared to be. I didn't know what kind of person he was, but as a warrior he was respectable. He wasn't better than I was, but still respectable.

His other sister, the nicest of them, did everyone a great favor and threw her healing cloak over us, restoring much of the energy and the spirit of the group, including my poor ribs. Just to not have to fight with pain was a blessing.

However, it was not enough to restore the Witch's arm, but it did some good, because her pace also increased significantly.

What bothered me most in this mess, was the fact that the presence of those two morons in the Chantry had weakened sharply. That had never happened before, and for the first time I was genuinely concerned.

Were they dead? Dying? In danger?

I couldn't be sure, and it was killing me inside. It was impossible to look back without wondering when they would escape that inferno, or if they would escape at all. My level of hope was inversely proportional to the size of my fear.

So you can imagine my despair at seeing the rogue Sister leaving the building alone. Not alone, but with a bunch of refugees in tow, but with no sign of the two people who most interested me at the time.

"Where is the Elf and that stupid Templar?" I asked, despite knowing the answer.

"I don't know, they were ..."

I didn't wait for her answer.

Mahariel

Noah ran behind the Chantry without even looking back.

"... Right behind me ..." the Sister finished saying, surprised by his sudden reaction. She was not the only one surprised with his initiative, judging by the exchange of glances that followed, basically among all those present.

The only one that showed a different reaction was the human mage with the angry eyes. Her face was a mixture of aggravation and fury, and as she followed Noah with her gaze, her parted mouth silently questioned what she didn't give voice to. I think not even she knew for sure what to ask first, that is, if she was going to ask anything at all. In my humble opinion, she was just choosing which curse would be more appropriate for Grumpy.

Finally decided, she asked, strangely calm,"I thought you were rescuing refugees... And the refugees are here, so... Why did he go in there, again?" She whirled her sword from one hand to another and turned to Leliana, with anger in her eyes and a frown on her face.

"Alistair and Kallian are still inside the building," Leliana tried to explain, still breathless. "They are our companions. We cannot leave them behind." Her eyes suddenly became sad, and she whispered, "Once was bad enough ..."

The mage didn't understand, but I knew that Leliana was not talking about the same topic anymore. It was clear to me that she was referring to the Templar commander, Bryant. I don't know what kind of relationship they had, but the sister was really affected by his death, far more than she let on. I did not blame her - the human had been burned before our very eyes. Something like that persists in our minds independently of our will. It was impossible not to feel her pain, and I was especially affected to some extent.

May the creators watch over his soul.

"Our deal was clear," the mage growled. "We should leave."

"We will not leave without Da'shal!" I growled back, louder than her. I had a debt of honor to pay with Kallian, and while I lived, I would fight for her life with the same ferocity with which she'd fought for mine.

"Oh, you want go at it again?" The mage challenged, raising her weapon. "This time your bodyguard is not here to protect you!"

"As if I needed him ..." I raised my hunting knife in her direction as well, mimicking her hostile gesture. I would cut her throat if she threatened to carry out her word.

"Lenna, please!" The human with eyes like the desert exclaimed from afar, visibly disturbed by the conduct of her sister. "You are not like this, stop this nonsense!"

"Stay out of it, Bethany!" The mage growled back, but made no move against me. However, I had not dropped my guard, and I kept my knife pointing at her the whole time.

"You are annoying." The Qunari stated the obvious, causing everyone to stop talking. Even the daughter of Flemeth ( I didn't know if she was quiet because of her pain, or because she simply did not care) seemed surprised by this unexpected interruption. "Keep your hands to yourself, mage, or you will end up without them."

I could not restrain my smile. Considering everything the Qunari had done so far, all the chaos and destruction he'd caused, he was really serious about that. I had no idea who he was, but he was helping, so I would not be the first one to question his motives.

"Wait ..." The human with the hedgehog hair said, panting, while staring at Shaw-Shaw as if the pup was the remaining piece of an important puzzle. "This Kallian you're talking about happens to be an redhead elf?"

"Yes..." Leliana replied, visibly tense beside me. By the way she held her daggers, I would say that she was in doubt whether to continue attacking the Darkspawn, or if she should beat the mage's head. I'd considered this same decision over and over again in the last hour, and frankly had not come to any conclusion.

"I'm not afraid of you, Qunari." She walked a few steps away from me, to cover the other side of our semi-circle. Her spells were much less extravagant, weaker at every channeling, so part of me was reassured. The other was concerned, of course, since it meant more difficulty for us to kill those bastards, but at least I could be sure that she was barking louder than her teeth were capable of biting. "Moreover, it's not wise to waste time on the dead. We should have leave- Carver!"

The man ran to the back of the Chantry, without even looking back, just like Noah had done. The mage froze, mouth open, not knowing what she should say. And I, of course, could not contain my laughter. Even Leliana had trouble staying serious, biting her lip to hold back a smile.

"Your brother just joined the club of the dead." I replied, sheathing my knife again. "Are you sure you still want to leave?"

Her angry growl only served to increase my smile.

Kallian

There was no point in opening my eyes. I mean, there was darkness wherever I looked, and even if I wasn't immersed in a sea of pitch black, I didn't wish to see Denerim again. Not today, not in that way.

It was kinda stuffy, even though I was in the Fade. I could feel the soles of my feet sweating, and a steam softly caressing my cheeks. But, as was usual, the grass wasn't rubbing my heels, nor was the sand sifting into my clothes. I knew that I was lying on the same hill, south of town, but even so, it felt like I was floating in the air.

So I dared to open my eyes.

In front of me, I saw the shadow of the Lion covering me. His scarlet eyes shone like two burning torches inside the darkest cave. The mark on my right shoulder throbbed with every breath of the beast, as if several needles were entering my flesh at every pumping of blood to my heart.

The demon knew the effect he had over me. He liked that. His influence was so strong that my body reacted to his presence alone, as if in a single time slice, it relived all the thousands endless nights of blood and pain it had to endure during his tyranny.

I'd learned a lot in my short life. I'd learned not to fear my kin, not to fear the humans, animals or beasts. Everything alive did not intimidate me, after all, if it could bleed, then it could be killed. The worst battle of all was against those things it wasn't possible to understand, against what could not be reached.

How was it possible to beat an enemy that could not be touched? An enemy whose existence was only within the mind, with all its curves, possibilities and pitfalls?

Nothing was worse than the imprisonment of the soul itself, the degeneration of consciousness and the extinction of sanity. The almost nonexistent peace of mind, something I didn't know how to define anymore.

What was death? It couldn't be worse than the torture I had lived, so why should I fear it?

There was no greater evil than the darkness itself. There was no more dangerous and devastating force than that darkness applied in the right places. The mind was a cruel place, and that demon knew very well how to take full advantage of it.

But the fact that I didn't fear death didn't mean that I was going to surrender. I made a promise and I intended to keep it. I just didn't know how much more I would have to endure, or what I would have to sacrifice until ... I don't know. Until something happened.

It would be easy to judge me for my weakness. To face so much, the difficulty of getting through it all, and not being dangerously tempted to the point of cutting one's own throat at the end of each day, was a challenge that not everyone was prepared to stand up to, and even fewer were able to survive.

On my back, I could feel the evil presence of the Archdemon pressing my body with his massive energy. It was nearly ridiculous the strength of that dragon's aura that played on me every time our paths crossed in the Fade. I was surrounded by perhaps the two worst forces in Thedas, so my prospects were not very positive. By day, the Blight; by night, the Lion. It seemed that I was fated to fall, one way or another.

I laughed.

Laughed at my own misfortune, because at least that was one thing they couldn't take away from me. While my spirit remained free, I would still have the strength to pull out a tooth or two of these beasts before my last breath. They could take my body, but my soul I would take with me to the Void.

Blight. It reminded me of something.

Beside me, I saw a faint beam of light sprouting in the middle of the black horizon of my consciousness. It was orange bright, almost red, trying to infiltrate the mantle of darkness, as the root of a tree attempts to break through the soil. Not that it helped at all, because not even the most vivid rays could banish so much darkness.

It was sunset, as it always was - a bright and vivid energy ball hovering at the highest point of the Fade that lit my nightmares. A timer until the beginning of my torture.

It was a good definition, I think. My hopes rose and set with the Fade's sun. While there was light, I was fine. After that... I'd rather not think about it.

Caught between the beast and the dragon, I reached toward the third force -the sun. Its warmth was so comforting and yet so familiar... I felt like I knew it. I could feel a single tear rolling down my cheek with this overhelming and sudden feeling, even not knowing what it was about. It was warm, invigorating, and spread through my chest like a blast of fire through my veins, strengthening every cell of my body and illuminating every part of my soul.

I felt at peace for perhaps the first time in a long time.

The lion roared in anger in front of me, and the sunlight wavered, as my body shivered at the strong memory of his teeth digging into my neck. Behind me, the Archdemon did the same, in a demonstration of so much brute power that it took me out of my trance of panic at the same time. It was a moment of consciousness where, while the two looked like they were fighting their own duel of power, I'd chose to embrace this single glimmer of sanity, and concentrate on what was happening with me.

Archdemon. Blight. Of course!

The warmth, which was once nice, was almost unbearable now, especially on my feet. As everything was pulling together, it became harder to breathe. My lungs burned, cried out for fresh air, and my body was begging for me to choose the easiest option, to stop thinking and get back to my previously numb state. But I resisted the temptation, and with much effort, I forced myself to open my eyes.

Fire. Smoke. Heat.

I was on the floor, back inside the Chantry. The fire was burning so intensely that I thought my skin would melt at any moment. My eyes burned, and the urge to cough was so strong that it seemed I would expel my soul through my mouth. I sat in one leap, startled by the unbearable heat in my legs, only to find that my boot was on fire. I didn't even try to untie it - I just took my dagger off my belt and ripped the leather as quickly as I could before the fire could reach my foot, and it was by very little that I didn't get a third degree burn. Not that I could ignore the damage - it was like I had dipped my leg in boiling water so badly it burned - but it could have been worse.

I took a brief moment to try to recover myself from the initial impact, but as soon as I looked back, my heart dropped into my stomach, like a punch right in my solar plexus.

Alistair was lying behind me, unconscious. His forehead was bleeding and his leg was pinned under a large wooden piece and other debris that, to my despair, were on fire. The flames were brushing against his greaves, and I knew It wouldn't take long to reach him.

The first thing that came to my mind was trying to get that wood off his leg. I stood up and pulled the sword from his waist, trying to ignore the strong hot steam coming from the wreckage, and began to strike the wood. If I could break down the main piece, maybe I could pull him away easily. I just didn't expect it to cause more debris to fall, narrowly missing my head.

Since this wouldn't work, I tried to do what I should have done from the beginning.

"Alistair!" I yelled, trying to compete with the fiery noise. I shook his shoulder lightly with one hand, while looking for my canteen in my backpack with the other. He shifted slightly, but didn't react. I didn't even tried to see if he was alive or not - he just had to be. I didn't do all this work to get back into the Chantry, only to let him die here, now that we were so close to getting out of this damn town.

So I tried to do something different: I tore my blouse a little above my belly and divide the cloth in two, wetting both with part of the water from my canteen. One of them I tied around my face, to try to contain the smoke. The other I passed over Alistair's face, in an attempt to bring him back. The rest of the water I poured over his greaves, trying to not only cool his leg, but also to delay the progress of the flames. Despair overwhelmed me when I heard a softly 'shhhh' as the water touched the metal surface. I screamed his name once, twice, three times, until he finally began to slowly open his eyes. I pushed the damp cloth on his nose quickly, not waiting for him to fully regain his consciousness. When he looked at me, a smile of relief crossed my lips.

"What ..." He tried to stammer, sitting with difficulty. A pained expression crossed his face as he brought a hand to his leg. I don't think he had the strength needed to express his pain, because his cry was no more than a muted groan from his lips. While I was looking in my backpack for the last vial of potion, Alistair seemed to digest all the information.

"Go." He said when I finally gave him the bottle. My brain hadn't processed what he meant until he grabbed my arm, preventing me from trying something else with the debris.

When our eyes met and I finally understood that he wasn't referring to breaking the wooden piece, my answer left my lips faster than my thoughts. "No."

"Please ..." He tried again, his grip on my arm getting stronger. However, I disengaged from his grip and carved the sword in the ground below the damaged beam. "Kallian, I'm expendable."

"Shut up!" I searched around me for something to provide support, determined to ignore this conversation. I found a piece of debris and pushed it under the sword, making a sort of makeshift lever. That would have to work, otherwise we would be in big trouble.

"I'm serious," He grabbed my arm again, and this time he don't let it go. "Think about it, Kallian, I'm already dead." His harsh words weren't compatible with the pain on his face. I know what he was trying to do, but that wasn't an option.

"No." I said again, and this time he released my arm. With much effort, I tried to push the sword down, but it seemed a futile effort - the debris barely moved.

"I'm not worth it!" He tried to scream, his voice cracking with grief, probably from the burn on his leg. "You are the knot that holds this group together. You have to get out of here, otherwise ... it will all be in vain. Leave, save yourself, please!"

"I'm trying to save your life!" I cried indignantly, and I think the emotion in my voice made him shut up. He was so desperate that I wasn't sure if that was indeed the real reason behind his determination, but I didn't care. I appreciated his gesture, and such, but you know, fuck it. That whole situation was a very painful deja vu, if not for different people and places. The similarity of the scene with the death of my mother made my eyes fill with tears, but I didn't allow them to fall. I couldn't be weak, not now that I needed all the strength I could find to try to change my painful fate - to see everyone I cared about dying before my eyes.

I wouldn't let anyone else die for me to live. I didn't want to shed another tear of regret and guilt for being weak and selfish enough to let others sacrifice themselves, just to prolong my painful existence. Even if it meant dying to save a human.

"Kallian ..." He sighed.

"Please, just try to do the same ..." I begged, looking at him over my shoulder. In his eyes, a mixture of pain and profound gratitude lingered behind his worry. I know he would never admit it, but at that time, Alistair thanked me silently. More than that, I saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes as he took the shield from his back with one hand and used it as a lever on the other side of his leg. With a nod, we pushed both levers with all our strength down. Well, at least I used all my strength, since I'd almost gotten over the sword to move it down. The hilt was burning my palms, but even so, I hadn't stopped pushing, not even for a second.

The good part of our efforts was that he'd managed to pull his leg out from under the rubble, and soon I was at his side, pulling his body away from the fire.

Already with the shield on his back, Alistair tried to get up as I slowly retrieved his sword. He said nothing, but I knew he was in pain, disguising his steps to not limp in front of me. But you know, he didn't fool me at all, and frankly I saw no reason for him to want to hide from me. So, rather than give him another sermon, I just hugged his waist with one hand and passed his arm over my shoulders, so he could use my body as support. He didn't complain, and again I caught his gaze of gratitude towards me.

"Kallian, I..." He said as we crossed the U-shaped corridor, toward the library. I just shook my head - we would have time to talk later. For now, my greatest concern was to reach the balcony - the only place we would have fresh air, and probably our only way out.

I only silently prayed to whoever was listening that there was still a balcony there for us to reach.

A/N: It's surprising to know how many people would smack Hawke for her behavior lol.

By the way, with the last chapter, Kallian Sketchbook had reached 10,000 views! OMG, I can't believe it! You make me so happy :)

So, amidst the chaos, the alliances were assigned once more. Even the Qunari had bought into the Wardens' fight ( or at least their enmity for Hawke) . Noah's loyality to Kallian proved to be stronger than everyone expected, and once again his unpredictable nature guided him through a dangerous path. The context may be the same, but the reasons, different. He entered the building, despite his own speech, to save Kallian and Alistair. If saving the people was too dangerous to their main mission, was to save two Wardens instead worth the risk?

More of Kallian and Alistair, too. The little elf has changed a lot since everything started, and is risking much because of Alistair. Has she trully accepted him?

I know that some of you don't like Alistair at all, yet this is their story, too. I promise, though, that there's more about Noah coming up ;)

I'm LOVING recieving your feedback. It's been a good experience to hear all your points of view, and be sure that I take yout thoughts into consideration while I'm writting. So, Thank you very much! :D