James really does get the worst chapters doesn't he? I swear I don't do it on purpose...
Warning for the longest emotional break during this where James finally has his melt down coupled in with a few other things that needed to be addressed, I don't know why I'm warning you since their reactions are the reason you're reading this, but you can't say I didn't warn you either, this one just got long.
The last thing in the world James wanted to do was pick up that book and keep going. He'd never felt so confused in his life. It just couldn't be real that Peter had been the one to do this to him, to his wife and son. Not that same boy who they'd grown up with and had more adventures and stories with then his own parents. Not that same friend who egged them along on the worst of their pranking stunts and was always willing to take the fall for them when they'd hit their quota of 'get another detention and you're going to be expelled for the month!' Not his brother who'd joined in their escapade of making sure Remus never showed up in the Hospital Wing again a breath away from death, looking so scarred and bloody that they all went out and did something illegal!
He'd been insistent, swearing up and down he'd demolish anyone who said this nonsense about Sirius, and when he was proven right about Peter he'd knock his two friends together until they couldn't see straight for even nursing the notion about his other friend. James was still adamantly refusing to acknowledge the other little details, about how if Scabbers was Peter then why would he be in hiding this long? Why wouldn't he have gone to Remus? Why the farce of being dead if he hadn't done something wrong? He really couldn't work out in his mind how Remus and Sirius could both be so wrong about seeing Peter on the map!
"Err, I've got a question," Harry asked hesitantly when it was clear his dad seemed to have been struck dumb and wasn't moving. "How ah, how did Remus even see Pettigrew on that map?" He felt horribly timid like he never had before about asking any such question, they all looked so many things, namely violent, when he said that name but he risked it anyways just to try and get his dad's attention. "Sure Hagrid's hut isn't on the map, so I suppose I wouldn't have ever seen him if he'd been there the whole time, but Fred and George didn't ever see a guy named Peter hanging around Ron either, at least they never said anything about it."*
Harry's question only seemed to have the opposite effect as his dad's lip began quivering, the ability to explain escaping him, so Remus answered, "That was a terribly tricky charm that I worked out. We put an extra layer on the map so that animagus' wouldn't be seen on the map unless you added an extra command, and I'm fairly confident the twins never figured that out. We didn't want anyone to see them in animal form obviously as they are still illegal. I of course got left out because I'm not an animagus. I most likely would have turned it on when I took it from you though, and since Hagrid's hut isn't on the map I wouldn't have noticed anything until this night."
"What about the cloak then?" Harry persisted, still throwing hopeful glances at his father in hopes he'd come back to life any second. "You could see us even when we were under that?"
"The map shows all," Sirius muttered, wishing he could do that in his old singsong voice like this was still a perfectly normal conversation, and detesting more than anything he couldn't even fake that anymore.
James at least looked like he was paying a bit more attention now, but still didn't look up to wanting to use an actual language as he gazed down at the book. Sirius had decided to take pity on him and reached for the book when James smacked his hand away and said, "Don't be stupid, it's my turn." He still hadn't worked out in his mind how this was going to be okay this time, but he wouldn't let himself cave now.
"She's not the first girl to scream at the sight of him," Sirius nodded.
'It would be that to spark life back into him' Lily thought fondly, watching James go from confused to outraged in seconds as his mind swiveled back to realizing that it hadn't ever mentioned Harry picking the cloak back up, he'd darted down after Ron straight away. Snape had used his cloak!
"I don't think I can ever touch that thing again," Sirius moaned, rubbing his hands on his knees like there was bile all over them.
"Why would he even bother though?" Remus demanded, "Sneaking in there like that, what's his reason?"
Harry remained silent, still getting a rather bad feeling for this, and it somehow circled back to Remus.
"You are not welcome," Harry muttered.
"Oh Merlin, is he going to monologue and gloat?" Sirius demanded. "I'd rather he just curse me."
James gave him an absent nudge, knowing all too well that was a real possibility and truly thinking he'd keel over now if that did happen.
Dammit," they all muttered, their minds swiveling back to Remus and realizing their original assumption had actually been right. That meant that Remus was going to transform, that they were now on a clock until those kids had to get out of there! Surely everything was going to work out though, right? All the kids would have to do was keep a hold on the rat until morning, or Merlin just run straight up to the castle now and go to Dumbledore and turn him in then. This didn't need to be a problem if they handled it right...
"So what?" Sirius growled. "Maybe he just wanted to transform in there tonight, something could have happened he just didn't feel like telling Snape every little detail about, why did he automatically suspect that something bad was going on?"
"Did you really just ask why he followed me?" Remus asked in shock. "You never got an answer for that in school, why would he be any different now?"
Sirius huffed and grumbled something, still outraged he showed up at all, tonight of all nights and ruining this! He didn't care what Lily said, if Pettigrew somehow got away with this because of Snape interfering, he'd murder her old friend as surely as his own. Judging by the closed off look on her face, he felt like he wouldn't receive too much protest.
"Jokes on him because neither of them were," Lily muttered to herself, having noted back when Harry and Hermione had first entered and noticed dust everywhere, surely that meant even Sirius hadn't, though where he had been sleeping she wasn't sure.
"Why am I not surprised he's not listening to a bleeding word," Remus grumbled, thinking Snape could keep his wand pointed on him all night if he wished so long as Sirius got what he deserved.
James released a terrible growling noise remarkably close to how Sirius sounded. That was the lowest of blows, making a crack at him like that! He didn't care how angry he was at Remus himself, those reasons still wouldn't let him ever condone anyone saying a thing like that!
It was a testament to how peeved off Remus was he didn't even flinch at the insult, his face remained black with fury that something could go wrong and that rat would get away while Snape sat around pointlessly accusing them of anything and everything he wanted to.
"Genuinely stunned he's not screaming his head off by this point," Lily muttered, as he looked really close to doing now.
"That's it, he's dead," Sirius said with the utmost sincerity, actually getting up but simply pacing around the room in agitation now. James was watching him like he wanted to get up and join, along with a couple of choice words about strangling the life out of Snape for doing that, but forced himself to remain where he was and focus on that feeling instead, he knew he'd need it later.
Lily watched him warily, not because she wanted to stop him, but because she was starting to get worried for Sirius' health. He kept flashing about on so many things that he may collapse soon from overload.
Remus just looked shocked, unable to grasp how Snape could be so foolish that he really hated in that moment Remus more than Sirius, the man who had supposedly gotten Lily killed. In his opinion this only proved Snape cared more about himself in this moment than anyone else, Snape was finally getting what he considered revenge for himself and be damned anyone else.
James nodded like that made all the sense in the world, that was the natural reaction after all, something he knew without question he'd do himself if he'd been there as well.
Which made James' mouth go cotton dry in shock and fear. It was a miracle Snape hadn't just killed the two of them already, but with Sirius' temper in these particular circumstances he wouldn't put it past him to do something stupid and elicit a real deadly curse from Snape.
"I like to think I'd win in that moment," Sirius hissed, mirroring the expression now Harry realized. "I've ten times the reasons over him."
"Well congratulations," Remus muttered, squirming around in agitation that he'd been put down so easily, that he couldn't help Sirius anymore.
Which made Remus and Sirius flinch all over again in shock and fear. They hadn't gotten around to telling Harry almost anything, if they really did have to wait any longer for Harry to hear this conversation they were sure they'd both never forgive themselves, it had been twelve years too long already.
That at least gave them a chance to breath, one of their fears being put on hold, at least he hadn't slipped away yet. Even James looked relieved, though he then realized he'd rather spend the rest of his life hearing about a fight between his friends and Snape then put the attention back on the rat in fear of whatever answers might come out of it.
"Bless Hermione," Sirius breathed, thanking whatever they had said or done to make her give them a chance. "I take back every bad thing I've said about her this year." He only acknowledge the slight irony she'd been terrified of him all year and it was now her more than Harry trying to give him the chance, but didn't linger on it long as he was too anxious to hear out the rest.
"If he calls you that one more time..." James snarled, knowing that Snape meant it in the worst way possible.
"I'll hold him down," Remus promised lightly.
"Finally a spot of insanity I don't mind hearing about," Sirius huffed.
Lily had let go of her restraints in defending her old friend only yesterday, but she felt it was several years too late. What Severus was doing now was beyond reproach, turning on yet another child for his own vindictive means. Even if she hadn't known what she did, she could never fathom screaming at Hermione the way he was.
Sirius rubbed the spot absently like that really had just happened to him, his expression still vividly saying that if he had his own wand things would be going a lot smoother for him.
"No, no you shouldn't," James ground out, "I don't want you anywhere near anybody until this is sorted out."
Sirius just shrugged, absolutely amazed at himself for even offering that instead of trying to tackle Snape to the ground and kill him like he wanted to, guess he did still have some brains in his head.
They all made a choking, rasping noise of distress and fear at that declaration. They'd spent this whole book in fear of Sirius returning there, now with the fate of his soul lingering over his head they knew they truly couldn't stand it if they found out Sirius did succumb to that when they were so close to getting what should have happened those twelve years ago.
"As if he's ever listened to you a day in his life," Remus groaned, starting to shake all over, unable to get that horrid mental image out of his mind of what could be fixing to happen to Sirius.
Sirius puffed up like he was going to give out a string of curses for that all over again, genuinely sick of hearing his friend be deferred to like some animal, but James hadn't paused so Sirius nearly missed hearing,
which made Sirius' knees buckle as he collapsed back down on the couch in shock and fear. He'd barely come to terms grasping that this was something to happen to himself, but Remus! He hadn't even done anything, he was completely innocent in every way possible...and yet everyone in the world would believe Snape over them and, and Remus could really- his attention was caught off guard as the mirror over the fireplace shattered, not that Lily seemed to notice she was screaming so loud.
He tuned back in to see that while James looked nearly as close to tears as when he'd heard his wife's last moments, he had after all nearly vomited all over again at realizing that now both of his brothers may well be losing their souls in one go, he was now a little busy putting out a fire that had erupted on the carpet while Lily was screaming "-going to kill him! What right, why the bloody hell, you haven't done an effing thing to him!"
"He doesn't know that," Remus reminded, looking remarkably calm considering his reaction to hearing the same thing to Sirius that first time, but as far as Remus was concerned he'd worked out in his head he'd take any punishment in the world, including that, if Sirius would get off this night, he more than deserved it. For now he was pacifying the couple who looked about ready to blow up the rest of the living room they were so angry at his behavior. "As far as he's concerned, not only have I been helping Sirius all year, but I deserved it back when I was fifteen and nearly killed him."
"That doesn't make this right," Harry countered back, looking as frustrated as his parents. "That shouldn't be his call to make."
Remus sighed, he wasn't going to argue the point with Harry, and while James and Lily still looked like they were going to back him up and keep at it anyways he insisted, "Well I'd still like to keep going," he gestured to the discarded book, "as I'm far more concerned with other things going on than Snape's attitude."
That jolted Sirius into looking as murderous as the other two now at that reminder. Lily still grumbled a few foul things as she waved her wand and the mirror repaired itself while James stomped over and decided he at least couldn't argue with that. His heart just wasn't in it though, as he still knew without a doubt what he'd thought before still stood, he'd rather sit and continue hearing about the rivalry between his friends and Snape then get back on topic to his friends.
Sirius and Remus brightened like little kids, beaming at Harry as they realized that even though he didn't know them and certainly didn't trust them right then, he'd still taken their side over Snape's.
Now even Remus was beginning to look offended, there was only so many times he could hear how animal like he was without letting it get to him considering how much he'd thought that of himself in his youth, but then he flashed back to the scene his family had just caused in his defense and the numerous times James and Sirius had given him the riot act for voicing such a thing and instead played peace maker as his two friends continued growling at such a thing being said.
"Oh yes you will," Lily snarled right back. "Talk to my son like that you'll get a hell of a lot worse coming to you!" Paternal instinct was rearing its head from both parents now, as they realized if Harry kept defending them he may likely end up as worse as them. As proud as they were of their boy, who was reacting like this with every reason in the world not to, Harry would resemble James so much in that moment that the two of them were genuinely afraid of what Snape could do next.
Sirius had spent more hours of his life thinking that about himself than he ever wanted to this past day, lost a whole night of sleep and had utterly lost faith in himself for thinking this exact same thing, and now that he realized how wrong he was, who really was to blame, and to have Snape throw that in his face, well let's just say that murder was starting to sound kind for what he now owed old Snivellus.
"Oh boy," all four adults muttered, though with two wildly different indications. The two parents were now visualizing that Harry was about to be attacked three years in a row by a teacher, and Snape (despite their hate and loathing for him) was more competent than the other two and could do their boy real harm when Snape realized what Harry was doing.
Remus and Sirius on the other hand were far more confident in Harry's skill, hoping dearly Harry would use any number of spells and blast this prat out the window so they could get back to far more important things.
That gave them a moment of shock, not having realized that Hermione would have reacted so fast for them either, but maybe it was more Snape yelling at Harry then for defense of the other two adults right then.
Remus and Sirius gave a great whoop of joy, thinking finally something had gone right tonight, and in Lily's opinion praising her son a little too much when it had been a joint effort but even she couldn't find it in herself to be mad after the way Snape had been behaving. She'd been so tempted to curse him herself that it took a lot of self-restraint not to join in.
They all got a gleaming moment of surprise and pride for Ron having joined in as well, but then they reflected he'd probably been more with Hermione and defending Harry from a clearly delusional Snape then for Sirius and Remus' defense, but hey they'd take whatever at this point.
"That's gratitude for ya," Harry muttered.
"He's going to remember that later," Sirius reminded, still unable to wipe a smug smirk off his face, "not that he can do anything to you, I was probably just jealous I hadn't gotten the chance."
Lily wasn't taking quite as optimistic an outlook, thinking that Harry had a few more years of being forced into Snape's presence as a teacher and how horrid he was to her son already, this would not help, but with any luck now Remus and Sirius wouldn't rest until they made sure that shouldn't be as easy.
"Least I know it was now," Harry said with sincerity, causing Sirius to grin widely at him.
"And I thank you," Remus snickered.
"You always were the polite one," Sirius guffawed, considering the circumstances and wanting to laugh all the harder, but restraining himself and mellowing out in seconds as he realized his wish had been granted, Snape had been pushed out of the way, and they were about to get back to something infinitely more important.
"Did you fall on your head when he knocked you over," Lily rolled her eyes.
"I had much greater things on my mind in that moment then going for specifics," Remus huffed, his eyes narrowing dangerously when he got right back on track with the main points of being in there, he most of all remembering those kids were on a time frame to hear what needed to be said.
James had to swallow very hard when he got that out, wanting to nod along and agree Sirius could have been wrong, but then he remembered what Remus had said, and felt himself growing all the more fearful because he still didn't have his answer for that.
Harry groaned and smacked his forehead, remembering vividly that very first chapter and how Sirius himself had made that joke he wanted to see this, and if only Harry had remembered this then he could have saved everyone a lot of trouble.
Lily wouldn't stand for letting him stew too long, giving him a loving little tweak of his nose to get his attention and reminding, "I will not sit here and let you blame yourself for a damned thing that has happened, if you'd remembered any earlier you only would have hurt yourself and we still wouldn't have understood as well without the full story."
Harry nodded and relaxed still looking as on edge as anyone else in the room because he did still blame himself for this situation occurring in the first place, but accepting that he couldn't have done anything different for now and still working on some other way to make this better.
Sirius couldn't help a jittery, slightly deranged sound that could have been a laugh. He vividly remembered thinking about how he would have been sitting in Azkaban, hating his life and very existence, and to see that picture of little old Peter like that, oh the luck and circumstances that made this happen...it also gave him his first real glimpse into one thing that had been plaguing him. He was positive he'd still be hating himself just as much in twelve years as he was now for putting trust in Peter, still blaming himself for James death because he'd been right, he had screwed up and made a terrible mistake no matter how unintentionally. He'd been in Azkaban that whole time because he deserved every second of it, but seeing that picture would have finally sparked something in him he knew he couldn't have felt otherwise. He'd escaped for revenge.
"Not sure what to say about myself I didn't see that," Remus grumbled, still kicking himself with every opportunity he hadn't worked this out, seen the same thing and put it together, anything than what he'd done, which was nothing!
"Relax Remus," Sirius grumbled, his own voice filled with its own grating tone for different reasons. It didn't yet occur to Sirius to be mad at Remus for this either, why would he pay special attention to the rat, why would he even if he had seen the picture? He'd thought he had his man, he had thought he had the whole story and it would have been so many years later it never would have crossed his mind.
James shuddered with renewed horror, mind boggling at how this could just be so simple and easy for them to work this out and discuss it, where as he was just caught on why Peter would do these things at all. He reflected that at least Sirius had twelve years to circle around every last second of this, and Remus had always been quick on the uptake, which just made James feel all the more foolish before he realized what he was thinking and wanted to kick himself now for realizing he was already thinking in past tense. Dammit, Peter deserved the chance to say his part just like Sirius, and then everything would be just fine.
Lily had still been a little floored with her own shock of realizing what Pettigrew had done to them, she hadn't yet come back to realize that the full blunt of Sirius' supposed crime had actually been done by Peter. Had he really murdered twelve innocent people, voiced the blame on Sirius, and mutilated himself, for what! She couldn't work out in her mind what on earth could have changed in this year to cause someone she'd look to as a friend to change so radically.
Lily moaned something into her hands, wishing that the age of the rat had come up at any other bleeding time, this all could have been made so much more clear to anyone who knew this was well past the normal life expectancy. All the love and care in the world shouldn't have made Scabbers double in age of what he should be, had Arthur and Molly never really considered this? It was fair they might not even know such a thing, but how long could Peter have really played this without being found out? She only nursed the slightest of comforts she'd never have to hear the answer to this, as surely all of this put enough doubt in Ron's mind that he'd hand over the rat and this could be done with.
Harry nodded, the exact same thing having come back to him now, wishing with everything in him, despite his Mom keeping a protective eye on him to do otherwise, that he had remembered this.
The others were kicking themselves, still looking back and counting up every instance of that rat being mentioned, but really how could they have guessed? Even with the answer right in front of them, they knew they never could have or would have until it was too late.
"Err, can animagus' talk to animals?" Harry asked, fairly confident that hadn't come up in McGonagall's lecture even if he had only been half paying attention.
Lily considered herself the last person who should explain, but as the boys really were otherwise occupied each looking the worst Lily had seen them her whole life she whispered an explanation, "they keep their human mind and can understand us just fine when they transform, but it's more like talking to your pet when they're animals. A lot of body language and tone." She wasn't even sure on that fact, this really wasn't her field of expertise, so she understood when Harry nodded in disappointment and still kept an eye on his dad hopefully.
Sirius really, really wanted to laugh at this. Of all the students, it had to have been Neville who'd gotten enough flack in his life without Sirius unintentionally helping, but as it really wasn't funny at all and he just wanted something other than murder to concentrate on as his best friend looked very near his breaking point, he held it in.
Harry was just impressed at how truly intelligent Crookshanks seemed to be, for him to understand that this exact piece of paper was what Sirius needed, he doubted Sirius could use any amount of body language to convey that which means Crookshanks had to have quit the ability to understand the list of words was what was needed. He was really beginning to wonder at just how smart that cat was.
'That's what made Harry believe me, or at least the start of' Sirius couldn't help but think, not really regretting it as he'd take any reason his little pup could finally look at him then the way he was now.
"How on earth could Crookshanks have explained that," Harry repeated, looking for any kind of distraction right now and purposely directing that at his father this time to get any kind of normal reaction out of him.
"Animagus can sort of understand other animals," James shrugged, trying for all the world to act like this was no big deal at all to him. "Not like, a proper conversation like this," he gestured vaguely around the room, "just, we can communicate I guess. It's not even like a parselmouth really, where we can understand each other in words, it's all a lot of body language and sensing each other's feelings and interpreting from there."
"I probably smelt blood on the cat or something, and pieced it together," Sirius muttered.
"Great choice of words there Pad's, really put him at ease that did," Remus huffed, really wishing Sirius would quit being his usual idiotic self and use his real words rather than this constant farce of painting himself to be the bad guy in his agitation to get things done.
"Which is why Sirius is no longer allowed to explain anything anymore," Lily told him pleasantly, happy to pick on Sirius the rest of her life then dwell too long on what Harry had just said.
James literally sounded like he was reading over a dead body. It was impossible, he couldn't put this together in his head, no matter how many times Remus and Sirius kept throwing these things around he'd clutch with his fingertips to that hope that Peter must have a good reason for this, and be damned anyone who was giving him a pitiful look for thinking it.
Sirius' face twisted in a whole new way, adoring every last drop of irony he was using that slimy gits wand to perform this, only hoping it didn't leave a grease stain on his hand when he was done.
Lily was rubbing her temple in agitation, thinking this was some time for her boys to be as dramatic as possible in counting down this spell. All Remus had to do was shoot the spell hours ago, when Snape had even first stepped into the room, and they could have been done with this. She'd understood the necessary reason for Harry to understand all this, but she really agreed that it could have been done with Pettigrew out in the open. Well there was nothing for it now and she cocked her head to the side and listened with a forced neutral expression trying to prepare herself for the breakdown her husband was fixing to have that they were all still coping with.
Harry remembered, back during Lockhart's class of all places, and asking about that Homorphus Charm which his dad had said he'd use to transform transfigured objects back to original form, and remembering how he'd specifically used changing an animagus as an example. Remus and Sirius at the time hadn't said the spell aloud, but Harry had no problems now working that out.
James literally couldn't picture it. He'd spent the whole of this book, any time his friends were mentioned looking any the worse for wear, he could look at them now, as they really were, for comfort. Now all he had was a memory, one that was wobbling and being twisted until he couldn't have recognized that any better, and oh he really was going to cry now wasn't he?
Something snapped. The book fell free and James pressed his hands against his ears and he felt his world crashing down around him because that wasn't the first thing he should have done! If Peter had been coerced, or tortured, or some accident had happened, he knew he would understand and forgave it, but this singular action meant Peter wanted to run! He'd done this terrible act and was now trying to hide away from the two people in the world who would understand! Peter should have begun saying at once what had happened and why he'd done it, not trying to run!
"Prongs, James I-"
"Don't touch me!" He screamed right back, shying away from whoever that was gripping his shoulder, Sirius his mind absently noted, but he was just too busy drowning. Someone was clearly ignoring him, that was Lily whispering in his ear and he kept trying to jerk away because he didn't want to deal with anyone right now. He'd tried to the very last moment and he still hated his very being for believing and accepting this even when he had no other options. His breaths were coming out in sharp little pants and he really felt like he was going to pass out any second, almost welcomed it as oblivion would be far kinder to the monstrosity he was feeling right now.
"You know he didn't mean it, he's just coming to terms, Sirius please-" Remus looked like he was physically restraining himself from grabbing hold of Sirius to make sure he didn't run for it again for a whole new reason. Sirius kept looking at his hand and away like it was some dementor skeleton, and Remus knew it was because Sirius had taken James response in all the wrong ways. Sirius was now curling himself into the corner, trying to convince himself that James hated him just as much now, but Remus had seen it. James was over there punishing himself, and nothing they could do could help right now, he had to come to terms with this himself. Their trying to convince him otherwise really would do more harm than good, as he had to decide for himself how much he still trusted Remus, so he let him be and focused on Sirius who he was not letting the same mistake happen twice, was not going to let Sirius pull away from him. "You have to know he doesn't blame you," he whispered again and again.
"I'll believe that when you do," Sirius hissed back, glaring up at him now.
Remus sat down next to him fully prepared to take whatever Sirius lashed out because he'd take anything at this point to get him to stop hating himself.
"You think I don't know you're blaming yourself over there, when you're doing the exact same thing James has been doing. You can't pull together how we've all been so wrong about him, well boo fucking hoo Remus. None of us saw this coming, and I'll not have you thinking it's your fault. It was my idea, and the rat's fault. You've nothing to do with it!" Sirius hadn't meant for that last part to come out so brutal, but he was long since past the point where screaming was making him feel better.
Remus hardly looked offended though, the opposite as he was watching Sirius curiously. "If you really think that then why are you acting like this? You know I don't hate you now, why you don't hate me I'll still argue the point because nothing should have convinced me I was so wrong about you-"
"Because I don't think it was your fault, not entirely anyways," Sirius sighed, his head curling into the crook of his elbow with his knees pinned to his chest, his eyes going vacant. Remus made to protest anyways, but Sirius kept going, "I think Dumbledore may have had a bit of a hand."
That struck Remus dumb as he watched him now with concern.
"Think about it, this happened a year from now, but Dumbledore already suspects someone in the Order, me. He's been sending you out on missions alone by yourself a lot, would it really be too difficult for him to convince you when you'd come back from one of those what had happened."
"He shouldn't have been able to," Remus said back, but there was no force to his words. Dumbledore was the man he respected the most of anyone, the first person in the wizarding world outside of his own parents to see past the monster and give the boy a real chance at life. He'd do anything for Dumbledore...and for the first time he truly accepted how real that statement was. Was it really so absurd that what Sirius was painting had happened? He'd been coming and going so frequently that the little things would have turned into horrible big things and coaxed by Dumbledore Remus really could have swallowed the worst?
Even now he was still trying to defend the man, as Dumbledore didn't know better, he wasn't all knowing and all powerful, he'd taken what had happened at face value just like everyone else at this switch up. It still didn't feel right though, not the man who'd given Snape the Death Eater a chance to work with children at school. Had neither him nor Dumbledore really not ever gone to Sirius personally, tried to get his side of the story? Dumbledore was in the Wizengamot, had he really not just looked at Sirius during the trial and realized something wasn't right? It really was killing Remus inside, the hurt that this was doomed to happen to Sirius, but looking at his friend now he solemnly vowed it wasn't going to this time. He didn't know what had happened, maybe Harry himself would never figure it out, but something had to change.
Harry stood, torn, looking at the four of them desperately and unable to do a thing. His dad had finally caved and now looked like he was passed out into Lily's shoulder, only just allowing the barest bit of comfort and still shaking. Sirius and Remus were terrified to go near him and having a whispered conversation, Harry suspected because they were blaming themselves and thinking James just didn't have faith in any of his friends anymore. Harry felt useless, and genuinely stumped as he had nothing to say to help any of them. Finally though he couldn't stand it anymore and went to sink down on his dad's other side, just trying to be there for him even if it was silently. The movement caused James to glance around at him, his glasses skewed and eyes red rimmed, but blinking sluggishly at his son caused him to glance around himself properly in confusion for the first time as he realized who was missing.
His eyes caught on the two in the corner, and they saw their James spark back in when he saw them. He kissed Lily gently, gave his son a quick ruff of his hair then stumbled over to them and sank down on the floor in front of them.
"I know dear," Lily whispered when she caught sight of her son's face. "I feel the same, but we can't really do anything for him, he had to work that out for himself. He's lucky really," she added, gazing over at the three boys talking to each other, "that he's still got such good friends. When Severus called me that, when our friendship broke apart that day, well I hadn't really made any other best friends, he'd been the only one honestly. It had alienated me for so long that I didn't really know what to do with myself for a time."
"Isn't there anything I can do," Harry insisted. "How did you get him to even..." he trailed off in confusion, even having watched the whole thing all he'd seen his mother do was insistently refuse to leave her husband's side when he'd tried everything in the world to pull away.
"James is the most loyal person I've ever met," Lily said simply. "I reminded him that I wasn't going anywhere, that Sirius and Remus, his real brothers, were doing everything in the world to right what had been done to him. It wasn't a happy thing to be reminding him of, but it worked."
Harry nodded, his eyes still flickering over to where the three were.
"I'm sorry."
Sirius made a funky noise, like he wanted to release a snort of laughter but he was too busy watching James carefully as he whispered, "that word's been tossed around a lot lately, hasn't it?"
James ignored that and watched the two of them very seriously as he continued, "I shouldn't have acted like that, said that, not to you two, it was unforgivable-"
"Think we should be the judge of that," Remus scoffed.
"We were all wrong," Sirius croaked, watching James lightly, "and we can deal with it whenever we can," he finished with a fearsome look back at that door.
James sighed, even now he didn't know what to feel towards Peter. Betrayal was the dominant emotion, still some delayed shock in there, but he had a very good idea once all that simmered out he'd come to full term and realize that it was because of Peter his wife had died, his son had been handed over like that. Peter had turned on Sirius and pinned the whole mess on him causing him a fate worse than death. He knew he should and would come to grips and he'd be right where Sirius was, but for now he was still processing.
Silently, all three boys realized at the same time they couldn't sit here forever. Harry and Lily were still trying to give them their space but were clearly wrestling with themselves about coming over to check on them as well. The book wasn't over, Harry may have discovered the worst thing in the world, but the books weren't over. Their sole reason for having even agreed to do this, to see Harry's life at school, wasn't done. They'd push through and deal with this mess in due time, but for now they went back to their spots. Lily and Harry weren't happy about the distance it caused for them to go back to the other couch, but still recognized it couldn't be helped, they had to leave what was left of the Marauders to be so they could work this out amongst themselves.
James found his place, and never before had to try harder in his life to read.
"Because they do," Remus ground out, his eyes flashing dangerously.
Lily was watching with genuine concern that James wasn't exactly reading in an intelligible way, spitting words around more than reading them at this constant reminder, but she wasn't going to argue the point either. Her husband wouldn't hand that book over to anyone, most likely feeling he had a duty and a right to finish this out.
Sirius and Remus made such a terrible noise it would have given baby Harry nightmares, which made them all the more grateful he'd never been brought back into the room for this escapade.
Harry still noted that the last thing Remus wanted to do now was talk, but he then decided Professor Lupin had wanted to get all of his facts straight before whatever happened next.
"Tried being the operative word," Sirius muttered.
"WILL YOU STOP THAT!" James snapped, turning on him and startling Sirius so badly he nearly jumped over the back of the couch to get away on instinct before his eyes focused in on James. His breaths were coming out in pants, his eyes wild and too wet, his best friend had reached his breaking point and Sirius clipped his mouth shut to stop any retaliation. He knew James might have come to terms with this now, but Sirius' picking words weren't going to help any.
"Little matters," Remus hissed under his breath, not quite understanding how he could be so calm then when he was feeling as waspish as Sirius, but keeping himself held back for James benefit now, maybe that's what he was doing for Sirius then?
Lily made an odd little face, like that should have been funny in some other part of her life at watching Peter flip Sirius off, but she couldn't find it now.
There was that anger James had been expecting, already feeling bad for having shot it at Sirius already, but his friend clearly wasn't holding a grudge on this and James forced himself to keep going.
"I don't know what you were going for, but that wasn't comforting him," Harry muttered to himself, realizing now what he was just beginning to think on then, Remus' last priority was to make Peter feel better about anything.
'And he's going to get to experience every last one of them' Sirius vowed.
Well that was...odd was a kind way to put it. James still had way too many things buzzing in him at once, number one of which was that it was laughable at best that Sirius would get within ten feet of Voldemort and not kill him, and the surreal feeling James kept having over and over that it was Peter saying these things, but also the fact that Peter hadn't called Voldemort by name. He'd always done it before, and this only served as yet another reminder he knew he'd be getting the rest of his life; that Peter wasn't who he thought he was.
James was really starting to concern the lot of them, Harry noticed he was starting to sound as deranged as Sirius had that night. Of all the chapters his dad could have gotten, fate had dropped this one in his lap, and he wasn't going to give it up until he was done just to prove to them he could keep going, but Harry feared the worst part hadn't even really come yet.
Lily felt a little shiver go up her spine in shock of what that meant, that the Death Eater's knew. Did all of them? She doubted that, probably only the very high ranking ones. How long did they know, even now? Then her mind couldn't help but flicker to one Death Eater in particular, one she never knew what to think about anymore, Severus. Did he know? That was being ridiculous she was sure, and giving him too much credit. So she'd heard the rumors he was a Death Eater, surely not that deep in. Well even if he did know then he'd still have thought the same as any other Death Eater in Sirius' 'killings' of those people, unless he knew about the Animagus part? Even then that was stretching it because Remus knew all about that and hadn't suspected a thing. It really depended on how much Pettigrew had told Voldemort...and she really didn't want to keep sitting around and thinking about this, it hurt too much to realize she was sitting around thinking about two separate people she'd once considered a friend.
'More now than I ever would have believed in my life' Remus mentally hissed, but considering how James had reacted to Sirius saying such things he didn't think he'd be received any better.
James bleakly remembered how he'd wanted to hear Peter defend himself before he'd lost all faith, but even then he never would have accepted this, if anything it only would have made him realize it all the sooner. For Peter to be trying to pin and blame all of this on Sirius, it really wasn't computing with the same boy he'd grown up knowing, James still didn't recognize the two merging into what he was reading now.
Sirius had been growling nonstop for several minutes now, giving what James was reading an even more menacing tone though they hadn't believed that was possible up till now. The three boys were beyond tired of hearing this, they didn't want to hear anymore because the more they heard the more their life felt like it was slipping away in hearing about this waste of a being they'd use to claim endless defense for.
Lily still had enough residual feeling left in her to feel the echo of stunned at how much hatred was bleeding through James, like he was standing right there and saying it to Peter's face now. He'd never sounded like this, not even when he heard about Snape's worst moments, because that was Snape, a man he'd grown up hating. This was the opposite. She still couldn't feel any pity, or remorse, nothing to indicate she would do anything to get in the way but would instead be guarding the door to make sure Peter heard every last word.
James knew he could not keep hearing about that, the little rat still trying to run even now, much longer without something else inside of him breaking. That, that, he should spend the minimum amount of time as twelve years in Azkaban for starters!
Remus had almost forgotten that Harry was watching all of this, that he and his friends were struggling along to keep up. He wanted to kick himself all over again that this was the farthest thing away from what Harry deserved, Remus still didn't think his own actions should be okayed and Harry should have heard something about this long ago.
Sirius made an almost comically horrified face as it first occurred to him that the rat had been sleeping in Ron's bed! Scabbers had spent more time with Harry then everyone in this room combined! Where was the justice in that! This may not have reached the others yet, and Sirius was pretty stuck in his own mind to point it out.
James sounded horrendous the longer he kept going, looking likely to burst into tears at any second the longer this carried on as he kept warring back and forth between the blackest of anger and realization kept striking him like lightning what he was reading. Still his first instinct was to scoff that any of his friends would hurt Harry, let alone what Sirius was saying, and then he'd flash all over again and left a mess upon realizing Sirius wasn't wrong. He couldn't even bring himself to scold Sirius, correct him and remind him of how many times Peter had taken the fall for them, done everything in the world for them like they'd done for him, only bringing up all over again that question of why? Why had Peter done this to them!?
Which made Remus realize for the first time the bleeding odds of this. Peter would have chosen the Weasley's long before they'd even known Harry's name, and for one of their kids to become Harry's friend! Ron of all of them! Even if Scabbers had fallen into the hands of say Ginny, or one of the twins, anyone but Ron he'd be a little less likely to balk at the odds of this, but he really was beginning to wonder if the world was really out to kill Harry and himself along the way!
'Hope he stays that way until I can convince Remus to make it permanent' Sirius snarled.
Harry couldn't help a startled little noise, like he wanted to laugh but the sound wasn't going to happen any time soon. He couldn't help it though, his dad reading that like he was wanting to scream the worst of curses and the remembered sound of how timid Hermione sounded coupled together gave him an honest moment of amusement.
"The only time anyone called him that was when he was in trouble," Lily nodded to herself.
James still couldn't shake memories floating to the surface, of the number of times Peter had tried to butt into James and Sirius' arguing about something and Remus silencing him with a look so they could work this out. The mockery of those moments being twisted into this decayed future still leaving him a mess.
James was circling into depression at hearing this now. He'd spent hours worrying himself sick about picturing Sirius in that place, even having realized already this was how he'd done it didn't make the realization of what he'd gone through any easier to hear; and for Peter to have been the one to put him in there, well he really didn't think he could stand going much longer...
Remus and Lily were taking turns muttering obscenities under their breath, choosing to curse the world for the picture Sirius was painting because they didn't know what else to do at this point.
For the first time since this had been mentioned, Sirius felt no fear for what his life was heading towards, instead the thought of what he now had to look forward to in taking revenge on Peter before he even had an inkling of an idea of what was coming for him kept his mind off of anything else.
Remus still bleakly wished that Sirius would have broken out at any other time before this, maybe this all would have come out so much sooner, that Sirius wouldn't have had to suffer for so long.
You know it was bad when they all bleakly remembered back to that time and they'd felt better then than now. Then they'd just been afraid for Sirius, and all the following terrible things that had been implied he'd done, and now they knew the cause of it all was one of his best friends, and it just felt like every last one of them was being broken apart inside.
Finally James began kindling something other than all-consuming anything about him. Sirius had done it, despite being so close to death, having to fight through all of that half dead, and still he'd made it all the way to Harry's side. He'd never loved his brother more than he did in this moment. He looked up to see Sirius actually smiling, an expression moments ago he'd been sure he'd never see again, but of course James was being a fool. Sirius would do everything to his last breath to protect Harry and he showed it every day. If there was one thing to get them back to a sound place, it was Harry.
Lily desperately had to fight down the urge to get to her feet and shove every last drop of food she had at Sirius. He'd basically been starving to death, there could not actually be much to eat out in that forest, not to mention dodging around practically every creature out there that wanted to kill him and use him for a snack. Of course if anyone could do it, it was Sirius. He'd spent more time in that forest then he had in the castle. It just tormented her to hear everything he'd been going through and she still had no way to help.
Sirius perked up with some interest at that, analyzing everything Harry had just heard all over again and compiling that as the reason Harry had learned to trust him, or at least this was the beginning of it.
Sirius had to fight down the urge to get up and go hug Harry. The only thing stopping him was the urging need to hear this chapter be completed, to make sure that rat wasn't going to ruin this moment for them. He'd never forgive himself if Harry finally did trust him, that they could finally start what should have been all those years ago, only for it to be torn away by him all over again.
Harry was smiling and squirming in place he looked so happy as he watched Sirius, that feeling of confusion and betrayal he'd been harboring for so long because of his thirteen year old mind set finally slipping away to be replaced by a near blissful insistence that in this one moment he'd just gotten everything he'd always wanted. Sirius was that connection to his dad he'd always craved his whole life! It was such a purely happy moment that he didn't even acknowledge that small little part of him warning he'd better treasure this now.
The other three were so happy they were near tears themselves. They'd spent so long emotionally wrung out over the fate of Sirius, and were still in no way okay over what they'd learn of this betrayal, but realizing that one key moment where Harry put his trust in Sirius again was as close to making this whole thing okay as it would ever get.
"Because it may as well be," Sirius hissed, his happiness still lingering enough he didn't look nearly as murderous as he wanted to.
James voice was now coming out in such a strained way he no longer sounded like himself, and that's how he felt about what he was reading. This wasn't the brave and stupid kid who had as a third year taken on two seventh years for revenge when they'd called James a couple of foul words for being so spoiled rotten, that he must have somehow bought his own way onto his House team.
Sirius had his eyes screwed up tight, viciously beating away that time Peter had missed a trick step and nearly falling through the floor and Sirius offering a hand to help him back up while laughing his arse off, and Peter retaliating by pushing Sirius into the trick step instead and then laughing just as hard when he in turn had to pull Sirius back out.
Remus was having a very foul argument in his head, one memory being twisted beyond recognition of that time Sirius and Peter had tag teamed him and James, trying to get them back for messing with a dozen statues and receiving a detention from McGonagall because of it, and the end result being all four of them got a detention again anyways and laughing it all off the next weekend.
Lily's mind flashed back a moment to when her and Severus had been lounging under the shade of a tree comparing their latest Potion's notes and they'd seen Remus and Sirius strolling along, having some whispered conversation long since forgotten, and the realization of how much had changed since that one small moment left her breathless. What on earth could change in the next year to make two brothers in every way but blood fall so far it took this to change them back?
Harry felt something startle inside of himself, stunned his dad had read that in such an assured tone of voice, like this was the most obvious conclusion.
What none of them really saw was the struggle tearing James apart on the inside. He still could not knock away the pudgy little first year he met his first night in the dorm who'd given him such a shy smile no one would ever dream he'd turn into a ruthless Marauder intent on breaking every school rule in the world. Now he'd turned into, into this person who had betrayed every person James could care about that he found it the most reasonable thing in the world that of course he should die because of it! Though that really was being kind as far as he was concerned, as the rat should really be locked away in Azkaban like Sirius had been for his crimes! No he wasn't trying to offer that up instead because the thought of Peter dying still did something to him...of course Azkaban was a far worse punishment than death so in fact he shouldn't feel anything, right?**
Lily was trembling all over she was so frustrated. She'd cried herself to sleep over Peter, realizing that not one of her friends had ever gotten a decent life after her and James death, the blunt reminder that Peter had died that day coming back to her at every hour last night and causing her to cry into her husband's shoulder all over again and now she couldn't bat an eye how sincere James, and no doubt Remus, was feeling at the time upon this.
Sirius pressed his hands to his ears, he didn't want to keep hearing this because he felt like every memory he ever had couldn't even be glimpsed at, this just wasn't the same Peter he knew now who had cracked a joke just days ago about how they were lucky they had each other or they all would have gone mad with how depressing the news had been of late.
Remus hadn't forgotten that little tidbit, but it only managed to remind him of the time he'd woken up in the Shrieking Shack and only Peter had been camped out on the end of his bed, looking like they always did after a sleepless night, but quickly reassuring a panicking Remus that James and Sirius were fine, they just had to head someone off who may have spotted them out the window last night. Peter had been so calm and reassuring in that moment Remus couldn't help but relax back, feeling safe that his friends had his back.
This was, pathetic. James really couldn't find any other word to use anymore, watching Peter beg for his life in this manner, the incomprehensible way he still to this very moment was refusing to live up to what he'd done, even apologize and beg forgiveness rather than his life, it was literally causing James more pain then he knew the Cruciates could ever do to him.
Whatever they'd been feeling for themselves was torn away in that one moment, outraged didn't cover how they felt when they realized who he was going to turn to next and how the thought of him being in the same room as their Harry sent them all ravenous for something far worse than murder to happen to the rat. None of them had spoken in a while now, to wrapped up in their own thoughts to even voice who agreed or disagreed what Remus and Sirius had declared they were going to do to Pettigrew, but Harry was confident in that moment he didn't think any of them would be protesting soon, making him feel all the more wrong footed as he was assessing his own feelings of that time.
James could count the number of times he'd heard that now and each one had filled him with pride that his only son carried even his faintest resemblance because it meant Harry at least had something, so that he'd never have to really question who his parents were. Now, coming from one of the handful of people he had been sure could always make him smile, James wanted to rip his tongue out of the rat's mouth for that.
"My sentiments exactly," Sirius nodded like he'd never heard a truer thing spoken.
"He clearly never actually knew you," Remus growled, not realizing that despite how much James wanted to agree with him, the words wouldn't come out. What did that say about him, even realizing how far Peter had fallen, he still couldn't bring himself to actually say the words he wanted Wormtail dead. It was like a constant battle ranging in his head wanting to pummel this blight into death because of what he'd cost him, a life with his family, wanting to protect one of his brothers to his last breath, they just weren't merging in his head into one person and one solution.
Remus started tugging restlessly on his sleeve, the only time he'd ever seen Peter cry had been when he'd received the news that his girlfriend had died over a holiday break, the dark mark hanging above her house in their seventh year, and looking back on it now he couldn't help but wonder when was the moment Peter's allegiance had changed.
James mind flickered back to when he'd been begging to hear Peter say this, and maybe if this had been the first thing he'd said he would have forever defended Peter, but as this was the very last line in a long string of things he'd done this night to explain away what he'd done, James had never felt more disgusted in his life at the explanation.
The question of why, why on earth had he done this to them, would forever plague them the rest of their life. Had it really been something so basically human? Fear had been known to drive people to do crazy things to save themselves, but the three Marauders couldn't fathom why Peter had fallen for this. Didn't he know they would have done anything to protect him? Hadn't he trusted that they could get through this together?
Sirius felt the worst pain in the world tearing him apart inside, as his instant rebuttal wanted to be that they would have done anything to stop that from happening. Instead he forced himself on the much more important question of time, and when a Death Eater had approached the rat and when Peter had caved and thrown away his past life in favor of his own skin. He'd just screamed it had been happening at least a year before Halloween, it could possibly be happening right this second and he couldn't do a thing about it.
That was the last straw, James realized he couldn't do this anymore when he'd screamed that right from his heart and realized how true it was to him, that he still meant it, and it clearly meant nothing to Peter. He threw the book as hard as he could and didn't even register it smashing into the wall so badly the spine broke and pages scattered and he was just sitting there, shaking his head from side to side. Out of tears, out of emotion, he just sat there.
Remus and Sirius weren't giving in this time, James looked sick as a corpse and still Sirius had hold of his elbow, whispering something in his ear, and Remus had his arm tossed around him and was now fidgeting with his wand instead like he wanted to curse the whole world. They all looked completely at their end, but they weren't moving away from each other.
Harry had plenty of practice from watching now, and had no problems pulling out his wand and repairing the book, watching the pages seamlessly merge back together and then continuing on pure instinct and silently summoning it back to him. He ran his hand over the hardcover, leaning his full weight into his mother who was freely crying herself now and looking at no one. He'd never felt more empty and helpless in his life, had nothing to compare the feeling to either because he'd never had such good friends before he could call them family, and even at his worst fights with Hermione and Ron they'd never done anything to each other like this. He sat there probing gently and came to the conclusion that he was still strong friends with both to this day. Harry knew that he needed to keep going though, that closure was the only thing that could begin to help them to whatever this story's end.
All three boys closed their eyes and braced themselves, in far too much of a wreck to even analyze if this is what should have happened, if they could live with themselves knowing this is what they had every intention of doing. It had never even crossed their minds to consider this before, if one of their own betrayed them what would they do? James had made the joke he wanted nothing more than to hear about his best friends murdering the person who had done this to them, and now he was, and it was too much to think on at one single time. They all missed the look that flashed over Harry's face as he read that.
That was literally the most stunning, and last, thing any of them had been expecting. A chapter ago Harry had been fully intent on murdering Sirius for this very fact, then he turned around and did this? Then again, Harry hadn't gone through with it. They'd praised that he'd lost his nerve at the fact, but now couldn't help but wonder if it was something more.
Harry was a good person, despite everything he'd been through and that horrid upbringing trying to make him the opposite, all he'd ever shown were the qualities of kindness. So really, Harry's act in this one moment shouldn't have really surprised them, and yet they all felt like taking a breathless step back.
War was a time where you killed in the heat of the moment and a spark on the battlefield was something to be considered only later over a strong drink, what Peter had done to them was the definition of betrayal and their upbringing and mindset had taught them that what Remus and Sirius had planned on doing because of it was the natural reaction, but it took this second for them to realize they'd never want the same thing to be on Harry. Not their innocent little baby, and not the man in front of them who was now eyeing his father, his face torn between horrified he'd made the wrong decision at his parents' wishes, and yet set all the same in saying he'd make it again.
"Oh Harry," Lily whispered, reaching over and planting a kiss on his temple in praise, running her nails through his hair and promising him he'd made the right decision.
James had to wriggle himself free of his friends, but then he went over and sat on the arm of the sofa, wrapping a sincere arm around his son as he vowed, "I'd back any play you make son. You're right of course," he half turned and gave the two a wink before continuing, "I think you ought to go over there and tear them a new one."
Both boys tried to look offended, but it was so good to hear any form of comedy back in the room they couldn't hold the expressions long. It didn't change what they were really feeling, both silently agreeing they'd probably still like the chance to at least see that rat be Kissed, and while James and Lily may have agreed they all knew it was something that they didn't want Harry near.
Harry was stunned that they were making the attempt, but then he reflected back on every other bad situation he'd seen them in. They'd passed through the emotions until they hit their breaking point, then they cracked a joke. It was probably something like their coping mechanism, their way of convincing themselves that the world would go on.
With his parents on either side of him, he felt no qualms whatsoever to continue.
Harry may have shown mercy, but it didn't make his tone any less chilling as he ground that out. He was well aware what he was defending, what he'd lost because of this man, but with his parents on either side of him right now he still held true it wasn't right.
"First time he's been honest this whole damn bit," Sirius grumbled to himself, wishing this part was over already, wanting to move past this and not go back until he could get a real solid answer here and now rather than hearing about his little pup having to go through all this.
James couldn't really meet his son's eyes right then, fairly angry at himself for not having realized sooner what Harry would think of this situation, putting his own feelings first and clearly needing more practice at this dad thing then just mildly teasing and giving his son random advice, plus it hurt all the more at the sharp reminder his son was technically the same age as him. Harry was right of course, he would never want Remus and Sirius to actually murder someone in his name, no matter the cause. He was clearly being too emotional and he needed to work on that, but his son was sitting at his side now, a proper man despite James never having a say in his life, so at least not everything had turned out for the worst.
Remus found Sirius' insistence well called for, James and Lily may have paid the ultimate price for this but Sirius had been the one to take the fall, but now that he was the slightest bit calmer he did hope Sirius wouldn't argue with him too much, Harry had been victim as well and he now realized just how wrong his actions were and even if they had carried through on that threat they never should have done it in front of the children.
Harry frowned in confusion at that though, asking, "Why wouldn't you just stun him? Or is there a way you could have forced him to turn back into a rat, easier to carry."
"That Homorphus Charm we used would still be in effect" Remus sighed with distaste. "No spell would affect him physically until that last one wore off, and no, there is no way to force an animagus to assume animal form."
Harry nodded in understanding, but still couldn't quite erase the frown on his face. He had a really bad feeling about leaving Pettigrew like this.
That wasn't making Harry's feeling any better, he was getting a mounting sense of impending doom, like he was going to regret his decision before this night was over, but he kept kicking that out of the way, surely he was just doubting himself because of how angry he still was.
Lily desperately hoped with everything she had that it wouldn't come to that, that Peter would have just one moment left of the man she knew and let himself be turned in to at least right the wrong he'd done Sirius. If he escaped afterwards then be damned his soul and whatever punishment he suffered for it, but please just let this be done with Harry and Sirius for now.
"And he's not stupid enough to try," James added on.
All five of them gave genuine smiles for that, happy that whatever initial problems Ron had with Remus seemed to be gone at least for the moment as he showed gratitude without any more fear of being near him.
"I disagree," Sirius grumbled, "he's touched in the head, and I probably did help."
Remus rolled his eyes, but it wasn't the worst joke he'd heard from him, in fact he even wondered if he'd done that for his friend for old time's sake, so he let it slide this time.
James couldn't help but crack up giggling. He probably sounded slightly hysterical, he knew he felt it after everything he'd just felt in this past chapter, but the idea of what they'd done to Snape was pleasant enough and he'd cling to that for as long as he could.
Harry couldn't help a little grimace at that mental image he now remembered all too well, he didn't care how much he disliked Snape, that had just been creepy.
"What, no! Am I insane," Remus yelped, going ramrod straight and wild eyed in seconds. Sirius looked at him in concern, fixing to ask what the big deal was and worried that someone had finally lost it for good in this room when he kept going, "How close to peak of the full moon was it? Snape was only there because I'm going to change, without any of that potion!"
And here they'd almost been getting back to a decent place in the room, now they all looked like they'd been petrified when they realized what he meant. How long had they been in the Shrieking Shack? It had been sundown when they'd gone in, but between the constant stops and starts of their own reading they had no idea how long the kids had been in there. When the moon reached full Remus would transform and those kids would be in terrible danger.
Harry couldn't help it, he tried to ignore it because for the first time he didn't want that settling feeling back, but he couldn't ignore it no matter how much he wanted to. Something in him was warning he should take Remus' threat very seriously, and desperately wished Professor Lupin had thought of it then. Why hadn't he thought of this then? Most likely because Lupin's main concern more than anything would be to get Pettigrew up to Dumbledore, his sole purpose would be to see Sirius' name cleared and he wouldn't be thinking of anything else in the world until then.
They prayed that they were just being paranoid, that they'd all get back up to the school to Dumbledore and things would be properly sorted out, Merlin even if they had to make a side stop to get that potion from Remus' office before they did, they'd settle for anything at this point. When no one answered though, because none of them knew one little bit obviously, Harry decided he should just keep going.
"Can't blame him one little bit," Sirius nodded with a set look in place.
Harry closed the book to show that this one was finally done, still eyeing each of his family with true worry that this had been too much for them. After everything Harry had been through, they'd all gotten through it because he was sitting right here healthy and alive, but this wasn't just some 'he almost got killed' moment. No, this was the most personal thing he could have ever discovered, and he was still trying to figure out how it was his fault. He was so lost in thought that at first he didn't notice Sirius lighting up like Christmas as he cheered "do you know what this means!"
He'd been so lost in thought, going over every bad possible thing that could happen all because of that foul little rat getting away for any number of things, but when he'd glanced up and seen how worried Harry looked he'd casted his mind around for something else and landed on the best thing possible. While the others glanced at him for his outburst, Sirius couldn't hide the glee in his voice one little bit as he declared, "Harry's going to get away from those Dursleys, because I'm going to adopt him."
Peter begging like that was literally the most degrading thing I've ever read in my life. I know this is the basis for a lot of people's opinions on Peter, and while I detest it in the worst way possible as he should at least have the gall to admit to what he did and then run rather than that, I'd still like to point out that this was a Marauder. There is no way I can ever imagine any of the others putting up with such a sniveling little thing in their youth, Peter had to be a different person and fear changed him into what he was in that scene. I have seen JK say that James and Sirius only let Peter be friends with them in a cynical way, but that doesn't make sense in a long standing point. Maybe it had even started that way, but there's no way they would have gone out and done illegal Animagus stuff, including him in the making of their map, trusted him in the Order and with the Potter's life if they'd really thought so little of him. Hope I didn't earn too many flames for my opinion on this chapter.
Also, fun fact about me, favorite chapter of the entire series. Still no actual reason I'm sharing this with you.
*JK Rowling's official response to that question is, that even if they had seen Peter Pettigrew on the map, why would they care? The story of Sirius' friends wasn't widely known to the public as Fudge had said, so why would they think anything of the name? The only problem with this though, and I never found another answer from her, is in the dorms. Surely they would have seen his name mashed in with Ron's at any stinking time and as I said, never once questioned Ron about it? He only hung out with two kids on a regular basis, and never once mentioned a Peter? I know they didn't sit around and have in depth discussions with their brother about his friends, but I still find that really hard to swallow. Hope my answer wasn't too out there.
**Since we know virtually nothing about James, what he would have canonically felt about this moment we will never know, so I based this on how I would have felt if I'd learned all of this. I'm sorry if you disagree, if you'd like to discuss it I'd be more than happy to hear some other opinions.