Thanks to all who are following this fic, thank you for the nice comments. Please don't be afraid to give some pointers. I love to hear your feedback
Chapter 4: Breaking down her walls!
She grabs the knife and hears an icy scream. He falls to the ground, blood streaming from a gaping wound in his chest, and Emma watches him. There's blood on the knife and blood on her hands.
"You will never use it on me or any other girl again!"
She wants to wipe away her tears but can't because of the blood. What is a person supposed to feel after they have done something as terrible as this? Fear? Regret? Anger? Maybe some sort of twisted happiness? No, Emma doesn't feel any of these things. All she feels is relief.
Emma opens her eyes and stretches her limbs. It's a little before six. She has slept really well for the first time in a while - maybe in anticipation of the events planned for the day. She climbs out of bed, pulls on her plain clothes and as soon as she is done her door opens and a smiling Ruby lets her out.
"Good morning, Ruby."
"Good morning, Emma, you look like you slept well."
Emma smiles and nods.
"I did, I slept really well, like a baby."
They walk into the kitchen together and Ruby opens the lock on the utensil cupboard.
"So what can we make today?" Emma asks no one in particular as she opens the fridge to reveal a number of ingredients. Ruby comes to stand beside her and looks as well.
"Um, why don't you make some eggy bread?"
"Mmm, I don't know about you, but I'm more in the mood for pancakes!"
Ruby chuckles and agrees, "pancakes it is and I'm going to help you - even if it's just by licking the bowl."
After an hour they have enough batter to feed an army and serve each table a stack of pancakes, Emma receiving praise for her delicious cooking. She makes her way over to her friends' table. They are all chatting and eating eagerly, Tink making a complete mess, syrup dripping off her chin in sticky rivulets. Lily joins the table a moment later and nods at Emma.
"I'm meeting Mrs. Lucas after breakfast."
Lily plays with her fingernails and looks down while Granny rifles through the paperwork they need to fill in before Lily's release. Lily doesn't really make an effort to stop her mind from wandering and keeps her gaze concentrated on the filing cabinet. The keys are still hanging in the lock.
"So why don't I get us something to drink and nibble on. What would you like Lily, tea or coffee?"
"C-coffee….No…I mean tea," she answers anxiously.
"Coming right up!" Granny stands up and gives Lily a supportive squeeze on the shoulder.
The minute Granny closes the door she jumps up and makes her way to the cabinet. Unlocking it, she lets her fingers trace over the files until she gets to the letter M.
"MA, ME, MI, Mills. Got it…"
Lily opens the file and lets her eyes briefly skim over the words on each of the pages, evaluating their value. When she comes to a page entitled 'family history' she folds the paper and sticks it swiftly in her bra. She takes another random paper just in case she missed something. Unsure how much time has passed, she quickly slides the file back where it belongs and sits back down in her seat. It's about another minute before Granny walks back in, cheerfully laden down with a plate of cookies and a teapot. She remembers Emma's words and smiles as she thinks that this was indeed very easy.
"So!" Granny says abruptly, "You're getting out in a week. Do you have someone who can come and pick you up? Can you stay with someone or do we need to make arrangements for you?"
"I don't know yet. I…My mother…she wrote to me and maybe if things go well between us I might…maybe she would let me live with her."
Lily doesn't want to pin her hopes on this woman, but she did wonder if such a thing would be possible.
"But I guess I need a back-up plan too. So yeah, I think I need to make other arrangements."
Granny picks up her cup of tea and takes a sip.
"It's okay to want something. You don't have to be ashamed of wishing for your mother. I heard from Miss Mills that you're going to write a letter to her."
"Yes I am, Emma is going to help me with it."
Granny lifts an eyebrow in surprise. "I thought Miss Mills was going to help you with it?"
"I prefer Emma, she knows where I come from. She's a foster kid just like me."
Granny nods in understanding.
"Well, why don't we wait and see what comes out of this and then we can decide what to do. Does that sound reasonable?"
Lily nods.
"Okay, let me walk you back to the units."
Lily finishes her tea, pops a cookie in her mouth and follows Granny outside. As soon as she's back in the units she is able to breathe freely again. Lily walks to Emma's room and pulls the papers from her bra, hiding them under Emma's pillow. She walks out cautiously, checking each way just in case someone sees her coming out of Emma's room.
Emma literally stuffs her face with food at lunch so she has time to go to her room and read the information Lily had left for her. Everything had gone as planned giving her a warm tingly feeling; her plans always worked out.
She reaches for the papers and smooths them out. The first page is filled with basic information: hometown, current address, age, driving capability and her phone number. The last thing was potentially useful - maybe she could call the brunette when Regina is at home; it would probably freak her out knowing Emma has this information about her…
The second paper is much more interesting as it details her family history, including the names of her father, mother and also her sister. The sister's name feels familiar to Emma, but she can't figure out where she had heard it before. Yet she knows she has definitely heard it before. She tucks the papers back under her pillow and makes her way to Miss Mills' office.
She hasn't really got the right information to use for the little seduction games she plans to play, For now, Emma resigns herself to playing the role of sweet little girl.
"Come in," Regina calls when she hears a soft knock at the door. To her surprise, Emma walks in with a soft smile on her lips. Regina had been mentally preparing herself for any trouble Emma was going to cause today, but it seemed like the girl had put their discussion behind her.
"Good afternoon, Miss Mills. What can I do for you today? Some more copying?" Emma purrs in a soft voice.
Regina puts her glasses down and walks over to the bookcase across the room. Emma follows and places herself so close to Regina that their shoulders are almost touching.
"I would like you to clean out all the books that were published before or in the year 2000. Their guidelines on dealing with troubled teenagers are irrelevant and outdated. If you find a book that you think might be still be important, don't be afraid to ask me."
Emma puts her hand on Miss Mills' shoulder.
"Don't worry, I'm not scared of you."
"No, you're not," Regina chuckles.
Emma gets to work without complaint. Regina starts to enjoy this easy companionable quiet - no backstabbing, no hateful comments. Maybe she had gotten through to Emma yesterday. Regina goes back to gathering information about Lily's biological mother, who had called the centre and asked if she could visit Lily. Mrs. Lucas and Regina agreed that it was a good idea. The woman seemed genuinely invested in Lily's wellbeing, but that being said, it was still up to Lily to decide if she wanted to schedule a visit.
When Emma finishes the first bookshelf she comes across a book she finds very interesting. She walks to Miss Mills' desk and stands beside her.
"Miss Mills, what is this book about?"
She puts the book down on the desk and Regina looks at it.
"Oh, Dreams by Stefan Klein. He's a professor who explains in simple terms what our dreams are trying to tell us."
Emma leans in and flips the book to read the summary. Emma can feel her breasts pressed up against Regina's shoulder, but the counsellor doesn't say anything about it.
"Are you having some dreams that need explaining?" Miss Mills asks.
Emma smiles predatorily.
"I might be," she whispers in Regina's ear before getting back up. Regina can feel her heartbeat racing faster, just like when she had thought Emma was going to attack her; this time it was for a very different reason.
"So um," Regina coughs a little, "why don't you take it with you to read? If you have any questions afterwards I would be happy to help you."
"That would be lovely," Emma says and casually winks at her.
Emma finishes the rest of her work without incident, only asking every so often when she isn't sure if a book should stay or go. Once she is done, Regina asks her to stay a little longer while she gets them something the eat. They eat and drink in silence until Regina exclaims,"Thank you!"
"For what?" Emma asks, curious.
"For working with me and not against me."
Emma grips Regina's hand and lets her thumb rub gentle circles over it.
"I think I figured out that working with you will be more fun than working against you," Emma says, her eyes darkening, pupils dilating.
Regina finds herself lost for words, the only thing on her mind is the smooth touch of Emma's thumb against her skin. It had been a while since she had been touched in such a gentle manner and Regina felt herself getting flustered.
She snatches her hand back and clears her throat.
"You should go, your work is done for today. Can you find Lily for me and tell her to come to my office?"
Emma nods, gets up and leaves the office. Regina catches herself staring at Emma's butt. She curses at herself and shakes her head. No, this wasn't happening, Regina wasn't attracted to Emma. She was to young and totally off limits.
Regina gets up and tidies her desk, putting the refreshments away. Not long after she hears a knock and Lily enters the room.
"Good afternoon, Lily. Did you bring a pen and paper to write your letter?" Lily sits down in the chair opposite the desk.
"I'm sorry Miss Mills but Emma is going to help me write it. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just she's a foster kid like me and she knows what I've been through."
"I understand, Lily and don't worry, I don't mind. Since you're here I can tell you that your mom called the centre and she would really like to schedule a visit. I told her I would discuss it with you and let her know."
Lily swallows hard. Her mom seemed really persisted; maybe she really did care about her.
"Of course, it's perfectly within your rights to decline. You don't have any obligation to honour her request. If you decide you do want to meet her, you may choose someone to accompany you."
Lily thinks hard about the new information. Maybe she should meet her mom without sending a letter first. She seems to really want to get to know her and if there is a possibility that Lily can live with her after her release, she should find out as soon as possible.
"I want to meet her and I want Emma to come with me." Regina nods.
"I will schedule a visit. What do you think about Friday afternoon, the day after tomorrow?"
"Alright," Lily says, letting out a puff of air. Maybe things are finally looking up for her.
After dinner Emma joins Belle in her room. She had taken the papers from under her pillow and showed them to Belle.
"Do you remember this name? I recognize it but I can't place it." Belle takes the piece of paper and looks over it frowning in concentration.
"Zelena? Oh Zelena!" Belle paces the room and pulls at her chin with her fingers.
"Yes I remember now; she's the one who killed herself. She is the only one to ever have committed suicide here."
Emma eyes grew wide. She wanted to know about Regina so she could use her weaknesses to get close to her, but now she feels conflicted.
"Do you know why she did it?" Emma asks and Belle shakes her head solemnly, then adds, "No I don't, but it might be in her file."
Belle hands the paper back to Emma. The information Emma has just uncovered about Zelena makes her curious. Emma was sceptical about Regina's motivations behind helping the girls at Edmonton. Had she mistakenly decided Miss Mills' fate too quickly? Maybe she did have a truly genuine reason to want to help everyone. Emma quickly figures she needs to get her hands on more information about Zelena. For that she needs Mulan's help, but that is trouble for tomorrow.
Emma retreats to her room with the book Miss Mills had leant her. She needs to know why she has the same dream every night, why she can't get rid of it and what it actually means.
"Come on Gina, just try it! It's only lipstick."
Regina looks at her best friend Kathryn.
"My mom will kill me if she finds out. She thinks red lipstick is for sluts and prostitutes."
Kathryn rolls her eyes.
"Your mom is so uptight. Come on, just try it." Regina hesitates for a second but decides to do it anyway. Regina pouts her lips and applies the bright red lipstick with an unpracticed hand. She looks at herself in the mirror and finds that the colour surprisingly suits her really well.
Regina locks eyes with Kathryn in the mirror.
"What do you think?" She asks.
"You look gorgeous. Let me try some." Regina turns around to give Kathryn the lipstick, but is taken aback when Kathryn kisses her on the lips. Regina is shocked but after a small pause she kisses Kathryn back. This feels so good, Regina can't help thinking.
"REGINA MILLS!"
The blood drains from Regina's face when she hears her mother's distinctive polished voice. Before Regina can say anything she feels a sudden pain in her right cheek. Her mother had slapped her, hard.
"And you! Filthy girl! Get out of my house." Cora yells at Kathryn, who is frozen to the spot. Cora grabs the girl's hair and drags her out of the room.
"Didn't you hear me? Get out of my house!" Regina runs after them and yanks at her mother's arm so she has to let go of Kathryn's hair. Regina feels a second slap, this time on her left cheek.
"Go! Kathryn, just go!" Regina cries and Kathryn stumbles down the stairs and out the front door.
"You stupid disobedient girl. How dare you humiliate me like that?" Cora hits Regina again, this time with so much force that Regina falls to the floor. She lies close to the edge of the staircase and for a second Regina thinks that Cora is going to push her down the stairs. Instead she almost welcomes the rain of slaps all over her body.
"STOP HITTING HER!" A voice screams and the slaps stop coming.
Regina opens her eyes and sees her sister Zelena standing at the edge of the stairs, looking down at the lifeless body at the bottom.
"I…killed…her," Zelena says, her voice creaking and weak and her face a shocked mask of disbelief
Regina feels awful when she walks into the breakroom the next morning; it's been a while since she had a dream about that day. The day she lost her mother - but mostly she remembers it as the day she lost her sister. Zelena was never the same after that; she closed in on herself. She was arrested, charged with first degree murder and sent to Edmonton Correctional Centre for Young Girls, and Regina wasn't able to see her for two years. Only at the end were she and her father allowed to visit because of Zelena's crippling depression. When she saw her sister Regina knew immediately that any piece of the fantastic person she once was had disappeared.
During breakfast, Emma asks Mulan for the favour she owes her after getting her released from isolation. She wants Mulan to steal Zelena's file while she distracts Miss Mills.
"Give me ten minutes. I'll get her to leave the office and give you enough time to sneak in and get the file." Mulan nods tersely, picking up a book and pretending to read on one of the couches out of sight of the educators - but close enough to see Miss Mills' office.
Emma puts on her best smile and knocks on the familiar door. She waits for Miss Mills to call her in.
Regina looks tired: her hair isn't as smooth as yesterday and she has bags under her eyes. Emma closes the door and sits down.
"Are you all right, Miss Mills?"
Regina rubs her eyes and nods.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just didn't sleep very well last night and my neck is bothering me."
Emma beams because Miss Mills has just given her the perfect excuse to execute her plan. She stands up and quickly walks behind Miss Mills whilst she continues to rub her eyes. She squeezes the counsellor's shoulders with a firm grip. Regina is shocked when she feels Emma's hands on her.
"Wha—What are you doing!?" She tries to shake Emma's hands off, but the girl keeps massaging and manipulating her muscles.
"Stop fighting it, I'm just helping you out. Relax!" Emma rolls her knuckles over a particularly tight muscle and hears Miss Mills moan.
"That's it…Keep relaxing."
Regina can't help the moans that escape her throat. Emma is doing something magical to her shoulder muscles. She feels a warmth spreading through her whole body - something inside her erupting - something she hasn't felt in a long time. It's almost the same feeling as when she had kissed Kathryn, many years ago. It feels so incredibly good.
No! She shouldn't be thinking like this. This can't be good, this can't be right!
"Woah, what just happened?" Emma asks with a deep frown, "your muscles totally just tensed up, even more than earlier."
Regina's breath hitches.
"I think you should stop Emma," Regina whispers.
Emma pretends not to have heard. She leans over Regina and grabs the hand cream on Regina's desk. She puts it aside for a second and lets her hand wander down Regina's front, opening a button of her blouse. Regina feels herself blushing even as just the tip of Emma's fingers brush the top of her cleavage. She wants to say something, anything, to stop this madness - she can't find her voice.
With the extra button open, Emma pushes down the fabric of the blouse to expose the honey-coloured skin of Miss Mills' shoulders. She squeezes some hand cream onto her hands and starts rubbing it liberally into every last crevice of skin she can touch. Regina can't help herself and she lets her head fall back. She knows she is enjoying this far too much.
"Oh CRAP!" Emma cries suddenly. Some of the cream had splattered on her shirt. Regina turns to see what's wrong.
"I'm never going to get this out and this is my favourite shirt," Emma pouts adorably.
"Nonsense, we will just wash it out in the toilets."
Regina takes Emma's hand and guides her out of the office. She is glad for the interruption because if she had stayed in that seat any longer she might have done something she would regret. They walk together to the toilets, leaving the office open and empty.
Regina heads to the sink and tears some paper towels from the machine. She holds it under the stream of tap water and turns to clean Emma's shirt. Her face pales when she realises Emma is standing in only her bra with her shirt in her hands. Regina hastily takes the shirt and turns her back on Emma. She starts cleaning the cream off the shirt, not noticing that Emma is stepping closer and closer. Emma places her hands on Regina's hips and the older woman jumps in shock.
"Emma! What are you doing?" Regina asks nervously. She turns around to take control of the situation, but Emma simply steps further into her personal space and backs her up against the sink. Emma's long fingers trace the lines on Regina's face, her strong jawline, the little scar, her lips.
"Emma," Regina breathes, her eyes pleading, "please stop."
Emma stops and locks eyes with her. Regina's eyes are dark and full of hunger.
"I know you want this, I can see it."
Regina finally gathers the inner strength she needs to push Emma back.
"We can't always act on the things we want."
Mulan walks casually into the office. She opens the file closet and looks inside. Her fingers tracing over the fills. But how many times she keeps tracing them she can not find the file. She closes the closet and looks around the office. Her eyes fall on the desk and she walks over. She opens every draw and in the last one she finds the file. She grabs the papers and looks them over.
She was about to hide the papers when the door opened and a pale looking Regina stepped in with a nervous and wide eye looking Emma following her.
"What are you doing with those paper?" Regina asks in anger. Emma is standing behind Regina and was shaking her head. Making sure Mulan wouldn't say a thing but at the same moment Regina had seen her doing it.
"Is this one of your plans?" She asks Emma furious. Emma didn't say a word. Regina looks back at Mulan and takes a step forward to grab the paper.
"From which file were you taking these?" Regina looks down at the papers and sign deeply.
"Why were you taking papers out of my sister's file? Answer me Mulan!" Regina was now facing both girls who stood next to each other.
"I'm sorry Miss Mills, I didn't know she was your sister." Mulan lied.
"Bullshit!... Emma! I know your behind this, why did you need my sister's file?"
Emma is looking at her feet. She knows why she wanted to take the file, she wanted to know her weaknesses but knowing what she knew now, she regretted making this plan.
"Please let Mulan go with a warning. She only did what I asked her to do." Regina stares at her. She felt so betrayed. She really thought that Emma's actions were genuine. She should have now better. The casual touches, the flirting and a minute ago the almost kissing. It was all fake.
"Mulan get out and be glad you only get a warning, next time I will make sure you get a punishment." Mulan didn't need to think twice about it and left the office. Regina turned around and sat down in her leather chair putting the file papers back.
Emma kept standing were she stood waiting for Regina to say something. Emma was regreting her actions she should have let it go. She shouldn't have let Regina get to her. If she had giving the brunette a chance to proof herself she wouldn't have done any of this.
"Emma sit down." Regina said, her voice icy.
"Why did you want to know about me sister? And please don't lie to me." Emma sits down and rubs her temples.
"I'm sorry." She whispers. " I….I needed to know your weakness." Regina looks up not understanding what this girl has with weaknesses.
"Why?"
Emma looks down at her hands and starts crying. She doesn't know how to answer that question, she really doesn't know. Regina leans forward and lifts Emma's chin up with her finger.
"Do you want to know what I think?" Regina asks, Emma nods.
"I think you want power, power over people so you can control and manipulate every situation so no one can hurt you. I understand that you want to protect yourself Emma, I have read your file I know what you have done but I also know that you wouldn't cut of your foster dads penis without a reason. I also think I know what the reason is but if you don't talk about it you will never get over it."
Emma listens to Regina's explanation and with every word her heart gets heavier and the tears don't stop from falling down. She has been holding everything in for so long not willing to show weakness, afraid of the shame but most of all she was afraid of what she felt after she had done it, a person is not supposed to feel relief. She buries her head in her hands, her whole body is shaking and she can't hold back the sobs. Regina goes to sit beside her and takes Emma's head and let her lean against her chest.
"Ssh it's okay, you can talk to me when you're ready. I will be here for you." Regina rubs Emma's head gently. After half an hour the sobs stop and Emma looks up into Regina's eyes who is still holding her.
"Thank you, I needed that." Emma retracts herself form the comforting arms. She wishes she could stay there for ever but she knows it's not possible.
"Emma, I think your punishment is over. You don't have to come here anymore to work but I would like it if you come to talk to me. I want to help you leave the past behind you." Emma swipes away her remaining tears and nods.
"I truly am sorry about misleading you miss Mills." Regina takes Emma hand and gives it a squeeze.
"You can call me Regina dear." Emma smiles.
"Thank you."
After Emma has left the office Regina let's out a sign. She has done it, she has broken down the girls walls and can start helping her.
As soon as Emma leaves the office Mulan is upon her.
"Emma! Everything alright, did you get in trouble." Emma shakes her head and keeps walking towards her room. She needs to be alone right now.
"Why did you need her sister's file? What is your plan? Emma talk to me!" Mulan yells when they enter the room. Emma turns around and feels her blood boiling.
"Stop okay! No I'm not in trouble and yes I needed her file and no don't need it anymore because I not going to go through with the plan. I please leave me alone I want to be alone right now!" Mulan shut her mouth and looks bewildered at Emma. Emma let herself fall on top of her bed and closes her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I just making sure your fine. " Mulan looks down and turns to leave the room but Emma's voice stops her.
"No, I'm the one that should be sorry. Please come back and sit with me for a second." Mulan turns back and goes to sit aside of Emma.
"I'm sorry I lost my temper with you." Emma says." I just had a rough time. Miss Mills had angered me and I wanted to get her fired. She I made Lily steal her file so I could find some information about her that I could use to seduce her but instead I found out about her sister. Her sister was one of use and she truly is here to help us."
"You wanted to seduce her? You like girls?" Mulan asks curiously.
"yes I do, I figured that out a while ago." Emma answers honestly.
"But isn't it bad to like girls?" Mulan puts her head down while she nervously plays with her fingers.
"why would you think liking girls is bad? Love is love, the gender isn't important."
Mulan shrugged her shoulder and let out a sign that came from deep inside her.
"My family, they are very religious my father is a pastor. I fell in love with a girl and they told me it was a sin. They tried to ….how do I put it?...fix me. I ended up here because I snapped and my father ended up in a hospital. I'm afraid…" Mulan cried. "I'm afraid of liking girls because it's a sin." Emma shook her head and embraced Mulan.
"it's not a sin. Sins do not exist, it's something that religious makes up to tell people what is wrong in their eyes. You don't have to be afraid, you have to accept who you are. Maybe you should go talk to miss Mills as well. She is actually pretty good." Emma whipped away the tears on Mulan's face.
Emma let her head rest against Mulan's forehead. "It's seems like we are more screwed up then we actually think." Both girls chuckled at Emma's statement.