Hey :)
First of all, thank you all so much for reviewing, following and favouriting this story, it honestly keeps me motivated and inspired, so thank you!
Here is chapter two, I hope you enjoy reading it, I definitely enjoyed writing it :)
It has been three days.
Three days filled with doctors telling her it wasn't unusual for brain surgery patients to not wake up immediately. Three days filled with the pitying stares of family members of patients in the rooms next to her husband's. Three days of tears that wouldn't fall, of heart rates that sped up after waking up from an accidental nap. Three days of anxious nail and lip biting.
And three days of the worst form of torture there is - waiting.
Kate puts two quarters in the vending machine, patiently waiting for the brown liquid to poor into the ugly grey plastic cup. She takes her coffee, staying in the hallway next to the cafeteria a while longer, not exactly rushing to see her husband hooked onto several tubes, the sound of beeping machines filling the discomforting room. Not that staying here for five more minutes would change anything about their situation. So straightening her spine, she takes a deep breath, enjoying the smell of her favourite drink before eventually walking back onto floor 4.
Upon approaching his room, she hears voices talking and absentmindedly wonders who it could be since Martha and Alexis had already been there this morning.
"Beckett" Ryan pokes his head out of Castle's room door and waves to get her attention. She brightens a little at the thought of having someone to sit with, maybe helping her drown out the thoughts haunting her mind ever since the apologising face of his doctor told her he wasn't awake yet.
"Ryan" she forces a smile, hugging him faintly, "how are you doing?"
"I think the better question is, how are you holding up?" he asks, concern painting his features. She shrugs slightly, not wanting him to pity her but also not going to lie. "I don't know. I just feel so useless, there's nothing I can do but sit here all day, praying for him to wake up." He nods in sympathy. "That is part of why I am here" Ryan confesses, suddenly seeming really interesting in his hands.
"We got a new case, it's a light one but we're kind of stuck and if you want to come back we could really use your help. Thought maybe you need the distraction." He looks at her warily.
"Light one?" she echoes, prompting him to explain.
"Well, gunshot wound to the head, the usual, nothing gruesome or any of that kind." Beckett's eyes narrow.
"You call that light?"
"No, well maybe light wasn't the right choice of-"
"How can you even think that, let alone say it to me? Someone is dead. Never waking up again. Never coming back. And you stand there saying it's light? Did you also tell that their next of kin?" Ryan instinctively takes a step back.
"Of course we didn't, I am sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I just-"
"You just what? Came here to try to get me out of the hospital, out of the place where my husband is laying?" "We just thought you needed a little dis-" "Distraction from what? From the last days I might have with my husband being semi-alive? From what do you think I need distraction? I got it handled, you know? I don't need you to show up here and tell me what to do."
That doctor who had been checking up on Castle chooses that moment to exit the room again, obviously having overheard parts of the conversation that is taking place in the hallway. "I am sorry but I couldn't help but listening and maybe he" he gestures to Ryan "is right. You have been sitting here for three days now, maybe a little time outside our walls would clear your mind?" he smiles at Beckett in a supposed-to-be encouraging manner.
"You wanna know why I have been sitting here for three days?" Kate pinches the bridge of her nose and if Castle were there he would know that this paired with the throbbing vein on her forehead were sure warning symbols to run away before the Beckett storm was about to unload. "I know you are concerned about your husband, Mrs. Castle, but I can assure you right now there's nothing to be scared of because we have-"
"There's nothing to be scared of?" her hands fall to her side, her fingers sticking forward in disbelief. "How can you have the audacity to stand here and tell me nothing is wrong? How dare you to to even suggest I leave my husband? How on earth can you smile every single time you go into that room to check on my husband when you know he is dying?" she spats the last words.
"Kate" Ryan's voice sounds from the other side and she turns around too fast, her eyes shooting daggers at him. "What?" she snaps, the vein on her forehead still throbbing furiously but her eyes blink too fast and if Castle were here he would know what to do. He would know how to hold her, how to keep her from crying. Heck, if Castle were there she wouldn't even be in this situation.
"Come here" Ryan says, motioning to himself. She shakes her head in disbelief.
"You come here, telling me to fucking leave my husband alone to die, he" she gestures to the doctor who is standing there helplessly "he dares to tell me three days mean nothing when they mean everything. You know that."
Ryan nods his head. "I know Kate and that is why I am here. I'm sorry, it was stupid of me to assume you would come with me, I should have known better." His eyes look sincere as he apologises.
And suddenly, just like the storm had come it's starting to disappear again, leaving Kate in the middle of the hallway, with nothing but emptiness.
"Kevin, what if he dies?" she whispers just loud enough for his ears and her voice cracks traitorously. Ryan closes the distance between them, engulfing her in a hug and she tries to fight it at first because if she lets him hug her, she's sure she won't be able to stop the tears. "What if he dies?" she repeats and suddenly the dam breaks and the first tear starts to fall.
And just like that her body decides to stop fighting it because she hasn't really been sleeping ever since Castle got admitted and she hadn't been able to cry at all until this very moment. "Shhh it's okay" Ryan whispers when she stars to hug him back, clinging onto him for dear life. It is probably not the wisest thing of him to say but for the moment it's enough. He makes eye contact with the still stunned doctor, silently telling him to leave.
He holds her, letting her tears slowly soak his suit and they stand like that for a few minutes before moving over to sit on the floor, somehow never stopping to hug. It is surreal and under normal circumstances she would be uncomfortable hugging anyone but her husband this long but this is not normal and somehow it helps and so when the sobs die down, she doesn't hang her head in shame but looks over to Ryan, giving him a teary, worn out smile and he smiles right back at her.
When she gets home that night, Ryan had managed to convince her to find some comfort in her own bed, she feels like she's run two marathons at once. The hospital had sworn they would call her as soon as he so much as moved his little finger so there was nothing she could do.
As she unlocks the door to the loft, she sees Martha sitting at the kitchen island, a glass of red clutched in her hand, the other one slowly massaging her temple. Upon hearing the door, she looks up, seeing Kate's face, the exhaustion clearly painted into her features.
"Oh darling" she rushes over before Beckett can even think about removing her jacket and wraps her arms around her daughter-in-law. "I'm so glad you decided to come back for the night, we can go in tomorrow as early as you'd like." Beckett gathers enough strength to give the older woman a smile, thanking her before moving to their bedroom.
She finishes her nightly routine in a trance before slipping under the sheets that still smell like him. Like them. Just when she wants to switch of the bedside lamp, there is a soft knock at the door.
She calls out that it's open and Martha sticks her head in.
"I'm sorry I'm bothering you so late but I promised him." Kate looks at her with confused eyes. "Richard gave me something before he left and I didn't want to give it to you because I wasn't sure if it would cause you to get more upset but I promised him" she gives a watery smile "and I raised my son to keep his promises so I will keep mine as well."
She offers Beckett an envelope which she takes quickly.
"Goodnight darling" Martha quickly brushes a hand over the covers.
"Goodnight" Beckett repeats, not really listening because she had caught sight of the words on the envelope in her hands and she waits for the door to close again before fully looking at it.
It's white with nothing but two words in the middle.
Two words that somehow shatter her heart into pieces because she might never be able to hear him say her name ever again.
Two words she had seen on little sticky notes on her bedside table when he got up early in the morning after finding inspiration.
Two words in his handwriting:
To Kate
Thank you so much for reading, please let me know how you liked this chapter because like I said, your feedback really inspires me. Thank you again, I wish you all a lovely day (or night, depending on where you are)
Lea