Thank you all so much for the feedback I am so happy you like it and reading your words makes my days better. Please keep them coming :)

So here is chapter three, I hope you enjoy it! I know I only just started this story and I have a long journey ahead of me but I'm so grateful you're joining me on this. Thank you.

Her hands shake when she opens the letter, desperately trying to prepare to cherish every single word that this letter contains for her because there was no way can she be certain these aren't the last word she'd ever hear or read from him.

She carefully, almost embarrassingly slow, takes out the white paper within the envelope and unfolds it, staring at the lines of words that become blurry in front of her eyes.
She takes a deep breath, forcing her eyes to focus on the words he had dedicated to her and starts reading.

Kate,

when you are holding this letter in your hands it means I haven't woken up for three days now. As the doctors told me when I decided to have the surgery, it doesn't mean anything bad necessarily, just that my brain isn't ready yet to function on its own again. But I know you and I know that if the roles were reversed I would not be able to think about anything else but you. Heck, I can't even think about anything else but you everyday since I met you. So to make your days a little more bearable until I wake up, I have left you little notes throughout the whole city for you to search for every day. Maybe you're rolling your eyes right now but humour me and try it. Hiding them made me relive every step we ever took, every decision we ever made and every single minute we spent together and I loved every second of it. I love our story and I am eager to continue it when I wake up again. I can't promise you that I will because we both know that is not in my power to do and I would never promise you anything I can't keep. But I do know and promise you this: I will do everything in my power to return to you. Kate, I loved you with everything I have, I love you right at this exact moment and I will love you forever. And I know that I miss you terribly right now because there is no way I wouldn't. I am excited to hear about your adventures around the city everyday because according to research I did, I can hear you subconsciously even when I am not awake. I will never give up on us, on you, on my life and on the future we are going to have together. You are my life and I love you with everything I have.

All my love,

Rick

Kate raises her hand to her cheek to wipe away the hot tears that had freely flown over her cheeks without her even realising. She blinks twice, trying to sort her thoughts again but all she can think about is him.

How his words made him seem so positive to wake up and how this positivity had managed to make a way into her heart while she had read the letter. But now that she'd consumed every single word he'd written for her it hits her again and with a different kind of force how much she misses him with every fibre of her body.

If she is being honest, going out, cruising through New York doesn't sound as inviting right now as all she wants to do is curl up and fall asleep until they both wake up again.
But he had planned all this for her, hid the notes weeks before he went to have the surgery, thought about how she would feel like if he didn't wake up immediately after the surgery and wanted her to be distracted to forget about the voices in her head telling her that he actually might never wake up ever again. So despite her fear of having to move through the busy streets of New York with her whole body aching from the exhaustion of missing him she know that of course she will follow his lead. Not only because he'd put so much effort into it but because she desperately needs something of his since she obviously misses the safe haven of his body but most of all she misses his words. The way he manages to make her laugh and smile and not give up no matter how much shit rained down on her. On them.

Knowing there is still something of him out there, something that she hasn't read and seen yet makes him seem so much more alive than the tubes down his throat do.

She neatly folds the letter again and starts putting it back into the envelope when she sees the smaller note hidden inside. She quickly pulls it out, opening it to reveal a few lines in his handwriting.

#1 - Wherever I am right know, I am 100% sure I miss working with you. I miss sitting in my chair and spinning theories with you. - Rick

She stares at the note. If she didn't have proof before that he was serious about the notes she does now.
And while she had wondered at first how to find the next note she now realises he had planned a kind of scavenger hunt for her and she doesn't even try to suppress the smile that spreads on her lips as she thinks about him getting all excited while writing the directions for her.

This idea screams more Castle to her than the seemingly lifeless body in the white sterile hospital bed does and it's soothing if she is being honest.

The thoughts about him being in a coma are still louder than anything else but she feels a weird kind of comfort through all the misery upon reading his words and imagining his voice.

She puts the note on her nightstand and turns off the lights and the last thing she thinks before she falls asleep in their bed maybe with the help of his notes she might actually survive not knowing for a few more days without completely going insane.

This plan fails as soon as she arrives at the hospital and sees the doctor and a few nurses fussing over her husband, adjusting tubes, whispering and she can't see him, can't see his face, can't see if he is still breathing and panic flares inside her.

It is not helping at all when the doctor leans over to one of the nurses and Beckett hears him saying: „Call his wife please, I promised to call her if anything happens."
Her heart breaks into a million pieces when she can make out his expression that is more concerned than relieved and her mind immediately jumps to the worst conclusions.

„No need to call me, I am here. What happened?" she makes her presence known, stepping closer until she can see Castle's face.
The tubes are still working, the monitor beeping and showing his heart rate and she sends a silent thank you to whoever is watching over him up there because this means he is still alive. Well, his body is.

„Mrs. Castle" the doctor says „I don't want you to worry, but" she huffs at that, because who on this planet does not get worried upon hearing this sentence, „your husband went into cardiac arrest shortly before you arrived. He is stable now though and we got it under control but we will monitor him even more closely from now on to make sure it was a one time thing."

All colour leaves her face and for a second she is convinced she will either faint or throw up within the next seconds, the blood rushing in her ears and the doctor says something else but she can't hear him.

For some reason, she stays conscious and her stomach keeps its ingredients and if she weren't so worried she might wonder how on earth her mood managed to change that fast from completely broken to insanely angry but even if she cared she's pretty sure she would be excused for that. So when the panic settles into a constant churning of her stomach and she looks at the doctor's face again, white hot anger flares through her.

„Oh so apparently the fact that my husband had brain surgery and hasn't woken up ever since is not concerning enough for you? His heart has to STOP before you get the idea that maybe something is wrong and maybe you should do something instead of just standing here telling me not to worry because my husband is dying on your watch right now."

Her voice breaks at the end and just as the doctor is starting to say something again, Martha comes inside after having found a parking lot and places her hand on Kate's shoulder in an attempt of comforting the detective even though Kate can feel Martha's hands trembling on her.

„Katherine, I know you are sick with worry, we all are, but these doctors are really trying their best."
She points to the monitor that is showing Castle's heartrate. „Look, his heart is beating, he is alive, he is stable for now" she looks to the doctor as if needing confirmation and he nods his head faster than is probably healthy in an attempt to not upset Beckett any further.

She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose to calm herself down and takes a deep breath, trying to be reasonable before she fucks up the chance of getting to hold her husband's hand today.

„Can I see him?"

„Of course" the remaining nurses step away to make room for her and she approaches his bed, carefully touching his hand with hers and when she looks to the door she can see Martha ushering the nurses out before closing the door.

She turns her attention back to Castle.

„I won't give up on you" she whispers and feels a little ridiculous because he probably can't even hear her but then she remembers his letter and his research and decides to give it a try.

„I am scared Rick. I am so scared" she takes a deep breath "and I love you and I need you to wake up again because I love you." She shakes a little before remembering the letter she stuffed into her purse this morning before leaving for the hospital.

„Thank you for your letter. It helped me and I promise I will try to find all your notes. I will also come here everyday to check upon you but I hope you won't take too long to wake up because I don't have that many vacation days left" she tries to go for humor.

„And because I know it's only been four days but living without you was never and will never be an option, do you hear me?" she adds and her hand shakes a little over his as she smiles a watery smile through the tears that start forming in her eyes.

She hesitates for a moment because she's scared of what it will do to her before leaning over his body and kissing his cheek carefully.

The moment her lips meet his skin, her first tear starts to fall.

I would love to see and hear what you think about this chapter so please let me know because like I said it's inspiring to read your words! They are so appreciated :)

Have an amazing night/day,

Lea xx