Chapter 47

Double-Edge Sword

.

Kallian

Few were the times when I'd felt truly at peace since it all began. I never had reason to feel so, with the demon on my heels and the weight of the Blight now on my back. But there I was, at peace. Truly at peace.

The whiteness of that place was cozy, and somewhat warm. I was lying on clouds of cotton, with not even a single grain of sand weighing on my body or soul, or impending concerns to furrow my brow. My spirit was truly free, as I always claimed to be.

If this was death, it was no worse than it was to be alive. Not under the same cruel circumstances in which I was forced to live, and for me, it was okay as it was.

I was at peace... And would stick with that.

"My princess," a female, familiar voice called me, shaking my shoulder gently. "Wake up."

My eyes flew open, as if a violent clash was ripping my nervous system.

I saw a familiar smile. The warm and kind pair of golden eyes. The short hair, redish as fire, with several gray streaks emerging because of her age. The long nose, pink lips...

My mother was standing before my very eyes.

Adaia Tabris, my heroine, source of motivation and inspiration, was kneeling near my little piece of heaven, now stroking my hair with visible affection and consideration.

"Ah, my little ladybug," she sighed disappointed, and I found myself leaning against her even before realizing it. "As much as I missed you, I never wished that you would come back to me so soon."

Her hand caressing my hair made it all seem so real.

I was feeling good, peaceful. However, as much as my surroundings insisted on saying that everything was as it should be, I was suspicious. It was part of me, trust in everything with a small bit of distrust. Everything was too perfect, and in my life, nothing was ever perfect, far from it. I forced myself to think despite my mind's protests, and little by little, the cotton was turning into steel wool.

"You'll have to do better than that, demon. My mother is dead." I stood in a jump, retreating a few steps back from her. "Naive of me to expect a new trick from an old cat."

The demon laughed, the rough tone back to his voice. "Meow."

My mother's sweet face squirmed in the most authentic, sickly expression I'd ever seen in my entire life. His twisted smile was making me nauseous.

"Begone," I growled, feeling suddenly suffocated. No matter how much I walked backwards, it seemed that I wasn't going anywhere, and it was driving me crazy. It didn't feel like I was in the Fade at all, and the problem was exactly that - it had never felt like I was in the Fade.

.

You should not have saved her life. Better would be that she had died by her injuries. It would be the most pious to do.

.

I thought I heard a male voice in the distance, I didn't know, but the Lion's voice interrupted me before I could give proper attention to the matter.

"No, you're not in the Fade, my little elf," he said in my thoughts. "You're inside your own head, so you cannot escape." The purple haze that always accompanied him began to surround the body of my mother, and soon her kind figure turned into the corrupted shape of demonic lion, licking blood from his long claws as he spoke. "Your soul is not trapped on another plane, no. I would call it a kind of... unconscious awareness. And no, it's not the same thing."

I didn't know whether to be annoyed or grateful that he was answering my silent questions so willingly. Indeed, nothing guaranteed me that the answers were true, but what could I do?

"Listening to what I have to say could be a good start, " Now he seemed to try plucking a piece of meat from behind his canine. Disgusting.

.

She is chained. She will be safe for a while.

.

The mention of chains by a woman's voice made my arm itch, and the gesture of rubbing my wrists didn't go unnoticed by the Lion. At first, I thought it was him, but despite the sickening smile on his lips, playing with the rest of whatever was stuck in his teeth seemed to be more fun for him than anything else.

"Look, I don't know what your game is, but ..." I said, but again the male voice spoke up.

.

If she turns into one of them, I want her dead. Burn it with the other corpses, if that's the case, I don't care. Just get rid of her if the worst happens. That's an order.

.

"Are you doing this?" I asked, unable to ignore the voices anymore. It seemed like there was a parallel discussion happening nearby, growing louder and louder as time passed, and it was hard to stay focused.

He didn't answer at first - just kept poking his tooth the same way a kid pokes the body of a dead squirrel with a wooden branch, until he finally found what bothered him so much: a rotten fragment of a finger. Argh, I had to put a hand to my mouth to not vomit.

"Much better," He licked his lips. "No, it's not me."

"And why I don't believe you?" I asked, hugging my own body. He just laid on top of his front legs while shaking his tail from side to side, like a cat about to jump on its helpless ball of wool.

"Who carries certainties have no room for questions," he smiled in that sick and sinister way. "I didn't come to torture you, girl. Blame your own ears for listening too much."

I laughed. "And since when did you come just to visit me?"

.

I don't know if I can do this, Keeper. She is a friend of Eilleen…

.

"Well.." he stopped a few seconds to think about it. "Today."

I remained silent. The voices talking in my head were louder than before, and it was definitely driving me crazy. Maybe that was his new game, after all - keep stunning my senses until I lost track of myself and fell into its domain. But I knew better - I would not waver, no matter what.

"Don't be stubborn, ladybug. Stop and listen to yourself - These are your own ears. Have you been here for so long that you've forgotten how your body works?"

.

So, you would rather me to solve this here and now?

.

Pain. When the man fell silent, all my nerves froze. I felt a strong pressure hitting me from all sides - a familiar burning sensation on the skin that quickly spread through my body - forcing me to hold my own head to not faint, if that was possible.

"Don't call me ladybug." I said, but I couldn't put strength in my words. That was magic, strong and evil, coming from somewhere close enough to boil my blood and mess up with my nervous system. Needless to say that the mark on my shoulder felt as of it was going to explode - I could feel the fresh blood already trickling down my back.

"Can you feel it?" He asked, ignoring my discomfort. "Zathrian - Mage, immortal, Keeper of the clan Uthen'len. The pressure of his mana against the body, burning the skin down to the bones and ripping the nevers creates such a delightful pain, don't you think?"

He seemed really pleased with it.

.

No! O-okay, Keeper, I will do as you wish.

.

"You still don't understand, right?" He stared at me with contempt, his right eye becoming yellow as gold. "So smart at certain things, but so foolish in others..."

And then the ground under our feet just opened, like clouds spreading across the sky at high speed. I felt like I was sitting on a thick piece of translucent glass, and the feeling was not one of the best.

My stomach stuck in my ribs when I looked down.

I saw myself down there lying on a makeshift bed, my hair spread like roots thoughtout the bloody sheets. She- I had no color in my cheeks or lips, and my hands were chained like a prisoner. In my neck, the veins were all painted black like a spider's web, which spread radially and irregularly through my skin from the bandage on my right shoulder.

There was a bald mage raising a flaming hand just above my head, with a brunette elf holding him by the arm.

"Yes, this is you, and no, you're not dead." He seemed impatient.

"... I'm alive?" I asked, touching the glass above my other self..

"That's exactly what I said." He rolled his eyes. "You don't look happy, though."

Should I be? That was the real question, and I found myself unable to answer.

"How'd you do that?" I asked, changing the subject before he could ask other difficult questions.

"We are inside your head," he repeated, and I was starting to believe in his version of things. "We are listening to what your ears are picking up, and seeing everything around you through your eye." He blinked his golden eye, and my hand flew into the empty hole that was on the right side of my skull, where my own eye was supposed to be.

I stared at the Lion, completely stunned. I was seeing perfectly, as if everything was normal, but...There was a fucking hole in my skull. To complete my despair, my other self had a reddish iris, with the pupils darkened from the lines that flowed to near my eyelashes.

"I just borrowed it for a bit," he chuckled. "You get too attached to the small details."

"You cannot just take a piece of me like that." I walked towards him without the slightest idea what to do next. "You cannot take over a person's body without her consent!"

"You are the one who chose to be awake, Kallian." He smiled, and the sight of my eye on his face only increased my urge to vomit. "Ten hours of sleep in a week? It's not my fault that your body was too weak to resist my attempts. Moreover," his voice was truly patient while talking, and that is precisely why it was so scary. "Our agreement is not like those between the weak and common mages. We are different, superior - our pact was signed in your flesh. We have a physical connection that goes beyond the usual simpleton's verbal agreements of the Fade. It's something beautiful, unique - and it procures me a few very special advantages. Today it was an eye - tomorrow, an arm, a leg ..." He smiled, showing his long canines as if they were hunting trophies. "The only one harmed by your unjustified rebellion is yourself. Think deeply before depriving yourself of sleep again, Kallian Tabris, or you may wake up on a beautiful morning strangling one of your friends."

I froze. Could this be true? He'd never done this, never took borrowed a part of my body before!

"You never suffered so long without sleep," he smiled, reading my mind again, and couldn't prevent a sinister laugh from breaking down his throat when I silently sent him to some appropriate places.

"If you didn't come to torture me," I began, half eager to change the subject, half terrified by the possibility that my words would make him change his mind. "What do you want?"

"Ah….Now you're asking the right questions." He watched sadly as the bald elf left the tent in long strides beneath us. "I'm saving your ass, of course." He smiled, visibly disappointed with the absence of the mage and his mana. "Can you see the black lines on your body? That's their poison stuck in your veins, unable to spread because of my intervention."

If his answer was written on a sheet of paper, it would be like those fragments of text that you have to go back and read three times before you truly understand its real meaning. And as this was not a book, I just stared at him in disbelief.

"The curse of the werewolf," he explained with the patience of a monk. "You know, your dear little friend Alistair bit you more than once, threw you against a tree, broke some of your bones..." he enumerated, and despite the urge to touch the place of the bites (And I was kind of expecting to be reliving the pain, but nothing happened) my eyes flew to my other self, and the bandages that covered my shoulder. Reality was finally falling on my back, and despite that it was coming out of the mouth of a liar and a cunning devil, my heart was starting to grasp the truths in his words, perhaps for the first time in my entire life. "He gave you the curse of the werewolf, as well, which would have spread quickly through your veins and made you a flea bag, if not for my unending benevolence."

He spoke, but my mind was drifting away to another matter: Alistair. My heart raced at the thought that he was still lost somewhere, alone and probably scared. My first impulse was to rush out there looking for him, but I was... I do not know. Dead? Almost dead? In a coma, unconscious?

"He is dead." The words of the lion, this time serious and cold, hit me like a punch in the stomach. Now, my mind was being bombarded by my last moments of consciousness: the giant figure of Noah growing over the beast, and his long sword digging mercilessly in his flesh. I felt the bile burning my mouth."But since we're here, I have an interesting proposal to offer..."

"No deals," I growled loudly, despite the fear that choked my throat. Alistair could not be dead, no ... The memory of his dark blood splashing on the green grass made my stomach drop to my feet, while my guts twisted painfully.

"Okay, okay." His tail swayed happily side to side. He was pleased with my confusion, pleased with my pain, or whatever it was, but he suddenly sighed, "I wish Zathrian had stayed a little longer..."

I remained silent. Zathrian, the bald elf, didn't inspire confidence. If what I felt was his mana, then I wanted distance from him. There was so much concentrated hate there, so much anger... Near him, Noah was no more than a little boy's tantrum in comparison.

"He was the one who created the curse, by the way," the demon said nonchalanty, looking down as Eilleen and the brunette elf went into the tent.

"I thought you said he was the Keeper? " I asked, surprised. I remembered Eilleen commenting about Zathrian occasionally, talking about his rigidity and intolerance with humans. I had captured a bit of resentment in her voice when she spoke, but she never hinted that he was corrupt. "Why would he set the wolves to attack his own people?"

"Listen to your instincts, girl. Use the gift I gave you." The Lion, to my surprise, just laid on the glass like a cat begging for a caress on the belly. And believe me, this scene could be more frightening than the picture of him picking his teeth, searching for bits and pieces of people. "I know you could feel his negativity, the smell of fresh blood still on his hands." He rolled onto his side. "The trails of Blood Magic still fresh, smelling like flowers blooming on a spring afternoon."

I instinctively growled, my hatred for him involuntarily growing inside my chest, even without knowing him personally. In fact, if he was truly a blood mage - and I was almost convinced of it - I was not sure if wanted to.

"Look how cute, she is loosening your chains!" He laid his head on the glass, looking down. "She doesn't want you to die like an animal."

Eilleen… Her sad, reddish eyes burned my own. I wish I could tell her that it was okay, that I was not dead - yet - but couldn't remember how my body worked. Especially now, that my thoughts were focused on Zathrian and the danger that his powers meant for us all. Her tears falling on the sheets after the brunette left made me hate the bald elf even more, for unknown reasons. I could no longer hear her talking, the voices were completely gone, but something told me that it was not good.

"Zathrian had two children - Alana and Garrel*" The lion began to tell his story suddenly, as if someone invisible had asked him and I had not heard. "He trained his son to be his successor, his First, because he was skillful and capable. His Daughter was beautiful and gentle, a real flower in the middle of the wreckage caused by the fourth Blight. He felt pride and love for them. " He started playing with something invisible in the air above his head, and tried to catch whatever it was digging its long claws in the air. "Garrel was killed by humans. Alana, raped and tortured. Zathrian was furious, of course, taken by hatred, he vowed revenge. However, he did nothing, not until his daugther killed herself after finding out that she was carrying a half-breed in the womb. Afterwards, he was never the same." He stood up. "He was pretty decent, Zathrian. He was like you, in many respects - faithful to his ways, always taking care of others - except for the excessive stubbornness. And, unlike you, he sold his own soul to the first demon that crossed his path, and with the newly acquired power, he created the curse - a spell forged in the deepest pain and tempered with unrelenting anger. " His eyes flashed upon mentioning the details. "From hatred it was born, and from hatred it moves. The heavier the feelings the person holds in their hearts, the stronger it becomes, and the faster it turns you into a beast. Is it not amazing? Those corrupted humans never had a chance. And neither do you, I must say… If I had gotten there a second later, I'd have lost you."

I remained silent. Alistair had been a little aggressive with Carver before turning, so his words made sense, much more than I was willing to admit.

"Seriously, girl, you're too young to carry so much anger." His smile was sarcastic, which I happily ignored.

"If this is true..."

"This is true," The lion seemed offended by my lack of trust. "This is one of the most daring and sinister spells that anyone has ever dared to evoke. See, he put the wild spirit of the forest in the body of a beast, and then launched it against the humans to infect them, and make them destroy what they loved the most, by their own hands - or claws, if you care that much about accuracy. He placed the very spirit of nature against his enemies." He smiled . "It's so fascinating that it's poetic. My skin shivers violently every time I think of the cleverness and perfection of this creation."

"How do you know all this?" I questioned, starting to get suspicious of the amount of information he was giving me for free. Demons did nothing for charity - if he told me, it would have a reason.

"Because I was the one who gave this power to Zathrian." He smiled triumphantly, with a bow, and my guts gave a double knot. "I taught him the curse."

"You are Zathrian's Master..." I took a step back, the truth starting to hit me like a tidal wave. So, he didn't just freeze the curse within my veins - he was its creator. By the Void, I never thought he could be so... powerful. I mean, demons are strong, but that was at a higher, completely different level. If the whole story were true, then this demon was really dangerous. Thinking about all the power he gave to Zathrian, what the Keeper had become because of his sinister powers, it was surreal. The curse itself was surreal. Now I no longer doubted I might wake up strangling my friends, and all I could think was that I should sleep with my hands tied from now on.

I no longer trusted myself.

He smirked, probably reading everything that went through my mind.

"Your soul is my masterpiece, Kallian," he answered the scariest and most cruel question I could have, even before I could give it a proper shape. "I couldn't allow any mangy dog to take you away from me, and spoil all my hard work." With a total lack of pretension, he began to scratch the glass beneath us, drawing irregular shapes as he spoke. There was no sarcasm in his voice anymore, just a disturbing coldness with a bit of pride, mingled between his words. "I turned the stone coal you once were into a beautiful diamond. Your soul shines with the power of the sun, and its strength can topple mountains. And, most importantly, it is mine." His vile smile gave me chills. "I will not let anyone stand between us, my dear ladybug, and if that means that I have to interfere, then I will do it, even if it means betraying my own sacred pacts."

If he wanted to scare me... well, he was doing it masterfully. The question was, how far he would go to keep this promise? What exactly would he consider as something that should be eliminated?

I feared for everyone I knew. Everyone.

"You told me all of this only to keep me alive, then?" I asked cautiously, feeling my head spinning violently. The lion smiled.

"That, and because I'm genuinely curious to see what you will do about it," The wickedness left his eye, and his curious expression became less aggressive, but he was no less terrifying. "You hate blood mages, but need Zathrian leading his army of elves to stop the Blight. Which side will weigh more on the scale? Your duty as a Warden, or your desire for revenge?"

It was not a matter of which side would win… If Zathrian was a blood mage, then his head would roll, and I was sure about it. No blood mage had the right to stay alive. Not while I was alive. But for now, I would have to find a way to warn Eilleen and the others about Zathrian... I couldn't allow them to stay any longer with this man without knowing his true nature...

"Nah- ah," he put his paw over his mouth, mimicking the human signal for silence. His voice held traces of humor while he spoke. "I would be very careful about how I would use this information if I were you." His husky voice cutted throught the air like forks dragging their tips over glass. "Knowledge is power, undoubtedly, but it is also a double-edged sword - You can be glorified as a hero or be burned as a witch just by how much you know." His piercing gaze sent a new wave of chills to my spine. "Living beings, in general, do not accept facts without question is, would you be willing to tell to your dear companions that such valuable and crucial information as you carry was given to you by your demon friend? Because they will want to know."

Again, I caught myself cursing him mentally. Of course he had a plan, obviously. I was stupid to think otherwise. He never placed his bets on games he wasn't sure he would not somehow win.

"You wanted to see me suffering," I growled. "You wanted to leave me guilty, with remorse for having crucial information that I cannot use... You're despicable!"

"Thank you," The lion smiled. "But I never said you could not use it - It's your own fear of rejection that forbids you, not me," He smiled when he saw me retreating. "You like to be this figure of confidence and determination, you like to make everyone like you, but it's all a mask to protect yourself from your true nature. You are afraid that they would lock you up as the monster you are ..."

"Shut up..."

But he didn't stop. "You are afraid of being alone, caged by your own family as an abomination," he smiled. "Because that's what you are - an abomination - my puppet, my receptacle... "

"SHUT UP! " I cried, taking both hands to my head while his cruel laughter cut my eardrums.

"I'm being honest with my intentions. I saved your life and give you all this information because I have to protect what's mine. And you?" He whispered close to my ear, his putrid breath brushing against my neck like little needles pricking my skin. "Are you being honest with yourself?"

I looked up to face him, but he was already gone. The ground beneath my feet got misty again, the clouds swirling dizzily until the image of my other self disappeared completely. I was alone, with the whiteness around me again, but there was no more billowly soft cotton, or that warm peace that had so calmed my mind.

There was only loneliness, with the sound of my frantic heartbeats pouding in my ears and the emptiness of my conscience to keep me company.

"I do not understand," The Qunari said, crossing his arms. Noah was already regretting having spoken to him in the first place, instead of having gone out on his own, as was his initial plan. "To leave your strongest warrior behind is foolish."

"And it's exactly because you are the strongest warrior that I need you here," Noah said for the third time now, with no patience in his voice. "I don't trust the elves alone with Zathrian. I need you here to keep an eye on them."

"Why?" he asked, in his usual indifferent and unemotional way. "I see no purpose in it."

"They are Grey Wardens, and as you well know, we need them to end the Blight, which is what you swore to help."

"They are women." He replied, his expression impassive.

Noah wanted to say a lot of things - that Kallian was their leader, that they were important allies, and that he wouldn't have the strength to take this forward without them, but only said, "Can you do that for me?"

The Qunari seemed to consider his words carefully. He respected Noah - he was honored as a warrior, and had never ordered him anything with the usual pride of humans - and every time their eyes crossed, he could see that the respect was mutual. And even now, when he seemed fairly rushed and annoyed, he didn't order anything - just asked, as a favor to his brother in arms.

He saw no purpose in the task, nor could understand how standing guard would be more important than earning the help of the army of elves, but Noah was a Grey Warden, and if he said that this would help to end the Blight - that standing guard would, somehow, help him to fulfill his purpose - he thought it best to heed his request. Even if it did not make sense at all.

Noah seemed to understand his gaze, and the relief was visible on his face. "If he tries anything against them, I want you to break his neck without thinking twice. Understood?"

The Qunari nodded, raising his huge hands and closing them into a fist, as if to give Noah a confirmation that he would not fail.

"What you are going to do?" He asked, for the first time showing some interest in the conversation.

The human's face clouded into a storm, and he soon turned his back to the Qunari, answering his question with a hoarse growl, before vanishing among the trees. "I don't know."

Mahariel

I was not sure of how long I spent leaning over the bloody sheets, but to me it seemed like hours. I got up renewed, no less stifled, but breathing better at least. My eyes were blurry and sticky, but my resolution was as clear as the crystal clear waters of the lakes of Arthalan, and even though I still didn't know exactly what to do, I was determined to let the tears take away any doubt and hesitation that was left in my chest.

Bury my heart and embrace the present as if there was no tomorrow, and pretend that the past was no more than a blurry shadow in my mind instead of throbbing scars on my soul.

Kallian followed this process with patience (as if she had a choice...) and I will not lie that the sound of her gasping breath - proof that she was still living - was a kind of momentary relief, despite my concern. Nothing could convince me otherwise - I had to fight for her, not just to pay my debt of honor, but because I wanted to. Yet I had little choice but to wait for a miracle, that was the truth - it was not like I could open a magical portal to the Void in mid-air and take a perfect and functional antidote from inside.

But... I could try. I mean, I had kept my father's notes in my bag, and I had a vast knowledge of plants and mixtures. There must be something I could do.

Without delay, I got up quickly, aiming at the place where I had left my bag and started working at that moment, only once looking at the entrace, I came across a Qunari standing there - still, strong, with a frightening and indifferent expression on his face. He did not seem happy to be there, but he was also determined to do whatever it was he was doing.

When he didn't get out of my way, I just stared at him intently, but it was hopeless. You know, the Qunari don't usually get intimidated by this kind of thing, and in the end, it was me who ended up feeling uncomfortable with the situation.

"Can I help you?" I asked after a while in silence.

"No," replied the Qunari, with his quiet, calm voice.

"So...?"

"The Human Warden asked me to protect you," he said unfazed, as if it were natural, while my jaw dropped significantly. "And that's what I'm doing."

"Noah asked you protect us?" I asked incredulously.

"That's what I said." The tranquility of his words was sometimes annoying. And all Qunari appeared to be molded in the same manner, with few peculiarities among them.

"And where is he?" I asked, now with a lump in my throat. The first thing that came to my mind was that he grappled with Zathrian and now he was dead. It made me anxious, without any explanation, and I caught myself pushing the cloth door up with a punch before pushing my body out of the tent to look around the camp, searching for him or any sign of struggle.

The Qunari stood behind me, now with his arms loose at his sides and his eyes fixed on the forest. "He's gone."

Second thought: What if he simply took his things and ran away? Left without giving us any satisfaction, or least a last goodbye?

It pinned my chest tightly, just when I thought that the shield I had built around my feelings was perfect. If I had to consider those people as my priorities now, the Grey Wardens and their followers, my new resolution had just crumbled over a new betrayal.

I'd never expected anything from Noah, but the thought of him turning his back once again, after all that had happened between us in the last few days, after he made me believe that, somehow, something had changed and he had finally started to...respect me? To look beyond the dirty traitor and see someone important, on his own?

I shook my head. Why did it matter anyway?

I was about to enter the hut again when Zathrian came out of his tent. He looked deeply into my eyes, something he never did, and smiled - A demonic, satisfied smile, as if he had just won his greatest achievement and was now throwing it on my face. It was a brief moment, but long enough for my heart to beat even faster, painfully, and a third thought came to my mind when I realized that he wasn't even get bothered with the fact that I was walking freely, without chains or supervision (Lanaya said he would wait outside the tent, but she was not there), instead of being handcuffed in a cage.

What had he done with Noah?

.

* The names of Zathrian's children were not officially mentioned.