Chapter 49

Under the rain

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Mahariel's feet slipped on the thin mud for the third time since leaving the tent, but that didn't stop her from chasing Noah into the forest. How he had traveled so far in such a short time, she didn't know, but he was already nearly lost to view among the trees. Yet the amazing thing was how he was able to stay on his feet and find his way in this storm - the heavy drops fell so hard upon her that it felt like tiny pebbles of ice crashing into her skin, and the water pouring from the sky formed a thick, gray curtain that blocked her view of anything that was the more than two feet in front of her nose.

Following him, she had already traveled a great distance, herself - had already crossed the great river, whose waters were well above normal level. She'd run through the clearings by the ancient chestnuts , further north, and was already approaching the trails that led to the old, haunted ruins - or at least, that's what everyone called them. They were remnants of old buildings that were scattered through the woods, from a time before even Arthalan, formed by broken walls and crumbling temples. Several generations of elves had explored those buildings, but had never found any real evidence that could tell their story - nothing but the whispers of macabre figures, with their strikingly pointed ears, which haunt the unwary travelers.

Eilleen even thought she'd heard strange groans while running, but didn't allow herself to be carried away by such nonsensical rumors. She needed to keep focused on the task at hand, and keep her wayward thoughts in check. She had to find Noah before... before what? Her footsteps slowed as the ruined buildings seemed to crowd around her, and she realized she'd been running on instinct. Exactly why had she chased him out into the forest? What had she hoped to accomplish? Kallian had asked this of her, but that didn't explain why her heart was pounding so fast, if it was just a favor for a friend. She wanted to find him, more than anything, and this thought alone was enough to send a thrill of unexpected anticipation down her spine.

She had her own set of ghosts haunting her mind right now, evil avatars of her conscience, whispering in her ear the insane stupidity of her recent deeds. That she had chosen to follow a blind decision instead of the teachings of the Creators was reason enough to make every one of her ancestors turn their backs on her. Yet, the very core of her being kept reminding her, despite the muffled protests of her mind, how painful it was to watch Noah being consumed by the flames of his desperation, without being able to help him. And, how the agony reflected in his eyes made her own eyes burn, like flaming sparks destroying the autumn's dry leaves. It was her instincts screaming at her, the faith in her heart that was pulling her out into this storm-drenched night, and the same faith would bring him back home.

-x-

Noah entered a large, derelict courtyard, in the very heart of the ruins, and sat on one of the collapsed banks in the center. The place itself looked like it had once been a garden, with large columns covered with mud, banks scattered everywhere and ivory stone trails linking the short stairs and waypaths to each other. Noah imagined that one day this place had been covered in bushes, with wild flowers and ornamental trees, but now it was no more than a pile of rocks and moss.

There was something in the movement of the water running down the stairs that was hypnotizing to Noah. Or maybe it was just the random point he chose to fix his gaze upon and become lost within himself, he could not tell. His eyes were burning as if they'd been dipped in boiling water, but he wasn't crying. Another of his suspicions was that his tears had dried up that day at the river, when he'd cried like a child while embraced with Shaw-Shaw. Everything that rolled down his face was the same freezing rain that fell incessantly on the stones, as if there were a thousand lashes popping against the scarred backs of slaves at the same time.

He ran his hands over his face in a sign of desperation - the tip of his nose was so cold that it was numb, as were the joints of his fingers and knees. Everything seemed frozen and hot at the same time, and he didn't know if his tremors were from fever or cold - all he knew was that the pressure in his head was too strong, and he no longer knew what to do. He felt as if he was walking in circles, and the feeling of having everything slipping through his fingers was tormenting the last bits of his sanity, consuming almost all the good remaining inside him.

Almost.

He didn't noticed Mahariel approaching, even when she stopped at the top of the stairs, changing the course of the water that ran across the rocky floor. She descended and walked towards him, her footsteps making no sound on the rain-washed stone. He sat hunched over his knees, and didn't appear to even notice her there, only a few inches away from him. He was wet, wearing a brown and tattered cloak over his back.

Her cloak, she noticed.

"Noah..." Mahariel called, her voice soft and sweet, like the sonnet of a beautiful song. That was how her voice sounded in Noah's ears at least, and the shock of having her there made his spirit slam back into his body.

His eyes, however, never left the small waterfall that fell from the steps.

"What are you doing here?" he asked finally, cold as the rain falling on them, and as hoarse as the thunder that cut the sky.

Mahariel didn't answered. Something within her had changed since she had discovered the root of the problem, and it made her less sensitive to his surly temper.

And apparently, he was visibly willing to push those new limits.

"If you're expecting me to explain what happened..." he growled, and behind the usual hoarseness, there was a small hint of a unhealed flu, which made his voice sound rough and painful. "It's none of your business. And if you talk about it to anyone..."

"I will not," she replied , not because of the fierce tone of menace in his voice, but simply because it was not her nature to play with the feelings of others. " Noah ... "

Another rough cough cut through the air. As much as she wanted to give him a pat on the back, she restrained herself, and the tips of her fingers turned white, so hard did she clench her fists at her sides to hold herself in place.

She really wanted to touch him, although was not able to explain why. She knew she could not relieve his pain with only the lightness of her touch, but could not convince her heart otherwise.

While Mahariel waged her silent struggle with herself, Noah, on the other hand, did not show any reaction to her words - just continued to watch the water running, as if it was the only thing in the world that mattered.

"You are not alone..." she began, but Noah interrupted her.

"Oh, genius! Discovered this by yourself, did you? " he asked sarcastically, and his harsh laugh was louder than the thunder above their heads. "If you are here, it's obvious that I am not alone. But you can turn around and solve the problem by going back to camp... By the way," he shook his head, and Mahariel could swear that his eyes were closed. "You were never supposed to be out of the fucking camp, in the first place."

"Zathrian cannot keep me locked up," Mahariel repeated the words that Noah had been saying since they'd arrived at the camp - and that Kallian reinforced indirectly - and was surprised to hear so much truth and conviction in her voice.

"We had an agreement," he growled, ignoring her words. He seemed to be complaining more to himself than to her. "And you're throwing away all my effort!"

"You're running away," she said firmly, and that made Noah stop nodding.

"I'm not running," he growled again, and he definitely didn't appear human. He looked like a statue of a stone gargoyle curved against the city lights. "What the hell do you want?"

"I want to take you back, " she said, still with the patience of a monk. She knew he was hurt, scared - now she could see it, and was aware that patience was part of the process. Her left hand, however, was hovering over his shoulder, her fingers moving slowly, and it was as if as much as she wanted to touch him, she was also afraid of breaking him, as if he was spun from sugar. "You need to change your clothes, get warm, otherwise you could catch pneumonia ..."

Her fingers touched his shoulder lightly, and even through the thick cloak, the shock of the contact was so violent that it shook his body at the same time, in a coarse and crude reflex.

"No!" he growled, lowering his head with a strong cough, knocking her gentle hand from his shoulder. "Go away, Dalish hunter - leave me alone!"

"Eilleen!" It was Mahariel's turn to shout louder than the skies, and that made Noah finally raise his head to look right into her eyes." My name is Eilleen Mahariel, you damn well know it, so start calling me by my name and stop pretending you do not care!"

Her anger hit Noah like a slap. He could not help but to stare at her dumbfounded from behind the thick lock of hair that fell over his forehead. But that did not stop him from capturing every little detail of the particular figure who was looking at him.

First, her eyes - they were shinning, not with tears or rain, but something different, an ancient grief mixed with anger and resentment that was so eager to explode, just like he had been not long ago, when he'd confessed his feelings to a non-so-unconscious Kallian. She was upset, hurt, but had not the old hatred and disgust in her words, or in her expression, as it had always been every time their eyes had met. Something was definitely different about her, now he was sure of it - and more than that, he was enjoying this new sight.

Her long blonde hair was completely flat from the heavy rain, which drew once again those paths along her white skin that had caught his attention so much the last time, rolling down over her shoulders, collarbone and breasts, highlightening her curves and the forbidden paths of her body. Her green eyes sparkled every time the lightning crossed the sky, reflecting the strange tenderness and compassion that he had not known she was able to feel or to show, but that made it impossible for him to look away.

She was too beautiful, Noah thought, without the mask of hatred and anger that perpetually distorted her lovely features. No sharp provocations, no frowning, no acid disdain in her words... Even her voice sounded different and strangely sweet, even when speaking words of rebuke, as she was now. Maybe it was the way her lips moved, pink and brave, that had caught his attention. All Noah knew was that suddenly, he was mesmerized by the Dalish hunter of short leathers and bold words.

He ran his hand over his forehead to pull his hair back, leaving his face fully on display - a gesture that he had not made in a long while, but that brought him closer to his former self, when he was still a prince in Highever - and the feeling of rain clashing on his exposed face was somehow comforting.

Mahariel watched his features closely, now less dark and much clearer than they were behind his long and wild fringes of hair. His dark circles matched hers, she thought, and his beard, even though there'd been days (probably weeks ) without any care, was forming a very peculiar design on his face, covering his chin and cheeks in an even and oddly perfect shape. She was not used to seeing bearded men (since elves grew no facial hair) but found that this was something that played with her senses in a warm and fun way - there was something charming in the way his beard and eyes matched in their shades of brown, shining now and then when the thunder exploded above their heads.

"So," Noah stood, his mouth suddenly dry, even with the amount of water pouring passed his lips every time he tried to speak. His strong, imposing figure towered rapidly over the elf, forcing her to look up to hold his gaze." Until yesterday you hated me, and you're now telling me that you want to take me by the hand and lead me back to camp to take care of me?"

Mahariel nodded, not exactly denying his words, but disapproving his sarcasm.

"You do not intimidate me," she provoked, and her courage ignited something inside him that made his heart race. "You use your rudeness and sarcasm to keep people away from you, but that does not affect me anymore." She took a step forward. "You will not be able to keep everyone away from you forever, Noah, not without destroying yourself in the process. And even if you don't want it, there are people who care about you. Kallian cares about you."

Noah listened in silence as the elf put into words all the arguments he used against himself these days, all the truths he refused to say aloud.

"She has an unconditional faith in you that I honestly do not understand, and never stopped believing in you, even when all you did was try to destroy yourself," Mahariel continued, now pointing a finger at his direction, yet without touching him." Even dying, she still places all bets on you, with the sure conviction that she will not lose."

"Bullshit," he growled, but the corners of his mouth twitched slightly upward. "Listen well to what I say, Dalish elf - do not meddle in affairs you know nothing about. You have no right to put your nose into things you do not understand. Why don't you just get out of here? Leave!"

"You're afraid," she accused, with unwareving determination. "You do not want to get involved with anyone because you are afraid of losing everything again." Thus, Noah took two steps back, almost tripping on the bench where he had been sitting. "You wear this demon disguise to try to protect yourself, but the only thing it brought to you was destruction. Can't you see that?"

"And why the hell do you care?" he shouted, now walking in circles around her. His strides spreaded water all around them, like boulders thrown into a calm lake. "I left you to die, elf, die! You think I care about you? Or about that redheaded elf? You really think so?" Mahariel just received his hatred in silence, eyes clenched as he screamed words that contradicted everything he'd said to her at the lake, before entering the Brecilian. "I'm here because I am obligated. Because I took an oath, and that's itl. All that shit I said was just to make our coexistence more tolerable, but the truth is I don't give a damn about what happens here. Fuck you all, I do not care!"

It was Mahariel's turn to move her hand up her face and throw her hair back. At other times, she would have been angry - in fact, if this had happened just the day before, she probably would have slapped his face - but now, all she could feel was pity. She could feel that his frustration was not for her, but for himself - as a punishment for daring to question the truth he'd created for himself.

A sermon for trying to destry his own shield.

"So what if I'm destroying myself?" he continued to taunt her. "You hate me anyway, so what difference does it make? You should be happy with that!"

"Yeah, I hate... " Mahariel said, taking a step toward him. She saw Noah's expression crumble and almost regretted having started this fight, but there was no turning back from what she was doing, even if those dark, sad eyes were hurting her so much. " I hate the demon skin you wear every time you feel intimidated."

"I don't ... " Noah tried to open his mouth to ask, but closed it soon after. The Dalish had read him accurately, stripping every little layer of protection that he'd taken so very long building up around his heart. What could he say?

There was no need to answer her - Mahariel continued her speech regardless, taking one last step foward so they were right in front of each other.

"I believe you can be better than that, Noah. You do not need that ugly skin." She gently touched the arm of the human, and her cold touch sent electric discharges throughout his nerves. Her words were like a knife, cutting away the wick of his rage.

"You're wrong ..." he said, but could only watch her, too aware of their proximity - the way her chest rose and fell with her rapid breathing, how her lips parted between one word and the next, the provocative way her green eyes stared at him, filled with something he had no experience dealing with, but that impacted him so much, the words died in his throat... Every single detail of the situation was new to him, and at the same time, very scary. Yet, she provoked him in such a way that he felt the urge to do things that he'd never even considered until a few minutes ago.

"Prove me otherwise," she said softly, her green eyes shining between one lightning and another - the wick was finally cut, and the rage unleashed.

Faster than even the sharp reflexes of rogue, Noah took a step foward, closing once and for all the distance between then. Their mouths collided violently in an astonishing harmony between brutality and perfection, as their bodies molded slowly into one another.

Mahariel didn't assimilate that Noah was kissing her until she felt his rough and cold hand running over the small of her back possessively, exploring every inch of the exposed skin there with the tips of his fingers as he pulled her more closely to him than physics should have allowed.

While she was cautious about touching him before, like she was afraid that only the simplest press of her fingers might break it, he was totally the opposite - there was urgency in his grasp, in his touch and how his lips brushed against hers in a way that seemed almost primitive. And worst of all was that it didn't hurt her, quite the contrary - it was good, in a strange yet sexy way.

Through her wide eyes, Mahariel could see his eyes were closed, his brow furrowed as he relished the moment. She saw his cheeks moving as he brushed his tongue on her lips, asking permission gently and precisely, and how his breath on her face, warm and fast, gave her almost incessant goosebumps, that rose and fell on her spine.

She only relaxed when his other hand wrapped around her nape, even more intensely than before, and he buried his fingers in her hair as he guided her head against his. The eyes of the Dalish slowly closed, and she finally allowed what Noah craved, feeling the human moan deeply against her mouth when his tougue touched hers for the first time.

That hoarse and rough sound that came from his throat made her legs tremble slightly, and she found herself leaning her hands against Noah's chest, holding tightly onto his clothes at the same time that she unconsciously pulled him closer.

Mahariel never fantasized, or even imagined, such a situation, but her mind did not care for reasons or reactions - all she could think about was how someone as rough and wild as Noah was able to have such comfortable arms; how he was able to have lips so soft, and a so engaging kiss.

Engaging, because it was violent and at the same time, gentle; It gave her chills to the point of making every fiber of her muscles tremble and at the same time, burned her chest like melted iron. It was hungry, urgent; full of desire and fervor, and yet as light as a feather. But she only came to these conclusions much later - at the time there was only Noah, and all the weight of his body pressed against hers.

He was even more surprised than her. When he kissed her, it was something impulsive, irresponsible - he had not thought of the consequences, only followed his deepest desire, to know what it was like to have that beautiful and provocative woman for himself at least once. It was what every fiber of his body screamed for, the only thing that seemed important at the time - she could even kill him later, it would not matter. But this?

She was not only giving him permission to continue, she was responding to him in the most unimaginable way possible. How could he have known that one day that stubborn and aloof Dalish would be in his arms and clinging fervently on his clothes, moaning against his mouth as their tongues clashed against each other like tomorrow would never come?

He was savoring every detail of the experience, every little sensation, as he surrendered to Mahariel's increasing demands. His heart felt like it would explode in his chest, so restless it was, sending heat waves almost feverishly to every single corner of his body.

It was painful.

His head was spinning and his armor was suddenly suffocating him, but even so, he was somehow at peace. Everything that had always plagued him - all the morbid thoughts, the past, the traumas, the Blight, absolutely everything seemed strangely distant and irrelevant. For a moment, he felt... satisfied.

He felt complete.

With the same brutality in which it had all began, the moment was suddenly broken; terrified by the new feelings beginning to invade his chest and by the unlooked for peace of mind that he deemed himself to not be worthy of, Noah repelled her with a weak but emphatic push, pushing her away quickly, before covering his mouth with a trembling hand.

He couldn't not look at her, with her flushed cheeks and rapid breathing, without feeling his own face burn. He wondered if he himself was looking as scared and surprised as she was, or if her heart was as frantic as was his.

If she said something, he didn't hear - the blood pounding in his ears was louder even than the storm above their heads. It did feel good, but he didn't want to feel that way. Actually he did want to, but knew he didn't deserve it, not when everything in his life was summed up in chaos and suffering. His brother was lost, his family dead… he didn't deserve to feel happy, had no reason to ever feel that way again.

But looking at her, with those heavy eyelids, rosy lips and in such a vulnerable state - it was such a new aspect of her strong personality that he'd never imagined existed, and it only made him want her even more.

"Noah ... " She called sweet and softly, as a plea, and his nerves twisted violently - her voice held fear, mixed with surprise and an alarming need that made him nearly lose control of himself again.

And he would have tried to capture her mounth once more, hungry for the warmth of her body and the softness of her lips, if a loud noise had not stolen the attention of both - a muffled sound cut the air - a wall collapsing, magic unraveling. Noah turned in time to see the floor of the ruins opening right before their very eyes, revealing a firm, dark staircase that opened a space between the sea of stones straight into the darkness .

"This," he cleared his throat, trying to also clear his mind. "This definetly wasn't here before…"

Mahariel stared intensely at the new path before them for a few moments, and when their eyes met, she felt as cold as the water drops that fell over their heads. "Let's go."

There was something down there calling her, provoking her, and all her senses said that she should find the source of that feeling. Maybe that's why she went by herself, without waiting for his answer or permission, or maybe because it was easier that way - getting away from him and finding a bit of time for herself, to clear up her mind and think straight, without being tempted to do everything she wasn't supposed to do with him everytime she caught a glimpse of his eyes.

She was too astonished to be angry. But even stronger than her initial shock was the deep yearning for him that had opened up within her, as surely as the stones had parted to reveal the path ahead. He'd filled the empty chasm in her chest, one that she'd denied even existed. How could she miss his touch already, when only mere moments had passed?

She longed for the anger to come, welcomed it. Anything was better than needing him this way.

As she stepped into the darkness, she touched her mouth softly, her lips tingling with the sensations from his kiss still lingering, in her mind and in all the places on her body that he had touched.

She really hoped there was something down in this darkness that needed killing.

A\N: Sorry for the long delay. Lots of things got out of control. To the faithful readers who still stick with me, you have all my gratitude, really. Your support is what give me the strength to go on, and I treasure every review, even if I take more time than intended to answer. Until everything gets back to normal, it's possible that some chapters will skip a week or two, and I am sorry about that. I hope you understand!

Xoxo, see you!