Just as I was about to ask her what she means Sofia came running towards us with Daniel quickly trying to catch up.
"Sofia you know you're not suppose to run ahead of grandpa." I tell her.
"I know mommy I sorry I just wanted to show mama my new bear. Can we see her now, please?"
"Not yet baby, The doctors are still fixing her. Can you show me your bear? What's his name?"
"Gampa got it for me his name is boo boo because mama and me got boo boos today."
"He is so cute but you didn't have to do that Daniel." I say.
"I know but we went into the gift shop just walking around and she saw the bear and ...well have you ever tried to say no to those big eyes and that sweet smile. " he says.
"You could never say no to Arizona at that age either." Barbara says laughing.
"Sof did you thank you grandpa?" I ask her.
"Thank you gampa. I love you." She says as she hugs his legs.
"Your welcome baby girl and I love you too. ...So no news yet?" Daniel asks.
"Not yet but these kind of surgery can last a few hours. They need to be sure they got everything, and I'm sure they are being extra cautious seeing it is Arizona." I tell him.
Daniel sat down in the chair beside me and Sofia climbed into his lap resting her head on his chest. She is getting tired but I really want to be sure Arizona is ok and I would like to see her before we go home.
"Would you mind watching her a little while longer if I just go get a cup of coffee?" I ask as I begin to stand.
"Can I take a walk with you, my back is starting to stiffen sitting in these chairs" Barbara says.
"Sure I would like that, Daniel can we bring you anything back"
"No I'm good. Don't worry about us, We'll be fine. Take your time. I'll move her over to the sofa so she can lie down." He says.
"Thank you"
Barbara and I head down to the 3rd floor coffee cart. I order our coffees and grab a muffin as I have not had anything to eat since we had to leave the restaurant before our meals came. Shit I forgot I was suppose to call Michelle and let her know what is going on. Oh well I will just have to call her in the morning , she'll understand.
We decide to take a walk with our coffees knowing it will be a while before we hear anything. We head outside to get some fresh air and find a bench to sit at. I realize how much I miss talking to Arizona 's parents. When we where together we talked at least a couple times a week. I love talking to Barbara she understands Arizona in a way I don't think I ever will. She used to help me so much when I would get frustrated with something Arizona would say or do, that was before the amputation. After the amputation I watched what I said about her behavior towards me but I think Barbara knew that based on some of the things she would say.
After a few minutes of just enjoying the night air I finally say" you said Arizona never forgave herself. What for exactly."
Barbara takes a sip of her coffee and starts" your love changed my daughter so much. She was always a happy child but when Tim died she lost some of that joy. When she met you I saw that joy return to her. As you know she said she never wanted kids but that wasn't true. When she was younger she use to talk about having a family, a big house with a large yard with big trees for a treehouse ...oh and chickens. Never did understand that one. I would hear her and Tim talk about their future when they didn't think I was listening. People weren't like they are today concerning gays but Tim always told her she could have all that and more. "Don't let anyone tell you different." He would say to her."
"I wish I could of met him" I say.
"He would have loved you. They always said they would have adjoining yards so their kids could go back and forth and their spouses would be best friends. Anyway after Tim died I think her dreams died to. She felt guilty to have all the things they dreamed about and he wasn't here to share them with so she convinced herself she never wanted a family. She buried herself in her career and that's when she applied for the Carter Madison. Then she got the job here. We were so proud of her becoming one of the youngest department heads in her field.
Then she meet you, I think early on she realized this was not going to be a casual relationship. When we would talk ,she would go on and on about , calliope this and calliope that. Her father and I actual got kind of sick of hearing your name...no offense."
"None taken " I say laughing.
"When you brought up having a family she panicked she honestly didn't believe she deserves that kind of happiness without Tim being here to share in it but then the shooting happened and she realized she could not lose you too so she told you she wanted it all."
"But she didn't really mean it did she. It came from a place of fear and not love" I say.
"I think she wanted to believe it, she loves you so much but she started to panic again. Then Africa happened and she was so happy but also so sad because she knew in her heart you would not go with her. So she told you to be happy here and she would go back to living the life she had before she met you. All about her career. She spoke with Teddy every few days and Teddy told her you were miserable. She was miserable so she decided she needed to come home and fix things. She had changed ...she finally for the first time since Tim's death choose love over career. I knew then she had found her soulmate. " Barbara says.
"She came home to find out I slept with mark and got pregnant" I say under my breath but loud enough for Barbara to hear.
"She called me the night she found out you were pregnant. She was crying and did not know what to do. She could not understand if you loved her and missed her so much how that could have happened. She was so upset she could barely get the words out when we talked. I asked her if she still loved you and could she love this child without hesitation she said yes. I told her then there's her answer. From that moment forward she always said her child and once Sofia was born it was her daughter. She choose love. " Barbara says
"She never told me you guys talked about it." I say.
"She just wanted to process it and talking out loud with me help her do that. I remember the day of your first ultrasound, she called us so happy that day. She played the heartbeat over and over again to us. She asked us if we thought it was ok that she was this happy and Tim was not here to share it with. I told her he wouldn't want it any other way. He loved her so much he would never want her to give up her dreams. I explained to her that she was actually honoring her brother by living out the dreams they shared. "
"That was the night she moved me back in she said she loved me and I loved her so nothing else mattered, " I tell her.
"She just wanted to prove to you she was all in. It was hard for her at times during your pregnancy when decision had to be made and Mark would be involved. She knew he was the father and he had rights but she was your partner and at times she felt like a third wheel."
"I never meant for her to feel that way, I really tried to make them both happy." I say.
"I know dear it was a unique situation to say the least. She loves you so much so she grew to accept the ways things were but then the car accident happened. She told us you guys were arguing about Mark and she blurted out marry me. Before you could discuss it you hit the truck. She was so scared of losing you and the baby. She thought if you lost the baby you would blame her. When they were deciding what the best options were for you it came up to take the baby, I guess they thought that would give you the best chance of survival. Arizona and Mark got into a argument about it. She believed you would of wanted the baby he thought they should take the baby and you and him would just create another one. He told her she was nothing. She was devastated. "
"Oh my god he said that to her, why wouldn't she tell me. I would of killed him if I knew. " I say
"I think she may have believed it a little." Barbara says.
"Believe me I never regretted Sofia but I did regret how she came to be. I would have never slept with him again or even let him be our sperm donor. How could she have thought that?" I tell her.
"I think a part of her thought she was not enough. No matter how much she loved you she thought you never really forgave her for going to Africa and you never would. Mark was your constant, he never left, he was always there for you. He was your anchor. " She tells me.
"Mark was my best friend but she was the love of my life definitely not him. Looking back now I know It may not have always seemed that way. I wanted a life with her, a family with her not Mark but I couldn't tell him he was not going to be involved. I just wanted everyone to be happy. " I say with unshed tears in my eyes.
"Oh Callie , she was happy don't ever doubt that. When you woke up and said you would marry her she was so , so happy. Her and Mark came to an understanding at that point. He apologized and she forgave him. I think by you finally choosing her she could finally accept the situation you where in. On your wedding day she told me all her dreams were coming true and she was so happy she just wished Tim was there to see it. She couldn't wait to spend her life with you and Sofia. After the wedding when we would skype her we could she it in her eyes and hear it in her voice she was our little girl again so happy, so full of life. Then the plane crash happened. " Barbara says.
"The plane crash" I say under my breath.