Sofia and I arrive at the hospital and head for Arizona's room. When we arrive I see the Robbins are already here. I'm a little nervous to be honest, I really want to continue my conversation with Barbara but I am not sure how to approach it. Sof goes running into the room excited to see Arizona, I know she has been scared since the accident so I want her to spend as much time as she wants with Arizona and her parents.
"Hi mama, I brought Finding Nemo and Toy Story so we can watch them" Sof says as she enters the room.
"Sof aren't you going to ask mama how she feels and say hi to grandma and grandpa?" I ask her.
"Ops...sorry I'm just excited to watch movies with mama. Hi grampa, hi gramma. " she says as she goes over and hugs them.
"Hi baby did you sleep well last night" Barbara asks.
"Yeah gramma but I missed mama" Sof says.
I look over and see Arizona with tears in her eyes. "Hey you ok, are you in pain" I ask her.
"No , no I'm fine. She is just such a great kid you know, so caring and thoughtful, she gets that from you." She say as she wipes her eyes.
"She gets it from both of us, she loves you so much" I say.
"God Callie, if anything happened to her yesterday I don't know if I would have been able to survive," Arizona says as she continues to wipe away tears.
"Hey, hey she is fine ok and you are going to be fine so let's not think about what could of happened ok, " I say as I pat her leg.
"Yeah, your right. Thanks for bringing her today it means a lot to me" she says.
" It was no problem plus I don't think she would have given me any peace if I didn't , " I say.
"Well thanks , I know this was not how you expected your weekend to go" she says to me.
"I told you it's fine Arizona ok, I want to go to the lab anyway."
"Oh yeah, You said you were working on some new technology, would you like to share," she asks.
"No not yet let me see if I can incorporate it into your leg first ok"
"Ok, I guess I can wait it's not like I can use it right now away. Hey Sof how about coming here and giving mama a hug, I missed you." She tells her.
Sof climbs of her grandpas lap and climbs up in the bed with Arizona giving her a hug and kiss that is reciprocated.
"Can we watch Finding Nemo now please," Sofia asks.
"Sure we can , dad do you think you can put it in for us," Arizona says.
As the movie starts Sofia says," ok, no more talking."
"Yes mame," I say with a chuckle, "I'm just going to head to the lab then I'll be back later to take her home"
I left the room and headed down to the lab. I didn't realize I was in there for as long as I was until they was a knock at the door.
"Hey, Callie I hope I am not disturbing you," Barbara asks as she peeks her head in.
"No not at all come in," I tell her.
"I brought you some lunch since it was getting late," she says as she put a tray down on the counter with a salad and bottle of water.
"Wow what time is it," I ask.
"It's after 2, what are you doing in here anyway,"
"I was working on Arizona's leg. I designed this new prosthetic that I thought she could use. It's more agile than her current one so she can do more things like she use to without having to swap them out all the time. "
"Wow, that's awesome," Barbara say reminding me so much of Arizona in that moment.
"yeah, it is pretty awesome," I say chuckling.
"So how does it work," she asks as she picks up the leg and starts examining it.
"Well I switched out the socket since hers is molded to to fit her limb exactly and put it on this new design, basically I created joints just like she has in her right leg so it can mimic the movement of a real leg."
"Wow, you can do all that Callie," Barbara says in amazement.
"Well yeah me and the veterans I have been working with, they have been giving me input and trying different things but I think we really have something here after all the tweaking. It will be more stable for Arizona , I hope she likes it"
"Are kidding she will love it," she says.
"I hope so"
"You don't think she will like it," she asks me.
"I don't know , she has never been to thrilled with me helping her in the past when it came to her leg."
"Based on what you showed me I know you did not do all that this morning so my guess is you never stopped trying to help her even if she pushed you away." She says.
"I started all this right after the amputation, I just wanted to make things better for her, you know"
"I know you did dear"
"I wish Arizona believed that"
"Callie I don't think it was a matter of her not thinking you wanted to help but the fact that how you maybe went about it."
"What do you mean"
"Remember when I told you about Daniel and I, ...how I made him feel without even realizing it." She says.
"Yeah, I remember but what does that have to do with me helping her walk again"
"When you thought of this project did it come from a place of wanting to help or a place of guilt for having to take the leg in the first place."
"Of course I felt guilty I promised her I wouldn't take it but I had to , I had to she would have died."
"I know dear ,I know i don't blame you but I think you may blame yourself somewhat," she says as she takes my hand.
"How can I not, I should have went to Idaho maybe I could have done something if I was there"
"Why didn't you go to Idaho when they found them." She asks me.
"The night they were suppose to come home I had a whole night planned for us you know. Then there was a knock at the door and it was Alex he told me the plane never made it and they were missing. My world collapsed. I couldn't even breath. Alex had to take care of Sofia for me. I was a complete mess. We all gathered at the hospital and stayed in the conference room just waiting for the phone to ring. I couldn't call you. I couldn't be the one to tell you you lost another child. I didn't sleep or eat for 4 days . Once the phone call came in and they said they found them but there was 1 female deceased I lost it. Bailey would not let me go she said Sofia needed me here and if Arizona was alive she needed her wife to get it together because she was not going to be in any condition to deal with the hot mess I was. Finally once they got everyone to the hospital I was able to talk to Arizona. I told her I was on my way but she begged me not to get on a plane she just kept begging me so to calm her down I promised her I wouldn't go. Bailey promised me she would take care of her. When they finally got them home and I saw the mess her leg was in. I shouldn't have listen to her I should have went maybe if I was there from the start I could of saved her leg." I say as I wipe the tears away.
"Callie if she was any other patient and you were presented her case what would you have done," she asks me.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"If someone handed you her scans with the name Jane Doe what would you have done." She says.
I think about it for a minute and say, "I would of recommended amputation."
"You need to stop blaming yourself you did everything you could." She tells me.
"I feel like I failed her." I say.
"Is that why you pushed her so hard to get over it." She asks.
"Is that what she told you." I question.
"No.. Absolutely not but when I talked to you, you would say things that made me think you felt guilty and in order to feel better about your decision you wanted her to be her old self and be fine. Problem was she was not fine but she was so afraid of losing you she pretended she was. You both lost so much the day that plane crashed but I think you both lived in fear of losing each other you skipped steps in the healing process."