Chapter 61

Things we lost in the fire

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Kallian

Waking up in that the morning was somewhat weird.

My body was warm, carefully wrapped in those clean and soft covers. In fact, everything seemed strangely soft: the usually hard bed, the thin pillow, the morning light ... Do not ask me how light could be soft. because I do not know, but if I had to choose one word, it would be this. It was warm enough to caress the skin, but not enough to make you sweat.

I was fine. I felt a slight stinging in my eyes, perhaps because of the strange smell of something burning that was in the air, but it wasn't enough to spoil the moment. I had slept a night's sleep so good that I even felt like closing my eyes again.

Still, even as I was comfortable, it felt like something was missing. It seemed that something was very, very wrong, and my racing heart only increased my suspicions. This could not be real.

My memories were blurred. I tried to remember what had happened, or how I had ended up in the bed, but all I could feel was a stab in the head every time I came close to the truth.

I took the back of my hand to my mouth and bit hard, almost a reflex instinctive. The pain was like an electric current that began to burn my fingers and spread to all the muscles in my arm, followed by hot copper taste invading my mouth.

I grunted, wiping the red liquid from the corner of my mouth, and something moved against the back of my legs.

Shaw's head rose above the covers .: a snowy little monster rising among the white dunes. He was staring at me, his ears standing straight up.

I must say that the set of dog qualities do NOT included delicacy. He was lying well UPON my legs, as if I were his particular mattress. More than that, he thought it would be too much effort to stand up, so he just came to me crawling over my body to lie down with both feet on top of my shoulders and his head between my breasts.

"Comfortable?" I asked him, staring at his black nose.

He did not move, just let out a muffled bark and wagged his tail.

I sighed, stroking his head. He had no intention of moving and I knew very well. Very gently, I wrapped my arms around him and rolled him to the side, holding firmly so he didn't fall out of bed. He flopped over onto the bed, lying face up, placing a paw on me to ask for affection.

"You're a good boy," I smiled, stroking his chest before sitting up and swinging my feet onto the floor. He let out a contented sigh and lay there, eyes closed just enjoying the warmth of the covers.

So it was not a dream after all. It seemed real enough, as was the throbbing pain in my wrist and the smell of smoke. I still could not remember much, just blurry scenes, fights and single words.

Also, I could remember being freed of the curse ... After all, it's hard to forget the sense of relief that occurs after banishing the shadow of death. My body no longer seemed like it would shatter if I moved, and I finally could breathe without it feeling like I would expel my stomach through my mouth. But still, something was wrong.

The ward was empty. My pack was leaning on a chair next to my bed. The silver bow of Eilleen was on the next bed, along with her stuff. Moreover, it was just me and Shaw in that big tent. It was very disappointing to be honest, I did not know why.

The empty chair by my bed bothered me most.

I pushed the thoughts aside and stood. The ground was cold under my feet, but the feeling was comforting, as would have been breathing the fresh morning air, if not for all that smoke. It was starting to make my eyes sting.

When I realized that I would not fall, I moved away from the safety of my bed and walked to the exit of the tent.

The traces of destruction seemed to be the same. No one seemed to have been called in to fix what had been broken - tents, aravels, drying racks ... Everything seemed to be the same. Except for a huge pyre, burning as high as the trees.

It was the flame honoring the dead, the light of a funeral. It was identical to what I saw in Mahariel's camp two months ago, but did not carry as many regret as that one had.

I suspected who they pyre was for... And I could not say I was sad because of it.

All the clan's elves were lined up in a circle around the pyre. In the center was Lanaya with a fatigued look and tired expression, as if the words she said had more weight than she could bear. It seemed to be a different speech from the usual goodbye for the dead, and the faces of the clan members, I could tell by their expressions none of them were satisfied with the speach. To be honest, they seemed pretty angry.

Eilleen was on the opposite side of the pyre, isolated from the others, leaning against a tree. Wearing a wide, white robe with long sleeves and trousers the color of the earth. Her blond hair was loose, falling in waves on the V-neck of her clothing. She seemed uncomfortable with her arms crossed in a very strange and unnatural way, but above all, quite annoyed.

You should always remember the good things that our Keeper did for us, but should never remember him as a hero. He may have been immortal, but he had his flaws, just as we have ours.

It was the voice of Lanaya, rough and failing due to her exhaustion, but still loud enough to overcome the crackling wood burning right beside her. However, she was not flinching at all, there was no insecurity in her stance... There was no hint that she might go back on her decision to speak the truth, even though her clan was clearly disapproving of her words.

His merits should serve as inspiration, yet his mistakes shall never be forgotten, and always be remembered as an example not to be followed.

It was an unexpected speech, but interesting. She was exposing the truth about Zathrian to the clan, which meant she had finally chosen a side, even if in the end she'd really had no choice.

"You've got to be kidding!" one of the elves shouted angrily. "You really want us to believe that Keeper Zathrian was a Bloodmage? That a fair and kind man was responsible for all this?"

"I have explained the situation ..." Lanaya sighed, exhausted. Eileen shifted uneasily on her feet, almost predicting the direction that the conversation would take. It was no less than one would expect, I thought.

"And that's why nothing fits!" he challenged. "This woman, this ... This witch ..." He looked at Eilleen, but from where I stood I could not see his eyes. He had his back to me. But from the angry expression on my friend's face, he was probably striving to look pretty disgusted. "Our Keeper died, and now comes this story that it was he who created the wolves? Please!"

"Enough ..." Lanaya said, but the elf interrupted.

"Enough, my ass!" He countered. "I cannot believe you let yourself manipulate by ..."

"It is my judgment on the facts, Varathorn." It was Lanaya's turn to raise her voice. "Zathrian made mistakes, and as much as he has given us a life of success, nothing can erase what he did, and that those actions are why he's dead now - To give us a clear lesson that there are paths in this life we must never take, even if we are desperate. Blood Magic is one of them. "

The elf was silent, and I smiled. Not to see the memory of Zathrian fall to the ground, but because of her. Lanaya was strong, and since the attack of the wolves, I quite liked her sense of justice.

"A Keeper should be someone who the clan respects enough to represent them, and guide them safely. If you do not trust my judgment, if you feel that you can't rely on my decisions ... If you even have the slightest doubt about me ... then it makes no sense that I should become the new Keeper of the clan," she added seriously.

The elf, not yet satisfied, asked a last skeptical question of the clan. "And does she have proof to sustain her story?"

Lanaya tried to interfere, but Mahariel was the one who replied, in a sarcastic tone as poison as acid, "Only the words of a witch."

The elves looked at one another, and a restless murmur began. In the meantime, I heard footsteps approaching, but did not pay much attention. Not until they reached me, anyway. I turned around in fright, but I could barely see Leliana's face properly because she hugged me so tightly.

"Kallian, you're back ..!" She exclaimed with so much happiness and relief that my words simply disappeared. All I did, in an unprepared reflex, was to put one of my hands on her back, kind of giving back half of her embrace.

Right behind us was Sten, looking at us with those violet eyes, his expression unreadable. He sat there by the side of the tent, fulfilling his position of being relentlessly vigilant or something.

That was disturbing, actually. Not his position in itself, but why he was still there. And if he was there, it meant that Noah probably had not come back yet.

My Warden sense was still half asleep because of the long time unconscious. Incidentally, all of me was fairly sluggish, but probably would be back soon, because the curse was finally over. But the question was, I could not feel anyone but Mahariel here on the outskirts of the camp. And every time I tried to go beyond, I felt a small twinge at the top of my head, like a warning that I would be punished with one hell of a migraine if I forced more than that, then obviously I chose to deal with what was within my reach first.

"Thank the Maker," she said, pulling away from me as she held my shoulders to inspect me. "How are you feeling?"

'Still half dizzy, but good," I said, slightly embarrassed. She smiled as if we were longtime friends, and I didn't really know how to handle it. I tried to smile back, but I'm sure I wasn't at all convincing.

Over her shoulder, I saw Morrigan in a more secluded corner of the camp, near the jumble of cages and tools, where the tent had fallen. I had the impression she nodded, and the sight was rather disturbing. I mean, we were talking about Morrigan. Having her approve anything related to ... well, anything, it was scary.

"And you? How's everyone?" I asked, holding her hands. It was a kind of contact that in my head was considered acceptable, and I could offer without being false to myself. Not because of Leliana, or that I didn't like her, but ... I was taking things slowly, so this thing of having humans in my life caring for me was still too new and fresh. And as much as I'd come to care about them, Leliana included, if I forced the situation I would only ruin all the progress I'd made, so …

"Sten hurt his head, but that ugly face is more because he had passed out before he could fight than from pain," she started talking in a lively manner, squeezing my hand tightly. Her smile was bigger, almost as if my silly gesture had changed something. "Neither me nor Morrigan suffered any major injuries, just scratches. Lanaya looked after us." She made a hesitant pause, looking at the pyre. "Mahariel ... Well, you might want to talk to her ..."

I frowned, following her gaze, but before I could ask, she added, "She returned badly hurt and by herself, except for this strange man who brought her back, Gerald was his name? Not sure. I saw them talking to each other over the last few days, but that's all. " She frowned. "Maybe it's the pressure of the clan, or everything that happened, but ... she is different somehow. Different in a way that does not please me."

Eilleen was still strong in her stance, steady as a centennial tree. But I'd known her long enough to understand how much she was struggling to keep that indifferent facade. Perhaps Lanaya knew how she was feeling ... Or was even feeling the same, because both shared the same expression.

It was always hard to endure a witch hunt. Every city elf knows how it is. And Mahariel would have my full support later, but not now. My interference would only make things worse, so I tried to take root where I was, so that I wouldn't go down there and punch that stupid loud-mouthed elf in the face. That particular fire that did not need more fuel.

Leliana cowered beside me, almost as if reading my thoughts.

"So ..." I cleared my throat, trying to change the subject. The question of the whereabouts of Noah was already on the tip of my tongue when I heard a movement in the background - the sound of dry twigs and the rustle of leaves.

I turned my face in time to see Alistair putting chunks of wood on a hill far from the elves, in a place that was almost lost in the wreckage of the tents.

He was not wearing rags, but his torso was still naked, sweat glistening bright with modest sunbeams that dared cross the thick curtain of smoke caused by the pyre. He wore graphite pants with rolled hem, showing part of his shin and his bare feet.

His beard was slightly longer, with a rebellious mustache beginning to grow and a large tuft of hair where once was only a modest goatee. Even his hair, which had not grown very much, seemed messier now. Those markings of passing time were difficult to ignore. In the end, I found myself staring at Alistair in an almost unhealthy way, paying attention to every small detail with great attention.

He looked like an Alistair who was much different than he'd been before everything started. He seemed more mature, so to speak, visually speaking. And while these different features attracted me a bit, it also worried me a little.

It was not just because of the Beard - his expression had changed too. It was darker, closed.

During the time that he remained there, his brow was furrowed, the contracted eyebrows ... Almost like he was thinking about something painful.

He put the pieces of wood on the floor and wiped the sweat from his brow, sighing strongly. His muscles relaxed, and his chest began to rise and fall with a relieved breath. Watching him made my heart sink a little, like a bad omen, predicting a storm.

When he finally noticed my presence, he seemed to hold his breath, staring at me in the same reckless way. It seemed like he had been caught red-handed doing something very wrong.

He hesitated; even if his eyes never left mine, deep down he hesitated, as if he wanted to do something but could not.

I do not quite understand what was going on in his head, but I could feel an uncomfortable distance growing between us, and it was bothering me, too. Despite the concern, I clung to the happiness of knowing that he was okay, and gave him a half sincere smile, almost like an invitation.

I half expected a wry smile in response, with that small and playful look. I would never have imagined that his answer, however, would be so different. His face collapsed, and his eyes filled with sadness. He blushed suddenly, looking away for a few seconds before looking at me again.

Feel free to call me a drama queen, but what I saw there was a look of farewell. A final look of someone who is about to depart.

I began to open my mouth to call him, but he turned his back to me and returned to the forest at a rapid pace, leaving only the sound of the rustling of the leaves of the bushes to fill the void he left behind.

It was that same feeling of looking at the empty chair and clutching my chest again. When I woke up in the morning, I wanted Alistair to be there, but he was not. I was no longer able to deny or to ignore the facts, not when I was feeling like crap because of it all.

All this wasn't because he didn't smile back. No. It was more because of the strange dream I'd had where I'd felt warm and protected. I wanted it to be real. It was because of disappointment, and perhaps partly because he was walking away..

Anyway, my feet began to try to walk towards him, but Leliana held me.

"He was collecting firewood for us," she said quietly. "Lanaya offered us shelter, but we try to stay away from the elves as much as possible, to avoid conflict. They leave us alone and we do not get in their way. He'll be back," she added the last part quickly, almost as if she could read my thoughts again.

"But ..."

"You're weak. Just woke up. You need to eat something, to get strong first," she said, with a mother's tone when arguing with her child. "If you go running through the forest, you will end up falling sick again."

She was right. I was not quite recovered yet, but still wanted to go after him. But I doubted Leliana would let me leave the place, so I had little choice.

"He's avoiding me," I blurted in one breath, almost without intending to speak. It was so frustrating it just choked out.

"He went through a lot. Give him some time work through it," she said, putting a hand on my shoulder, and giving me a little affectionate shake. I let my body sway with the momentum, however small. "For now, try to take care of what is within your reach first. One step at a time ..."

She repeated the same words I had said earlier, and I ended up being forced to agree. I'd have to deal with Alistair later, as much as I wanted to run after him right that minute.

Near the pyre, the elves began to spread out. Lanaya was standing very close to Eilleen and the two began to talk about something. Both looked exhausted. When was the last time either of them had actually rested?

The First ... or rather, the Keeper, obviously asked a question, and Eilleen nodded. After that, she looked at me, sighed, and turned her back to me, the same way Alistair had done, before he'd vanished into the woods.

"They are avoiding me," I blurted again, getting past the lump in my throat, giving special emphasis to they. I pretended not to notice the look of 'we need to talk' that Lanaya had cast my way as she walked toward me, and I turned to Leliana, adding a few things before she could comment on my impulsive statement. "I need you to ask everyone to meet me tonight, at the place where the elves were keeping you arrested. Have them gather when the moon is at the top of the sky. The elves will probably be asleep by then, so I think we will not be disturbed."

"Don't think it's too early to start making plans?" she asked, following me back to the ward door. I walked back to my bed and sat on the edge, staring at the ground. My head was spinning like crazy, and I needed to think.

She did not follow me, just stood in the doorway waiting for an answer. Even Shaw, invasive as he usually was, limited himself to laying his head down next to my leg, as if in solidarity, almost like he understood that it was not the time to play.

I shook my head, "Because I cannot run after these problems to solve them, I'm trying to bring them within my reach where I can at least make the attempt," I said. She shook her head in disapproval. But the corners of her lips suppressed a smile. Perhaps she did understand me better than I'd thought.

"Okay. We'll be there," she said, before leaving me alone with my tumultuous thoughts.

A/N: Between writer's block, life and this lack of inspiration, I finally managed to find myself and write again. I won't make promises, but the next chapter should be here soon :)
The reviews I received in the last chapters were really nice and helped me in the process. And i probably didn't reply to everyone so I will leave my thanks here.

Carl Henry

jameswalter6631

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Wolfking214

ChaoticHarmony1991

Judy

You guys rock. Thank you from the bottom of my heart :3 I promise that I will try to update more often lol

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