a/n: disclaimer I don't own the 100 or any of its characters. the lyrics were from the song Saturn by sleeping at last I don't own that either I just really love the song. you need to read this if you want to know about costias death. I don't have a beta so I apoligise for any errors I made. sorry really no clexa in this chapter. there is ranya tho ( raven and anya). please bare with me I will get to clexa asap I just had to get the costia flashback out of the way. yes I know im not the best writer but I try. there is hurt in this chapter so if you don't want to read it you don't have to love you all have a wonderful day/night. :)
Lexas POV
Lexa found Anya at her locker later that day and rushed over to her " hey ahn! I need to talk to you" Anya shut her locker and groaned, lexa quirked a brow " raven again?" Anya gave lexa a sideways glance " that obvious?" lexa shook her head and sighed " yes ahn, why don't you just break up with her?" lexa was getting tired of this constantly affecting Anya she knew the girl was in deep, she wished her friend wasn't so naïve.
"lex you know why, she said it would be the last time, she was at a stupid party you know how she gets she was drunk so the guy took advantage of her." lexa put a hand on Anya's shoulder "ahn this is the second time she has done this im tired of seeing you in so much pain over this girl, just talk to her about it ok?"
Anya nodded her head and sighed "I guess your right, what was it you needed to talk to me about?" lexas eyes went wide " oh yea! I almost forgot." lexa went on explaining in detail what had happened earlier that day.
Anya became more confused as lexa went on telling the story, just as lexa started talking about how wonderful the blond was she looked over lexas shoulder and spotted a blond talking with raven and Octavia, Anya stopped lexa mid sentence "you mean that blond" pointing to the direction of the three girls down the hall.
When Clarke pointed there way lexa brushed a lock of hair behind her ear so she could listen in like she had earlier that day "….oh that's lexa woods to be honest she kinda creeps me out and the one beside her is ravens girl, Anya" that was Octavia's voice. Then "she doesn't seem creepy to me, im going to go talk to her" Octavia raised her eyebrows "so I can get to know her she is in one of my classes after all." that was Clarke's voice but before she could turn to go down the hall a boy with shaggy brown hair put an arm on the locker to block her way " hey beautiful, what's your name?" lexa let out a low growl, jealousy taking over ' since when do I get jealous?' she asked her self " I'm Clarke now if you will excuse me I need to go." Clarke tried to move around him but the boy grabbed her wrist and pressed into her " not so fast princess, go out with me tonight?" lexa didn't wait for a response, she slammed her fist into the locker in front of her and stormed out the door towards the lacrosse field, she slammed her bag down and took out her stick and a container of balls and started to sling them at the net with all her strength, one particular hard throw and the net ripped completely in half, she growled and broke her stick in half and slung it down the field.
'what the hell is going on with me' she found asking herself this on more than one occasion. She took a seat on the bleachers and took a swig of her water, she stared out into the woods as if it was an abyss to throw her feelings into, she sat there contemplating the days earlier events. When she heard Anyas footsteps approaching she didn't glance back, didn't acknowledge her, neither of them spoke once Anya sat down they bothe just stared out into the woods looking for the words to say.
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Clarke's POV
After the bell rang Clarke saw the brunette bolt out of the room, she was hoping to get her to show her around but that went out the window once the brunette left. Clarke sighed and gathered her things, she slung her book bag on her shoulder and nodded to the teacher before leaving the sighed and just hoped she would find her next class in time for the tardy bell.
Clarke eventually found her next class even though she was 5 minutes late. She felt disappointed that she didn't have the brunette to show her around, for some reason Clarke wanted to get to know the brunette.
She was gathering her things from her locker when she felt a light tap on her shoulder, when she turned she was met with a smiling brunette with a killer jaw line 'good lord she could slice bread with that jaw line' Clarke thought " Hi! im Octavia and this sap behind me is raven" she glanced behind the first brunette and looked at the one she assumed to be raven she looked Latino or something Clarke couldn't really tell.
Raven offered a weak "hi" and a fake smile. " well im Clarke nice to meet you" the blond held her hand out and Octavia and Octavia grasped her forearm "I know who you are and you are going to be my new best friend" Clarke raised an eyebrow " am I now ?" the two girls broke out into a fit of giggles. " this one back here is depressed, her girlfriend is being a dick." Octavia pointed to raven leaning up against the lockers staring at the ground.
" shut up o, she has a right to be a dick, I cheated on her… again" raven replied guilt evident in her voice. Octavia walked over and enveloped raven in a hug " come on Rae stop blaming yourself, you were drunk and that douche wick took advantage of you and if she doesn't believe you the she doesn't deserve you." Octavia stepped back and Clarke saw the tears in ravens eyes and heard her sob " that's the thing o, she dose believe me she just cant take it anymore I hurt her o, I think she's really done this time, this is the second time this has happened."
Clarke wasn't the one for sappy times so she looked for an excuse to get off the subject, just in time she spotted the familiar brunette and a girl that looked like she could be a model beside her ' damn what are they putting in this water' she thought to herself. She turned back to Octavia " hey Octavia who is that girl" she pointed in the direction of the brunette. " oh that's Lexa Woods to be honest she kinda creeps me out, the one beside her is ravens girl, Anya"
Clarke shook her head and looked at the beautiful brunette " she doesn't seem creepy to me, im going to go talk to her" Octavia raised her brows, and Clarke rolled her eyes " so I can get to know her she is in one of my classes after all" right as Clarke turned to head down the hall she was stopped by a boy with shaggy brown hair and a charming smile " hey beautiful, what's your name?" she rolled her eyes and glanced over the boys shoulder at lexa she was glaring daggers and looked as if she was about to rip the boys throat out.
Clarke sighed and tried to get this conversation over so she could get to her destination " I'm Clarke now if you will excuse me I need to go" when she tried to push past the boy he grabbed her wrist " not so fast princess, go out with me tonight?" she jumped when she heard a loud bashing sound and turned her head to see the brunette storming out the doors. She then looked back to the lockers where she saw a locker door smashed in and broken off its hinges with Anya gaping at what just happened, Clarke's eyes widened and looked back to the boy who was also staring down the hall "no now im going to leave and if you touch me again ill snap your arm in half."
The boy scoffed, then she heard raven yell " fuck off Finn!" before storming towards him when raven got close enough he shoved her to the ground " back off whore!" he yelled back, his shove was enough to knock raven off her feet and onto the floor. Clarke kneeled down beside raven and before she could get any words out of her mouth she heard a loud crashing noise and looked back to see Anya pinning Finn up against the locker by his throat with one hand pinned in a painful position above his head " touch my girlfriend again and I will make sure not even the gods above can find your body." Finn scoffed " hey raven call your bitch off" Clarke could hear a crunching noise as Finn gasped when Anya squeezed his throat harder and snapped his wrist "don't test me, if you ever touch my girlfriend again or cross me a broken wrist wont be the only thing you'll have to worry about." Anya hissed before releasing her grip on the boy, once free Finn scrambled down the hall holding his wrist.
Raven was starting to stand up when Anya rushed over and picked her up in a bear hug but not so tight as to hurt her "are you ok babe?" she heard raven start to sob "yes, im so sorry ahn I love you please forgive me I promise you that I will never hurt you ever again, I cant loose you, please just forgive me" raven choked out. Anya sighed " I love you too Rae I'm sorry for being a dick, I forgive you, you wont ever loose me and I don't ever want to loose you" Clarke wondered just how much Anya and raven had been through to be this close, she decided she would ask raven later "I need to go find lex Rae she seemed pretty mad when she left you know how she gets" Anya said while sitting raven back down on the floor.
Raven chuckled and wiped her eyes " ya don't say, no she isn't mad at all she just goes around smashing lockers in all day, I swear your friend is becoming hulk or something" Anya rubbed the back of her neck " or something." Clarke scrunched her brows in confusion at Anya's statement but chucked anyways " heyy guys I need to go to the office before my next class so im gonna take my leave ill see you guys later." Octavia and raven nodded "okay see you later clarke" with that clarke walked off she didn't really have to go to the office she was just looking for an excuse to leave she really didn't like being stuck in situations like that so she just needed to get out of there.
/
Lexa and Anya sat there on the bleachers for god knows how long before lexa broke the silence " go on and say it." lexa was still staring into the woods when she said this knowing if she looked at anya she would have to face the fact that her life was being turned upside down and she didn't know what to do. Anya sighed and looked at lexa " lex I know how all of this must feel and I know that you want to figure out what is happining to your body but I honestly have no clue mabey you should ask your dad." lexa snapped her head at Anya
" hell no you think I want to tell him, oh dad don't freak but I have super sonic hearing, can smell like a fucking dog, and to top it all off I punched a locker off its hinged today" lexa said using a mocking tone. Anya chuckled " okay well if you don't want to go tell your dad we may as well go find that body again." anya seemed overjoyed about his and lexa slumped over and let her head hang, anya saw this and sighed " you want to talk about it lex?" lexa sighed she knew she would have to open up to anya sooner or later so she figured why not.
" when I saw her body on that ground I felt like I fell out of existence like my whole world collapsed around me, I thougth I would never get over the pain, I thought I could push thoe images out of my head but they just kept coming back every time over and over again the dreams were the worst part I just stood there while that thing mauld her I never saw what it was but I couldn't move and every time I woke up and I cried untill I couldn't anymore, its all my fault ahn , its all my fault I never should shave let her walk home that night, I should have took her home, it should have been me ahn… it should have been me." at this point lexa was balling her eyes out so Anya scooted closer and brought lexa into her arms " shhh lex ive got you its not your fault its okay let it out" annya rubbed circles into the girls back and stared off into the distance once more
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Flashback
One year ago, September 13th 2014
It was a cool night outside in beacon hills, costia was over at lexas house. Its was their first time that night and they both felt wonderful " come on cos do you really have to go, cant we just go back upstairs for round two?" lexa asked trailing kisses up and down costia neck. Costia chuckled " as much fun as that sounds I really have to get home plus I don't think your dad would like it to much if he walked in on his daughter and her girlfriend naked tangled in the sheets." lexa stepped back and sighed " I guess you right, I can still give you a ride home cos, its dangerous out here at night and I don't want you to get hurt" costia rubbed lexas arm trying to comfort her " I know babe but I like to feel the fresh air and tonight feels great , I promise ill be fine lex ill text you when im home okay?" lexa nodded not really wanting to let her go into the night by herself but she knew she wouldn't win with costia she could be so stubborn sometimes. " okay" lexa said before giving costia a quick goodbye kiss " I love you" costia smiled and hugged lexa " I love you too lex" with that she walked out the door and down the street
It was about 10 minutes after costia left when she heard Anya's jeep come to a screeching stop. She rolled her eyes knowing this was going to probably be another one of Anya's adventures. As if on queue she heard a frantic nock at the door. " I swear Anya if this is ano-…" she trailed off when she opened the door and saw tears streaming down her eyes " Anya what's wrong?!" Anya shook her head frantically " come now lexa theres no time" Anya was dragging her out the door " Anya ! Tell me what the hell is going on!" Anya let out a sob " im so sorry lexa im so so sorry" lexa thought immediately of her dad could he be hurt? "Anya what are you sorry for " Anya once again shook her head " ANYA TELL ME!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Anya managed to get one word out "costia" lexa froze " no no no no no no this isn't supposed to happen not now NOT FUCKING NOW " at this point lexa was crying so hard she couldn't see to walk " come on lex we have to go NOW!" Anya had to basically drag lexa to the jeep. The whole ride was silent until red and blue lights come into view " what happened?" lexa asked staring blankly ahead no emotion. Anya simply replied " animal attack" then " her body is mutilated lexa the could barley identify it" lexa only nodded as they got closer the emotions returned and lexa didn't wait for the jeep to come to a complete stop before she jumped out running towards the scene she saw the body on the ground before two police officers held her back from going any further and she let out a blood curddeling scream before collapsing to her knees screaming " NOOO!" at the top of her lungs. When she felt Anya's arms envelope her she grabbed at her jacket and let out ear piercing screams until she couldn't scream anymore and only sat craddeled in Anya's arms sobbing until she was drug away by Anya so they could move the body
Two days later lexa stood beside anya in matching suits in front of costias closed coffin. The man was speaking but lexa shut his voice out because all that came out of his mouth was bullshit, no one knew costia like she did. When the song came on she tuned back in when she heard the beautiful intro with violins she knew exactly what song it was. Saturn by sleeping at last. She couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes and she couldn't help the sob that slipped past her lips and she once again felt Anya envelope her in a hug both of them needed. When the first words in the song came on she collapsed with Anya following her to the floor
" .. you taught me the courage of stars before your left, how life carries on endlessly even after death"
another strangled sob and she felt two pairs of arms envelope her and Anya, she knew they had to be costias parents and she broke even more
"… with shortness of breath you explained the infinite , how rare and beautiful it is to even exist…"
Lexa broke that much more with every lyric
"… I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again, I tried to write it down but I could never find a pen… id give anything to hear you say it one more time, that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes….."
Lexa couldn't help the strangled scream that escaped her lips, and Anya just held her tighter she didn't care who saw her at this point she could care less that there were over 200 people at this funeral. As the song was coming to the end lexa sang along with it
" … with shortness of breath ill explain the infinite, how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist…"
End flash back
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Anya held lexa as she wept for the frist time in 6 months. Lexa never let anyone see her cry after that day and she hadn't allowed herself to cry in 6 months but she let it all out right there with Anya holding her as she too cried for her life long friend and for the friend craddeled in her arms. Anya let herself cry for the first time since that funeral. She cryed for herself and she cried for every night that she held thos tears in in that moment nothing else matteed except that she and lexa both needed this. They sat there on that field for the rest of the day just simpliy holding each other and comforting each other. They didn't care that they missed two classes. They sat there even after school let out. And untill the street lights came on. And then they headed home.