I was lying in my room staring at the ceiling. I began to remember every single word that made me suffer. I was alone and desperate as I never had the chance to talk to anyone about my pain, not even my father.

It was as if my life ended the day I got locked here. Like the day I killed all those people or the day I take my mother's life .

My mind kept repeating those phrases over and over again, increasing my torture. I wanted to stop thinking, but it was impossible.

The only hope that my depressed self could think of was suicide as if taking my own life was the last choice. But I feared of not seeing the sunlight again, of not being able to look at the sky wishing to fly just like the butterflies that live in the garden.

They were my only friends in these four years, with whom I was able to show at least some affection and love for. I watch them since they were small larvae until their transformation into those beautiful white butterflies. They were the only insects that grow in the garden, I search for more but apparently no other animal live nearby, not birds or rats, so they were safe all their young life until they were able to fly away.

But even now I lost the strength that they used to gave me.

I no longer wanted to live in this prison not I wanted to keep suffering. Yet I did not know if I had the courage to take my own life, after all I was a small ten year old girl. Also the words of eternal torture in hell that my father told me were not entirely encouraging, those judges of the other world sound very frightening.

But was sure I wanted to meet them and receive my punishment?

I was still over my bed, the tears that fall from my eyes start to hurt as well. I felt so sad that death seem to be better than to keep with this kind of life.

I picked up the short sword and bring it to my chest. I figured that if I put it into my beating heart, would be enough to die. I knew that from my father because there were times when he got so mad that he say that he would keep telling me the same words until his heart stop beating.

I took the weapon the best I could and pointed it at my chest. Then it was hard but I push it slowly as part of my tried to resist it. As the blade pierce through my clothes I felt like my mind was yelling but as the tip of the sword cut my skin, my mind stopped.

I cried harder, as now there was blood started to flow from my wound. I felt that it stained my dress as I start to feel a lot more heat in my chest.

But then I realize the name engraved on the blade like there was an ornament of cherry blossoms in the black hilt. At first I thought it was a reference to some sort of ritual or religious passage, because the meaning was "spiritual soul and mind"

This kanji could refer to the family of that monk. It can be read as "Konpaku"

That man I killed could no longer make his dreams come true. I take away his hopes and joy the same day I took his life, as I also stole his future, the chance of having a family and also a dignified death. I reap away all from him the same moment he fall at my feet.

I realized I never knew his name…

I suddenly stopped and removed the blade of my chest. The wound was not deep but it was enough to keep bleeding for a while so I pressed my hand against it and then I stand up.

I walked into the garden hoping to see butterflies once again, but there were none. I returned to the hallway and closed my eyes as I sat there. I felt the wind on my face, I heard the movement of the trees and for the first time here I felt relaxed and calm, in both mind and spirit.

Life was painful and cruel, but that was my punishment. It was the payment for the death of my mother, the monks and guards. At that moment I choose to accept my own death and of those that I killed.

I would no longer live for myself but for every one of them. I died at the time I pressed that blade against me but it was also that sword that reminded me of them so it granted me a new life.

When I realized this several hours passed so I went into the back of the mansion which was connected with a hot spring. As I enter the hot water, I felt something very different as if this was the first time I went there. The red in my clothes washed away in the water, I felt a sharp pain on my chest as the heat went inside the wound and through it into my body as if healing it from all the pain.

After that day everything was different. I started to smile every time my father yelled and scolded me. I began to speak to those monks who came to the mansion with supplies and to the guards behind the big double doors, even if they rarely answered me.

I watched the sky and felt that I got no more weight over my shoulders.

Soon I got enough courage to interrupt my father in his regular morning speech and asked for books for me to read. At first he refused, but my persistence finally won and soon I got them, even if I didn't know the meaning of all the symbols at least I could try to learn it for myself.

I enjoyed every time I prepared my meals, all the time I took care of the garden, the water in the hot springs and as I read a book or a poem.

Soon the days went better and time began to flow without difficulty.

-Five years have passed since then and still in days like this one I´m thankful. If things didn't happened like that I would have never enjoyed moments like this- I told the butterflies that flies around me. Sometimes I repeat this story to them, even if the answer is just a swift moment of their wings or the wind that passes by.

-I´m also thankful, your story is so sad but full of hope that I never get tired of it-

There was a feminine voice that came from the middle of the garden. I was shocked because I was supposed to be the only one here. I lived alone in the mansion so the only possible people that could be around would be the priestesses that came here now and then.

I began to slowly walk across the path in the garden and watched that there was a woman standing under a tree. She was wearing a purple dress and was covering the sun with a parasol, as she turned around as her blond hair waved in the air.

I don't know why but this unexpected visit made me very happy.