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Chapter 12

"What are you doing here?" she asked looking up in surprise. "It's so early." Quinn never would have expected her morning appointment to be Noah Puckerman dressed in blue jeans and a leather jacket. She figured it was going to be yet another doctor's visit when they had gotten her out of bed at 6am and ushered her into this room.

"I drove all night so I could see you," said Puck taking a seat beside her on the padded wicker bench. The glass enclosed solarium made even the cold February morning seem warm, almost like a garden in spring.

"I'm not even officially allowed social visits yet. How did you get in here? It's not even visiting hours."

"Are all these questions your subtle way of saying you're not happy to see me?" he asked with a teasing tone.

"You know I love seeing you Puck," she said squeezing his knee. "I'm just really surprised."

"Let's just say this beautiful sun filled room we're sitting in affords me special privileges." Puck just pointed to a shiny plaque embedded in the floor by the window. It read, 'Courtesy of D&E Industries, 2004'.

"Your family built this solarium? No wonder I was sent here. Dwight is running this place?"

"Not running it. But he has made sizable donations to the facility. At one point he had hopes of having one of his ex-wives sent here as a permanent resident."

"Great he bought his own personal prison and made me his first inmate," she sulked.

"Don't think that way. Besides can we really blame my uncle for this?"

"Uh yes I can. The judge was going to let me go free until Dwight got to him."

"Aren't you forgetting the little fact that you snuck out of the hospital, broke into Coach B's house, and threatened to take Beth?" asked Puck a bit cautiously as if he were afraid of her reaction.

"I haven't forgotten. You're right Dwight's not to blame for my actions. I actually realize that. It is just so much easier to blame him. Makes me feel far less stupid, for what I have done to my life."

"You'll bounce back," he said throwing his arm over her shoulder. "Quinn Fabray is about due a comeback."

She smiled, leaning into him. "So what was so important that you had to come here so early in the morning?"

"I just wanted to see your pretty face," he replied looking into her eyes for what felt like a beat too long. Quinn shifted uncomfortably beside him.

"Sweet," she said blandly hoping to ease the weird tension in the air. "Now what's the real reason?"

"I needed to talk to you about Sam." Quinn's stomach instantly clenched. She could barely hear those words these days without thinking the worst.

"I hate when people say that and then nothing else. Always scares the hell out of me," she said trying to relax, but her heart was pounding in her chest. If it had been truly bad news Puck would've said it already.

"It's nothing bad, well not that bad," he assured her. "He's getting stronger every day."

"That's good to hear. But what is it you're not saying?" Quinn could see that Puck was holding back, struggling to find the words to explain.

"There are some side effects from the accident," said Puck getting up from the bench.

"Like what?" Quinn asked starting to panic again. Her first thoughts were that he was paralyzed or lost a limb. She could only imagine the pain he could be suffering after being comatose for so long. And that horrible infection, she was sure it took its toll on his organs. "Stop stalling and just say it."

"He's suffered some brain damage, well not damage actually. He's lost his memory."

"He has amnesia? How can that be?" she asked shaking her head in disbelief. "I talked to him on the phone and he knew who I was and he was even bringing up stuff from high school."

"He hasn't forgotten everything," said Puck leaning against the large glass window "Just the last three years."

"The last three years." Quinn stood up shocked. "That means he doesn't remember..."

"Mercedes," Puck interrupted.

"Or that we slept together, or that I dated Mike," said Quinn as she walked over to him.

So much had happened in those three years, to both of them. They had been through so much. Sam didn't remember being with Rachel, his mom's battle with cancer, their nights together. Quinn tried not to go there, but she couldn't help it. Some of the best sex of her life was with Sam when they were reconnecting. It hadn't led to a relationship, but Quinn wouldn't trade those memories for anything, and she was pretty sure Sam would feel the same. And now they were all gone.

"He's missing a big chunk of his life."

"Puck that is so awful. How is he taking it?" Quinn knew Sam must be mad as hell about his condition. Sam was a man who liked to be on top of things, in the control. He must hate not knowing the details of the recent past.

"Not well at first apparently. I haven't been to see him yet, because not remembering the past three years means he doesn't know about me being in rehab and all that. There would be too many questions at this point. So I'm going to wait."

If he didn't know about Puck's drug addiction then he probably thought she and Puck were still together. The thought of that bothered Quinn greatly. For some reason, she hated the idea that Sam would even for a moment think that Puck was an issue between them anymore.

"Is he expected to get his memory back?" Quinn asked. "When are they going to start telling him about everything he missed?"

"I'm not sure about his prognosis for recovery but his doctors are actually going to talk to him today."

"I'm sure he'll be relieved to find out some answers."

"Mercedes says he has been very agitated by not knowing."

Guilt washed over Quinn as she pictured Sam trying to deal with all of this, his family was probably just making things worse. She needed to be there with him, to help him cope. He had called her and been thinking about her, most likely wondering where she was. And Quinn had offered him no answers. She didn't know at the time he had lost his memory, but even still she had been a rotten friend. He must think she was so callous to put some stupid singing gig above coming to see him.

"He must feel like everyone is keeping secrets from him."

"That pretty much describes it. Last night at Uncle Victor's house, Mike was telling me how Sam was asking him so many questions and how it was so hard not to answer them. He almost let some things slip a few times."

"Mike is home?" asked Quinn cringing inwardly. She could only imagine the stories Mike could tell Sam about her. He probably was chomping at the bit to let Sam know all about their train wreck of an affair.

"Yeah he came to see Sam."

"Great," said Quinn rolling her eyes.

"Sam was glad to see him. And he got to meet Beth for the first time. That was nice." Puck smiled. "He was at the house with Beth all night. I think Mike might have even slept over there."

"Beth is staying at the mansion?"

She still couldn't get used to the idea of her daughter spending so much time with the Evans. It was like having her baby be raised by her mortal enemies. They weren't here enemies per se, but the way that Dwight and Sue had it out for her, it felt like it at times. Quinn was scared that their influence and their negative opinion of her would somehow be transferred to her child. She would come home and Beth would hate her after hearing all the lies from her grandparents. At least Sam was back now, and able to step in and take control of all that. Sam wouldn't let her be trashed in front of their child.

"For the moment, since Cede's sick," Puck responded.

"What's wrong with her?" Quinn asked, fear starting to take hold. If something horrible was wrong with Mercedes then Beth would really have no one. She would be forced to call her parents and Quinn wasn't quite ready to do that. She was still trying to work up the nerve to face them.

"Exhaustion. She collapsed and Julian had her admitted to the hospital."

"So both Sam and Mercedes are in the hospital? Who's looking after my baby?"

Feeling helpless and completely out of the loop being stuck so far away, Quinn began to pace the length of the room wringing her hands in front of her. She needed to calm down and start thinking straight. She had to make plans for her daughter. Then it struck her that she probably wasn't even allowed to make plans. She had no rights to care for her. Maybe Artie could help her. He could work on her behalf and get Beth into a new home.

"Dwight hired someone and you know the family is pitching in. Beth will be fine. I'm actually going to pick her up and bring her to the hospital later, so Sam can meet her." Quinn stopped.

Sam could handle it all. She relaxed, feeling relieved that Beth did have someone there to look out for her. She finally was going to have her father back in her life. Quinn really didn't need to worry about her anymore. Sam was going to be a great dad.

"I wish I could be there to see the look on his face." She actually wished she was going to be the one to tell him. Something like that is far too personal to be learned from a doctor. She wanted to look Sam in the eyes and explain to him about the night they conceived their child. She wanted to assure him that she was glad he was Beth's father, despite her first reactions to the news.

"Sam is going to be surprised for sure. Mercedes is a little worried though, she's been texting me all night. Makes me regret giving her that new phone."

"You gave her a phone?" asked Quinn curiously.

"Yeah Julian confiscated her phone to force her to get some rest, but you know Cede," he chuckled lightly. "She called me from the nurses' station at like 2am, had me run to Walmart and buy her a phone so she could stay in contact."

"Sounds like she is really attached to her phone."

She was trying to keep up her positive feelings about the girl but really she was growing tired of hearing all the cute little Cede anecdotes. She had everyone wrapped around her finger thinking she was the perfect little wife. Puck she expected this from, he had been a goner for Mercedes awhile now, after having adopting her as his little sister. Quinn didn't even know what Mercedes did to endear herself to him so quickly. It seemed like one day he just met her, the next day they were best friends.

"It's not that. She just wanted to be able to talk to me while I was coming up here. She didn't want me falling asleep at the wheel."

"But getting into an accident because you are texting while driving is okay? That girl makes no sense at times," Quinn said, perhaps a bit sharper than she had intended. But she couldn't help it. Puck was a decade older than her, yet she was worried about his night driving skills?

"Cede's just a little squeamish when it comes to cars."

Quinn closed her eyes in realization, suddenly feeling awful, because of her constant self-absorption. Of course Mercedes would be worried about Puck's driving. It was because of the accident. Maybe Mercedes deserved to be embraced by the Evans. She seemed able to muster far more concern about Sam's family than Quinn ever could. It didn't even cross Quinn's mind that the fact that a car accident almost took Sam's life would make Mercedes skittish.

"I can understand that," Quinn said softly, unable to meet Puck's eyes.

"Besides, she's been with Sam all night, she couldn't tip him off."

"How has he been around her? Mercedes I mean? Since he doesn't know her."

"It's been weird. He's been asking for you as you know."

"Because he remembered I was with him when he came out of the coma?"

"I think it is also because the last memory he has is of you and him together the night of the limo crash. That was the accident he thought he was in."

Quinn's eyes widened at Puck's words. That was the night they almost made love.

"By your silence I take it that night was something special."

"Well it was one of those moments you never forget."

Facing frigid temperatures and possible death but not caring because she was in the arms of one of the most important men that ever came into her life. It was beyond unforgettable. It was the moment she knew that they could get it back, all they had lost since high school. She saw it in his eyes, she felt it in his kisses, and she just knew that the love was still there.

"Seems so since Sam didn't forget it."

Quinn leaned her head against the cool glass window, a smile blooming on her face. Out of everything else he had clung to that, clung to her. It felt like a sign of something amazing. That they could make it back from the impossible, and still find each other.

"And Mercedes is just accepting all of this?" asked Quinn, not quite able to let her smile fade away yet.

"She's being Mercedes. Pretending to be okay, while she's dying inside. It is killing her that Sam only thinks she's his nurse."

"I bet. She must feel like she's been erased." Quinn knew that feeling. Julian had been making her feel invisible for months.

"From what Sue and Dwight were saying he likes her as his nurse. He's pretty dependant on her."

"That's not the same as him treating her like a wife though. No woman wants to feel like the help."

Puck sighed. "Those two have been through so much, hopefully they'll work it out, provided no new bombs fall on them." Puck shot Quinn a pointed look.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

He leaned his shoulder on the glass, facing her. "Santana happened to let it slip the other day that you were pretty concerned about Sam."

Quinn narrowed her eyes at him. "Well yeah, he just got out of a coma."

"She said you were concerned in more than a friendly way."

Damn Santana and her big mouth. Quinn had told Santana those things in confidence. Leave it to Santana to get it all wrong. Just because she was feeling connected to Sam didn't mean she wanted to be with him. In fact, that was the last thing she wanted. Quinn had decided to swear off men for the time being. She had to focus on getting her life together for Beth. For the first time she had to think about someone other than herself. A man, even if that man was her baby's father, would just get in the way of her goals. Men always threw Quinn off track. She couldn't afford to make any more impulsive decisions or mistakes.

"Santana is bored and trying to create drama. Sam is the father of my child and my friend. That is why I am concerned."

"Bonds form when you share a child. Hell bonds form when you share a pet. Look at Brittany and Santana. She can't let go of the girl because of that connection to that cat they bought together."

Quinn reached out and touched his hand, her tone softening. "It must hurt you that Santana still has feelings for Brittany. I'm sorry Puck."

"I'm not hurt," said Puck walking away. "I'm just worried about her. Brittany is not someone she needs in her life. Hopefully in time she will see that. But I do know how hard it is to get over an ex. Sometimes you never get over them."

"I'm completely over Sam, if that's what you're hinting at."

"I wasn't talking about you at all, but interesting you assumed that I was," he stated sitting on the bench.

"Why did you come here today Puck? To scope things out for Mercedes? To make sure I'm not plotting my escape?" Quinn asked crossing her arms over her chest.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to talk openly with Puck the way she used to. His friendship with Mercedes, made him seem like a spy for the enemy camp. Puck was too good of a guy to use anything Quinn said against her, but she couldn't help but wonder how much of his current motivations were about testing the waters for Mercedes. Quinn knew that Puck was hurt she had slept with Sam, not only because it destroyed their relationship, and because it had hurt Mercedes, but also because it flared up old wounds. Quinn had cheated on him once before, when she was on tour in Europe. Puck claimed he understood, saying his drug use made him a terrible partner, but Quinn always suspected it hurt him more than he let on. The day he found out about her night with Sam, Puck got this look in his eyes. Quinn could only describe it as disgust. He almost looked at her the way Sue or Dwight did. Then it was gone and he was back to being old Puck. But Quinn never did forget that look.

"I came here to see you. I thought you might like to know that Sam is going to find out he has a daughter today and he also is going to find out about you."

"About me? Like about me being here?" asked Quinn taking a seat next to Puck on the bench.

"Yes. Cede said the doctor is going to tell him a little bit about your condition."

"I'm glad he'll finally know."

"Hoping he'll come and save you?" asked Puck.

"I don't know maybe." Quinn was actually getting pretty tired of having to rely on some man to get her out of a jam. It felt past high time to do more for herself. And she fully intended to, once she got out of this place. The getting out part would be tricky though. She honestly felt that Sam might be her only hope.

"How come you won't ever let me be the one to do that? I could be your hero. I pretty much owe it to you after all I put you through while we were together."

Quinn could never seem to make Puck understand that he didn't have to make up for anything. They both were young and stupid, and hurt each other equally. Quinn had gotten over it and moved on. Why couldn't he?

"Puck, you don't owe me anything. We both made mistakes. This thing with Sam...it's not about needing him to rescue me."

"It's just about needing him," Puck said completing her thought. She nodded sadly, with tears glistening in her eyes.

Somewhere along the line Sam had become more important to her than just an ordinary friend. Quinn fully understood that she could just be transferring her feelings of loneliness and at times despair on to him, wanting him to be the solution to take all of her pain away. She'd been in therapy long enough to know she just might be clingy and skimming the surface of codependent. It just was that he had become her life line during her time in the hospital. Sam, or at least the idea of Sam, had been the one thing that kept her from going completely insane. In a way he represented hope. Hope he would wake up and take care of Beth. Hope he would convince his father to set her free. Hope that she wasn't completely alone. And the biggest hope of all, the hope that one day he'd be her home. They were all just fantasies that provided comfort in her many dark hours, just as dreams of living on a beach in Tahiti had as well. Most of these dreams would never come true, she wasn't so far gone that she didn't know that much, but she still clung to them, keeping them close and safe in her heart. She didn't have much these days but at least she had Sam. If only in her dreams.

"Cede needs him too."

Quinn just couldn't bring herself to completely pity Mercedes. Yeah she knew she'd had it rough, and this new development with Sam was a tough blow, but at least she had family, friends, and her freedom. Maybe she'd lose Sam. It wasn't like she was so eager to keep him before all of this. Mercedes had planned to move on then. She could live her life without Sam. She was young and her whole future was still ahead of her. There would be other men for her to love. Quinn had loved her fair share and she knew that the heart could be filled and emptied numerous times before it weakened. Mercedes had only just begun. The way Quinn saw it, Sam was just a step, not the whole journey. Quinn just wasn't convinced Mercedes was the long haul girl for Sam. There were so many little signs saying otherwise. And when you put all those signs together they seemed to all say the same thing. Mercedes was not the one. Or maybe that was just what Quinn was hoping the signs meant. She shook her head trying to free her mind of those really unsettling thoughts and brought her focus back to Puck.

"He doesn't remember her," Quinn reminded him.

"There's something there. She just sent me this." Puck handed her his phone to show her a picture of Sam and Mercedes smiling brightly on the screen.

"He looks happy."

He was smiling, a light beard on his face, not quite thick enough to hide his dimple and the creases in his cheeks. From the looks of it they were in his hospital room, snuggled up to take this super close-up photo. Quinn felt like she could cry. She wanted to be the one that close to Sam, starting the day with him.

"She must have just taken it. They've been together all night."

"Why are you showing me this Puck?" She handed Puck back his phone. Seeing the picture just made her miss him worse.

"I just don't want you to forget that your hero belongs to someone else."

"I think you're a bit jealous that I'm not leaning on you more," said Quinn bitterly. She didn't like what Puck was insinuating. Despite popular opinion, she wasn't some home wrecking slut.

"Maybe I am," Puck admitted staring down at his feet. "I'll always want to be the man you turn to."

"Puck..." She really didn't know what to say to that. So much had changed between them now.

He shrugged finally looking her in the eyes. "Just being honest. Some feelings just don't fade."

"Sometimes they don't fade even when you want them to," Quinn said miserably, thinking about a number of feelings she wished she could just poof out of existence.

"I hope Sam doesn't let you down. I don't want to see you hurt."

"Sam is the best friend I've ever had. I know he'll be here for me." That might be the only sure thing left in her life, the knowledge that Sam would always come through for her.

"And you'll let him?" asked Puck raising his eyebrows. "No matter what it costs him?"

"What do you mean by that?" she asked.

Puck turned his phone toward her to show Quinn the rectangular screen. There in perfect color, was a picture of Sam his arms wrapped around Mercedes, his lips pressed against her cheek, her smile so wide her eyes had closed. Quinn pushed the phone away unable to look anymore. A chill went through her body and she had to wrap her arms around herself to keep warm.

"I thought you said he didn't remember her," she said feeling incomprehensibly sad from seeing such a happy photo.

"He doesn't," Puck replied pulling Quinn into a hug.

The phone made a low buzz as another message came in. Puck flipped the phone in his hand, as he leaned away from Quinn. It was another picture. This time it was just Sam, alone in profile, his hand under his chin, looking lost in thought, the hint of the morning sun in the background. Quinn's mind instantly went back to one of their nights at the Beacon when he had struck a similar pose as they looked out at the Lima horizon. Quinn smiled. It was another sign.