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Chapter 14
Looked like he was getting a roommate. It was official now that the last orderly had left the room shutting the door behind him. One bed, identical to his own except with beige sheets instead of blue, was set up a few feet away with only a small table separating them. Sam had been fluctuating between excitement and anxiety the entire time the orderlies had been setting things up. He wanted Mercedes to stay with him, having some company would be a welcome change especially during the long nights. But on the other hand having her so close now that the lines between patient and nurse had blurred between them sort of complicated things. Sam was still very much preoccupied with Quinn. All the feelings for her were still there, despite the building attraction and attachment to Mercedes. Sam wasn't the playboy type. He wasn't sure he could handle juggling two women, especially not when one was going to be in his face for hours on end. He was pretty sure he'd end up doing or saying something stupid that would hurt Mercedes' feelings, send her heading for the door, and he would be left more alone than ever.
The phone vibrated on the table, jarring him from his thoughts. Sam picked it up from the table. The message read "To Beth". Sam probably should have just put the phone down, it wasn't his, but curiosity got the better of him and he had to see what kind of message a baby would be receiving. He clicked 'accept' and waited for the message to appear. In a matter of seconds he was staring at something he hadn't expected to see. Puck and Quinn, cheek to cheek, smiling brightly into the camera. They had sent a photo of themselves to the baby. The fact that they had sent a message to Beth didn't particularly surprise him, everyone in his life seemed to know Mercedes and her daughter, but the fact that Puck and Quinn were together right now made Sam see red, or maybe it was green. Either color brought on the same effect, nausea. It may have been three years later, but apparently one thing had not changed, Puck and Quinn were still together.
Mike had said that Quinn was alone. But Mike had been in Japan or was it China, somewhere in Asia, what did he really know about what was going on in Lima? No need to book that flight, he didn't really have to worry about having feelings for two women anymore. Quinn clearly was not available, no wonder she hadn't stuck around to see him awake. She probably had to run off and meet up with Puck. She probably had only stopped by out of some sense of obligation to their long standing friendship. It probably was just a coincidence he even started coming around while she was in the room. Those thoughts of any deeper meaning were just wishful thinking on his part.
There was no reason to hide. He could explore this crazy thing with Mercedes, without any guilt. Sure she was married, but her husband was gone. Nothing was holding Sam back on that front. Quinn clearly wouldn't give a damn who he got hooked up with.
"I see they moved me all in," announced Mercedes cheerfully as she entered the room.
"Yep," said Sam with far less enthusiasm.
"I guess all I have to do is climb in." She ran her fingers lightly over the sheet on her bed, glancing in his direction.
"Guess so," he responded flatly.
"Sam, are you sure you want me to stay in here?" Mercedes asked, her voice sounding shaky.
"You keep asking me that. I told you I did." He tried to keep his tone even, but the way her eyes widened, he guessed he wasn't successful.
"You seem sort of distant right now, and I thought maybe…" her voice trailed off as she watched him expectantly. She must have wanted him to interject some reassurances or something. It wasn't going to happen, he just didn't have it in him at the moment.
"It has nothing to do with you."
"Okay," she said drawing out the word. "Then what is it?"
"I'm going to keep this one to myself. If that's okay?"
He just didn't feel like sharing his latest foray into loserdom. She seemed to have a pretty good opinion of him thus far, he didn't want to mess that up by giving her evidence of just how pathetic he actually was. So much for Quinn having lingering feelings for him after all this time. She looked like she was feeling very good about Puck in that picture.
"I didn't mean to pry," she said quietly staring down at her feet. She still hadn't put on any shoes. Her pink socks must be pretty dirty from walking around the hospital.
"So are you getting in the bed or what?" He tried to stave off the feelings of disappointment and get right with the here and now. "We can bust out those cards."
"I actually can't stay yet. My dad wants to see me. I just came to get some clothes." She went over to the dresser near the window and started rummaging through a drawer. The dresser was wooden, probably oak, it was solid and looked well made. Sam suspected that it had been brought in by his family and not part of the hospital décor, looked far too expensive.
"You keep your clothes in my room?" he asked very surprised.
"Well I…." she stuttered. "I know this must look pretty strange."
"Everything is strange to me at this point," he sighed. "What is really going on Mercedes? How much time did you spend with me while I was in that coma?"
"I don't want to weird you out." She shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, twisting the clothes in her hands haphazardly.
"I am pretty sure nothing you can say will shock me. Just tell me the truth." Finding out that he was in a coma for nine months and had forgotten three years of his life was disturbing enough. Sam couldn't think of anything that could possibly trump that.
"I spent a lot of nights with you. I didn't like leaving you alone, so I would send the agency nurse home and stay with you instead," she said coming over to lean against her bed.
"What about your family? Was this before the baby was born?"
"Before and after."
"Why weren't you going home?" A stillness overtook the room. The conversation was starting to feel very important.
She closed her eyes and let the words spill out of her mouth in one continuous stream. "After my husband left I didn't like to sleep in our bed. Felt wrong without him," she said opening her eyes and staring at him intently.
"I get that. So did you try another room or the couch?" He could tell she didn't like his questions but he had to know.
"The couch mainly. The thing is I didn't sleep well anywhere without him. I would just be up all night instead."
"But you could sleep when you were in here with me?"
"It's really the only place I could sleep." Mercedes's sad brown eyes finally met his and he was almost floored by what he saw there, so much emotion and Sam was sure it was all for him.
"I don't get it Little Nurse. Why me?" he asked hoping she would just admit what she was trying to hide.
"What do you mean?" she asked sitting on the edge of her bed facing him.
"Why was I the one to make you feel better, to help you sleep? You didn't even know me."
It almost seemed like she needed him, which was crazy since he was in a coma and was of no use to anyone. Nevertheless, Sam couldn't shake the feeling that he somehow meant more to her than she was saying.
"I can't answer that."
"Can't or won't? I think you're keeping something from me."
"It's embarrassing to talk about."
"My mom knows. She said you were at peace because you were with me. I didn't know what she meant by that comment."
"Sam can we please just change the subject? It's making me uncomfortable."
"You're always here, your voice is comforting to me. I feel like we have this connection. Why is that?" he asked not able to just let it go. He felt like he was so close to getting her to admit to something. What he had no clue, but he could tell she was holding back.
"Sam…" she pleaded.
"Do you believe in that destiny kismet stuff?" He was grasping at straws but that might be the only explanation. Sam just didn't feel so much for people this fast and he definitely didn't let them in like had been doing with Mercedes.
"Not until you," she said.
He held her gaze for a moment, trying to find some meaning in her eyes. She didn't look away as he continued to stare, almost as if she wanted him to know her secret.
"So you feel it too?" He swore his heart stopped as he waited for her response.
"Yes," she whispered, tearing up.
"You felt it while I was in a coma?"
"From the moment I met you."
Sam considered that they could have known each other before, but quickly dismissed the thought. If she had known him she would have said something by now.
"This is so bizarre. I've never had this happen to me before."
Girls had always liked Sam. He had been the object of many a crush since his youth. He had just always been picky and often didn't return their affections. As an adult, women were bolder in their flirtation. He had been hit on quite a bit over the years, especially as he spent more time in the public eye. This thing with Mercedes felt different, he could tell her interest ran deeper than getting a fancy dinner or a chance to sleep with him.
"Scary?" she asked her voice breaking.
"Hell yes," he laughed shaking his head in disbelief. "But good scary. I guess we were meant to meet."
"Guess we were."
"I know it was hard opening yourself up like that to me. Thank you for trusting me."
"I feel like I can trust you with anything."
"I am starting to feel the same way about you," he said lacing his fingers through hers.
"What had you upset when I first came in here?"
"This message came for you," he said pushing the phone over to her.
She stared at the picture. "Oh," was all she replied.
"I guess Quinn and Puck are together right now. She has time to hang out with him but none to come see me." He hoped the pain and bitterness he was feeling couldn't be detected in his voice. Sam wasn't in the mood to wallow about this. He had to find a way to let go of Quinn and move on. Although that had been something he'd been trying to do for years and had yet to succeed.
"You don't know that. Puck just went to see her, to fill her in on your memory loss."
What gave Puck the right to fill someone in about his medical status? Sam really didn't like the idea of people knowing he had some blank spaces in his head, especially before he found what exactly happened during those missing years.
"He couldn't have told her over the phone? Puck hasn't even bothered to come visit me but he can go find Quinn on tour? I think it's obvious what's going on here."
How many years had passed and he was still bitter. They both had been with other people, moved on with their lives, yet here he was back running in place. Nothing had changed, he still resented the hell out of Puck for taking Quinn from him. The small hope Sam had always harbored, that Puck was a passing phase for Quinn was now completely dashed. One picture made the truth all too clear. Puck wasn't a phase. He was the one.
"What do you think is going on?" she asked suddenly dropping his hand that she had been holding. She seemed tense. Sam began to wonder if Mercedes knew what was going on with Puck and Quinn was just trying to spare him.
"I think Quinn told Puck about my pathetic phone calls and he went to see her to discuss how to deal with me."
"I don't think that's it at all. And Quinn doesn't think you're pathetic."
"How can you possibly know what she thinks?" he asked looking over at her. "You don't know what it was like between the three of us. Puck, Quinn and I have this intense history."
"I've heard enough about it."
"It's my turn to ask for a subject change now," he said sighing heavily. He had wasted enough time thinking about Quinn.
"I have to get going anyway," she said but didn't make any attempt to move. "My dad's waiting. Not that I'm eager to have this conversation with him."
"It is about me?"
"It's always about you."
"Damn. I didn't know you've been taking so much heat for this." Sam reached out and grabbed her hand tugging her over to his bed. He moved back so she could climb in next to him.
"He's just concerned and new to the whole parenting thing, so he's over zealous with the lectures and advice."
"Julian didn't raise you?" he asked adjusting himself against the pillow so she could lean back against his chest.
"Nope. I had a mom from hell. She was pretty much the scum of the earth."
"Sorry to hear that," he said as he lightly stroked her arm.
"I managed to survive somehow. I even ended up with a great dad. I shouldn't be complaining." He rested his chin on the top of her head trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He didn't want to imagine what could've possibly happened to her that she needed to survive it.
"How do you explain all of this to him? I mean this stuff with me." Sam hoped Mercedes had a good answer for that question because he had no clue how to even begin to explain any of this.
"My father will probably never understand my choices. All I can do is reassure him I'm okay and hope he backs off."
"I think parents always see us as children no matter how old we get. Speaking of which, how old are you anyway?"
She had told him she had graduated recently, so Sam figured she was about 22 or 23. A bit young, especially since now he was about to turn 29. Didn't seem fair that he missed so many birthdays. He felt like he had slept through his twenties.
"I'm legal."
"How about an actual number?" he asked turning her to face him.
"I'm twenty," she said finally.
"Whoa! Twenty." He wasn't expecting that at all.
"Do you have a problem with that?' she asked raising an eyebrow.
"How are you even a nurse? Shouldn't you be like a sophomore?"
Apprehension crept in and he wondered if she had been lying. Was she even a nurse? Maybe she was some volunteer that attached herself to him, like one of those women that married men on death row. Maybe Mercedes liked men that were stuck in bed, harder to leave to her that way.
"I was homeschooled, so I'm ahead of myself." That made sense.
He relaxed slightly. "When are you turning twenty-one?"
"In November," she stated.
"Damn little nurse, you're almost jailbait."
"Eighteen is the age of majority in this state," she laughed.
"I can't even buy you a drink without breaking the law."
"I have a fake ID."
He smirked. "I bet you do."
"Are you kicking me out of bed now?"
"Maybe I should. I'm breaking so many rules here with you," he said putting his arms around her. "We've got pedophilia."
"I'm an adult." She kissed his forehead.
"We've got adultery."
"My husband won't mind a bit." She kissed his cheek. Sam closed his eyes enjoying the feel of her lips on his skin.
"We've got doctor patient fraternization."
"I'm a nurse." She brushed a kiss across his lips, pulling away before he could react.
"I bet it counts for nurses too."
"I think it does, but I never read my handbook. I guess I better get back in my bed over there. I don't want to risk my job as your nurse," she said turning out of his arms to get out of the bed.
"You're fired. Come here," he said pulling her back against his body, kissing her hard on the mouth.
"What about my age and my husband?" she asked breathlessly after they broke apart.
"Your husband's an idiot and he deserves to be cheated on and like you said, you are an adult."
Running her fingers through his hair she said, "I like the way you think."
"I thought you might. I still feel a bit like a dirty old man though," he said to Mercedes as she got out of his bed and climbed into her own, pulling the sheet over her bare legs.
"You're not that much older than I am. It's not like your mom and that med student."
"What about my mom and a med student?"
"She used to date one. He was second year I think, they were hot and heavy for a time, but it's over now." she admitted hesitantly.
"I can't really picture my mom with a younger guy, well at least one that much younger, but then again my mom always did her thing so, ugh okay. I really just want this mental image out of my head now." He laughed. "But thank you though. Thank you for telling me that."
"I shouldn't have. Doctor's orders."
"That's why I like you though, you put me before even the doctors' rules. You are so honest and upfront with me. I value that." Pure instinct, but he was more sure about her than anything he had felt before, well anything he remembered feeling. He knew he could trust her completely.
"Sam we're not keeping things from you to hurt you. We just want to let you adjust first." She looked uncomfortable and maybe a little queasy.
"I get that, but sometimes I just need a straight answer. Everyone is tiptoeing around me and giving me double talk. That's why I'm so glad I have you in my corner. I can trust you."
"I really don't want to go."
"Then don't. Get the cards."
"I'm going to have to face him some time."
"Who says it has to be now? If he comes looking we'll tell him I needed you."
"I'm not supposed to be working. I'm a patient too remember?"
"I don't need you as my nurse," he said smiling at her suggestively.
Mercedes rolled her eyes. "Oh that'll help. He'll probably double the lecture."
"You can always just be honest."
"And say what? Sam is so irresistible that I had to get in his bed?"
Sam grinned. "I like that. Works for me."
"You're so cocky," she said laughing.
"Confidence is sexy. So I've been told," he said giving her a quick wink.
"Yes it is. Remember that the next time you're dealing with Quinn."
He scratched his head in confusion. "Huh?"
"She doesn't think you're pathetic and Puck's not a threat."
"Did you just give me advice about another woman?"
Mercedes shrugged. "Seems like."
"Why would you do that? Doesn't make sense with all that has happened between us." Sam knew he hadn't misread a thing. Mercedes was interested in him. This just didn't make sense.
"Trust me. I don't want you to fall madly in love with Quinn or anyone else. But I also don't want you sitting here thinking Quinn doesn't care about you. You deserve to know how loved you are."
"Loved?" he asked his voice sounding more hoarse than it had all morning.
"Yes loved. Sam, so many people were sad to see you sick. Quinn was very distraught. You mean so much to her."
"Where is she now, if she cares so much?" It had been days and if he hadn't been the one to contact her, he would never have even heard from Quinn. That didn't seem much like love.
"I'm sure wherever she is, you are on her mind." For some crazy reason he believed her.
"Thank you for saying that." He held his hand out, letting it dangle between their beds. She immediately grabbed it, squeezing his fingers tightly. "You always seem to make me feel better. You take such good care of me."
"It's the least I can do in exchange for you keeping your promise."
"I made a promise?"
She nodded. "The night of the accident. You promised you'd come back."
"I said that to you?"
His last moments of lucidity before his coma were spent with her, and his first moments awake as well. No wonder he felt this connection, she had gone through all of this with him. Her dad's lectures were probably about being too emotionally involved with a patient. Julian was probably trying to teach her to be more objective and detached.
"You did. I've been holding you to it for nine months."
In a way she had been in a coma too. From what he could piece together she devoted so much of her time to looking after him. That could explain the strange intensity between them. She had placed so much hope on his recovery.
"Kind of like you've been waiting for me." He wondered if he turned out like she had expected. Was he everything she had imagined he would be while she sat by his bedside hoping for him to open his eyes?
"I was. Sometimes I feel like I've been waiting for you my whole life."
She gave him that look again, intense and longing, the look he had received a few times in his life. The look he had hoped to see in Quinn's eyes so many times over the years. Only to be left disappointed when he rarely saw it there. Their night in the limo was the last time, and Sam had been holding on to that memory ever since.
Chill ran over his body. "Okay now I'm weirded out."
A woman he barely knew shouldn't have been giving him looks like Mercedes had been giving him since he opened his eyes. Maybe she was crazy and maybe he had some brain damage that the doctors were not aware of, because none of this was making sense. If Quinn had been the one with him this whole time, he would have understood it. They had a bond that was years in the making. His feelings for her had barely faded since he first fell in love with her. He hid them away, to keep himself safe, but they were always there just out of view. It would have been a dream come true to open his eyes and find Quinn in his life, here with him daily. Handling all of this confusion would have been easier to bear if she has been the one holding his hand every step of the way. But she wasn't here, and his confusion was only compounded by this other woman giving him constant attention and care.
"Sorry. I didn't mean…"
"Don't apologize. Things are starting to make a bit more sense."
Like a bolt it hit him, the truth he had been trying to deny since last night, since before then. His mind had been trying to run from it, but now there was nowhere left to go. Sam understood with startling clarity. He could even relate, he had been doing the same thing in his mind with Quinn, holding on to a moment and building it in his mind, banking all his hopes on what it could lead to. Mercedes must have been doing the same while he was in a coma, building up dreams based on one promise.
"Are you remembering something?" she asked leaning over the edge of the bed toward him.
"No, but I think I understand that look you get in your eyes at times now. I think I know what it means." She really was pretty. Not in a conventional way, but in a way that made him find something new to admire every time he saw her. Her beauty wasn't apparent at first glance, it took more attention to be fully aware of it.
"Care to share?"
"I think I'll hold it for awhile, to see if you tell me first."
No woman had openly cared about him the way Mercedes seemed to care. She didn't hide her emotions like Quinn, Mercedes was easy to read and she actually seemed like she wanted him to understand the depth of her emotion. He watched her struggle to keep some things from him, but her eyes always gave her away. He realized now that she wasn't trying to hide from him at all, she was silently begging him to figure it out, and she was terrified that he wouldn't. Sam wasn't ready to give her any answers, not when he was filled with so many questions about his life, about Quinn.
"Sam there is something I need to tell you," she blurted out unexpectedly. Her eyes suddenly filled with tears.
"Why do you look so upset? What is it?" he asked alarmed by the shift in her mood.
"It's about my husband."
