AUTHOR'S NOTE: since most of the HB characters and my OC's are playing different parts in this fractured fairy tale, I will be making note of it in parentheses when they're introduced. If there aren't any parentheses next to the characters, that means they were either created especially for this story, or blatantly obvious. Thanks.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Cinderella (my OC, Danalleah Critch). She lived in a house with her stepmother and stepsisters. And were her stepsisters ever ugly! One was named Fatima, and she was short and fat. The other was named Leena, and she was tall and skinny. If that wasn't bad enough, they treated Cinderella like dirt.

"Cinderella!" Leena yelled. "Iron my sheets!"

"Cinderella!" Fatima yelled. "Fix me my lunch!"

"Cinderella!" the stepmother yelled. "Do the laundry, wash the windows, do the mending, do the sewing, shine my shoes, mop the floor, vacuum the carpets, do the dishes, take out the trash, feed the chickens, feed the dog, and wax the car!"

"Yes, stepmother," Cinderella said.

"And I have a list of more chores you can do after lunch!"

This was the way it was for Cinderella, day in, and day out. But at least she didn't have to do all that work alone. She had friends who helped her with her chores. They were two little mice named Pixie and Dixie.

"Here's the soap, Cinderella!" Dixie shouted, as he and Pixie threw a large bar of soap into a bucket of water.

"Thanks, guys," Cinderella said. Then she began mopping the floor.

"I'd like to show those big bullies!" Pixie shouted. "It's not fair that they make you do all the work while they sit around doing nothing!"

"I know," Cinderella said. "And they can laugh it up all the want. But someday, I'm going to meet someone who will take me away from all of this."

"Yeah," Dixie said, with a laugh. "Then we'll see who gets the last laugh!"

Pixie, and Dixie laughed, while Cinderella just continued mopping the floor.

Elsewhere in the kingdom, there lived the King (the King from "Yippee, Yappee, and Yahooey"), in his castle on a hill. He was in his throne room pacing, with the Grand Duke (my OC, Mike Rogers) watching him.

"What am I going to do, Duke?" the King asked. "I've got to get my son out of this palace! He's driving me out of my mind!"

"Well, if I may make one suggestion, sire," the Duke said.

"What's that?"

"Wouldja stop pacin' around like that? You're makin' me dizzy! Besides, you're wearin' a hole in the floor!"

"Oh, I am not!"

The Duke cleared his throat, and pointed down to the floor. The King looked down, and noticed that the Duke was right. He was wearing a hole in the floor from all his pacing.

"Oh . . . . never mind!" the King shouted, jumping out of his hole. "Help me figure out a way to . . . . ."

Before the King could continue, an extremely loud blast of guitar music suddenly filled the castle, and knocked both the King and the Duke off their feet. Immediately, they knew what it was.

"There he goes again," the King groaned. "Who's the knucklehead who let him have guitar lessons, anyway?!"

"You, sire," the Duke said, calmly.

"Me?!"

"Yeah. You wanted him to have archery lessons, but he whined, screamed, carried on, and pitched a fit about guitar lessons until you finally let him have them so he'd shut up."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, come on!"

The King went down the hall and up a flight of stairs until he reached a door, and then they opened it. The music became louder once the door was open, and the King nearly tumbled down the stairs. Inside the room was the King's son, Prince Charming (Fluid Man), sitting on his bed, wearing a pair of sunglasses, and playing an electric guitar, plugged in to an amplifier, tuned to the highest volume imaginable. The King walked into the room against the music, and pulled the plug out of the amplifier. Prince Charming removed his sunglasses, and looked over at his father.

"Hey, what'd you do that for?" he asked.

"The neighbors were starting to complain," the King said. "Son, I think it's time that you and I had a heart to heart talk."

"This isn't gonna be the birds and the bees bit again, is it?"

"Son, don't you think you spend too much time indoors?"

"No, not really."

"Don't you think you ought to go out with your friends?"

"Dad, I don't have any friends."

"Don't you want to go out, and meet some nice girl, get married, and live happily ever after in a kingdom of your own?"

"Dad, I'm only sixteen! Hey, what's with the bum's rush on getting me out of here, anyway?"

"Well, let me put it to you this way, son . . . . ."

The King then took a deep breath, and shouted at the top of his lungs,

"YOU'RE A FREELOADER!"

"Like I said, Pop, I'm only sixteen," Prince Charming said, shrugging. "Don't you think that's a little young to get married?"

"Nonsense!" the King shouted. "Why, when I was your age, I was planning to get married to your mother! Besides, this is a fairy tale! Kids are always getting married when they're sixteen in fairy tales! Look at Sleeping Beauty! Why don't you start thinking seriously about getting married?"

"You don't know what you're asking, Dad. Have you seen all the goons that live around here?"

"Yes . . . . I see your point. But there has to be at least one girl in the kingdom who isn't . . . . . you know . . . . homely."

"Yeah. Good luck finding her. I'm going back to my music."

And with that, Prince Charming plugged his guitar back into his amplifier (though he turned the volume down first). The King sighed, and went back to the throne room. The Duke was standing there, waiting for him.

"Well, how'd it go?" he asked.

"Nowhere," the King said. "The boy is just being too darned stubborn! We have to get that boy married, so he'll move out of the castle, but the question is how! All of the girls around are . . . . yecchhh! Homely, and we can't let him marry a girl like that! Think of what it will do to my image!"

"Yeah . . . . . sure," the Duke said, choosing his words carefully, considering the King was about as homely as they come. "Right, your majesty, whatever you say."

"I need an idea," the King said, and he began pacing in his hole again.

"Well," the Duke said, shrugging. "We could always throw a royal ball and invite the entire kingdom. That way, we're sure to find a girl that isn't . . . . you know . . . . homely."

"An excellent idea! I'm glad I thought of it! Now, send for the Goofy Guards, immediately."

"Right away, your majesty!"

And with that, the Duke ran to the window and leaned out of it.

"Send for the Goofy Guards!" he called out.

"Send for the Goofy Guards!" a sentry called out.

"Send for the Goofy Guards!" another sentry shouted.

The Goofy Guards (known as Yippee, Yappee, and Yahooey) were having their lunch, when they heard the sentries calling for them.

"The king is sending for us, men!" Yippee shouted. "Let's go! Yippee!"

"Yappee!" Yappee shouted.

"Yahoo-ee-ee-ey!" Yahooey shouted, and the three of them ran for the throne room. They reached it in record time, but wound up coming through the wall.

CRASH!

"Nice entrance, fellas," the Duke said, sarcastically. "But maybe next time, you could use the door?"

"Now hear this, Goofy Guards!" the King shouted. "We're going to have a royal ball here tonight, and I want you three to spread the word. Invite every eligible girl in the kingdom!"

"Right away your majesty!" Yippee shouted, saluting. "Yippee!"

"Yappee!" Yappee shouted.

"Yahoo-ee-ee-ey!" Yahooey shouted. And, like their entrance, they exited right through the wall. The King groaned, and slapped his hand over his eyes.

"Why did I ever hire them in the first place?" he asked.

"They work cheap," the Duke replied.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," the King said.