Prince Charming had been walking through the woods all night, trying to figure out which was the way back to the castle.
"Maybe I should've asked the Blue Fairy for directions," he said. "These woods look alike to me."
Prince Charming just continued walking, figuring he was going around in circles. Finally, he stopped and sat down on a tree stump, exhausted.
"Boy, am I beat!" he shouted. He pulled off one of his boots, and began massaging his foot. "Not to mention starving. I wonder if there are any fruit trees in these woods?"
Prince Charming sat there for a moment and looked around. Most of them were just pine trees, and the only thing growing on them were needles and pinecones.
"I wonder if pinecones are edible?" the prince asked, picking one up off the ground. He stared at it for several minutes, and then tossed it over his shoulder.
"Nah," he said. "I'd better not attempt eating the foliage around here. I don't know what's poisonous and what isn't!"
Prince Charming sighed, stood up, and continued on his way. As he was walking, he heard something in the distance.
"Breadcrumbs?!" a female voice shouted. "That was your idea to get us back home?! Leaving a trail of breadcrumbs?! Boy, that idea is really for the birds!"
"It was the only thing I could grab before we left home, sis!" a male voice argued.
"Let's go for a walk in the woods, you said. We'll leave a trail to follow back so we don't get lost, you said. Why do I even put up with you in the first place?! I don't care if you are my brother, I am never listening to you again!"
"Hey!" Prince Charming shouted, walking over to a teenage boy and girl (Multi Man, and my OC Windy Mills, respectively. Note, Windy is Multi's older sister).
"Who are you?" the boy asked.
"I'm Prince Charming," the prince said. "I heard you two fighting, so . . . . ."
"Prince Charming!" the girl shouted, shoving her brother out of the way. Then she curtsied.
"I am but your humble servant, my liege," she said.
"Oh brother," the boy groaned.
"Uhh, please, you don't have to do that," Prince Charming said. "I can't stand groveling. Anyway, who are you two?"
"I'm Hansel, and that's my sister, Gretel," the boy said.
"We were walking around in the woods and we got lost," Gretel said. "No thanks to my idiot brother!"
"I said I was sorry!" Hansel shouted at his sister. Then he turned to Prince Charming. "If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing in these woods, anyway, your highness?"
"Well, it's kind of a long story," Prince Charming said. "Sit down and get comfortable."
Prince Charming, Hansel, and Gretel sat down, and the prince explained to them what he was doing in the woods.
"So now I'm trying to find the girl that fits this glass slipper," he said, finishing up. "I don't know her name, so I'm gonna have a heck of a time trying to find her."
"Think I could try it on?" Gretel asked.
"I don't know," Prince Charming said. "The girl I was dancing with was a blond. Not a brunette."
"Oh please, your highness!" Gretel begged. "Please? Pretty please? Pretty, pretty please with sugar on top? Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty please with . . . ."
"All right, already, all right!" Prince Charming shouted. "You can try on the slipper, just stop with the 'pretty, pretty, please' bit already, sheesh!"
Gretel sat down on a nearby tree stump and took off her shoe. The prince tried to slip the glass slipper on Gretel's foot, but Gretel's foot was too long to fit the shoe. Gretel tried to jam her foot into it, but she only ended up squashing her toes, and she wasn't able to get her heel into it at all.
"Sorry," Prince Charming said, shrugging. "It's not gonna work."
"Darn it," Gretel sighed.
"Anyway," Prince Charming asked. "I don't suppose you two know how to get out of here, huh?"
"If we did, we wouldn't be standing here, now would we?" Gretel asked.
"Well, maybe if we keep walking, we'll find someone who can give us directions," Hansel said.
Gretel and Prince Charming agreed, and the three of them continued walking through the woods. They had been walking for hours, when they finally saw something in the distance.
"Look over there!" Hansel shouted. "It looks like a house!"
"Not just any kind of house!" Gretel shouted. "It's a gingerbread house!"
"Great!" Prince Charming shouted. "I'm starving! Let's go!"
The three of them ran toward the gingerbread house as fast as they could, and began pulling pieces off the house and eating them. As they were snacking, the door opened, and out peeked none other than Witch Hazel, of Looney Tunes fame.
"Nibble, nibble like a mouse, who's that nibbling at my house?" she chanted.
"Nobody here but us mice!" Prince Charming shouted.
Witch Hazel didn't believe that, and she came out of her house to see what was going on. There she found Hansel, Gretel, and Prince Charming gnawing at her gingerbread house like they were termites. The three teenagers stopped the minute they saw the witch standing there.
"Why, you poor children!" she shouted. "You must be starving! Come on into my house, and I'll give you candy, and ice cream, and pickled herring, and sweet and sour upside down cake, and hard boiled all day suckers."
"Well . . . ." Hansel said.
"I don't know . . . . ." Gretel replied.
"Yeah, lady," Prince Charming said. "What's the catch?"
"There's no catch, silly boy!" Witch Hazel shouted with a laugh. "Now, let's go eat the goodies, the goodies, the goodies, let's to eat the goodies, tra-la-la-la-la-la!"
"What do you guys think?" Hansel asked.
"I don't know about you," Gretel said, "but I'm not about to skip a free meal! I'm starving!"
The boys agreed, and the trio went inside the gingerbread house with Witch Hazel. As soon as they were inside, Witch Hazel, as promised, began serving the three teenagers more food than they had ever seen in their lives. And the more they ate, the more Witch Hazel served.
"That's right, kiddies," Witch Hazel said. "Eat it all up. I just love children with healthy appetites!"
"I've got news for you, sister," Prince Charming said. "We're not children. We're teenagers."
"Same difference," Witch Hazel said, shrugging. "It doesn't really matter to me."
And with that, Witch Hazel left the room, cackling a bit. Hansel, Gretel, and Prince Charming just looked at each other, shrugged, and went back to their feast. By the time night fell, the trio was exhausted. Witch Hazel walked into the room with more food, smiling.
"Anyone for roast leg of griffin?" she asked.
"No thanks," Hansel said.
"Yeah, we're full," Gretel replied.
"Oh, you poor children!" Witch Hazel shouted. "You must be tired! Why don't you stay here for the night?"
"No, we really couldn't impose," Hansel said.
"Yeah, I've really got to get going," Prince Charming said.
"Nonsense!" Witch Hazel shouted. "It's already dark, and you'll never be able to find your way around the woods in the dark!"
"Well . . . . ." Gretel said. "We really don't want to wear out our welcome, and . . . ."
"I INSIST!" Witch Hazel shouted. As she shouted that, thunder crashed and lightning flashed outside.
"Well . . . . ." Prince Charming said, gulping. "If you insist . . . . ."
"Wonderful!" Witch Hazel shouted. "I'm looking forward to having you for breakfast tomorrow! Eee-hee-hee-hee-heeeee!"
Witch Hazel led Prince Charming, Hansel, and Gretel to a bedroom, and all three of them immediately fell asleep. Witch Hazel cackled, and rubbed her hands together.
"Now I can get started on my feast!" she shouted. "Though I may have to fatten up the redhead a little more. But if I cook him and the dark-haired one at the same time, that'll make up for it, I'm sure."
During the night, Witch Hazel moved Prince Charming and Hansel to a cage, and locked them in. The boys weren't aware of this until the next morning, when they woke up.
"Boy, I had the craziest dream last night!" Prince Charming shouted.
"Oh yeah?" Hansel asked.
"Yeah, man! The lady that lives here threw the two of us in a cage, and she's planning on cooking us!"
"That's a really weird dream, all right," Hansel said.
"Hey, fellas," Gretel said, walking over to her brother and the prince. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that wasn't a dream."
"Huh?" Prince Charming asked. It was then that he and Hansel noticed they were inside a cage.
"Hey, what's going on?!" Hansel shouted.
"Very simple," Witch Hazel replied, walking into the room. "I found you two boys to be just so cute, I could eat you up. So I will! Eeee-hee-hee-hee-heeeee!"
"You wouldn't want to eat me," Hansel said. "I'm nothing but skin and bones!"
"Oh I'm sure you've got some meat on you," Witch Hazel said. "Hence why I'm gonna cook both of you boys at the same time! That'll make up for it!"
"Oooohhhh boy . . . . ." Prince Charming said, nervously.
"Now then," Witch Hazel said, turning to Gretel. "As for you, girlie, you go out and get me some firewood. And be quick about it!"
"Y-y-y-yes ma'am!" Gretel shouted, and she ran out of the front door as fast as she could.
Once Gretel gathered the firewood, Witch Hazel ordered her to put it in her oven, and light it. After Gretel lit it, Witch Hazel grabbed a cookbook, and began to leaf through it, while her oven pre-heated.
"How are we going to get out of here?" Hansel asked.
"Maybe I can find the key," Gretel said.
"No way," Prince Charming said. "She's wearing it on her wrist. She'll notice if you try to take it."
"I have an idea," Hansel said. "All I need is a hair pin!"
"Don't look at me," Prince Charming said.
"Me neither," Gretel said. "I don't have one on me. But maybe she does."
"How are you gonna get one?" Prince Charming asked. "Just go up to her and ask, hey lady, just out of curiosity, do you happen to have a hair pin on you?"
Gretel shrugged. It was about all she could do, except watch the witch.
Witch Hazel continued to look through her cookbook until she found a recipe she thought looked good.
"Ahhhh, I haven't had this dish in a long time!" she sighed. "Let me see, roast three children in oven at three hundred degrees for one hour . . . . . hmmmm . . . . ."
Witch Hazel looked over at Gretel, smiled, and cackled under her breath. Then she ran over, leaving behind a bunch of hair pins, which spun around a little, and finally fell on the floor.
"All right, girlie!" she shouted. "I want you to help me get these two boys into that oven!"
"You've got to be kidding!" Gretel shouted, eyeing the hair pins.
"What do you mean?" Witch Hazel asked.
"You'll never be able to get Hansel and the prince into that small oven. They're too tall to fit in there!"
"Nonsense! They'd fit in there easily! My oven's big enough for them! It's big enough for even me to fit in there!"
"I'm not convinced. Let's see you fit in there first."
"All right, I will!"
Witch Hazel opened her oven door, and climbed in. She actually did fit, but it was a bit snug.
"Now she oughta know better than that," Gretel said, and she slammed the oven door shut.
"Hey, what the hex . . . . ." Witch Hazel shouted. "Ooohhhh, you little . . . . . wait until I get out of here!"
Unfortunately, Witch Hazel was stuck in the oven. Gretel grabbed a hair pin from the floor, ran to the cage, and gave it to Hansel. Hansel immediately stuck it into the lock of the cage, and began maneuvering it, until the lock opened.
"Got it!" he shouted.
"Since when do you know how to pick locks?" Gretel asked.
"Since I found your diary," Hansel said.
"You . . . . . you little . . . . ." Gretel started, about ready to pummel Hansel.
"I hate to break up this moment of brotherly-sisterly love," Prince Charming said, "but I suggest we get outta here before the witch manages to get out of that oven!"
Hansel and Gretel agreed, and the three teenagers raced out of the gingerbread house as fast as they could. The minute they got outside, they heard a loud explosion from the house.
KA-BOOOOOM!
Prince Charming, Hansel, and Gretel turned to look, and they saw the house flying up into the air, until it disappeared. They waited for it to come back down, but it never did.
"I guess that's the last of her, huh?" Prince Charming asked.
"Looks like it," Hansel said. "Come on, we'd better get out of here."
And with that, Hansel, Gretel, and Prince Charming continued down the path they had been on before they arrived at Witch Hazel's gingerbread house. After a few hours of walking, the trio approached a fork in the road. On the left, there was a river bank.
"Hey, guys, look!" Gretel shouted, excitedly. "I know this river! If we follow it, we'll surely find our way back home!"
"Great idea, sis!" Hansel shouted. "Are you coming with us, your highness?"
"Nah," Prince Charming said. "I've got my dream girl to find."
"Well, good luck," Hansel said.
"Yeah, happy hunting!" Gretel called, as the prince began walking down the path to the right.
"Bye!" Prince Charming called to both Hansel and Gretel, as they followed the path to the left. Once they were out of sight, the prince pulled the glass slipper out of his pocket.
"This is gonna be a lot easier said than done," he sighed.