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Chapter 20

Beth and Sam face to face and she wasn't there to see it. Didn't seem right that she was missing out on yet another milestone in her daughter's life. She was meeting her father, a crucial part of her that had been missing since birth. Finally Beth would have all the love she deserved. Quinn had felt more than a little guilty about Beth not having a father in her life. She hadn't known about the clerical error with the paternity test, nor did she put Sam in a coma, but she couldn't help but feel that her poor choices had left Beth deprived. She should've had a dad, even if she couldn't have Sam. She should've had Puck.

Not that she wanted Beth to be Puck's baby, she had come to terms with that fact and had accepted reality. However, she should have found a way to be in a better place with Puck, so even if he had walked away from her, he wouldn't have turned his back on Beth. She just wished she had handled things better and of course had been able to hang onto her sanity in the process.

Dr. Hill would remind her to focus on the present and not dwell in the past. Easy for her to say, Dr. Hill wasn't stuck in a mental hospital with no hope for release. The past was all Quinn had to hold on to in here, the past and her dreams, which were lately becoming one and the same. She couldn't help wanting to go back and change her actions or decisions, maybe if she did, she never would have ended up alone and separated from her child.

"Earth to Quinn." Iley's voice jarred Quinn from her thoughts.

"Huh? Were you saying something?" She looked down at the towel in her hands and for a moment was at a complete loss about what she was supposed to be doing.

"Uh yeah, for the past fifteen minutes. Where did your mind go?" Iley asked, taking the towel from Quinn's hands and folding it. Right. Laundry. They had laundry duty.

"Just daydreaming, laundry makes my mind wander." Quinn sighed. How did they expect her to work on day like today? Life was changing back home.

"Well can you pick up the pace? We have to get all this stuff folded before five o'clock." Iley shoved a pile of sheets over to Quinn on the metal topped table.

"Sorry," said Quinn as she picked up a sheet and started to fold.

The sheets smelled fresh, reminded her of all the laundry she did for Beth the first month at Coach B's, the only month she'd ever lived with Beth. She hated the never ending laundry and baby bottles to wash. Between that and Beth's constant crying, she felt like she could never get a break, catch her breath, get a little time to herself. All she ever did was look after her, never mind that Puck had left her and her world was crumbling, everyone expected her to suck it up and just be super mom.

Quinn couldn't pull it off and some things got neglected as she struggled to yank her life back from the abyss. Sadly Beth had been the one that suffered. If only she could do it over. She longed to be faced with piles of laundry and a sink full of bottles. She'd do it right this time. She'd appreciate being her mother. She just needed another chance.

"Balling the sheets up doesn't count as folding. They check for quality you know."

Quinn looked down at the knotted up sheet in her hands, her cheeks warming in embarrassment. "Right. I'm focused now, back to work."

She wondered if Sam was holding their daughter right now, smiling at her, marveling at her sweet baby perfection. Did he see himself in Beth's face? That blond hair and that smile were so much like her father.

"Quinn!"

"What!" Quinn yelled back, startled.

"You're staring off into space again," Iley said with an exasperated sigh.

"I just can't help it Iley. My mind is a million miles away."

"Clearly. Maybe if you talk about it, you'll be able to work better. I don't like having to do all of this laundry by myself," said Iley lifting her blond hair up and fanning her neck.

She had gotten a little closer to Iley, confided in her a bit more. For some reason, Iley had been easy to talk to. Quinn hadn't realized how lonely she had been until she got a roommate. It probably wasn't the wisest move to tell so much to a strange woman in a mental hospital, but it was better than having a conversation in her head.

"It's nothing really I'm just thinking about back home, about my daughter and about…" she hesitated.

"Her father?" asked Iley finishing Quinn's sentence.

"He is finding out that we have a baby today. He probably already knows by now."

"Wow, that's a biggie," said Iley sitting up on top of the metal table.

"I wish I could be there to see his face. I wanted to be the one to tell him."

In her mind she had come up with a few ways to break the news to Sam, if given the opportunity. The first was the direct approach. Just come out and say, "Congrats, you're a dad" and plop Beth in his lap.

The second was to ease him into it, talk about high school memories, remind him of their years of friendship, maybe even some subtle hints about their incredible nights making love. She would let him see how all that had led them to the inevitable – Beth.

Now that she knew Sam's memory was impaired, a trip down memory lane probably wouldn't be the best choice. Maybe she would've let nature take its course. The three of them in a room, just as they had been the morning he woke up, and Sam would just feel it somehow and he'd know his child, know his family.

"Who's telling him? Not his wife right?"

"I think his doctors, but I suppose his wife will be there."

"You better hope she's not. That girl will have his head spinning. He'll end up seeing you as the villain in all of this."

Quinn shook her head. "She wouldn't do that. Mercedes wants Sam and Beth to have a relationship."

That was the one thing she and Mercedes were in complete agreement on, Sam and Beth needed each other. Quinn knew she didn't have to worry about Mercedes keeping them apart.

"She wants Sam and Beth together for sure, but I am betting she wants you to stay out of the picture."

"She's not that cruel. She will do what's right for my baby, no matter what," said Quinn.

"If you say so."

"I do."

Most days she still hated Mercedes was taking care of Beth, mainly because she didn't want her daughter around someone that didn't like her. She didn't want Beth influenced against her own mother. However, Quinn also realized that Mercedes loved Beth and at the very least she wouldn't have to worry about Beth being neglected. She knew Mercedes loved her baby like her own. Which led to another issue, attachment. Quinn worried that maybe Mercedes loved Beth too much, and one day she wouldn't be able to give him up. Or worse yet, each day with Mercedes meant Beth was growing attached as well. What if her own child ended up not wanting to be with her because she saw Mercedes as her mother?

"The thing is, I actually saw some of the footage of the court stuff, and I don't think the wife is all that sweet and innocent. It was pretty clear to me that she wanted you locked up."

"Things are different now. Sam's awake." Sam was the key to all of this, his presence would balance things out. He'd make sure Beth knew who her real mother was.

"Awake and around his wife 24/7. Who knows what sort of lies she's telling about you."

"You sound like my best friend, so completely cynical."

"Listen to your friend, and keep an eye out," warned Iley.

"I wish I could find out how he took it. I mean I would hope he would be happy to be a father, but you never know."

If only she had access to a phone she could just call Puck and have him check on things. She didn't need to know much, just if Sam knew and was happy about it. She didn't have her phone privileges yet, so that was not an option.

"Back during the trial there was an online poll – Who would end up with your baby's father – you or the wife?"

"You can't be serious." Quinn's eyes widened in disbelief. She knew there was a media circus, but talk on the internet too? Unbelievable.

"Oh yeah, there are so many posts online about you and your case. Once CNN broke the story you became like famous, like the Octomom."

"I can't believe people are talking about my life like it's some reality show."

Quinn felt sick. Basically everyone knew about her pathetic excuse for a life. The small hope that just maybe her parents hadn't heard much about her woes vanished.

"If only. I bet it would be top rated. I can just see it, you, your baby's father, the wife and your daughter all under one roof. I'd watch it."

Quinn leaned her hip against the table as she folded another towel. "That would never happen. Mercedes is not big on sharing." Mercedes would put her in the doghouse out back before she'd ever let her get that close to Sam again.

"Well she's got no choice now. If she wants to keep that man, she has to deal with you," said Iley.

"Who knows how long I'll be stuck here. Dealing with me won't be an issue for her anytime soon." If Artie couldn't get through to Sam, Quinn knew she pretty much was toast. Dwight would make sure she'd be stuck here until Beth hit puberty.

"Eh, I'm not convinced. That man of yours will spring you."

"Are you talking about Artie? My lawyer?"

"Nope. I'm talking about your little girl's father. My money's on him to get you out of this place."

"I'm not even sure how much he knows about where I am now."

Quinn didn't know if they told him about her postpartum depression or about her case with Beth, or any details at all. It was unbearable not knowing about so much that impacted her life. What if Sam didn't understand what happened with Beth? He could refuse to help her like Artie said. No way, she quickly dismissed that thought, Sam always understood.

"He'll find out and he'll make things right for you. Wait and see. It'll be just like the movies."

"With my luck it will be like a horror movie," she sighed pulling herself up on the table beside Iley. She was in desperate need of some good news. There had to be a limit on how much bad one person got. Quinn was sure she had hit her threshold.

"Your man's a hero, I'd bet my life on him coming to your rescue." Iley did have a point there. Sam always came through for her.

"He's not my man. He's married remember?"

A fact she didn't particularly like. Sam wasn't supposed to be taken. He was supposed to be always there and available. Her thoughts were truly selfish and she needed to stop. Sam found love. She shouldn't wish that away from him because she was feeling needy and possessive.

"He's more yours than hers. You had him first and now you have his baby. Stake your claim Quinn and he will be yours for keeps."

Iley was like a devil on her shoulder, Quinn wished she'd shut up. She didn't need to be encouraged in this line of thinking. Quinn knew all too well that she could push something with Sam. They had that pull that never faded and she was sure Beth would just heighten all of that. Quinn didn't want to be that person. She wasn't going to further complicate his life to insure he was firmly in her corner.

"Why are we even having this conversation? I don't want to be with Sam. I just want to get back to my baby girl."

Beth was all that mattered. She reminded herself of that every day. Beth would have Sam, even if she didn't. She swallowed the lump in her throat. The thought of not having Sam bothered her more and more.

"How are you going to do that?" asked Iley.

"Hopefully my lawyer will find a way."

"Aka talk to your daughter's father."

"Perhaps." Quinn hoped that Sam could find a way to convince his dad to ease up. He truly was her only hope.

"So say he comes through and you get home, then what?"

"I start making up for lost time, being a mother to my baby." Bonding with her, letting her get to know her all over again. She missed her terribly.

"But how are you going to do that when you don't have custody?"

"Hopefully my lawyer will help me with that too." Artie had made it seem like dealing with Child Protective Services would be a daunting task. She hoped he was being overly dramatic. She wanted Beth back as soon as possible.

"By talking to your baby's father?" asked her roommate.

Iley wouldn't let this idea of Sam as her hero go. Not that Quinn could talk, she was putting all of her hopes on Sam too.

"I think Sam will help me, maybe he can put in a good word with Child Protective Services."

"Not if his wife is telling him to do otherwise. She really could do a hatchet job on you with him."

"She won't," Quinn said, but she was starting not to feel so sure. Quinn really didn't know how Mercedes would be now that Sam was better.

"Quinn listen to me. I've been in and out of mental hospitals for years, and you learn a lot about human nature on the inside. One thing I know for sure, everybody is a little bit crazy. And love makes people craziest of all. So don't keep thinking that the wife won't do something to hang you out to dry. You say you don't want the man, but I can guarantee she does."

"I used to feel that way about her too, but now that my head is more clear, I can see I was just being paranoid. She just wants what's best for Beth. I'm sure of it," she said trying to convince herself more than her roommate.

"Oh Quinn, I hope so, for your sake," said Iley patting Quinn lightly on the shoulder.

"Sam wouldn't listen to her anyway. We've been friends for too long, he knows me."

"What's wrong with Sam that you don't want to be with him? I've seen the guy, he's very attractive, not to mention loaded."

"Nothing's wrong with Sam. He's great." Quinn had been increasingly asking herself why she had chosen to let such a great guy slip away? On more than one occasion she and Sam could have found a way back to each other, yet each time they never quite did. Quinn couldn't figure out the answer to that question, no matter how long she thought about it.

"Still hung up on your ex fiancé?"

"There's nothing there to be hung up on. Puck has been a good friend to me now that he's calmed down but it's not the same. The love that used to be in his eyes, that trust, all gone. Puck and I have been through so much, neither one of us are saints, but we never turned on each other, even when we were at our worst," she said starting to get teary as she thought about Puck.

She probably had messed up the best thing that ever happened to her. Sleeping with Sam broke something between them. Puck might still have her back as a friend, and he might at times seem to want more, but Quinn knew the truth, what they had together was destroyed by her betrayal. If she couldn't make it work with someone like Puck, who knew her and accepted her so completely, what were her chances with anyone else in the future? Love just wouldn't be in the cards for her again, and that was okay, as long as she had her baby.

"Having another man's baby is always hard for a guy to take, big blow to the ego."

"It's not just Puck though. I lost more than that. I lost my family. Julian was like a dad to me, most days I think he cared about me more than my real father. But Julian never looked at me the same after he found out Beth wasn't Puck's. Almost doesn't seem fair. Julian kicks me out Mercedes sticks by Sam."

That thought had crossed her mind so many times, but this was the first she had voiced it. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. They were father and daughter, yet so different. Mercedes had found out about Sam cheating and yes she kicked him out, but she battled him, engaged him in heated arguments, threw things and cried. There was such passion in her reaction. Puck on the other hand had shut down, probably with prompting by Julian he put Quinn and her possessions on the curb without a backwards glance. Any communication was pretty much strained annoyance on his part.

Quinn had been jealous of how much more Mercedes seemed to care about Sam. During their time at the Beacon Hotel, Sam would have daily recounts of his showdowns with Mercedes, while Quinn had nothing to share. Puck just didn't care enough to even fight with her. And Julian couldn't even muster one ounce of fatherly concern for her. What about her made her so easy to leave behind? The only one that had never left, no matter the drama, was Sam. Something she had always taken for granted.

Being at the Beacon with him was so natural, and Quinn was ashamed to admit, she had expected it. Once their one night stand had come out, she knew she'd have Sam to lean on, to be her rock. She thought they'd go through their breakups together. Never did she anticipate that Mercedes would take him back. At first she assumed it was because of the coma, but pictures don't lie, and the pictures that Puck had showed Quinn said one thing – Mercedes loved Sam. A fact that bothered Quinn more than she ever would have imagined.

"So that's it. You resent Sam for messing up your life, getting you pregnant and causing your fiancé to leave."

"I don't blame Sam for anything. We both made an impulsive decision in the heat of the moment. His wife did a number on him and he needed a shoulder to lean on."

"So you blame the wife?"

Yes and no. She wished Mercedes wasn't such an immature twit and could have made up her mind before the wedding. The night she and Sam slept together was gut wrenching. She had never seen Sam so broken. If Mercedes had been in the room Quinn would have beat the girl senseless. Sam didn't deserve that kind of pain.

"It's no one's fault. Okay? Things just happened and we all have to deal with the consequences now." No point in dwelling. They all had to move on.

"You lost your fiancé, Sam was in coma, what did the wife lose?" asked Iley.

"Her husband, he was sick for a long time." The guilt she was carrying about her role in events and about the accident had Mercedes in just as much hell as the rest of them. None of them had survived unscathed.

"He's better now though, and she's back with her happy family, and she even has your baby on her hip. I think she's coming out on top here."

Quinn had thought that too. Mercedes' guilt wasn't enough in comparison to her own ordeal, but then Sam forgot her, poetic justice in a way. Quinn felt bad for the girl, but she also felt a twinge of satisfaction. They all had to pay for their crimes. This was Mercedes' punishment.

"She's paying for it too, in her own way." Quinn didn't mention Sam's memory loss to Iley. It seemed wrong. She knew Sam would want something like that kept private.

"You really need to stop defending that girl. I wish I could get on Facebook in here. The girls on the Sam and Quinn page would back me up. They'd all tell you to watch out for his wife."

"I can't even believe there is a Facebook page. This is completely surreal. How did you even get to see it while in the hospital?" Quinn asked.

"I refuse to let anything hold me back. I always find a way to get what I want, no matter where I'm forced to be." Iley slid off the table and resumed folding laundry.

"I used to be the same way as a kid," she said with a smile. "I would break the rules and go where I wanted all the time." Her escape artist days, she had been almost fearless as a child. She needed that little girl back with her now, to get her through this.

"Back at Lima University hospital it was a cinch. I knew my way around there with my eyes closed."

"You used to leave the ward?"

"Of course. How else do you think I was able to use a computer, get a decent meal, get some fresh air?"

"You went outside?" Quinn was surprised. She figured security would have caught patients leaving the area. Then again, she had managed to get out that once too.

"Well yeah. What's the point of breaking out of the ward if you're just going to wander around the building?"

"I only broke out to visit Sam." Her nights at his bedside were the only thing keeping her together at one point. Quinn wouldn't have made it without him.

"I knew it! I figured you were one of us."

"One of us? What do you mean?"

"There was a group of us back in Lima that used to break out of the ward. You kept to yourself, but something told me you weren't staying put at night."

All of this going on right under her nose and Quinn didn't have a clue.

"It wasn't like I planned to sneak out. One night I got out of the shower, and I saw this open door, so I went through it."

"And you didn't think it was odd that a door was just left open?"

"I figured it was left open by accident."

"Left open or unlocked every night by accident? Lima University doesn't have the most competent staff, but they are not that bad," said Iley.

"So you think someone planned for me to see that open door?"

"Someone was showing you the way. Someone showed us all the way."

"Who?" A shiver went down Quinn's spine as she imagined some unseen benefactor aiding her nightly escapes.

"I have no idea. We all tried to figure that out, but couldn't come up with anything concrete. We figured one of the aides just had a hard on for one of us and hoped to get lucky by doing us a favor."

"That one aide, Jim, was always nice to me."

"Maybe he left that door open for you. It didn't matter one way or the other to me as long as I got free. It was a cushy set up. I miss it. Here I don't know the lay of the land yet. I need to find out who all the players are."

"No point in me breaking out here. Nowhere to go. Everyone I care about is back in Lima." Or Chicago. She was starting to miss her parents surprisingly, maybe she had been wrong not to call them.

"It's not always about seeing friends and family. Sometimes you gotta be free for you. A person needs room to breathe. We don't have much of that here, with all the aides on our backs, and doctors watching our every move. Speaking of which, it's just about five, they'll be coming in any minute."

They quickly started working through the mound of sheet and towels. "I can't believe they left us alone for so long."

"From what I gather, aides use work detail time to attend to their private affairs. I noticed they are the least attentive during that time."

"I can see the wheels spinning in your head." Quinn chuckled.

Iley shrugged. "Never too early to start plotting an escape."

"I pray I'm out of here before I get the urge." Years, she was looking at years in this place if Artie didn't find a way to help her.

"If you're not, I'll hook you up." Iley grinned. "We'll run away together."

"That's sweet thanks."

"I'm a sweet type of girl, mostly, but I have to warn you."

"What?" Quinn asked feeling a little nervous at Iley's change of tone.

Iley put down her towel and walked over to Quinn, stopping in front of her. Quinn was a few inches taller than the girl, so Iley had to look up slightly to catch her eyes. "If you don't start folding faster you're going to feel my wrath, little tiny cuts along the base of your throat."

"Uh Iley, maybe you need a little break…" stammered Quinn, backing away.

Iley broke out into laughter. "Look at you, all scared. I'm just kidding silly."

"You are?" asked Quinn, feeling uncertain and a little bit scared.

"I'd never hurt you. We're sisters. The sisterhood of insanity,"

"Okay." Quinn faked a smile, still feeling freaked out.

"You've got to stop being so jumpy," said Iley shaking her head as she went back to folding her pile of laundry.

Sam just had to get her out of this place. She wasn't sure how much longer she would last.