Shay found me standing over a pile of wood and fasteners, staring at it like it was all going to put itself together magically. The whole process was also colored with curse words directed at Kile who had a twelve-hour shift in the hospital wing. "Looking for a break?" he offered, leaning against the doorjamb.

I smiled gratefully. "Could you tell that my head was about to explode?" I slowly bent down to pick up the directions, bracing myself as I stood back up. It was getting harder and harder to move around with the baby getting bigger.

"Roof?" He nodded his head down the hall to the passage that took us up to the roof. Without saying another word, we both climbed the steps up and took our respective seats on the edge, feet swinging back and forth as the sun set behind us. "Sunsets are cool and all, but I love looking at them this way. To see the darkness coming but know that light will follow behind it soon enough."

I smiled and looked down at the ground far below us. "You're being awfully philosophical tonight."

"I hope that as king I can bring a different kind of insight to our country," he said. "Since I'm going to be king, right?"

My eyes flicked up and met his eyes, brown to brown. "If you want it, the job is yours."

"When did you decide that?"

"It just kind of hit me in the face a couple days ago. I realized how much I can't stand going to things like teas and budget meetings and I cannot resign myself or my baby to a life of that. I don't want my kids to ever feel like they have to do something because it's what they were born to do."

Shalom laughed spitefully. "So you're passing that responsibility on to me, huh? Thanks."

I shook my head at him. "You can give it to Khalil or Win or Annie." I paused, wondering how much I could share with him. "I'm not sure I believe in the government."

"Woah," Shay exclaimed, sitting up a little straighter. "What do you mean, you're not sure you believe in the government?"

"There's just no such thing as a perfect system. Power and leadership always divides people. There may be no castes saying we're Ones but we're still exceptionally different from people because we're royals and we're bound to that by birth. And why should it be that way? What makes me so much more qualified for this job than that baker living down the road? I understand that it's necessary for the world we live in but we are missing the mark. Instead of striving for perfection, we should be striving for efficiency."

Shay took all of that in slowly, looking over the city. I remembered Mom always saying that she knew she was meant to be queen when she realized how deep of a connection she felt for her country. For me, it meant nothing. It was just a bunch of lights and roads that I had no legitimate right to ruling. "Are you sure you can't be queen? Because I think you'd be pretty damn good at it."

"Maybe, but I wouldn't be happy. And that's what's important to me; being happy."

"And what makes you happy, if you don't mind me asking?" I raised my eyebrows at him. "What? I'd like to know whether or not I will have to deal with a rebel coup led by my anarchist of a twin sister at some point."

"I don't know what exactly we'll be doing but Kile is up for pretty much anything."

Shalom nodded. "And Kile is involved in your happiness?"

"I was a fool when I was denying him. It was necessary when I was still with Derrick but if I had just opened my eyes and seen that he was just what I needed in a partner, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble. Not that this baby is any trouble," I quickly added, backtracking. "Actually, she's helped me sort through a lot."

"Maybe you're just growing up, AC."

I shook my head, laughing. "Nah. I've made it my life mission to never grow up." We were quiet for a few moments as our laughs quieted and dwindled. "Hey Shay?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm going to be a good mom?"

Shay frowned and looked down as he considered my question. He took his time to answer, weighing his words carefully. "You're going to be an amazing mom. I mean, we've had the best example for what moms should be, right? You'll be that mom who's always ready to drop everything for her kids because it's what you've done for us your whole life." I smiled, warming slightly at his words of encouragement. "That being said, though, I worry about you."

I drew back slightly to look at him more clearly. "What? Why would you worry about me?"

"That's exactly why I worry about you; because you don't worry about yourself. I'm secretly glad that you've decided to not be queen not because I wanted to be king but because you'd work yourself to death. You are always fussing over other people AC, you hardly give yourself any time."

"But that's different when you're a parent. If I don't take care of my kids, who will?"

"Um, how about the father?" he snapped. He realized what he'd said though as soon as he said it. "AC, I didn't mean…I'm sorry…"

Tears pooled in my eyes and I had to look away from him. "I shouldn't have ignored all of you and just not married him. Everything would just be normal then. I wouldn't be pregnant, I'd be on track for becoming queen, and there'd be none of this drama."

Shalom moved closer to me just a few inches. "But, Amber, if none of that happened, then you wouldn't be so happy with Kile. You wouldn't be having this baby who I happen to know you're really excited for. And yeah, you'd be on track for being queen but only begrudgingly so."

"Another reason you'll make a great king? You always know the right thing to say, even after you say the completely wrong thing." I leaned my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me. "Just promise me that you'll let me talk to Mom and Dad about the whole abdication thing."

He nodded and I knew I really didn't have to worry about him saying anything. Since birth we'd had a silent agreement to always be loyal to each other first. "I'd suggest talking to them sooner rather than later though."

"Of course," I agreed quickly.

The door swung open behind us and a guard stepped out. "Your Highness, Your Royal Highness," he said, bowing deeply to us. "The King and Queen would like to see Princess Amber."

I smiled at Shay and shrugged, swinging my legs back over to the roof. Shay got up and held out his hand to help me stand. "Now?" he asked.

"You said sooner rather than later, right?" I patted his shoulder and looked him in the eye, trying to read his emotions. "You're sure about this?"

"Nope. Are you?"

"Not at all."

The corner of his mouth quirked up into a smile. "Glad to know we're both on the same page." He left me at the door to Mom and Dad's study, squeezing my hand one last time to comfort me. I took a deep breath and entered, finding them both standing over my father's desk discussing something in hushed tones.

"What's up?" I asked casually even though fear had settled deep in my stomach. They looked stressed; Dad's hair was tousled beyond hope and Mom's eyes were a bit too wide for her face to look smooth. Immediately I was imagining everything that could possibly go wrong with our family, with the country, with everything really. One of my cousins was in the hospital; maybe an army was set to invade Illéa. Either of those options was horrifying.

"Amber, sit down," Mom said in a clipped tone. I slowly sat down in one of the chairs at Dad's desk, watching them warily, waiting for the bomb to explode. Maybe they had guessed that I wanted to abdicate…

I waited patiently until Dad finally looked at me and smile nervously. "How are you?" he asked.

Caught off guard by his pleasant voice, I hesitated. "I…I'm okay, I guess. Is something wrong?"

Mom and Dad exchanged a long look and I knew that they were doing that thing where they were having a silent conversation with each other. Dad eventually looked at me again. "We've already talked to you about your grandmother, yes?" I nodded slowly, thinking of Grandma Maggie. "Obviously you know that Mom is doing a lot to take care of her and with your baby due in the next few months, we didn't want to add any stress. So while I'm doing both my work and some of your mother's, it is just not practical for you to be in training. Are you okay with taking a few months off from future queen duties?"

I let out a long breath that I didn't realize I had been holding. I had certainly dodged a major bullet there. "I kind of wanted to talk to you both about that," I hedged.

"Okay," Mom said slowly, looking at Dad timidly.

"Shay and I have been talking a lot recently and I think…well I've been thinking about this a lot as well. There's no really easy way to say this," I stammered, trying to find the right words.

"What is it?" Dad coaxed, sitting down in his chair slowly.

I took a deep breath and let it all loose. "IthinkIwanttoabdicate," I said in a rush.

They both sat there, still as statues, not even blinking at me. Mom leaned forward slightly and peered at me inquisitively. "You think you want to what?"

"I said I've been thinking about it and I've decided that I cannot be queen. Not only would I just not be good at it but I don't think I have the heart for it. Both of you are fully committed to this country and that's great and you've done great things but without that same passion, I don't know if I'd be able to follow behind you."

"So you find passion of your own. You don't have to follow in our footsteps. You could reinstate the castes if you wanted," Mom argued but I could hear the reluctance in her voice.

She would understand; she told me that there was once a time where she didn't think she wanted to be queen. The only difference was that I knew I didn't want to be queen. "I just want to live a normal life," I said, desperation starting to creep in. They wouldn't really make me go through with this if I didn't want to, would they? "Dad, you've felt trapped by this job before. Please, don't keep me locked up here with you."

Dad opened his mouth to reply but Mom stopped him by putting a hand down on his shoulder. "Amber, I think this is a conversation that your father and I need to have alone."

My shoulders fell. I was nineteen years old, widowed, pregnant, and on the verge of not becoming queen and yet they still felt the need to push me out of the room for the sake of having a private conversation. With a dramatic huff I stomped out of the room, immediately bumping into Shalom and Win, both of whom no doubt had their ears pressed to the door.

I bypassed them, just walking in the direction of my bedroom. It had been several days since I had spent any extended period of time in there; I had basically moved into Kile's bedroom. My attitude didn't stop them from following me though. I just ignored them and curled up on my bed. It wasn't surprising that within minutes, Annie and Khalil had joined us.

"They won't force you to be queen, AC," Win assured me.

"Yeah, I think they know better than to force you into anything," Khalil added.

I shook my head and held a pillow to my chest. "It's not that they'd be forcing me into it. They're probably just delusional and think that I'll eventually learn to love the job like Mom."

"Well then it's their fault for thinking that you're like Mom," Shay said. "You're your own person. You may share her DNA and some aspects of her personality, but you don't make decisions the same way as her. You're two different people."

I smiled appreciatively at my siblings, this being a rare moment where it felt like all of us were on the same team fighting for the same result. With them backing me up, I felt assured that I wouldn't have to be queen anytime soon. I trusted that they could help turn the tides.

The baby started squirming then and I placed a hand over the spot where I could feel her strongest. Win's eyes followed my hand and she glanced away quickly when I caught her looking. "You want to feel?" I asked her quietly.

She blushed and seemed to have a hard time looking me in the eye. "Nah, it's okay."

"I don't mind," I urged, sitting up to give her easier access. She didn't answer so I reached for her hand and placed it where mine had just been. At first it was just her fingertips barely touching but when the baby did a particularly impressive flip under her hand she laughed nervously and pressed more firmly into my abdomen.

"That's remarkable," she breathed out, her eyes tearing up slightly.

"Can I feel?" Annie piped up.

I smiled and nodded as Win removed her hand and Annie put hers in the same place. "Ew, its so weird!" she exclaimed, making all of us laugh. "Why is your stomach so squishy?"

"The baby is floating in water and other fluids, Ann," Khalil explained. I shivered when my baby brother started talking about my fluids. "Right?" His eyes widened as he looked to Shalom – Lord knows why – for confirmation that he was correct.

"That's right." Shay nodded his consent.

"What are you naming the baby?" Annie asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know yet. I'm thinking I'll just wait until she's born and pick a name then. It may not even be a she. I could be having a boy."

"Or twins!" my youngest sister exclaimed excitedly.

"Nope, I am not having twins."

"How do you know?" Annie inquired.

Shay just shook his head at her curiosity. There was a light knock on my door and Kile poked his head through. "Hey, sorry, I was just looking for you."

The door opened up further behind him and Dad stepped in. "Actually, your mother and I would like to speak with you." His face was flushed as if he and Mom had just had a heated discussion.

Shalom looked at me nervously and squeezed my hand before Kile stepped forward to help me off of my bed. I followed Dad back to the study down the hall and sat down across from him and Mom and his desk. "So…" I began, not wanting to wait nay longer to hear what they had to say.

"We just discussed this thoroughly," Mom said. "A large part of this job is doing stuff even when you don't want to. It's about learning how to accept responsibility for actions that you have no desire to take." I held my breath, waiting for her to tell me that I still had to be queen. "But it's also recognizing what is best for you and trusting your heart in certain situations."

"Only you know best what you want," Dad interjected. He reached for Mom's hand and they squeezed their fingers together tight. "So we've decided to allow you to abdicate. Not because we think it's best for the country but because we know it's what is best for you."

It took a moment for what they were saying to really process but as soon as it seemed to click and make sense, I had to fight the urge to jump up and down in excitement. I didn't have to be queen. I could be normal and live a normal life with the man I loved and raise my baby in a normal house.

"We just want to remind you to use caution," Dad continued, not seeming to notice that I was only half-listening. "Abdicating is a serious thing to do. Once you do it, you cannot go back."

"I won't want to go back," I told him confidently. "Shay can have the crown and the palace; I'll take the flannel shirts and dirt roads." They both looked at me with puzzled expressions that then turned to surprise as I hugged them both tight. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," I kept repeating to them. Without even waiting for their dismissal I ran out of the room – somewhat disgracefully due to the baby – and ran to Kile's room, praying he would be inside.

He was changing out of his doctor's uniform when I burst in but that didn't stop me from leaping into his arms. "Kile, you'll never believe it!"

"Believe what?" he asked apprehensively, holding me away from him at arm's length.

I fought to explain and catch my breath at the same time. "My parents, we just talked and…and they're actually letting me do it. They're letting me abdicate. This is it; we can move to Morocco and be happy and I don't have to be queen."

"And your brother is okay with this?" he asked in a measured voice but I could tell that he was struggling to hide his own excitement.

I nodded and still tried to even out my breaths. "We talked this morning. He wants to be king. And Shel will be queen…"

"Shel?" Kile repeated, frowning in confusion.

"Honestly Kile, if you're going to be part of this family you have to keep up with all of the drama."

He laughed appreciatively, and then tucked some stray wisps of hair behind my ear gently. "So, just to be sure, we're still not getting married?"

"Nope," I confirmed. I stood up on my toes so I could lean in for a deep kiss. "We are never getting married."