Chapter 22
Odd to know that someone is in love with you but have no memory of the person. Even odder still that Sam knew she was in love with him since last night, even before finding out she was more than his nurse. The look she got in her eyes, the way she talked to him, how she wanted to be near him, Sam knew with certainty that his nurse had fallen for him during his coma. Little did he know that she had fallen long before that. As he sat in his bed watching her stare back at him he knew his thoughts about her last night were not wrong. He could see the love all over her face, she may be lying about everything else, but she wasn't lying about that. It angered and confused him all the more. How could she treat someone she loved like this?
He thought back to minutes before when she fed him ice. Sam had deliberately let his tongue glide across her fingers just to see her reaction, to see if he could get to her. Shivers and even a slight moan as he watched her slide her eyes closed and relax, her body leaning against the side of his bed. If this was a con she was in deep. Sam was sure he could have her on her back and screaming his name in minutes, if he wanted to. She was just that into him. Of course, he didn't want to. He could never trust her enough to let her get that close again, but her obvious attraction to him made him feel good. It was sort of nice to know that someone found him appealing, especially after all he had gone through with Brittany.
She took a deep breath, smoothed her hair and answered, "You fell out of the car."
"Was I thrown when it crashed?"
Her eyes widened as she spoke, getting emotional practically from the start. "No you fell. We were waiting to be rescued and you were badly injured but I thought you would be fine once we got to the hospital. But then things just went so wrong."
"You were in the car with me?" Sam was shocked, never had it crossed his mind that she might have been with him.
"Yes I was with you, even though it was the last place I wanted to be that night." She said with a small smile that clearly held no joy. He could tell talking about this was hard on her, but he needed answers, so he continued.
"Why was that?" Sam asked.
"I had served you with divorce papers earlier that day."
Dumped and in a coma the same night, it was almost comforting to know he was still the same loser in love he had always been.
"Wow. So I got served the day of the accident?"
"Yes. I was at the Scandals that night, waiting for a friend, and he was late, which was fine by me since I all really wanted to do was get drunk. Carol Hudson-Hummel carded me and all I had was my fake ID so…" She hesitated.
"No drinks for you."
His mind flashed to their conversation earlier in the morning about her age, when she had brought up her fake id. This morning he was feeling a little weird about being attracted to someone so young, never realizing that he had actually married her. A few kisses in a hospital seemed like nothing, when Sam considered the fact that he had been sleeping with a teenager. What the hell happened in his life that he would do something like that?
"Exactly. I got upset and went outside. It was raining but I didn't care at that point and that's when I saw you. You offered me a drink from your flask."
"I was at the Scandals too?"
"Yeah drinking. Apparently Carol had cut you off."
"So I was drunk? Man I figured I did something stupid to end up here but I didn't know I took someone down with me. Were you hurt too?" he asked filling with concern. All this time he spent being angry at her and he could have seriously hurt her in the accident.
"Not really. Bump on the head, sprained my ankle pretty bad."
"I'm relieved I only hurt myself. I don't know if I could take it if I hurt someone because of my recklessness."
"None of it was your fault. I was to blame," she said shaking her head swiping at her tears with the back of her hand. Her tears were starting to get to him and he hated it. He wanted to maintain his emotional distance from her, it seemed safer that way.
Despite his better judgment he found himself trying to console her, hoping his words would make her calm down. "I don't think you can blame yourself for my actions."
"Sam you being drunk had nothing to do with the crash."
Nothing he was saying seemed to help, she was getting increasingly upset, and he was feeling more uncomfortable in her presence. Just once he wanted not to let a woman in distress get to him. Why couldn't he ever steel himself against their pain? Brittany had got to him every time with her big blue eyes filled with tears. He had been a complete sucker, letting her cry on his shoulder about another woman. Now his wife, he still couldn't get his mind around that one, but nevertheless his wife that had betrayed him was sitting across from him crying, and Sam found himself longing to comfort her and dry her tears.
"I shouldn't have gotten behind the wheel," he said covering his face with his hands, more to block out the sight of her crying than anything else.
"You didn't…" she started but Sam couldn't let her make excuses for him. He was to blame.
"I can't believe this. I need to know everything. How did I fall out of the car? Were we on an embankment?" he asked with a frenzied stream of words.
She bowed her head, sniffling loudly. "We swerved to miss hitting a tree and hit a mountain instead."
"There are no mountains in Lima."
"Whatever. The big rock we hit pinned your leg to the door."
"My disfigured leg?" Sam tried to picture the scene in his mind, but all he could see was the limo crash. His leg had been pinned that night too.
"Yeah, and you had some internal injuries and some cuts. You were pretty banged up. The car slid down the hill a bit before stopping so we were stuck sort of with our legs in the air," she explained illustrating her tale with her hands.
"Sounds scary," he said softly. Mercedes was starting to shake, and Sam felt even worse about making her talk about the accident. "Is that what's giving you nightmares?" He should have changed the subject, at least let her calm down a bit. He had seen her in fitful sleep, whimpering and calling out in anguish, if all of that was because of him, he needed to know.
"I have nightmares of you being trapped in the car and of you falling. Not something I like reliving. I guess that's why I can't sleep most nights." She tried to shrug it off, downplaying the impact of her frequent bad dreams, but the steady flow of tears down her cheeks derailed her attempt.
"I'm so sorry. I can't believe you're going through that because of me." He wished at that moment he could get out of bed and go to her, so much for cold detachment. He had made her nights hell, he had to put it right.
"Sam, please don't blame yourself," she said turning her brown eyes toward him.
Sam was instantly floored by all the pain he saw there. He reached his hand out between their beds, hoping she wasn't too upset about their argument earlier to take it. She stared at his outstretched hand for a beat, slow extending her own soft brown arm into the space between them, until she hesitantly touched his fingers. Sam grabbed her fingers covering them with his own, sliding his hand down until it fully enclosed hers.
"How can you be so understanding?" he asked staring at that clasped hands. "Why did you even forgive me?"
"The accident was not your fault," she said breaking down into sobs.
That was it. He tugged her hand firmly, willing her to look at him. When she didn't move, he pulled harder, forcing her to acknowledge his presence.
"Come here," he whispered, pulling her again. She climbed out of bed, never releasing his hand and walked over to him. Sam made a space for her to sit beside him.
He was shaking as he let his free hand smooth the hair from her face. He didn't care, he reminded himself, this was just human decency at work. She was upset because of him, it was his role to make it better. Nothing more.
"How can you say that?" he asked lifting her chin to get her to look at him. "I was drunk."
Shaking her head back and forth, she covered her face with her hands and sobbed even harder. Sam exhaled sharply, mentally preparing himself for his next move. Once his hands, were on her shoulders, he knew he had to do this. That overwhelming feeling he had last night, that he was supposed to take care of her somehow, hit him full force. It felt beyond his control as he pulled her into his body, holding her close.
"Don't cry. It's all right now." he whispered into her hair. She went still in his arms and for a second he thought she would push him away, but then she moved closer wrapping her arms around his neck, and letting him continue to hold her. "Why are you letting me do this?" he asked. "After everything I have put you through, then, now. I cheated on you. How could you get past that on top of everything else?"
She pulled back to look in his eyes. "I told you the accident put things in perspective. In the car while we were waiting to get rescued you made me believe in us again."
"You took me back that night in the car?"
"In my heart I did, but I never told you." She gently rubbed her hand along the soft hairs that covered his chin, smiling slightly, before letting her hand fall into her lap. "I couldn't bring myself to say the words." The love that was so apparent in her eyes was making him feel things he didn't want. He forced himself to look away, not wanting to get sucked in by her yet again.
"So I never knew," Sam said staring down at the rings on her finger. He had been the one to give her those. It was all starting to feel more real than he wanted. He couldn't deny what had been in front of him the whole time. She felt like his to take care of, because she was his. A part of him, must have remembered that somehow.
"Nine months I sat here hoping you would wake up so I could tell you everything I wanted to that night. I wanted us to have our second chance, but you woke up talking about second chances with Quinn."
Again he was gutted by her sad brown eyes, the emotion was too much for him to handle. Sam subtly pushed her away from him, turning toward the wall in his bed.
"I don't know what to say to that. I can't help how I feel." His connection to Quinn had only grown stronger since he found out about Beth. Despite his anger earlier, he really didn't want to be cruel to Mercedes, he could see she cared about him, but his heart was so full with Beth and Quinn, he couldn't see how there could possibly be room for her too.
"I know and I guess it's only right. I should have spoken up when I had the chance, back on that night." She seemed to realize his desire for space and moved back over to her own bed.
"I probably would've forgotten it anyway," he said half smiling at her.
"At least I would've known you heard me," she said with a sad smile.
"I feel like such an ass. I stole months of your life because I was drinking and driving. How can you even look at me?"
"You weren't driving. I was." Mercedes pulled her knees up to her chest and stared out into the nothingness of the room. "I had taken your keys and you started walking down the road in the rain. I made you get in the car."
Apprehension started to build in his chest as he asked, "What happened?"
"It all went by so fast, like a movie. We were arguing and then you were trying to convince me you loved me and I didn't want to hear it. You kept talking and I tried to shut you up but you wouldn't stop and I just remember covering my ears with both my hands to block you out."
"You took your hands off the wheel?" he asked sitting straight up in the bed.
"The next thing I knew you were in front of me blocking me, grabbing the wheel and then we crashed."
Sam's heart pounded in his chest, pulse racing in his ears, he wanted to throw something. He searched the room looking for something he could abuse. With a forceful swipe he hit the table next to his bed, causing it to crash to the floor, its contents sailing across the room.
"Oh my God! You fucking took your hands off the wheel? On the highway? In the rain?"
Mercedes's eyes widened in terror at his outburst. Her face was wet from her tears and her running nose. She spoke quickly trying to make him understand. "I just got so distracted and upset. I know I was stupid. I can't believe how I hurt you."
"You did more than hurt me. You destroyed my life. What the hell are you doing here? Why aren't you in jail?" He was yelling. His throat felt like he had been gargling razor blades, and his head was starting to throb. He literally saw red behind his eyes, he was that angry.
"No charges were filed," she said shrinking away, as if his words were actually blows to her body.
"I don't believe this shit," he said nastily, shaking his head in disgust. "I almost died because of you and no one thought to put you behind bars?"
"It was an accident." He could barely understand her through her tears, she was choking on them.
"The hell it was. You took your hands off the wheel. I can't remember years of my life. I didn't know I had daughter. I've been stuck in this bed for months. It's all because of you. It's your fault," he said pointing at her. He needed something else to throw. He eyed the wall, thinking about putting his fist through it.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I just didn't want you to drive home when you were so drunk."
"I don't care what you meant to do, you wrecked my life and I want you to answer for it. What if I had never woken up?"
"I would've taken care of you for as long as it took. I never would've left you. Never." She turned toward him on her bed, sitting on her knees. She was so pathetic, begging for him to understand.
"Your urge to forgive suddenly makes sense. You're guilty and playing the part of the dutiful wife so your ass won't land in jail."
"That's not true. I'm here because I love you."
Again he had fallen for her lies, those eyes must be her trick, what she used to get men to bend to her will. Sam was on to her now. She didn't love him, despite all her pleading and batting of her haunting doe eyes.
"I don't think you know what those words mean. Every time they come out of your mouth I find out about another way you've hurt me or betrayed me."
"I'm so sorry. It was an accident. It was killing me to see you in a coma all those months."
"I'm sure. I bet you were devastated when I finally woke up. You knew you'd have to face what you did to me. Did you want me knocked out permanently so you could take all my money?"
"I never wanted your damn money! I just wanted you back," she screamed back at him, jumping off the bed.
"If only I believed a word that came out of your mouth."
Mercedes pulled at her hair, yanking the dark strands in frustration. She still hadn't bothered to wipe her face that now looked shiny and swollen from all the crying. "I love you so much. What's it going to take to convince you?"
"Maybe if you didn't constantly lie to me, try to kill me with a car…I don't know how you managed it, but you seemed to have conned my whole family. Quinn is locked upstate because of PPD, she didn't even hurt anyone besides herself, but you put me in a coma and are sitting here scot free. Doesn't seem right somehow."
"You're right okay. I deserve to be locked up. I destroyed us. I messed up our life, Puck's life, I almost killed you. It's all my fault, everything's all my fault."
Over and over she shook her head, crying hysterically, her body shaking as she sobbed. She fell to the floor, collapsing into a lump of tears and hair. Sam was sickened by her display, convinced this was yet another one of her attempts to con him into feeling something for her.
"You're damn right it's your fault, and you're going to pay." He angrily pressed the nurses call button.
"Call the police and tell them, it's all my fault. It's all my fault, my fault, my fault…"
Her sobs settled into whimpers, pitiful and sad like a wounded animal, Sam turned his back to her, blocking her out. He couldn't take it, he just wanted her to stop, but she continued whimpering guilty admissions. Every cry was like a slash on his back, as her pain started to physically affect him. She was the one that put him here, caused the crash that stole his life, he shouldn't care about her tears. Sam pulled his pillow over his head, hoping to muffle the sounds in the room and resist his increasing urge to find a way to climb down to the floor and soothe her. He prayed a nurse would come into the room soon, because he didn't know how much longer he could last.
Should have put an angst warning right? Thanks for reading and commenting.