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Chapter 24
There had been no consoling her as she kept repeating the words "it's all my fault" barely above a whisper. They had picked her up off the floor, put her in the bed, and shot her up with something in a syringe. It was strong, whatever it was, she was knocked out in a matter of minutes. A nurse or two stayed behind, even after Mercedes had fallen asleep, to check her vital signs or something, or more likely to check him out. They had hid behind clipboards, giving him sideways glances, barely hiding their dislike for him. Sam didn't care if Mercedes' nursing buddies hated him. He was justified in his position, she had put him in a coma, he wasn't going to be nice about it. He did briefly consider that these nurses had the power to put him back in said coma fairly easily, he was weak and couldn't walk and they had access to an array of drugs. In the end, Sam let that idea go, choosing to believe that no nurse would stoop that low. If anything they would put salt in his orange juice or something, if he were allowed to drink orange juice that is.
The nurses finally cleared out and Sam was left alone, well almost, Mercedes was still there breathing softly in the bed next to him. Looked like he was getting a roommate after all. He wished he had never suggested her moving in here with him this morning. If he had just been thinking with the right head, he could have spared himself this current discomfort. He could have relaxed in his room without having to look over and be reminded how Mercedes was the one that wrecked his life.
Sam squinted at the clock on the bedside table, his vision getting fuzzy again as the day wore on. It was almost nine o'clock. He wondered what Quinn was doing right now, was she getting ready for bed, was she thinking of him? Could just be a leftover silly wish from his youth, but Sam still had to believe that wherever Quinn was she was feeling the same things too. He regretted knocking over the table earlier, the nurses had cleaned up all the mess, righting everything that had spilled onto the floor. The phone though, Mercedes' cell phone had been destroyed, bits of it scattered about the room. Sam wished he had pulled the phone off the table before he hit it, he sure could use that phone now. At least he got to make that one call. That would have to be enough for the time being.
"What the hell is going on here? I get out of surgery and they tell me they had to sedate my daughter," said Julian Jones as he stormed in the room in his scrubs.
"She's right over there," stated Sam gesturing to the bed where Mercedes laid sleeping.
"I can see that. I want to know why she had to be drugged," demanded Julian standing in front of Sam in the bed.
"I guess carrying around all that guilt finally got to her," said Sam shrugging. He didn't want to discuss Mercedes, especially not with her father. "She admitted what she did."
"Admitted what?" asked Julian confused and suspicious.
Sam could sense the animosity coming from the man. He wasn't sure he knew what he had done to warrant such a response. Mercedes had been the one to hurt him not the other way around.
"She told me about the car accident, I know she was driving that night."
"And…" said Julian running his hands over his face in irritation.
"And? She put me in a coma," said Sam shocked at Julian's nonchalance.
"It was an accident." Julian stared blankly at Sam.
"Maybe you don't know all the details, so let me clue you in." Sam pushed the sleeves up on his red pajamas as he spoke. "She took her hands off the wheel and crashed us into a rock. That's no accident."
"I am well aware of what happened that night. If it wasn't for your drunk ass she wouldn't have even been in the car at all," said Julian emphasizing his point with his finger in Sam's face.
"Nobody told her to drive me home," retorted Sam not flinching a bit as Julian invaded his personal space.
"Are you actually going to sit here and blame her for keeping you from getting behind the wheel? You could've killed somebody."
"I bet I would have driven a lot better than her, even drunk I know better than to stop steering a two ton vehicle." Sam could see the veins in Julian's forehead bulge after that remark. The guy was ticked.
"You're unbelievable! She fricking saved your life!" yelled Julian backing away from the bed.
"If she hadn't been so stupid I wouldn't even be in this spot."
"I think your doctors need to examine your head again," said Julian pointing to his temple. "You're out of your mind."
Sam really didn't want to get into this with Julian, he didn't have a beef with the guy. It was his daughter that Sam took issue with.
"So are you the one that convinced my dad not to put Mercedes in jail? Did you use your pull as his friend?" asked Sam cocking his head to the side.
"That wasn't necessary thanks to you," said Julian almost under his breath. He went over to Mercedes and gently stroked her hair, before pulling her blanket up higher.
"I just don't know how she did it," said Sam shaking his head. "She seems to have my whole family fooled."
"Let's get back to why my daughter required sedation. I suspect it was all because you." Julian leaned against Mercedes' bed facing Sam.
"Why would you think that?"
"Everything that bothers my daughter is because of you. You have been this plague on her life for years."
Sam couldn't help but roll his eyes at Julian's statement. Clearly he was deep into his role as oblivious parent. The only plague in the room was Mercedes. "A plague? She's not the one that was in a coma."
"You think you're the only one suffering. You're such a self absorbed punk."
"I don't see anyone else stuck in the hospital."
"You fucked up my family you ass! Mercedes has been heartbroken and devoting her life to you for the past nine months. She's barely taking care of herself, she's not having any fun, she's just living her whole life for you."
Sam shrugged not caring to hear Mercedes' tale of woe. "Guilt will do that. She should have thought about the consequences before almost killing me."
"I should break your jaw for that," said Julian through clenched teeth. "You're lucky you are bound to that bed or I would…" Julian's voice trailed off with a humorless laugh. He ran his hand over his graying black beard, instead of finishing his statement.
"Threatening a man that can't defend himself, now I see where your daughter gets it. She's just as morally challenged."
"I think you better shut the hell up about Mercedes." Sam could see Julian clenching and unclenching his fists that hung at his sides. The man looked like he could blow at any minute.
"I get it," said Sam trying to diffuse the situation a bit. He didn't relish the thought of getting himself into a fight he couldn't handle. His brain was far more agile than his body at this point. Not much use if things came to a physical head. "She's your child, you have to defend her, but I don't know if you realize all that she's done. She sat in this room and got close to me, all the while never letting on we were married."
"The accident must have messed up your head, you were never this stupid before Sam. Mercedes was just following your doctors' orders."
Nothing anyone could say would be enough to make Sam get over that simple fact. She allowed things to get to an intimate level, and never even bothered to tell him the truth. That was low.
"So the doctors said, don't tell Sam the truth about his life, but go ahead and try to fuck him?"
Julian lunged toward Sam, his fist reared back to make contact. Sam steeled himself for the blow, he was still too weak to fight back, but he wasn't going to let him Julian know that. Sam stuck his chin out and crossed his arms over his chest, daring Julian to hit him.
"You have the nerve to sit here and act like the smug victim, after all you've done?" asked Julian his fist still hovering in the air. Sam could see Julian was struggling not to actually throw that punch.
"The way I see it I'm the only victim. Me and my daughter."
"Yeah your daughter, the one you conceived in my house," said Julian shaking his head, letting his fist fall, backing off from the bed.
Sam was confused. "What are you talking about?"
"I know they want us to take it easy on you, but I can't bring myself to care. You had sex with Puck's fiancé, in my home, and then lied about it day after day to your wife's face."
"Puck's fiancé? Puck and Quinn…but..."
"Yep Puck and Quinn were engaged and happy until you came along and blew it all to hell."
Sam shook his head, looking down at his lap trying to make sense of what he was hearing. "So Quinn was in a relationship when we slept together?"
"What did you think? She was sitting around waiting for you?"
Sam didn't know what to think. He figured he and Quinn had some sort of ongoing relationship that was put on hold because he had to marry Mercedes for some reason. He never thought that she was cheating too. Why would they even have slept together if they both were involved with other people? Something wasn't right.
"So if we cheated while she was with Puck that means…" Sam tried to put the pieces together in his mind.
"Beth could have been his," added Julian.
"I don't believe this."
"It's all true. My daughter is taking care of your baby, a baby she once thought of like family, like a little sister."
It was like something from a talk show. The convoluted mess of his life was almost too much to even comprehend. No wonder he had blocked it out, apparently he had been acting like a fool the past three years.
"I need to talk to Quinn, so I can make sense of all this." Quinn just might be the only one he could trust to give him a direct answer about anything in his life. She never held back the truth with him, she always kept things real.
"Good luck with that. I doubt you will get a straight answer from her about anything."
"Quinn and I have always been honest with each other."
"Oh right I forgot. Sam and Quinn best friends for life. Too bad neither of you extended the same honesty to the people you supposedly loved."
"I'm sure we had a good reason for keeping things a secret." Sam just needed to figure out what that reason was. Quinn wasn't the type to lie. He had a love/hate relationship with the truth at times, he was raised that all facts were negotiable and flexible, but Quinn had always been so fixed in her moral convictions.
"Wanted to screw each other and keep your happy homes? I really don't care what was going on in your minds. If I had my way I would never have to look at either of you again."
"So I guess Puck and Quinn have broken up?"
"Would you have stayed with a woman that had a child with another man?"
"If I loved her I would. I would at least have to try to make it work."
He could hear his dad calling him weak in his mind. Dwight Evans never approved of his soft streak. He thought it made him look like a pushover and an easy target. Sam struggled with this aspect of his personality for years, but in the end, there was no changing it. Sam believed that real love was the ultimate cure all to any problem, even a problem as complex as loving another man's baby.
"How noble. I guess you're a better man than most of us. Hard to look in the face of a baby that you thought was your own, knowing she is a product of an affair. Puck's been struggling with it for months."
"I take it Mercedes doesn't feel the same way, since she's been taking care of Beth."
"Mercedes has one of the biggest hearts I have ever known."
"I have witnessed that heart first hand when she neglected to tell me she was my wife or that she caused my accident."
"It's like talking in circles with you," said Julian slapping the back of his one hand into his other palm. "You just don't want to listen to the truth."
"No you don't want to listen to the truth, you have your daughter up on some pedestal. She's a liar, and a reckless disaster that has destroyed my life. The sooner I am free of her the better."
"Finally something we agree on. I have been telling her to leave your ass for months. You're not worth one drop of the tears she's wasted on you."
Sam didn't want her tears anyway. He was certain they were all faked for effect. Nothing he had learned about Mercedes today had convinced him to believe she had a genuine bone in her body.
"Now that we've got that settled, you can go. Be sure to wheel her out while you're at it. I can't stand to look at her," said Sam a smirk on his face as he watched Julian's face get tight with anger.
"You son of bitch. I can't wait until you're released, you and me…" Julian's whole body was shaking with anger, as he purposely kept to the opposite side of the room.
"Look forward to it," said Sam practically taunting the man. Give him a few weeks to recover and they could have this whole conversation again, with their fists.
"So is that it now?" asked Puck walking into the room from the door.
"Puck what are you doing here?" asked Sam surprised to see his cousin appear in the room.
"I've been enjoying the floor show for about ten minutes, you two didn't even know I was here."
"So you saw him threaten me? And you did nothing?"
"After what you said about Cede, I was hoping he would punch you in the nose," said Puck coming over to his bed and clamping his hand down on Sam's shoulder, squeezing with a hard pressure.
"Should have expected as much from you, disloyal bastard," said Sam shaking him off.
"I'm going to leave you two to it, I've got rounds," announced Julian with one hand on the door.
"Hey Julian. Don't forget to take my wife with you."
"Sam, stop being an ass," interjected Puck.
"If you hurt my daughter again I will break your neck," said Julian pointing at Sam angrily.
"No worries there, I want as little to do with that girl as possible. Quinn and Beth are my main concerns."
"Quinn? You know where she is right?" asked Puck.
"I know she's upstate, a place she doesn't belong. I'm going to get her out of there as soon as I can,"
"You have no idea what you're getting into there Sam," said Julian.
"Julian has a point. Quinn has been struggling with some serious issues," said Puck leaning against the bed where Mercedes was sleeping.
"We'll work through it all together. As I just told Julian I don't walk away when things get hard." Sam shot Julian a pointed look.
"I'm out of here. Talk to you later Puck," said Julian over his shoulder, as he went out the door.
"Are you proud of yourself?" asked Puck watching Julian leave. He turned back toward Sam. "You brought a girl to tears. Does that make you feel like a man?"
"Here we go." Sam sighed heavily. He ran his hands through his head in annoyance. "Is it time for you to defend Mercedes now?"
"You had no cause to treat her that way."
Sam shrugged. "I think she got off easy. If she were anyone else she would be begging for her life right now."
"You sound just like Uncle Dwight."
"It's how we Evans' handle things, unless that has changed too in the last three years. Dad seems off his game."
"How do you figure?" asked Puck.
"Mercedes' running around still free. You'd think he would've taken care of her by now."
"Uncle Dwight is not going to do anything to Mercedes. He doesn't blame her for your accident."
"That's what I don't understand. What's she got on him? Has to be something big for him to turn a blind eye. And my mom, she was acting strangely too, she almost seemed like she was fond of Mercedes."
Puck took a seat on the edge of Mercedes' bed, looking at her sleeping face, before turning back to address Sam. "She is. We all are. She's family."
"I don't get that. We were only married a few months before the accident, she couldn't have ingratiated herself with you guys that fast."
"Mercedes and I have been close for years. When I first got back to town, she was a good friend to me. And since you were treating her like shit back then, I was there for her too."
"So you two used to date?" asked Sam eyeing Puck up and down. He just couldn't picture the two of them together.
"Sam you're so predictable," laughed Puck.
"What are you talking about?"
"You claim to want nothing to do with Mercedes, want her taken care of," he said making quotes in the air with his fingers. "Yet you're asking me if I was ever with Mercedes, like you're jealous."
"Jealous! I just want to find out what's up around here. If you used to mess around, that would explain your unwillingness to turn her in."
"We didn't mess around. We're just friends. She's like my sister."
"What's up with my father then?" Sam asked.
The brief encounters he had with his father since waking up all had been odd. The man had seemed more concerned about Mercedes than his own son. Although Dwight would never win father of the year, making Sam feel second rate had always been the backbone of his parenting style.
"She's his daughter in law. She's been taking care of you, everyone appreciates it."
"That's her angle then. She's using being my nurse as a way to stay out of jail. The old man must be going soft to fall for that one."
"You need to talk to your father. I'm going to call him," said Puck pulling out his phone.
"Sounds good. While you're at it can you call Quinn too?"
"Quinn is in the hospital Sam."
"I saw those pictures of you two this morning. I know you are in contact with her." He resisted the urge to comment further. Sam had many questions for Puck about the current status of his relationship with Quinn.
"I went to see her to tell her you were finding out about Beth."
"What a prince. Had to do it in person, a phone call wouldn't have worked?"
Puck seemed pretty friendly with his ex. Sam knew all too well what that could mean. He had remained friendly with Brittany after their divorce, keeping her close, staying involved in her life, all because he was trying to subtly win her back. Sam wouldn't be surprised if Puck were up to the same thing.
"She's not allowed calls yet. I pulled some strings and got in to see her."
"I've spoken to her on the phone before."
"We had to make those calls happen. You can't just call her out of the blue."
Sam wasn't convinced Puck was being honest with him. The Evans name opened many a door, no way he couldn't get in contact with Quinn at will. He suspected Puck just didn't want him talking to her.
"I really need to talk to her. I want to tell her about Beth."
"That's a pretty special little girl you have," said Puck with a smile.
"She's something. I can't believe Quinn and I…" Sam smiled. There were really no words to adequately describe how he felt about his daughter.
"Yeah, it takes some getting used to. Beth came into our lives sort of unexpectedly but we are so glad we have her now."
"Julian filled me in on some of that. They thought she was your daughter at first?" That must have been rough," he said quickly glancing over at Puck.
"Yeah paternity tests got messed up in the lab or something." He ran his hand down his face. "I can't believe you're bringing this up with me. I mean jesus. It was a shock to everyone, especially Quinn."
"Why especially Quinn? What happened?"
"I think that is what helped her confused mental state along. It was hard for her to accept that Beth was not mine."
"She wanted her to be yours?" asked Sam dropping his head, his words sounding more like a statement than a question.
Somehow he had hoped that Quinn had known Beth was his all along, feeling a part of him inside of her during those nine months. He thought maybe that was why he was feeling so linked to her these days. Turns out he couldn't have been more wrong. Quinn had wanted a very different outcome for her life.
"Quinn loved me and wanted to marry me. We had plans and dreams. Beth being your baby derailed all of that. Too many hits at once can knock over even the strongest body."
"I wish I had been able to be there for her during all of that. Maybe I could have helped."
Something else Mercedes had stolen from him. If he hadn't been in a coma, he could've helped Quinn, maybe saved her from going over the edge. Instead he was useless and Quinn was alone, all because of Mercedes.
"Quinn was in denial a long time, I'm not sure what you could've done."
"I could have at least helped her with Beth," said Sam. He not only let Quinn down as a friend, he also was a poor father to his child.
"Coach Beiste and Mercedes were there. Beth never felt unloved, I'm sure of it, even when Quinn started to deteriorate."
"Coach Beiste and Mercedes are not Beth's family. I should have been there."
"Mercedes brought Beth to see you. Her room is like a shrine to you, your face is plastered all over the walls." Puck grinned. "I think she knows you're her dad already."
Sam smiled. "She did seem to take to me quickly."
"Mercedes wanted her to know you, and Quinn too. She tried to keep you guys real for her."
"How can she be so good to my daughter, yet so crappy to me?" Sam asked unable to reconcile the stories he was hearing about Mercedes with the woman in the bed next to him.
"Mercedes loves you, though at this point I don't see why. She's never been crappy to you, she's devoted her life to you."
"Guilt is not love."
"I agree she is very guilty about the accident and how badly you were injured, but I know that's not all that is motivating her actions. She's been in love with you for so long."
How long was 'so long'? His relationships never went the distance in the past. There was a two year cap on love in his world. Unless he had forgotten some other relationships during the past three years, maybe he had improved his average, and had managed to sustain a lasting relationship. He couldn't believe it was Mercedes though that had ended his losing streak.
"Yeah right, I see she has you fooled too. Is there anyone in Lima immune to her?" asked Sam.
"I'm sure you and Quinn will have tons to talk about. Quinn's not fond of Mercedes either."
"Because of the accident?"
"You'll have to ask her. Quinn's not as forthcoming with me as she used to be. I get the sense she's waiting for you to be the one she spills her guts to. You're her best friend after all."
"Julian said that too. We got pretty close it seems."
Best friends, Sam mulled the idea of that over in his mind. Not quite what he had hoped to hear, girlfriend, lover, wife, were more what he wanted with Quinn, but Sam could actually see himself close to Quinn in that way. They had maintained a friendship despite distance and awkward breakups. This almost seemed like a natural evolution of things.
"You did. You confided in each other, looked out for each other, made stupid mistakes together, you name it."
"Was there anything romantic between us?" asked Sam, still not willing to give up on that feeling persisting in his gut. There had to be something more than friendly there with Quinn.
Puck shrugged. "Again you'll have to ask her, but back then, before the accident, you only had eyes for one woman as far as I could tell."
Sam looked over at his sleeping wife, knowing that she was who Puck was referring to. All he felt was his anger start to simmer, if there used to be love for her somewhere within him, he couldn't feel it at all now.
"I think Quinn and I may have had more going on between us than anyone knew."
"You better pray that's not true Sam or I will beat you within an inch of your life. I'm letting you off the hook right now because you were sick, but keep talking man and I won't give a shit anymore about your little bump on the head."
"Love your loyalty Puck. You're the best," said Sam sarcastically.
Puck titled his head first to his right then to his left, his jaw ticking with the movement. "This is why I took so long to come and see you. I never fail to want to hit something when you're around. You're over there all high and mighty like you're not just as dirty as the rest of us. You fucked that girl up over there," said Puck gesturing toward Mercedes as he approached Sam's bed. "I trusted you with Mercedes' heart, against my better judgment, and you broke it. That girl has been through far too much in her young life. I'm not going to let you destroy what's left of her. My loyalty lies with her in this instance." Puck grabbed Sam roughly by the collar of his pajamas, lifting him partially from the bed. "And if I find out that you and Quinn had some secret affair going on, I will be right in line behind Julian to kick your ass," said Puck looking Sam dead in the eye. "You got that," he added as he let Sam drop.
Smoothing out his pajamas, Sam tried to appear unfazed by Puck's threats. Inside his heart was pounding. He knew that look in Puck's eyes. Nothing but pain ever came from that look.
"I just want her gone," Sam mumbled.
Puck took a deep breath as he made his way to the door. "Get some sleep, you look like hell. I'm gonna call Uncle Dwight now, tell him you need to see him. Maybe he can make you see the light."
Sam saw the light just fine, in fact things had suddenly become much clearer. Puck dumping Quinn, and Mercedes' betrayal made his path so obvious. It all led to where he began, that feeling when he woke up from his coma, he was supposed to be with Quinn, be there for her, help her get better. Together they were supposed to build a life, Sam knew that now, they were meant to, for Beth.
His eyes drifted over to Mercedes again. She was tightly tucked under sheets and blankets, her black hair fanned over her pillow in wild waves, her lips slightly parted as she breathed in and out. He had watched her the same way earlier that morning, when she had nodded off to sleep in his arms, but things felt so different now. He knew the truth about her, and all that closeness he felt for her had burned away. He was left with just this blackened pit of anger and pain, and something else, something that felt a bit like disappointment. He had been happy with her, alone in the room, filled with idle chatter and spontaneous kisses. She had felt like a gift, a nice surprise in the midst of all his confusion and frustration. She felt like she was his to confide in, lose himself in, just be free with. She felt like a friend that could become so much more. It felt like something different than what he felt for Quinn, unexpected, and totally unique.
A large part of him wanted her out of his sight, he prayed she was moved to her own room soon, he couldn't bear another moment looking at her face, but a smaller part of him, a part that he tried to squelch from the surfacing, actually was relieved they sedated her. Her sobs and moans were like a knife twisting in his heart and he couldn't handle that he had been the one to make her crumble. That part of him had never wanted to see her in pain, he wanted to shield her from it, no matter the cost to himself. Sam scrunched his nose in distaste, annoyed with himself for even thinking about her in such sympathetic terms. She didn't deserve anything but his wrath after what she had put him through. He rolled away from her, to once again face the wall. The lights of his monitors were a far better sight than her pouty lips and button nose. He could block her out and focus on how he was going to help Quinn.
He needed to know more about why she was sent upstate, so he could formulate a plan. Puck had made it seem like Quinn was relying on him to help her, and there would be no way he would ever let her down. Not again. She was everything to him, his past, his future, his whole life rolled into one. There had never been a time when Sam hadn't wanted her in some way. Quinn was just it, the one. He felt it in his bones, the truth of it stirred in his soul, and echoed in his ears. She had always been it for him, and finally they would be together, he could feel it. Sam smiled, content about the prospects for his future, for the first time in what seemed like ages. He closed his eyes drifting off to sleep, Quinn's face swirling in his mind. Everything felt right.
Then she moaned, slow and pitiful. Sam quickly turned his head to see what was wrong with Mercedes. He only found her as she had been before, lips parted, sleeping soundly. It must have been a dream. Sam settled back in his bed, trying to sleep again, but this time peace evaded him. The moans replayed in his ear over and over, and he knew now the sounds were not coming from Mercedes but from his own mind. He couldn't shake her, she was inside his head now. Sam prayed sleep would come quickly, he didn't want to spend the night being haunted by her cries.
Sleep didn't come however, and Sam was stuck eyes wide open staring at the white tiled ceiling of his room. There was no blocking her out, even after all that had happened today, she was there firmly etched on his mind, just as Quinn had been only minutes before. Instead of Quinn's green eyes and radiant smile he saw Mercedes, sad and shaking, she was looking at him, silently pleading with him to come to her. Sam tried to ignore her pleas, blocking her out of his mind by trying to think only of Quinn, but it was of no avail,
No matter what Sam did, he couldn't escape the truth, even as he desperately fought against it, still it shone brightly, just as clear as all he felt for Quinn, and Sam wished he could dash it from his brain, but it remained. As surely as he had felt it the night before, he felt it now, Mercedes was his to take care of, she was supposed to be here. And that thought kept sleep from coming, as he continued to stare at the ceiling, utterly confused.