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Chapter 27
Quinn placed her head against the cold laminate tabletop, her eyes closed as she tried to fight sleep.
"Am I boring you?" asked Dr. Kalina Hill tapping the table lightly in front of Quinn's nose.
Quinn lifted her head and tried to sit up normally in her seat. She was so tired that a slump was all she could muster. "Sorry Dr. Hill. I am just so tired this morning."
"Late night?"
"You could say that. My mind was all over the place."
Recurring sex dreams about Sam, intermingled with memories from Valentine's Day past had Quinn running from sleep. It got to the point that she wouldn't let her eyes close, afraid of what new image her mind would display. It was completely disconcerting to think about Sam in such physical terms. Quinn had never even had dreams like that about Sam when she was dating him, maybe a quick fantasy or a daydream, but never a full out sex dream that stemmed from somewhere beyond her control.
"What were you thinking about?"
"Oh just random stuff." Quinn wasn't going to share this particular part of her psyche with anyone. It was just too embarrassing.
"Random stuff about?" Kali prodded.
Quinn sighed. "My father came to see me yesterday."
"He did?" Kali's eyebrows shot up in interest as she wrote something in her notebook. "How did you feel about that?"
"Never expected him to pop up like that, and I am really glad he didn't bring my mother along. I really don't want to deal with her."
"How did things go with your father?"
"It was fine. He just was checking in on me. I haven't seen or talked him in awhile."
It had been good to see her father. Quinn had been glad he came, despite the fact it was totally unplanned and unannounced. Russell had given her a boost in confidence, a jolt of mental strength to help her persevere miles away from her baby. It was a good visit, but Quinn prayed Russell respected her wishes and never dropped in again unless she called him. There was only so much of her parents she could take, and the next time Quinn knew she wouldn't get off so easily, her mother Judy would most certainly be accompanying him. Dealing with her mother was just not something she was ready to do.
"Family can be nice to have around."
"Sometimes and in small doses."
"Good point." Kali chuckled lightly.
"Though I guess I would feel differently if I had a family of my own."
"You don't consider the people in your life now family?"
"No, I didn't mean it like that. I mean like a regular family, father, mother and baby." The life normal people have. Babies conceived out of love, paternity tests are never needed, and monogamy is the norm.
"There is more than one way to make a family."
"I know. I'm just dreaming I guess. I would love for my daughter to have that picket fence life you always see in the movies. Something I never had, I want Beth to have that." Quinn smiled as she imagined that life.
"Maybe she will have it."
"I meant with me, not with Sam and Mercedes."
Maybe she was being selfish, Sam had the means to give Beth the closest thing to a normal life. He was married, he lived in a nice house, and his wife already loved and accepted his daughter. Beth was pretty much set without Quinn doing a thing. Except that was the problem, Quinn didn't fit into that picture perfect life, and she wanted to, she didn't want Mercedes taking her place.
"I was talking about with you. You have the power to give Beth a good life."
"Not from in here." Quinn wasn't even sure when they would let her out, if they would ever let her out. Dwight probably could keep her locked away forever. Her life was on hold until she got back to Lima.
"You getting strong and well is the first step, so yes the things you do in here are helping you work toward that life you want for her."
"I know you're right and I'm trying to get the most out of my time here, but it's just hard being here knowing what's going on out there. Or more accurately not knowing what's going."
"What do you mean?"
"Just all the stuff with Sam and him finding out about Beth and about me, and I feel like I should be a part of that, but I'm stuck in here instead."
"It's got to be difficult being on the outside of your own life."
"I feel like I am being forgotten, fading into the background, like I'm not necessary. Beth is doing just fine without me." Better than fine, Mercedes was the perfect stepmom, with her nursing training she was more qualified to take care of Beth than Quinn ever could be.
"You're not forgotten. You were a big part of things with Sam yesterday, even though you weren't in the room."
"Can you tell me about it?" Quinn asked feeling a bit excited at the possibility of finally getting some news.
"I need to respect Sam's privacy but some of it does apply to you so I will say this: He knows about Beth and he knows you're here."
"How did he take it?"
Kalina smiled at Quinn. "I think we can say Sam is a proud papa."
"Really? He was happy?" Quinn was overjoyed. She had hoped Sam would take finding out about Beth well.
"Very much so. His face lit up when he held her."
Quinn grinned. "Wow. I wish I had seen that. Did Beth respond to him?"
"Beth seemed to like him right from the start. You'd think they'd never been apart."
"That's amazing. Thanks for telling me that Dr. Hill. I feel so much better now."
"Were you concerned it wouldn't go well?"
"Wasn't sure what to think. Mercedes could have poisoned him against me or something."
"Quinn we've been over this before."
"I know Mercedes is not my enemy and I need to focus on the positives. Beth is being well taken care of," Quinn recited in a monotone voice. Dr. Hill had been drilling it into her head for weeks.
"Your feelings are valid and important Quinn, but some things just do more harm than good."
"I know. I shouldn't think about Mercedes but she's just so much in my life it's hard not to. Half the time I feel like she's taking my place."
"With Beth?"
"Yes with Beth and..." She hesitated not sure if she wanted to open this subject for close scrutiny.
Kali looked up from her writing when Quinn's explanation lagged. "And..."
Quinn exhaled sharply. "And with Sam." Kali scribbled in her notebook. "What are you doing writing a up a prescription for stronger drugs?"
"No, just taking notes. You've told me before how Sam is important to you and now that you have accepted he is Beth's father, you feel even closer to him. Is that still the case?"
"Yeah, maybe more. After being with him when he woke up from the coma, something changed. I feel linked with him somehow. Does that sound crazy?" She looked over at Dr. Hill nervously. She didn't want the woman to deem her delusional again.
"You went through an amazing experience with him, to see someone come out of a nine month coma is nothing short of miraculous. I'm not surprised that the experience had an effect on you."
Quinn had slowly come to rely on her sessions with Dr. Hill. They were a safe place for her to gather and organize her thoughts. Only with Dr. Hill had Quinn finally allowed herself to admit the sad and scary truths she had been trying to hide. That she had resented her own baby because he had the wrong father, that she wanted to die because she might not be able to be a mother and that a small part of her never wanted to be one. Those were the whispers that pushed her to the edge at the height of her PPD and with Dr. Hill those whispers were amplified and spoken aloud. Once she had revealed all she had tried so hard to hide, it became easier to deal with the issues behind them. Slowly she began to see that her negative feelings were not because Beth wasn't Puck's daughter, but because she was Sam's. Quinn had been beating herself up not because she messed up her life with Puck and caused him to lose a daughter, but because a part of her was relieved that her life with Puck was over. The guilt about that had been more than her mind could deal with at the time.
Quinn had spent months trying to recapture the love, and restore the trust between her and Puck. The unborn child they thought they shared had been the motivating force to try to move past the hurt of her one night affair. For a time it worked, things seemed better, they reunited and vowed to marry and have the family they had planned. However, the reunion was less than perfect, Puck was hesitant and distant, as if Quinn were untouchable somehow. And Quinn was withdrawn and disinterested, as she became preoccupied with her best friend trapped in a coma. The time at the Beacon had changed Quinn in ways she never realized until she was back with Puck. Things didn't feel the same and Quinn had found herself fantasizing that she was back on the balcony at sunset, that her nights were being spent in the company of Sam and not Puck. As Puck remained aloof, using the guise of taking things slow, Quinn grew more relieved by the distance, she didn't have the energy to fake feelings that were starting to fade. Of course at the time she wasn't ready to admit any of this to herself, instead she blamed her hormones and her quickly changing body for her shift in disposition.
In spirit she was with him all the time, talking to him in her head throughout much of her pregnancy. The support Sam couldn't give in actuality Quinn created in her mind, an imaginary collage of memories, things he used to say, advice he used to give. When the imagination wasn't quite enough Quinn snuck off to see him in person, waiting until Julian was in surgery, and Mercedes was gone, to sit by his bedside, gripping his hand. No wonder Beth had turned out to be Sam's baby, Quinn had spent so much time thinking of Sam during her pregnancy that it couldn't have been any other way. When she should have been thinking of Puck, fighting for their relationship, working to fix their broken hearts, Quinn had wanted Sam instead.
The moment she realized that the heart of the problem was that Puck wasn't Sam. Everything fell into place. Deep down Quinn had been happy that Sam was Beth's real father, and the fact that she felt that way after all the damage her cheating caused was the proof she was a worthless excuse of a woman and definitely not fit to be a mother.
Beth deserved better than to have a mom that secretly preferred the company of a man that had helped destroy all their lives, than her own fiancé that had found a way to forgive her and take her back. Puck would have been a great father to Beth, she hated that some secret part of her wanted anything different. She had a chance to give her daughter a good life, in a good stable home, and Quinn ruined it all for him by wishing for a man that didn't belong to her, that probably didn't love her. The postpartum depression had heightened those feelings of guilt and self-loathing. Quinn had convinced herself that her feelings for Sam had magically made Beth become Sam's child and not Puck's. Another life wrecked, this time her own daughter's. Quinn wanted to save Beth from her destruction, so she left her in the woods for Sam, and she tried to put herself out of her misery.
Things were clearer now, as therapy and drugs helped her find light through the fog. She knew now how convoluted her thoughts were back then. Things happened as they were meant to, it wasn't her fault that Beth turned out not to be Puck's, or that her feelings for Puck had changed. Life was just like that, full of highs and lows, unexpected surprises. Every day she let go of a little more of her guilt and she allowed herself to accept that during her pregnancy she had been preoccupied by her sick friend because she had missed him. It was okay to want Sam in her life, he had been a part of it for so long, and she didn't have to hate herself for caring about him. She was allowed to love her friend.
Now if only she could get herself to accept the other part. The thing her mind was still so apt to deny. If she could just admit out loud what had been building for close to a year, then maybe she truly could feel recovered, back to normal, totally free.
"I can't get it out of my mind." Miles apart now, but somehow since he came out of the coma, Quinn felt closer to Sam than ever.
"The experience or Sam?"
"Well it's all about Sam right? He was the one in the coma."
"So do you just relive that moment or do you think about other things as well?"
"Usually it starts with me seeing his smiling face. He's got a gorgeous smile. He's quite handsome you know?" Quinn smiled as she pictured Sam in her mind.
"Oh I do. Those lips are unforgettable."
"I've been thinking about our past a lot lately. Memories of when we were a couple and later when we were just friends."
If she had been feeling a bit bolder she might have tried to subtly slip in a mention about her recent explicit dreams. Maybe Dr. Hill could shed some light there, but wouldn't dare. It was just too personal.
"You must miss him."
"I do. I spoke to him a couple of times, but it's not enough. I need to see him." See him, touch him, make sure for herself he was actually back and doing better.
"He wants to see you too."
"Has he asked about me?"
"You're on his mind."
"I just don't know what to say." Quinn rambled flustered by what Dr. Hill has told her. "I'm just so…I mean…after all we've been through. I'm still on his mind."
Quinn could feel Dr. Hill watching her reaction, probably silently analyzing the width of her smile. Quinn knew she should take things down a notch, play it more cool, but she just couldn't help it. Sam was thinking about her…still.
"I take it you know about his memory loss."
"I do. I feel bad for him, and for Mercedes."
Well not all that bad for Mercedes, at least she still got to be near him, even if he didn't remember her. Quinn was stuck in the hospital not able to see him at all.
"It is a difficult situation. His last memories are of you."
"I know." Quinn smiled.
"Makes you happy to hear that?" asked Kali.
"I'm happy that he at least has something familiar to fall back on."
"Familiar can be comforting but we have to make sure he doesn't ignore his present by dwelling in the past. It's easy to get caught up in happier times, especially when life gets hard."
The door opened abruptly and Santana popped her head through the crack in the door, a huge grin on her face. She waved over at Quinn excitedly, before turning her attention to Dr. Hill.
"Santana you can't be in here, I thought we agreed you were going to wait in the car."
Santana came in the room, shutting the door behind her, grabbing a chair next to Kali and taking a seat.
"Now prima, you didn't really think I was going to drive all the way up here with you knowing you were coming to see my best girlfriend and just sit in the car?" asked Santana winking at Quinn.
Quinn had found out Santana and Kalina were related fairly early on. Dr. Hill had told her almost immediately wanting to be upfront about any possible conflict of interest. Quinn hadn't minded the connection, she chose to judge everyone on their own merits, not by their bloodlines. Although it was quite possible Quinn had been too crazed at the time to think her choice in doctor through. If she had a clearer head she might have considered that Santana could potentially gain access to her innermost secrets. Santana could take that info and run wild. Then Quinn realized Santana didn't have far to run, the media always seemed to know everything about her life almost the moment it happened. She really didn't have secrets anymore.
Kali shook her head. "This is unacceptable and unprofessional."
"Think about how your profession would suffer if I let that little cat out of the bag," said Santana as she wrapped her arm around Kali's shoulder.
Kali scowled as she removed Santana's arm from her shoulders. "Santana, don't go there."
"Oh I won't Kali, as long as you make yourself scarce so I can chat with Quinn for a few."
"I can't just leave you in here with a patient."
"Yes you can, I'm your colleague." Santana whipped an id badge out of her pocket and pinned it to her blue button down shirt. "I'm here for a second opinion."
"Where the hell did you get that?" Kali leaned in and examined the tag. "Dr. Guerin. Really? Santana you can't do this."
"You're right. It's a shame everyone will know though."
"I hate you," said Kali as she got up from her seat.
"No you don't. You love me. I'm your favorite cousin." Santana blew Kali a kiss, before moving over to the chair she had had vacated directly across from Quinn.
Kali rolled her eyes as she gathered up her stuff. "You got ten minutes and that's it. I will see you next time Quinn."
"Bye Dr. Hill." Quinn waved as the woman left the room. "Santana I can't believe you just did that," said Quinn leaning over the table and grabbing Santana's arm, her eyes wide in amazement. Santana was so out of control.
Santana shrugged. "Eh, She's family. I can get away with it."
"What exactly do you have on her?"
"What don't I? I've got more blackmail material than I can count. She wasn't always Miss Prim & Proper Priss you know."
"I just don't want you to get her in trouble, or worse me in trouble."
"It'll be fine, trust me. I just had to get up here and talk to you. Oh my god, Quinn, you will never believe what happened." Santana leaned forward across the table eager to share the news.
"What is it? Something with Beth?"
"No the baby is fine. Last night Puck came over and we had some wine."
"I thought Puck didn't drink anymore."
"He usually doesn't but he was so wound up he couldn't help himself."
"What was wrong?"
"Sam. Apparently Sam had it out last night with Mercedes and Julian." Santana leaned back and watched Quinn process the information.
"What happened?" Quinn asked slowly.
"Well turns out Sam is not happy with his wifey. In fact, he wishes he never met her." Santana crossed her leg, letting her foot flap in and out of her black pump that dangled in the air.
"What are you talking about Santana? I know he doesn't remember her but last I heard they were getting along. Puck told me." Puck had showed her pictures, one in particular Quinn would never forget - Sam's lips on Mercedes's face.
"That was before Sam found out they were married." Santana grinned her words laced with excitement. "The minute Kali told him that, all hell broke loose. I heard he was cursing, calling her names. He hates he's married to her."
"Whoa. I wonder what brought that on?"
"Puck said Sam was upset Mercedes didn't tell him they were married from the get go. He doesn't trust her now."
"I can understand that. Sam probably felt betrayed since they had spent so much time together and she didn't tell him."
Sam was big on honesty once he let you into his life, betraying his trust was almost an unforgivable sin in his eyes. Sam must have been closer to Mercedes than Quinn realized, if he got so upset.
"Exactly. But it gets better."
"None of this sounds good Santana. I feel so bad for them." Quinn wouldn't wish this type of drama on anyone. Couldn't for once life just go smoothly and without conflict?
"Girl don't waste your sympathy on that little troll. She's not worth it, not after what she did."
"What did she do?"
"You know, causing the accident that put Sam in the coma."
"Yeah well you and I know that, but charges were never filed so..."
Santana had a point. Mercedes had acted pretty foolishly in the car that night. She was lucky Sam finally recovered, he could have died and then she'd have murder on her conscience.
"So the family covered it up, no surprise. Here's the shocker. Sam found out and he lost it. Throwing stuff, steam coming out of his ears, yelling, he made that little girl practically go catatonic. Puck said she was sobbing uncontrollably they had to sedate her."
"Oh my god! Is Sam all right?"
"He's fine. He's hell bent on making Mercedes pay though. Puck says he wants her in jail."
"That's because he doesn't know the truth. Did anyone fill him in?" asked Quinn.
Sam must feel like he is losing his mind, so much probably didn't make sense and just confused him worse. Quinn could relate. She felt that way during her postpartum depression. She didn't know which thoughts to trust inside her own brain.
"The truth about what?"
Quinn tried to cover. She had forgotten that Santana didn't know the whole story. The only reason she knew as much as she did, was because Puck told her about it when they were back together. "Just the truth about the accident and how she saved him by doing cpr and stuff."
"Oh that. I doubt he gives a crap about her nursing skills. Sam's out for blood."
"This is so bad Santana. I can't believe this is happening."
"Quinn, don't you see. This is perfect. Those two are not going to last a week. He's going to dump her ass and he'll be all yours."
"Santana I have told you repeatedly I don't want to be with Sam. I'm not trying to break up any relationships."
"That's the beauty of it." Santana rubbed her hands together, looking very pleased with herself. "You won't have to lift a finger. They are imploding all on their own."
"Doesn't change how I feel, Sam and I are just friends."
"Quinn I wish you would cut the crap. I have been letting you sing this song for months. And little by little you have revealed more and more to me that you really have a thing for Sam."
"I never told you that," Quinn said quickly.
"You didn't have to. You've been in denial about it since you were pregnant, but I'm pretty intuitive about stuff."
"I was just concerned about a sick friend nothing more." The fact that she cared about Sam proved nothing.
"What about when you told me that you thought you should have chosen him over Mike, or that you felt a connection when he came out of the coma, or when the image of him on his knees was the first thought on your mind."
Leave it to Santana to bring that stuff back up. Her memory was flawless, she never wasted an opportunity to remind Quinn of something she never should have told her in the first place.
"Santana that proves nothing, that was just me talking. It's pretty boring in the hospital, I just like to occupy my mind."
"Explain the times when you weren't in the hospital. When you used to sneak to see Sam late and night, even though you knew Julian didn't like it. Or when you were pregnant and living with Puck but you told me you sometimes wished Sam were there instead."
Quinn felt like she was back in court, everything she had ever told Santana was back to haunt her.
"Santana I was hormonal and sad, Puck and I were going through a rough patch." She looked her friend in the eyes, silently pleading with her to just let this go.
Santana blew her bangs out of her eyes. "Keep denying how you feel Quinn and you will be sorry. One day it's going to hit you like a ton of bricks and it will be too late, you'll have lost him to Mercedes or some other woman."
"But you just said Mercedes and Sam are on the outs."
"Never underestimate Mercedes. She will find a way to slink back into his bed, even if Sam puts her out. She was raised by Keisha Jones, she's sneaky by nature."
Quinn shook her head, denial clamping her mouth shut. There was no point, nothing good could come of revealing anything on that front, if anything it would just make matters worse. He'd still be married, and she'd still be here. Wishing for anything different wouldn't make those two things any less true.
"This whole conversation is stupid. We don't even know how Sam feels. Being mad at Mercedes doesn't mean that he wants to be with me."
"You're right it doesn't."
"So let's just drop it. No point in wishful thinking about something that is never going to happen anyway. Sam doesn't see me as anything more than a friend."
"And the mother of his daughter."
"Exactly, we are just Beth's parents and friends."
"Doesn't explain why his last memories are of you," said Santana picking at her pink fingernails.
"Coincidence." Quinn shrugged. "He confused the two crashes in his mind."
"You've got an answer for everything."
"I'm just being realistic, for the first time in a long time. Just because I care about Sam and those feelings may be getting a tiny bit stronger now, doesn't mean anything. It's not like he wants to be with me."
"What if he did?"
"He doesn't." Quinn pressed her forehead against the cold tabletop hoping if she just blocked out Santana this conversation would end.
"But what if you found out he did want to be with you, more than friends? Would you be willing to go there again with him?"
Quinn groaned against the table. "I can't believe we're even talking about this."
She grabbed Quinn by the hair and lifted her head. "Stop avoiding and answer me. If Sam wanted to be with you, how would you feel about it?"
Quinn leaned all the way back in her chair, tilting the front legs of the chair off the floor. She chose to stare up at the ceiling rather than face Santana. Quinn had a feeling her eyes were giving away more than she wanted these days.
"It's just a silly dream Santana, doesn't matter what I wish would happen, it's never going to come true."
"What if I told you your wish might be granted?"
"What?" Quinn glanced over at Santana.
"It's pumpkin time Quinn." Santana slammed both her palms on the table, a huge grin on her face.
"Santana are you feeling okay?" Her friend was acting odder than usual. Quinn resisted the urge to move away when Santana walked from her side of the room to take a seat on top of the table directly in front of her.
"Just call me fairy godmother because baby your wish is about to come true," said Santana gesturing with her hand above Quinn's head as if she held a magic wand.
Quinn was starting to think she needed her meds adjusted, because suddenly nothing was making any sense.
Sam sized the man up. He didn't seem to be particularly menacing. He didn't see any hint of a concealed weapon, although his briefcase could have something stashed in it. The man looked too clean, his hands too smooth and manicured, his face too open and easy to read. There didn't appear to be an immediate threat. Still a random man approaches him and brings up Quinn, Sam had to be on guard.
"How exactly do you know Quinn?"
"I'm her attorney. I took over her case after Burt Hummel stepped down."
"Case? Is Quinn in trouble or something? And what did you say your name was again?"
"I'm Artie, well Arthur Abra." Artie pulled a silver case from the breast pocket of his coat, and retrieved a business card. He passed it over to Sam.
"Arthur," he paused trying to recall why the name sounded so familiar. "Arthur Abrams? Have we met before?"
"Not exactly." Artie smiled. "Maybe someone in your family mentioned me since I took on Quinn's case."
Sam took a deep breath, his chest constricting as his thoughts were pulled back to Quinn. "What's this about Quinn? What's wrong with her?"
Artie hesitated. "I've heard about your condition. I know your doctors don't want to bombard you with info."
"Just tell me please. I need to know," said Sam brushing off Artie's attempts at holding back with him.
"She's upstate at the mental hospital."
"I know that. She has postpartum depression."
"That she does, but there's more to it." Artie stalled again.
"It's all right," Sam assured him. "I know she tried to commit suicide."
He tried to keep calm as he said the words, but on the inside Sam's stomach was churning. Just the idea that Quinn had tried to leave this earth made him sad and sick all at once. Things must have gotten so bad for her, if she had resorted to that extreme. Sam could still remember how excited Quinn had been about the future when they were in high school. She had so many dreams, so many places she wanted to see. Finally she was turning 18 and able to get out from under her parents' thumbs. Quinn was ready to live life, and do it to the fullest. How had that exuberant girl, ready to set the world aflame, become someone that wanted to end it all? It didn't seem like his Quinn at all.
Artie let out a sigh of relief. He dug through his briefcase and pulled out his Ipad. "Okay, I wasn't sure what you had been told."
"Not much beyond that. I just know she's upstate and my wife has been taking care of Beth." Wow he actually managed to say the word wife without choking. He was making progress, not that it mattered in the long run. Sam didn't plan on staying married for long.
"What you need to know is that her suicide attempt and depression led her to lose custody of Beth. The state found her unfit."
Unfit mothers were drug addicts, irresponsible teens, criminals, not someone like Quinn. Quinn grew up in and out of facilities and group homes. She knew how unsettling that environment could be for a child. Sam couldn't imagine that Quinn would let her own flesh and blood face going through the same childhood she had. It was as if Artie were talking about a different person.
"For how long? Just until she gets better?" Sam asked running his hand through his hair.
Sam was trying to hold it together but his mind was racing. He had been eager to get home because he was going stir crazy stuck in the bed all day, but now he realized he needed to get out of the hospital for an even greater reason. Quinn was alone in the hospital, no hope of immediate release, probably worrying about Beth. He could only imagine how distraught she must be. Sam just had to get to her. He couldn't wait much longer.
"That will be up to CPS and the family court system. There is a process for things like this. The issue is that Quinn won't even have a chance to work toward getting Beth back if she remains upstate."
"When do you think she will be getting out?"
"She shouldn't have even been there in the first place. She was getting treatment here in Lima and was making dramatic strides."
"So why did she get sent upstate? What happened?" Sam held his breath waiting for the inevitable bad news. Depressed patients don't get sent upstate to the criminal psychiatric facility without good reason.
"I think your father happened. He got to the judge somehow and Quinn was shipped off."
Sam squeezed the arms of his wheelchair. My father? Are you sure about this?"
Not that Sam was especially surprised. His father had it out for Quinn for a long time. It was his style to take care of his enemies in such a neat and tidy manner, letting the law do his dirty work. Dwight Evans loved to work the system to his advantage, kept his hands clean.
"Quinn snuck out of the hospital one night and tried to see Beth at Shannon Beiste's house. Your father found out and told the judge."
"I feel like I'm missing something here. I get that the courts found her unfit to take care of our daughter because of her mental health at the time, but why would she be penalized for just visiting him?"
"Quinn wasn't found unfit only because of her mental health. She was also found to be a danger to your daughter."
There was that word again - danger. There was more to this story than he was being told. Mercedes clearly couldn't be trusted, but his father wasn't one for exaggeration or extreme distortions of the truth, if he said that Quinn was a danger to Beth, something must have happened.
"A danger? You know my father and Mercedes said the same thing. What are you not telling me?"
Artie leaned in closer to Sam, looking around the area, before lowering his voice. "A word of advice about your wife. She may not agree with your decision to help Quinn."
"Mercedes has no influence over me." Mercedes might think she had full say on all matters now, but she was about to receive a rude awakening. Sam had plans to swiftly kick her from his life, and with Will on his side, Mercedes soon would be locked away for years, unable to bother him again.
"You might feel a certain way now, but what if things change, with your memory?"
Sam looked Artie in the eyes. "Memory or not, how I feel about Quinn will never change."
"Glad to hear it." Artie relaxed back into the bench and smiled. "I will admit I was scared you might side with your own family or your wife. Mercedes had a lot to do with Quinn going upstate."
"How do you mean?" Sam asked a rage starting to simmer. Putting him a coma was one thing, but to inflict harm on someone he cared about, on Quinn, the mother of his daughter, Mercedes would pay.
"She just gave some compelling testimony in court. She was very persuasive about her fears for Beth's safety around Quinn."
This was about Beth. Sam let that settle in his mind for a moment. He had assumed Mercedes was trying to rid herself of a rival, the woman he had cheated with, but if all of this had been about Beth, that changed things. Mercedes loved the baby. Sam could sense that from the first time he saw them together, he had even assumed Beth was hers. Sam had been surprised when he found out that Mercedes was his wife and that Beth was conceived while they were married, that Mercedes would even be willing to have anything to do with the child. The fact that she was taking care of her and actually loved her was an unexpected twist.
"Why is she afraid of Beth being around Quinn?" The answer to that question was the key to this whole situation. Sam was sure of it.
"Sam we don't have much time. I can't get into it all with you now. If your father catches me talking to you, it might hurt Quinn even more. Quinn begged me to come see you and ask you to help. I was skeptical, I wasn't sure if you would be even willing to help."
"Of course, I will help. I would do anything for Quinn. She knows that." At least Sam hoped she knew. He clung to the small hope that Quinn remembered his promise and was holding it fast to help her survive upstate.
"The wind is picking up and it's starting to snow. What if this blanket isn't enough?"asked Quinn as she slowly rubbed Sam's bare chest under the blanket. Her hair was spread out all over his arm and shoulder, his head rested against hers.
"We seems to be warm enough," he said looking up. "I don't think we have to worry about it."
"Sam how can you remain to so calm? It's freezing out here, we have barely any food. We're not going to be able to survive." She tensed up beside him and Sam instinctively held her tighter, hoping to make her feel safe and calm.
"I've got survival training. So does Will. We're going to be fine." He kissed the top of her head, a cluster of small pecks, to put her at ease.
"But you're not in the best shape, your leg…" He raised her chin with his hand and leaned closer, cutting off her words with a kiss. She smiled against his lips, before grabbing the back of his neck and kissing him harder.
"I can manage. I promise nothing will happen to us out here," he said when he pulled away from her lips. He caressed her cheek gently, losing himself briefly in the soft feel of her skin. "I'd die before I let anything hurt you," he said holding her gaze a beat, before he felt overwhelmed and had to look away. He felt her relax, and she sighed softly, nuzzling closer to him.
"I don't want you to risk your life for me. Why do men always say crap like that? Don't you guys know we want you here with us alive?"
"Don't you know that we could never live with ourselves if something happened to the women we loved?" Sam has been trying to keep his response light, playful and a bit flirtatious, but something more popped in and made his statement more revealing than he had intended.
"I'm not your responsibility," she said looking at him intently. Her green eyes seemed to probe him, searching for something he wasn't ready to share, so he averted his gaze, and turned his focus to her hand that continued to massage soft circles on his chest.
"You're my cousin's girlfriend, you're like family. I would look out for you even if you weren't my friend," he said backing away from the intimacy of a few moments before. "I wouldn't be able to look Puck in the eye if I came back and you weren't with me."
Her motions stilled on his chest. "So this is about Puck?"
A sharpness had crept into her voice, and Sam immediately felt the need to soothe it. His fears about revealing too much were quickly forgotten as he tried to make Quinn understand. He sat up slightly, pushing her away from him, so he could look directly at her face.
"What have we been doing here for the past few hours? This isn't about Puck." His fingers tangled in her hair as he spoke. "This is about you and me and the fact that ever since I was sixteen years old not a day has gone by where I haven't thought about you, wondered what you were up to, hoped you were happy and safe."
"I've thought about you too."
"Then how can you say this is about Puck? Puck has nothing to do with the way we feel about each other."
"There have been other people, we're not sixteen anymore." She dropped her head. "None of that matters now."
"It matters to me," he said lifting her chin and forcing her to look at him again. "I knew it back then and I know it now, you will always be in my life."
Quinn's eyes filled with tears as they continued to stare at each other, letting his words surround them. If death were to take him that night, Sam knew he'd go a happy man. There was something in Quinn's eyes that he had missed for so long, suddenly back on this cold, dark night. He couldn't contain himself as he pulled her on top of him, her body molding with his, kissing her with an intensity that matched all he was feeling. One hand in her long blond hair, the other on her lower back pressing her closer than their bodies would allow. Soft moans as she let her hands fall from his hair, down his shoulders, then back up again. They broke apart abruptly, gasping for air, but still clinging to each other.
The cold air must have hit Quinn resurging all of her doubts, she shook her head moving off of him, returning to her spot in the crook of his arm. "Nothing lasts forever, there's no such thing as always. Look at me and Puck we made promises to each other."
"Yes there is always, that is real and true. I feel it." He took her hand and placed it over his heart. "Right here, I always have. You have a permanent spot there. Other people can't change that, there's no shaking it, we're connected."
"Sam I really want to believe that, but how can I? So many people have gone, let me down, my own mother didn't want me, Puck abandoned me. What does that say about the kind of person I am? I'm not even worth sticking around for."
He rolled her over on her back, hovering over her body, trapping her beneath him. He held himself above her, his hands on each side of her face, forcing her to focus on him.
"I'm still here. I'll never abandon you. You've got me, whenever you need me."
She shook her head with uncertainty. "What happens when you fall in love again? Find that perfect woman that loves you for you?"
"Listen to me. I don't want to talk about other women or other men. This is about you and me. We're tied together, like the sun and the moon. We're forever Quinn. Nothing in this life will change that."
"You promise?" she asked, her voice shaking with emotion.
Sam smiled softly, letting his eyes sweep over her face before focusing on her lips. He brushed a feather soft kiss across her lips, pulling up when she tried to respond. Sam let his weight fall on her, the need to be closer to her too strong to resist. She put her arms around his neck, entwining her fingers behind his head.
"Always Quinn," he whispered. "I'll always promise you that." Then he leaned in and kissed her again.
Sam pulled himself back to the present and returned his focus to Artie.
"Well I'm relieved to hear that," said Artie. "At this point she is out of options, she is stuck there for the foreseeable future, the judge won't even take my calls anymore."
"What do you need me to do? Talk to the judge on her behalf?"
"No, I need you to talk to your father. Convince him to get Quinn set free."
Sam exhaled sharply. "My father really hates Quinn, it's going to be a hard sell."
"So it's hopeless," said Artie dropping his head dejectedly.
"I didn't say that. I will make it happen, no matter what it takes it."
Artie looked up and smiled. "Quinn will be so relieved. She's barely holding it together up there. She misses Beth, her friends, you…"
"I miss her too."
"Seems like Quinn has been right all along. You are the one that would help her. Provided you come through for her that is."
"Don't doubt me, my word is solid." Sam warned. The last thing he wanted was for Quinn's lawyer to make her think he wouldn't come through. "You just tell Quinn that she doesn't have to worry. I'm back now, and I'm coming for her."
"Sam not that I don't believe you have good intentions, but I don't want to raise her hopes for…"
"Listen to me, just give Quinn this message please," said Sam interrupting him mid sentence.
"Okay," he said his finger poised above his Ipad.
"Tell her, that we're tied together, like the sun and the moon. We're forever."
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Artie, clearly confused as he typed in the message.
Sam stared out the window, watching the bright sunshine, reflect off the snow speckled plants below. The sun was just as bright the morning they were rescued. They stood together holding hands, smiling at each other, as the others frantically flagged down the helicopter. In that moment, it didn't even matter that help had arrived, they knew they had each other, and that felt like all they needed.
"Don't worry about it," he said softly. "She'll know."