Flesh Delirium: Thank you very much for your kind words. :) "Do you intend to develop a friendship or a romance between Andrew & Thomas?" That's a good question. I mean, you're right, both would work very well. Nevertheless, I wish and intend to write a romance because Thomas finally needs to find some love in his life, but if it doesn't feel right in the course of this story, then I think I'll finish it with a frienship/ open-to-hope-for-more-ending.

'Oh, Mr Barrow, don't say that,' Andy pleaded. 'Our place in the world is given to us by God. He has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. We should be grateful for what we have! God has-'

'Stop it, Andy,' Mr Barrow cut in, his voice cold and sharp, 'Don't you dare to talk to me about God.' He narrowed his eyes and starred at the other, shaking his head slowly. He was aware that Andy attended the compulsory Morning prayers in the Main Hall with honest enthusiasm, but he'd never imagined to hear the other man speak so openly about his own beliefs. As he continued his voice was deep and taut.

'God has created me as he has created us all, but it was also God who made me the way I am, and yet I'm a foul creature twisted by nature. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't my decision to be what I am; it just happened. When I first noticed that I was attracted to men, I got scared. I thought it was Satan himself who led me astray. - Don't look at me like that. You must understand, my parents are very religious. Every evening my father read the bible loudly, and afterwards he asked about my faith and how often I pray. As you can imagine, he tried to save me more than once – with words or actions - but as he realised that he couldn't, he led me down.' Mr Barrow paused and looked at the boy who was standing in the middle of the room, wondering why he told him once again what he'd never intended to share.

'I am a sinner,' he continued, exhausted, 'and God has made me sensible of my sins, he has made me to loathe myself, and he has made me see that there is nothing that I can do can save me. So please, don't talk with me about God.' He rubbed his eyes with his hands and was surprised how cold they were. Mr Barrow starred at the floor, lost in thoughts and weary, before he stood up slowly and closed the window. Andy remained silent for a few moments, then he said:

'I'm sorry, Mr Barrow. I really am.' The other man sighed inaudibly, his gaze fixed on the interminable horizon that faced him like an impenetrable wall. His thoughts, trapped in infinity, asked him old questions, and he wondered how it would be to be someone else somewhere else.

'What for?' asked Mr Barrow as he broke away from the daunting view and turned around, his back pressed into the wooden windowsill. As he looked at the younger man, who was still standing in his room, intimidated and lost, his eyes focused involuntarily on the curves of the lips he had studied so many times that he could reproduce them mentally with ease; and now, as they again confronted him, slightly parted with colour and life, they made him once again aware of who he was. He looked down hastily, angry at himself, as Andy spoke:

'Pardon me?'

'What are you sorry for?' repeated Mr Barrow intently, his lips pressed into a thin line. 'You aren't God, are you? It's not your fault that I am what I am.'

'No, I'm not, 'Andy looked down, biting his lower lip, 'and yet I am sorry.'

'You're not feeling sorry. What you're feeling is pity. You pity me, and I detest it.' Mr Barrow's features were stern and embittered as he spit his poisonous words. For a moment, Andy was taken aback. His heart was racing in his body, his fingers were trembling, and yet his voice was firm as he spoke:

'You're wrong, Mr Barrow. It is not you whom I pity. It's me and my naivety that I pity. If I weren't easily led by the others, I would have had the chance to get to know you without being blinded by warnings and rumours. And now I'm feeling sorry for myself because I threw away the opportunity of making a friend in a world in which friendship is the most valuable gift. Who am I to reduce you to your past? People change; they are made of experiences – both good and bad. I, like a fool, accepted what the others said without bringing it into questions. You see, I pity myself for my narrow mind.'

Both man looked at each other in silence, before Mr Barrow said:

'What is it about the night that makes us confess our deepest fears?' He smiled coldly; his eyes were clouded by darkness. 'You know, we could have been close friends. You wouldn't have had to fear me and my homosexuality, because I have never been in love since Jimmy. I've sworn to myself that I would never love again. And I did never love again, because the moment he left the Abbey, he took my heart with him.' He voice cracked, but he forced himself to continue, 'And if you think, loving men is different from loving women than I can tell you that it is not true. Both are about intimacy, trust, emotional security, but also about bodily desire. To love is to value. Even if - listen carefully - if I desired you, it wouldn't be love, because love is a concept of two; and I'm not a man who forces himself on others. I wouldn't have touched you without having your say-so.' Mr Barrow paused and licked his dry lips. 'I hope you understand that homosexuality is not a mental disorder; it's just love in another form – even if it is despised by God.' Andy nodded, his cheeks flushed and his lips parted.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered, 'I didn't know. I just-' he cut off in mid-sentence. The old grandfather clock struck twice, deep and even.

'I think it time for you to go to your room,' said Mr Barrow in a flat voice, 'You've already occupied much of my time.' Again Andy nodded, before he spoke:

'Thank you – really - for telling me-'

'Yes, yes, I know. Please go to your room and leave me in peace.' Mr Barrow suddenly turned off the light and the room was covered by blackness. He placed his head in his hands and only the soft thud as the door contacts the door jamb indicated that Andy had finally left.