AN: Hey you guys. Thank you so much for last week's reviews and especially to the guest reviewers who I can't respond to personally. I'm glad you liked the chapter. This one picks up right where we left off.

Enjoy,

Mydarkside975

Chapter 21: Holding On and Letting Go

Elena

Ric wanted to know when Salvatore and Co. could start sponsoring if they were going to. She told him she would go ask Damon. When she got out of Ric's office, she heard his voice coming from the meeting room so she made her way for it.

"...You need to play your cards right to get what you want from a woman. You have to invest some quarters to hit the jackpot."

His voice was full of innuendos. She was just outside the room when she heard it. She stopped dead in her tracks and the words swam around in her head slowly starting to make sense. You have to invest some quarters to hit the jackpot. Really? Quarters and the jackpot? He compared her to a game? Well not a game as much as a whore.

Furious was a word too inadequate to explain the state she was in. But of course she could not blame him. No, she blamed herself for not trusting her own better judgment. She knew who he was and what he did and her logical side along with both of her friends warned her against him but she did not listen.

God, she felt stupid.

He finished the call rising up and facing her. Nothing, his face was still the same. He was not even embarrassed that he had gotten caught. Well, maybe he needed her to show him just how much she had heard.

"You can save your quarters, you already had the jackpot," she said and finally she got the reaction she wanted.

His expression went from confusion to realization then settled on something resembling remorse but she refused to accept his remorse. She had already played emotional punching bag to his repeated blunders enough times. She did not want to anymore.

He had been standing silently for a long time. Maybe he was not even going to try to explain. She did not wait for him to start defending himself.

She spun around leaving the room and the building in her haste to get away from him.

xxx

She was on the sidewalk in front of the building trying to get a cab when she heard him calling her name. She did not turn around as she stepped onto the road with one foot lifting her hand in a sign to any available taxi.

"Elena, please!" He was closer now and there was still no cab. Dammit! She had to leave now.

She had no choice but to walk to the subway station so she crossed the road getting yelled at by several drivers as she made her way through the slowly moving traffic. More yells and some car horns went off after her. When she turned her head to see who the other jaywalker was, she saw him jumping around the front of a moving cab and onto the sidewalk behind her. God, he was too close, she had to hurry up.

She started jogging lightly maneuvering her way against the stream of moving people turning her head from time to time to check how far he was.

She had no other thought in her head apart from the thought of getting away from him. No reasons and no explanations. She just had to get away.

Finally the hordes of people cleared away as she reached the stairs of the station but then he finally caught up with her. He grabbed her wrist forcing her to stop and face him.

"Elena, please. Just listen."

Who the hell did he think he was? He had no damn right to touch her. She wrenched her arm out of his grasp but stayed where she was, her eyes daring him to say something worth her while.

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." There it was again, the remorse.

She snorted. "Really? Then how did you mean it?" Her tone was cold.

His Adam's apple bobbed like it was hard for him to swallow her words and he opened his mouth and closed it a couple of times trying to speak but deciding against it.

"I don't know how to do this," he finally said.

"Clearly."

"No, I mean I don't know how to be your friend, Elena."

Huh? Where did that come from?

"I have never had a friend before so I don't know how it works. The only thing I know is that I like you, I like spending time with you and I like myself when I am with you," he said with emphasis on the word; 'myself'.

She was shocked and he was looking at her trying to decipher her reaction but she could not utter a word so he went on.

"The reason I said that up there was that I have no idea what I'm doing and I have no way of explaining it to anyone else. Telling him what he expected to hear was just the easy way… But it's not an excuse and I'm… sorry. You're not just a game to me, Elena."

He finished talking and waited for her to say something but she had a hard time forming her thoughts into words. Everything was too jumbled up and upside down.

"Please say something," he said uneasily.

"Why does he expect you to say that I'm a game?"

"Because that's what I do, Elena or what I used to do anyway but it's not you. He does not know about you."

"Why did you stop?"

"Stop?"

"Using women," She explained.

"I don't… like it anymore," he said and something flickered in his eyes. She chose to ignore it and focused on his apology instead. She believed him when he said he did not know how to have a friend. That only proved her theory about his loneliness.

God, he had this way with words… How could she stay mad at him when he said things like that to her? He liked being with her and he liked himself when he was with her? Damn, he was good.

"Okay."

"Okay?" She saw something akin to hope flaring in his eyes.

"Yes." She turned around and started descending the stairs.

"Where are you going?" He sounded a bit confused.

"To take the subway… you coming?"

She smiled to herself as she heard his steps behind her when he started walking down the stairs with her.

Damon

He was this close to losing her. Because of his own stupidity, he almost drove her away. You know that saying; you don't know what you have until you lose it? Well, for a moment today he thought he had lost her forever. That was when he found out how much he could not let that happen.

The moment he realized what he had said his world started to crumble on itself. Everything he was; his past, his present and whatever future he had left started to shake and only one thought kept everything from falling into ruins. He decided to do everything he could to get her back and keep her there.

He did get her back. He managed to somehow say the right thing and he apologized which may have been the first time in his life. She accepted his apology and she was still there. He could still see her, he could talk to her and she still considered him a friend. The world was right again…well not right because this world they lived in was anything but right but it was better. His world was better with her in it.

She made him take the subway again and this time it was in the middle of the day where hordes of people surrounded them there in the tunnels of the stations. Because of the humidity and the heat of the day, big fans were installed in the tunnels but the only thing they did was twirl the same warm air around and blow the mixed smells of hundreds of human bodies along the walls of the tunnels. A couple of months ago it would have been his own personal version of hell but now he was not even bothered by the horrid smell.

No…he was busy panicking silently. This time he managed to apologize and get her back but he would inevitably do something that would hurt her again. What if he could not get her back then? The thought of him relying on her presence in his life so much scared him to no end.

He needed her in his life and he selfishly wanted her to stay even though leaving might have been the best thing for her. Maybe he should have let her leave for her own good. He was not good for her. He was not good for anybody, not even himself.

But that was who he was; selfish.

xxx

Over the next weeks Damon spent most of his time either with Elena learning the fine art of charity work and all the ins and outs or he did his own work for the HIH.

After a couple of times with Elena on the food-van, he got his own route on Tuesdays from 6.30 to 9.00 but most times, Elena joined him anyway and they spent the evening driving around the city giving people food and chatting with them a bit before they were off to the next stop. He actually recognized some of their faces from previous times and he remembered things about them like this guy liked old-fashioned jokes – he always had a couple ready for whenever he saw him – and that guy liked to talk about his dog who shared his food and his blankets with him as they wandered the streets together.

Between stops they would talk or bicker depending on their mood. He now knew her favorite food – lasagna, her favorite color – blue and her favorite kind of music – anything a decade or more old. He wanted to know more. He wanted to learn everything about her from the moment she was born to the day he met her and they were well on their way to cover that stretch of time. He found out she was in fact a tiny ballerina in elementary and middle school and a cheerleader in high school with Blondie as the captain. Yes, they were apparently in school together all their lives and he admired her patience for enduring Miss Judgy all this time but he did not voice those thoughts of course. He had learned early on that she was very protective of her friend and to his dismay; she also supported her relationship with his brother.

They were in between stops on a Tuesday and he was behind the wheel when he asked her. "Did you know that my brother and your judgy friend are together?"

"Please don't call her that and yes I know about her and Stefan."

"…and you don't mind?"

"She likes him. Why should I mind?"

"He told me he loves her," he said focusing his attention on the road. What? He was a safe driver.

"Do you mind?"

"It's not my concern but I do think it's a bad Idea."

"Why?"

"I don't want him to get hurt." Obviously!

"Why do you just assume he's going to get hurt? You said he loves her, well what if she loves him too and they decide to spend their lives together, make each other happy every day?"

He laughed. "You're such a romantic."

"Well, what do you think?"

Well, she asked him. He considered it a public service to tell everyone the truth.

"There is no such thing as love. It's a delusion and anyone who chooses to believe in it ends up getting hurt but it's ultimately his decision."

She did not comment on that and stayed silent until they arrived at their next stop.

They did some more fundraising as well, in different malls or just somewhere were a lot of people passed by and he found out that he was good at it. Like really good at it. Talking to people came to him easily and asking them to donate money was just a slightly bit harder. Elena thought it was a talent and he liked how happy she was every time he managed to get an exceptionally good donation.

She was not quiet about it either. She told everyone from the foundation and every time they were at the headquarters for some reason or another, he always found her in the meet-lounge room with a cup of coffee and a faithful audience listening to the latest story about an especially great donation. Damon was the main character of them all.

Elena was not the only person from the foundation that he talked to. He actually talked to quite a few of them but most remarkably, he struck up a friendship with Alaric Saltzman now simply, Ric. They bonded over their shared appreciation for fine liquor.

Damon did not drink like he used to. No more binges but usually after a successful evening delivering food or fundraising they would meet up at the office and walk to a bar right at the corner of the street. They had outstandingly good brands and over a glass or two of whisky, Alaric would tell him about the one that got away, the girl he was still hopelessly in love with slash pining for. Sometimes their conversation drifted to Elena of whom Ric was very protective or they could just spend the evening drinking in companionable silence. It was nice to be with someone other than Stefan who did not want something in return.

One of those nights and after a couple of emptied glasses, Damon found himself telling Ric about the parties, he used to throw, how he met Elena at the last one and how that on night someone put drugs in the food that was served to his guests. He also told him about Lockwood and the information he said he had in exchange for five million dollars.

As he was talking, an idea popped into his head for a way to get Lockwood to talk while they still had the upper hand. He talked to Stefan about it and he agreed that it was the way to go. He also lent him the services of Aksel, his security guy.

Aksel found out that Lockwood was indebted again to the same people as the last time but now he owed two million dollars instead of 50 thousand. They were after him for the money and they had already tried beating it out of him more than once. In other words he was desperate so he came to him but he was not desperate enough to just want the two million. No, he had gotten greedy and wanted three million more for himself.

Damon decided to buy his debt. That way he only paid two million dollars and he got to have Lockwood by the throat. He made Aksel contact him to arrange a meeting and they did in fact meet. This time he went with Aksel alone leaving Stefan out of it.

He was waiting in the car parked at the same abandoned lot but this time Lockwood was on time. Aksel shoved him inside the car and Damon started explaining the new rules.

"…I can forget about the two million dollars and you can get another chance at a peaceful existence or I can make you pay me back. It's your choice." He finished talking and waited for him to make a decision. It was not that hard really. He knew he had him but Lockwood had to realize it for himself and sure enough a moment later he nodded reluctantly.

"Good. Now you can tell me what you know and as soon as you leave this car you can consider yourself a free man."

He swallowed and started talking. "I don't know him personally. I knew a guy who worked for him. He worked at the catering company you hired for your parties but his real job was to spy on you. He used to tell me about the kind of money this guy paid him for information about your doings and goings. Back then I needed some money so I asked him to try and hook me up with this guy.

Couple of weeks later he came back to me about a job. He would pay me a 100 thousand dollars to convince a reporter to sneak into the party and cover the event. But that was just the easy part because he also wanted the reporter to discover the drugs in the food and write about it.

I did not see who put the drugs in the food but I guess it was him. Anyway, I managed to convince Caroline and Elena to come with me. By the end of the night I had no idea if Elena discovered the drugs but I had to make sure she did. I made Caroline eat some of the food and that way when Elena found out, I was sure she was going to write about it in her article because how could she not right? Caroline was her friend who even had a bad reaction to the drugs." He laughed bitterly before going on.

"Well you know how that went. For some reason Elena didn't write about the drugs which meant I didn't get my money so I could not pay back my debt… until you found me."

"You still haven't told me anything I did not know or had not guessed already. Who was he, the guy who hired you?" Damon said annoyance evident in his tone.

"I told you I don't know him. The only thing I know is the name of the guy who spied on you; Chris Tanner."

"Where does he live?"

"Not here. He left for Europe as soon as you stopped throwing those parties. He already had enough money."

Now he was angry. He reached out and grabbed him by the collar. "What the fuck? You told me you had information. This is nothing. It's bullshit."

"I…I told you everything I had," Lockwood said, his voice shaking.

Damon let go of him and leaned back in his seat taking a breath to calm himself. "Well there must be more. Try to remember. Did you ever see him with Tanner, maybe giving him instructions? Maybe you heard his name or part of it."

Lockwood was shaking his head to everything he said but then he stopped. He remembered something.

"I remember one more name. One night we were playing cards and he had his phone on the table right next to me. In the middle of a game, he got a text and I managed to get just one glimpse at it. After that he left, said he had an important meeting with his boss. I was the only one who knew which boss he was talking about."

"Well, what was the name?" Damon prompted impatiently.

"Katherine… Katherine Pierce."

AN: Thanks for reading.

To those who requested longer chapters a while back, here you go. My longest chapter. It had a lot of inoformation and a little fastforward. I hope you enjoyed it.

If you could be so kind and leave a word to tell me what you thought, you would really make my day.