Chapter 5: 3rd January
Edward
Alice and Jasper's kids were the only things that made me smile over Christmas. They had two girls, Lily and Poppy, who were twelve and ten, and then three boys, seven year-old Tim, Elliot, who was four, and little Ryan. All of them were blond and blue-eyed, and although they could be little devils, I adored them. Being their 'Uncle E' was probably the closest I was ever going to get to being a father, after all.
After Christmas Day, I retreated to the Masen family cabin in the Trossachs Mountains. I hoped that the peace and quiet of Scotland would be therapeutic. However, I spent the whole time wondering what Bella was doing. Was she at home with her family? Was she going out with her friends and partying into the small hours, meeting boys her age and allowing them to adore her?
That last thought made me seethe and burn with jealousy. I so desperately wanted to call her mine. I spent hours replaying our amazing kiss. Part of me rejoiced in the fact that it hadn't been one-sided, and that, in fact, she had instigated it. The rest of me berated myself for taking advantage of a young student who'd been drinking all evening, and for not stopping the kiss like I should have done.
I returned from Scotland on 2nd January, having seen in the New Year with a bottle of the local Glengoyne 18 year-old, single malt whisky on my lonesome. As soon as my phone was within range again, it started chirping with texts and voicemails. A couple were from friends, but most were from Tanya. I called her back as soon as I was back in my flat.
"Hey Tan," I began, waiting for the yelling to commence.
"Edward Anthony Masen! I've been trying to call you every day since Boxing Day! Don't make me worry about you like that!"
"I'm sorry. I went up to the cabin. I needed a bit of space and fresh air."
"Oxford life getting you down?"
I didn't answer straight away.
"Edward?"
"Things in Oxford have been difficult recently."
"What? Why? I thought the research was going well. You were telling me before Christmas that it was going great guns."
"The research is. Me, on the other hand, not so much."
"Spill."
"Tan, has there ever been a girl that you were absolutely floored by, but who you couldn't have?"
"I don't believe in 'couldn't.' Why can't you have her? Is she married or a lesbian?"
"No."
"Then why can't you fuck her?"
"Jeez, Tan, you don't have to be crude about it."
"Bloody hell, you've actually fallen for her, haven't you? Edward Masen, are you in love?"
As I pictured Bella's beautiful face, warmth rippled through my bones. Of course I was. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that I had loved her the moment I saw her lying on the floor outside the lab coffee room on the day we met.
"Mmm ... yes. Head over bloody heels."
"Wow. Edward, I don't think you've ever admitted to being in love with any girl before. Why can't you be with her, Honey?" Tanya's tone was softer.
"Because I'm too old for her."
"How old is too old?"
"Nineteen years between us."
There was a loaded pause as Tanya did the maths.
"Edward, tell me you haven't fallen for an undergrad?"
"Not just any undergrad, Tan. My undergrad, the one I'm supposed to be supervising."
"Fuck-a-duck. Tell me everything."
Over the next hour, I ended up spilling my guts to my best friend, from the first time I laid eyes on Bella to our kiss outside her college gates. Tanya helped me come to the conclusion that, for both our sakes, we needed to have a rational, adult conversation about what had happened between us. Bella was a good, kind person. I knew that she would never hold it against me or report it to the University, but we still needed closure. I did, for damn sure.
I decided to be brave, so I sent Bella an email asking her to meet me as soon as possible upon her return. I expected not to hear from her for a week or two, because the undergrads didn't come up until mid-January, but the very next day, she replied.
From: Isabella Swan
To: Professor Edward A Masen
Subject: Re: Meeting
Hi
I'm back in Oxford now. When and where?
Bella
Just ten words from her in an email affected me deeply. My heart was pining for her. I told her to come by my office at 6.30pm. There were very few people in the lab today, and all of them would go home by six.
Of course, I did nothing productive for the rest of the afternoon. Instead, I paced up and down my office, ate far too many leftover, Christmas chocolates and went to the loo about ten times. The time seemed to drag until 6.29pm, when there was a firm
tap on my door.
"Come in," I called.
-cc-
Bella
Upon coming up to Oxford after the holidays, I checked my email. I was shocked to see that The Fox had emailed me, just a few hours previously.
From: Professor Edward A Masen
To: Isabella Swan
Subject: Meeting
Bella
I hope you had a good Christmas and New Year.
Please contact me when you return to Oxford. I think we need to meet, as soon as possible, don't you?
Edward
Of course, I emailed back straight away, and not five minutes later, he had pinged one back, telling me to meet him in his office, in the lab, that evening at 6.30pm.
When everyone else had gone home.
"Come in," he called when I knocked. I pushed the heavy door open.
"Hello, Professor," he sighed as I spoke, and immediately I felt tears prick the back of my eyes. Is this goodbye? Was he going to make me work in another lab?
"Bella." His voice was hoarse. "How were your Christmas and New Year?"
"Honestly, it was shit. My parents are abroad somewhere and I spent it alone watching teenage vampire movies. How was yours?"
"Shit," he replied. "Please sit down."
I sat.
Tension permeated the office as we just stared at each other.
"I'm sorry." I eventually murmured. "I shouldn't have done that … I'd had a lot to drink …"
"I'm the one who should be sorry, Bella. I'm the one in a position of authority. I'm the one who took advantage of my supervisee, a young woman half my age …" He pinched the bridge of his nose and screwed his eyes up tight. "You were drunk and vulnerable. I should have stopped you, but I didn't … I'm the one who … who … molested you …" he added in a whisper.
"What?" I cried, standing up. "You didn't! Don't you dare use that word! Did you see me protest? You went to kiss me on the cheek. I was the one who turned up the heat!" I totally lost it. All my frustrations were unleashed. "And do you know what, I wasn't that bloody drunk. And do you know what else? I loved it! I fucking loved it, and I've spent the past two weeks wondering how good things might have gotten if that fucking, drunken idiot hadn't interrupted and scared you off!"
Tears were streaming down my face, and I was becoming snotty. Ugh. Really not an attractive look, but it didn't seem to bother The Fox. He stood up, strode towards me and enveloped me in his arms.
"Bella, shh … shh … Just cry it out, Baby."
And I did.
I cried like a little girl, letting all my stress and misery from the past few weeks pour out in my tears whilst trying to cherish the feeling of his hard, lean, warm body surrounding mine. He bent his head and kissed the top of my forehead at my hairline. When I looked up, his green eyes cut right through me.
"You called me Baby," I said inanely, revelling in the moment. I'd longed for him to call me that since the moment I laid eyes on him.
"I did. Bella, Baby, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since the moment you crashed into my life. I've tried avoiding you. I've tried not avoiding you. I've tried every goddamn thing I could think of, not to give in to these feelings, this pull I have to you. I couldn't allow myself to think that you might feel the same way, but clearly, at Christmas, the dam broke for both of us. You know that our careers are on the line if anyone finds out."
"I know that! God, it's been agony, but I can't stay away."
"Agony doesn't even begin to describe it." His arms tightened around my waist. "But Bella, are you sure about this, me? I'm forty. Old enough to be your father…"
"I don't care how old you are. My mother always jokes that I was born at age thirty-five anyway. Does the fact that I'm twenty-one get to you? If I weren't your student and we had met in the pub …?"
"I'd have been all over you in a heartbeat, whether you were twenty-one or fifty-one." He smiled slightly. "The fact that you are my student is an issue. Your age isn't. We value the same things. We see the world in the same way. You turn me on more than any girl I've ever met."
"But you could have any woman you wanted. Why would you settle for little mousy me when you could have a supermodel on your arm?" I gestured to the photo of Strawberry Blonde.
"That's my best friend, Tanya. My lesbian, best friend," he explained. "She lives in New York."
"Oh."
"Bella,"I don't want Tanya. I don't want a supermodel. I want you." He cupped my face with his hands and stroked his thumbs over my cheekbones, wiping my tears away. My eyes fluttered shut. "I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you."
"Yeah?"
"Most definitely, Baby. Your name is Italian for 'beautiful', but no words can describe how beautiful you actually are." He kissed my forehead. "Your face …" He stroked my hair. "These chocolate brown locks …" He kissed my closed eyelids. "… your Bambi eyes, so deep and dark …" He brushed a thumb over my mouth before kissing the side of it. "This rosebud mouth …" I opened said mouth and enveloped the tip of his thumb. "Fuck, Baby … you haunt me. I want you so much."
"Nobody's ever made me feel like this …" I nearly called him 'Professor.' "Edward …" I sounded it out. "Edward." I met his eyes, which widened when I said it, and said it again. "Edward."
My reward was his mouth crashing into mine, and a hand in my long hair, anchoring my face to his. Another hand moved to the small of my back, pressing my body into his. My hands roamed his back; I could feel every, single, rippling muscle. Our hips collided, and suddenly I was aware of his rock hard groin rubbing me exactly where I needed to be rubbed by him. I slipped my hands into the back pockets of his jeans and squeezed, feeling those tantalising buns of his for the first time.
"Oh, Bella … need to stop …" he moaned, but as soon as he'd said it, he found my neck with his mouth. I squeezed again. "Oh fuck …"
He wrenched himself away, panting heavily. I let out a sigh/moan of frustration. All the fantasies I'd held about him were raging in my brain, and lust was raging through my blood.
"Why …?"
"As much as I want to, and believe me, I really want to, you mean far more to me than a quick shag in my office."
"Me too," I agreed, taking a few deep breaths to calm down my hormones. It didn't work very well.
"If we're going to do this, go through the whole rigmarole of keeping secrets, learning to work together, whilst being together, I think it has to be for a proper relationship. The stakes are so high, baby, you know?"
"Definitely." I paused for a second simply to take in the fact that this was happening. He felt the same way. This was just ... mega. "You realise that saying stuff like that to me just makes me want you more?"
He laughed.
"Yes, but it's true. I'm not saying 'never'. I'm just saying …"
"… Not yet." I stepped back towards him, and this time it was my turn to take him into my arms. "All right, but just don't make me wait too long …" I tilted my face upwards and he leaned down to find my mouth.
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Edward
Bella walked in, wearing tight jeans, a pair of black, knee-high boots and a chocolate-brown, fitted, padded jacket. She had soft-looking, leather gloves on her delicate hands. Her lovely hair was loose around her shoulders, her eyes wide and dark, and her cheeks flushed from the cold. She looked so pure, the epitome of natural beauty.
"Hello, Professor," she murmured.
At the sound of her voice, my body seemed to simultaneously relax and tense. I let out a small, involuntary sigh.
God, I had missed her.
We finally talked about how we felt about each other. It was intense to find out that Bella craved me the way I craved her. She, too, had considered the implications of our positions as professor and student, but the age difference between us didn't faze her. I was shocked, however, to find out that this beautiful, enticing girl thought she was plain. How could she perceive herself so incorrectly?
I couldn't hold back anymore. I pulled her closer, told her just how perfect I thought she was, and, when she called me by my given name for the first time instead of 'Professor', I kissed her with all my might.
It was frantic.
I ran my fingers into her long hair and held her tight. She stroked her hands up and down my back, which was sensational, and our hips met. She didn't move away; instead she moved her hands into my back pockets and squeezed my ass. I could have come in my jeans, right then and there.
It took all my control not to rip off her clothes and fuck her in my office, but Bella deserved so much more. I was in love with her, and more than that, I had the utmost respect for her as a woman and as a scientist. When it came to her, I wanted to be a little 'old-school.' I wanted us to get to know each other, to strengthen our bond and to enjoy a courtship, before we had sex.
Having given in to my feelings for her, I wanted this relationship to last for as long as she wanted me, however long that would be. If it were up to me, it would be forever, but Bella was still young, and her desires could change. Bella definitely thought the concept of waiting to be old-fashioned, but she didn't object, as long as I was happy to oblige her all the kisses she demanded.
Naturally I was, and we made a great start in my office.
"Edward," Bella panted, her pink lips even more puffy than usual, thanks to our kisses, "if you keep doing that ... I can't bear it!"
"Can't bear what, Baby?" I murmured.
I wrapped my arms around her even tighter, and she rested her head against my chest while curling her legs around me, and my desk chair.
"It's so intense, finally getting to be with you, feeling you."
Bella's foot caught the edge of my desk and she pushed off, sending us on a slow spin. She raised her head slightly and nipped along my jaw, occasionally brushing it with the tip of her tongue.
Intense.
No shit.
Every bone in my body was fucking aching for her, not to mention my cock.
"Uh-huh," I managed to mumble. I was struggling to contain my urge to slip my hands into her jeans and give into my desire for her body. "Intense is a bloody understatement. I want you so much."
"I thought you hated me, you know," she whispered. "When we first met, it seemed like you couldn't stand me."
"You overwhelmed me, Baby," I explained. "I could barely talk in your presence because I was so torn between my attraction to you and my duty as your supervisor. I'm sorry if I hurt you."
"You didn't," she said, not quite meeting my eyes. I rubbed her chin and her lips, and pressed my lips to the blushing apples of her cheeks. "Okay, it did sting, but I knew you weren't happy about supervising an undergraduate, and so I expected it."
"I was being a dick, and I was so fucking wrong, because you are amazing, Baby. The second I laid eyes on you, I was gone. After that I was petrified that my feelings for you would be discovered."
"So, Professor, how are you going to make it up to me?" Her voice was dripping with concupiscence and I nearly bloody came, right there and then.
"Right now, Bella, you could ask me to do anything and I would."
"Even ...?"
"I really do want to wait, Baby."
"Pft. You're no fun, you big tease," she pouted. "Getting me all hot and wet and bothered ..."
"Did you say 'wet?"
Her eyes narrowed, and she slowly rolled her hips against my poor dick.
"Yeah. Want to see how much?"
"Desperately, but ..."
She sighed and uncurled herself from around my form. I tugged her back to me, hating the fact that I'd upset her.
"Please, Bella, don't walk away. It's been a long time since I was in a relationship. Give me a just a little more time ..."
"And our love will surely grow," she sang back, perfectly in tune, before giggling a little and sitting back down on my lap. "You're lucky you're hot, Edward." I laughed with her.
"You know that song? Chairmen of The Board? "
"One of my favourites."
"Mine too."
"No kidding?" I shook my head. "I love all the Motown-type stuff."
"I have loads of it on vinyl," I admitted. "My dad collected it when I was young, and I continued. Some of them are really valuable."
"Will you show me?" she asked. "I'd love to see them."
I'd never shown anyone my collection, even my closest friends. They were some of my most prized possessions and held so many memories of time spent with my family. To show her would be showing her a part of me I never showed anyone.
And yet, I didn't hesitate to reply sincerely, with the words,
"Of course, Baby."
The reminder of my precious family memories led me to question something else.
"Bella?"
"Yes, Edward?"
I smiled at her use of my name, and pressed my lips to her forehead.
"Why were you alone this Christmas? Didn't you spend it with your family?"
She stiffened slightly and for a second I thought she was going to get up again, but she merely shifted herself so that she was side on, both her legs draped over the chair's arm. She then rested her head against my chest, right over my heart. I enclosed her in my arms, and she relaxed a little.
"Sorry, it's a bit of a sore point," she began. "My parents, they're energy brokers. They buy and sell oil, coal and natural gas, on a multi-million pound scale. They work abroad most of the year, and have done since I can remember. They're not too fussed about Christmas and don't bother coming home for it now that I'm able to look after myself."
"And you didn't want to go out to them?"
"No. I went out to Saudi for three weeks last year and they worked the whole time. I'm an only child so I didn't have anyone to talk to apart from hotel staff. I wasn't allowed to leave the hotel and just got so bored and lonely."
My heart bled for her.
"I wish we'd talked about how we felt the day after the Christmas party. Then maybe we could have spent the holidays together."
"Didn't you spend it with your family?"
"I don't have any. Only child as well, and my parents died when I was in my twenties. The only person who I count as family is Tanya." I looked over at Tanya's picture on my bookshelf. "She stayed in the States to spend Christmas with her girlfriend Leah and the 'in-laws.' I spent Christmas Day with Alice, Jasper and their kids, and then spent a week in Scotland, by myself at my cabin."
"You were in Scotland?" She raised her head. "I was going to spend the New Year at Edinburgh Hogmanay with my best friend Emily, but she came down with the flu, so I stayed home."
"Next year, maybe we'll have a better Christmas and New Year," I told her. Hopefully together.
"As long as it's with you, Edward, it will be amazing. This, us, is like having all my Christmases in one go."
"I couldn't have said it better."
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I must say a massive Thank You to Cared and the FicSisters at The International House of Fan Fic, who posted a lovely little piece about my writing. You ladies rock! Thanks to my beta SunflowerFran and Elodie, my technical pre-reader. I heart you both big time.
I'll post again next Sunday afternoon.
CC xxx