AN: Hello may amazing readers. Thank you very much for all your reviews and alerts since the last update. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to update last week but I was out-of-town with no WiFi the whole week. Anyway, here you have the next chapter.

Enjoy,

Mydarkside975

Ps. Klaus Michaelson is intentionally spelled like that because he is not related to Elijah Mikaelson, the attorney working for Salvatore and Co.

Chapter 23: Clarity

Damon

She was right there next to him in his apartment and her presence overshadowed everything else in his head. He was desperate. Desperate to make it hurt less… to numb himself like he had done for months. She was the only one who could give him that.

But this was Elena.

He did not want to do anything to lose her. He needed her but he did not deserve her so he could not be anything but the best friend he could ever be to her because that was the only thing she asked of him… to be her friend and nothing more.

But God, she was right there. She was beautiful and she was so close. The ever-present hum between their bodies was cranked up to a full-blown choir.

He said something that apparently annoyed her, she gave him that defiant look and he was gone. He grabbed her and he kissed her and for a while she was kissing him right back with just as much fervor but then she stopped him.

That look in her eyes told him everything. She did not want him. She wanted his body, yes she had a hard time stopping him but she did not want him. Why did that bother him? He had no idea but for some reason the thought cut into him like a blunt knife.

He did not understand though, why she ever slept with him? Elena was definitely not the kind of girl who went on one-night-stands so why did she do it with him?

Her answer to that question was exactly what he had expected. It was a mistake. But then she said the last thing he would ever have expected. She apologized for using him and he saw the pity in her eyes. Yeah, apparently he was not as good at hiding his demons as he thought or maybe she just read the news. That made more sense. She was a journalist after all and he had honed his poker-face-skills too good to allow anyone to see…

… She saw him though. She got closer every day and she was good, chipping away at his walls until they were starting to give out. But he could not let them and he could not let her so he made her leave.

She complied and as soon as she left, her scent lingering in the empty space around him, all the fucked up thoughts and memories came crashing back like a tsunami.

He had to get her back so he ran after her. He called her name as he reached the elevator but the doors were already closing. She lifted her head at the sound of his voice and they made eye contact for the three seconds it took for the doors to close.

She was hurt.

God, he had hurt her.

He promised himself not to do anything to hurt her again and he just went ahead and did it anyway. What a fucking idiot.

He found his phone and wrote a text.

D: I'm sorry. Please don't be mad.

He pressed send and waited…

…and waited.

He was going out of his mind pacing around in his living room then switching to pacing in his bedroom then back in the living room and so on.

Around 7 pm, he could not wait anymore. He grabbed his jacket and phone and started calling Stefan as he went into the elevator. He had to get her address.

Elena

She went to the convention alone. She talked about the HIH and she was pretty sure that at least five students were seriously considering volunteering.

She was not entirely focused though. He had sent her a message apologizing but she did not reply. She needed time to think. Her head was spinning from the events of that morning and every time she pushed those thoughts away, they snuck back into her head to distract her.

She could not deny it anymore. The attraction between them was too strong to be something passing and easily suppressed. Her head kept telling her it was a bad idea but the rest of her wanted him. Her whole body started heating up and acting weird just by being near him. It was not just the physical attraction though. They had this chemistry flowing between them when they talked or when they looked each other in the eyes.

She felt drawn to him, to every part of him; the flirty, the sweet and even the dark part. But she was afraid. If she ever opened up to him more or gave him more of herself, he would be able to destroy her. She did not trust him not to hurt her, because she saw that darkness in him. She knew he had the capability of inflicting pain and he had this cruelty somewhere inside him.

Knowing that alone should have driven her away immediately but she also knew that he could be sweet when he wanted to and she had experienced firsthand how intense and passionate he was. He just chose to show people his worst because he was hurt and messed up but everyone was a little messed up. How could she judge him for his emotional baggage when she herself had more than she could carry?

Then again, even if she decided to pursue something more than friendship, she was not convinced he was ready for that. He was still dealing with the demons of his past and they probably had everything to do with his last relationship. Embarking on a new one with her right now was doomed to fail.

She was scrolling down her word page finishing up her last article before she sent it to editing when her phone buzzed once on her night stand. She took it up, unlocked it and found one unread email. She tapped the app icon and pressed the top email.

From: The New York Hour

To: Elena Gilbert

Dear Miss Gilbert,

Your application was received and you are requested to attend an interview regarding the position you applied for Thursday 3.30 pm.

Sincerely,

Mr. Nicklaus Michaelson

Executive editor

The New York Hour

She read the email at least four times before she realized what it said. The Hour wanted her for a job interview… on Thursday. When she sent her application more than three weeks ago along with a couple more to some other places, she did not actually expect a response and they ended up being the only ones to ask her to do an interview.

She stood up and started pacing her room with her phone in her hand. She was too excited to sit down and too worked up to attempt to string up a response. She looked at her phone again from time to time just to check that the email was real.

Fifteen minutes later she had calmed down enough to send a response confirming the appointment. That was when she heard the doorbell ring. Bonnie was in the hospital but she assumed that Caroline would open the door.

They were not expecting anyone which made her a little curious to know who it was. She dropped her phone on the bed and walked to the door. When she opened it, the sound of a voice she knew too well reached her ears.

"Is Elena home?"

"Maybe," Caroline said with annoyance clear in her voice.

"Well, can I talk to her?"

"Depends, why?"

Elena did not want him to suffer too long. Caroline could be really bitchy when she wanted to.

"It is okay, Care," she said as she walked out to find Caroline holding the door open just enough to let her speak to the person behind it.

When she heard Elena's voice, she turned to look at her over her shoulder. "What is he doing here?" She mouthed.

Elena shrugged and pushed her away from the door. For a moment she lost her breath at the sight in front of her. Never had she ever seen something this beautiful standing in her doorway. He was all messy hair and black leather. His face held a determination she had not seen on it before.

"Hey," he said softly and awoke her from her temporary trance.

"Hey." She did not say more. This was his show and he had to run it.

He cleared his throat like he was nervous or something. "Do you maybe have time to… talk?"

"Okay, yeah do you want to come in?"

"Eh… I thought we could maybe take a walk."

"Yeah, sure. Let me just grab my jacket."

He waved her on and she went to her room to get her jacket. She received a questioning look from Caroline on her way back but she could not offer her more than another shrug before she left. She had no idea what he wanted to say or why but she liked that look on him. Determination suited him.

For a while they just walked in silence enjoying the fresh breeze that had recently replaced the humidity and heat of the last couple of months. Then he started talking with an even voice masking his real feelings, the ones that simmered just behind his eyes.

"I had a relationship once, thought I was in love…" He started and laughed self-deprecatingly. "…She let me believe what we had was real, mutual love but I suppose it was my fault too. I was too blind to see what was right in front of me... She never loved me."

He stopped talking and stayed staring into a different time in his life for a while then he shook himself out of the past and shot a look in her direction. She stayed quiet waiting for him to finish his story.

"Looking back now, I realize that what I felt for her was nothing more than lust or loyalty… Call it what you want but the point of the story is that she never felt anything towards me. Most of all she wanted publicity and she wanted money but I couldn't see that back then."

He took a deep breath before he continued. "Anyway, that relationship ended a little more than a year ago and since then I have been suppressing any memories I have from that time. I used to drink… a lot to try to forget and you're right I used sex too." He hesitated for a second before his admission.

"Damon you don't have to explain this to me…"

"Yes, Elena I do. Please hear me out."

She nodded once to show that she was listening.

"Recently, the memories I have suppressed for such a long time are coming back with a vengeance. They drop on me in the most inopportune moments and I can't stop them. Today when you came to my place, I had just had a particularly horrible one drop on me and I found myself back to trying to suppress it. I… I'm sorry that I took it out on you."

He stopped walking and reached out to take her hands in his as he looked her in the eyes. He had a serious air around him. Her heart started beating wildly trying to expect what he was going to say next.

"Elena, you being in my life gave me perspective, something worthwhile to do with my life and a friendship. I'll never jeopardize that again…"

Her heart fell back into a deep well of disappointment.

"…I promise you, I'll never cross that line again."

She struggled to keep the disappointment out of her face and told herself that she already knew he was not ready for a relationship. She mustered up a smile.

He smiled back seemingly happy with her response to his heartfelt speech.

She realized that he was still holding her hands and suddenly she was uncomfortable. His touch burned her skin. She wrenched her hands out of his hold and cleared her throat as she tried to ignore the confused hurt look that shifted over his face.

She managed to pull herself together. "I appreciate your honesty and your apology is accepted." She gave him another, somewhat tight-lipped smile. "I need to get back home now but I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, sure. Let me walk you back."

"No!" She shot and her tone was sharp. "… I mean no thank you. The building is just around the corner. Please just go home, Damon." She was pleading with him to go and she wished the heavens that he for once would just listen because she did not know how long she could keep holding herself together.

"Okay." He said after a moment's hesitation and she could breathe in relief.

"Thank you."

"Good night, Elena."

"Good night, Damon."

She turned around and hurried away from him holding her mask in place until she rounded the corner. Then the tears came down uncontrollably. She had let herself think that there could be more. How stupid of her. She knew he was not ready for a relationship and that he probably did not even want one and she still let herself hope for more.

When she reached the apartment, she took a moment to gather herself and dried her tears with the sleeve of her sweater before she unlocked the door. Caroline did not need to see this.

"Elena, what happened." Caroline was right in front of her when she walked inside the apartment and when she looked into her friend's concerned eyes, she could not hold back anymore. She burst out crying and threw herself into her friend's arms.

"It's okay sweetie. What happened? Did he hurt you? Just wait and I'll go kick his ass," Caroline rambled.

Elena almost laughed in the middle of a sob and she pulled herself back a little. "I…I have feelings for him, Care," she croaked out and went right back to sobbing.

"Oh…" was Caroline's only answer. She held Elena and let her cry out in silence.

When she finally felt herself ready to face the world again, Elena pulled herself away and dried her tears with her sleeve hopefully for the last time. "Go ahead. Say 'I told you so' I know you want to," she said.

"You know me, well." Caroline smiled.

Elena smiled back. That was enough for her to know that Caroline had her back no matter what.

AN: Thanks so much for reading.

So here you got some honesty from Elena. What did you think about that?

The first part was Damon's POV on their moment in his apartment. Some of you requested that. Was it like you expected? Was it better/not that good?

Please don't hold back and tell me all your thoughts. They help me do better and motivate me to keep writing.