5—Knights in Rusted Armor
"Who is this Val Maxdon?" the Doctor asked Adora the next morning as they got ready to leave their room. "Supposedly it's her home and party, but no one ever mentions her. Why not?"
Adora explained, "Val Maxdon is a pseudonym for a trio of mystery writers, or that's what everyone says. The work is good and the characters surprising, but no one's ever seen Val Maxdon in the flesh as far as I know. Unlike Reyapre, Val Maxdon has put money and energy into protecting her, or their, privacy."
"Any reason why someone or someones like that would do all this to have you for a weekend?" the Doctor inquired.
"No reason at all. If someone wanted me all they would need to do is set up a book-signing at the Page-Turner and I'd show up; I've meant to do one there for a while now. No extravagant party needed, no big-name guests, no nothing." Adora shook her head. "Someone's spending a lot of money, time and effort for all this, all when it isn't needed."
"That's what's worrying me," the Doctor admitted.
He opened the door and froze. Right outside their door was a man in a 21st century three-piece Earth suit. His eyes were hidden by sunglasses and he had a piece of paper in his hand. He held out the paper and said in a stiff, bored tone, "For the Doctor." He dropped the piece of paper into the Doctor's outstretched hand, then instantly vanished.
The Doctor began waving his sonic screwdriver around trying to get readings on their mysterious guest. "Local transmat, nothing long-range; probably someone right here on the grounds. No sign of any alien residue or pheromones; might have actually been a human."
"And the note?" Adora asked.
The Doctor opened the note and read it aloud. 'You and Adora are in no danger, Doc. Stop worrying and have some fun.'
"It doesn't say who it was from?" Adora questioned.
The Doctor re-read the note, then put it in his coat pocket. "It didn't need to. Only one person in the Universe calls me 'Doc', but it still doesn't explain the massive expense or scope of this venture. I'm still confused but I'm not worried, not as much, anyway."
"Who was it from?"
The Doctor smiled fondly. "It was from one of my best friends; Jack Harkness. You met him, he was the one who went with you when the Valeyard tried to kidnap you."
Adora tried to remember. "Was he the one who died? The one the Valeyard killed then tied up and he came back to life?"
"That's him," the Doctor said cheerfully. "He said you got a little feisty."
Adora blushed, remembering the conversation. "He was . . . he had just been killed and was tied up by a megalomaniac and he was flirting with me!"
The Doctor shook his head, grinning. "Of course! I'd have been a lot more worried if he hadn't been flirting, believe me. When Jack stops flirting, it's deadly serious."
"But I'm your wife. Doesn't that put me off-limits?"
"For Jack nothing sentient is 'off-limits'. You name it, he'll flirt with it, probably even try to sleep with it if it's willing and of age. He has a much broader concept of sex than any individual or race I have met, or ever will meet."
Adora asked, "If it is this friend of yours behind all this, what's he doing? Why is he going to all this trouble and expense over one simple weekend? Couldn't he just rent us a condominium for a few days, or get us tickets on a pleasure cruise? And why an author's weekend?"
"I can't answer any of your questions, but if it is Jack we have no reason to be afraid. If it's someone pretending to be Jack, that's another story. I'll have to continue to investigate, but I can be a bit less frantic about it."
"Does this Jack flirt with you as well?" Adora wondered.
"Probably once every three minutes at least."
"And . . . and the sex?"
The Doctor's smile dimmed. "No," he said quietly, "not Jack."
"Why not?"
"He . . . he's a fixed point in time. A girl I was traveling with brought him back to life after he was shot by a Dalek; now he dies but it never sticks and he's a fixed point . . . he's wrong."
Adora sighed. "And you told him that, didn't you? No wonder he won't sleep with you; I wouldn't either."
"Oh, no, he forgave me, he did. And then Koschei turned up and tortured him for a solid year because of me and he forgave that—"
Adora was clearly upset. "And you still told him 'no'!? It would mean so much to him. Couldn't you find it in your hearts—"
The Doctor replied in a lofty, arrogant tone, "I won't. He already loves and idolizes me and if I sleep with him it will make it worse. Though I deserve the attention, I—"
"You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Doctor," Adora told him. "You are not the Universe's gift in terms of a 'catch', and if you're only holding back because you want him to continue his hero-worship from afar, you're being cruel. Go away!"
The Doctor gave Adora one pleading look before she slammed the door in his face.
She waited until she heard his retreating footsteps, then sat down on the bed, still fuming. She had never hated anyone so much in that moment as she hated the Doctor. He was an arrogant, uncaring, pompous old Skul-squid, and if she ever met his friend Jack again she would sleep with him if only to make the Doctor uncomfortable and give Jack a taste of what Gallifreyan sex was like. Rassilon knew he deserved it, if anyone did. She wondered if there was a way she could contact this Jack and let him know it wasn't him, that he had just had the bad luck to carry a torch for the Universe's biggest prat, but thought better of it. If this was the poor man's reason for being so kind to her his pains were still wasted and nothing she said could change it.
Adora went to her suitcase and got out a swimsuit. She decided she would clear her mind with a few laps in the pool and forgo breakfast for the moment. She had seen it as they came in, a monstrous pool with a waterfall at one end and little grottoes and hideaways. It would be a real shame not to take advantage of it. She changed, closed the door and went to the end of the hall, then thought better of it and went back to the room. She looked at the door, specifically at the retinal eye-scan "lock". There was a green button next to it. She pressed the button, and instantly a mechanical voice answered, "Yes?"
"I want to get to the pool, but I'm lost," she spoke into the microphone.
"One moment—guidance is on the way."
In an instant there was a yellow shimmering and a robot butler appeared. "State your need, sir-or-madam."
"I'm trying to get to the pool," Adora replied.
"Do you prefer transmat or physical leading?"
Adora responded, "Physical; I want to be able to get there again on my own."
"Please follow."
Adora followed the machine, paying close attention to the turns and corridors so she didn't need to ask for help the next time. The machine led her through the grounds and stopped at the large, shallow end of the pool.
"This is the pool. Do you need more assistance?"
"I'm fine, thanks."
Adora put her towel on a chaise lounge next to the pool, then stripped off her swimsuit cover and stepped into the water. The water was pleasantly cool and she went in deeper, looking for the waterfall she had seen earlier. Locating her target took some time, though she did find several couples or threesomes making out or more in some of the "hidden" grottoes. She finally found what she thought was the right waterfall, but she was wrong; it wasn't big enough, there was a poolside table and chairs, and there was a private alcove above it. There were life forms at the table. Adora was about to swim away when one creature reached in and pulled her right out of the water.
The creature was a muddy-brown octopus with a bottle in one tentacle and a glazed look in its eyes. On the other side of the table a clam-like being with arms and legs sat drinking some sort of beverage out of a coconut. Bottles and coconuts lay scattered everywhere and there was the unmistakable reek of alcohol.
"Well, lookee here, Horqua—caught us our own mermaid!" the octopus chuckled. "It's kinda puny, but it'd be a shame to throw it back. Now let me see . . . you scale a fish, then you fillet it, then munch it down, right Horqua?"
The clam didn't look up from its drink. "That's for regular fish, Pleh, not a mermaid. You don't fillet a mermaid."
Adora tried to get back into the water, but Pleh had too firm of a grip. "Let me go!" she hissed. "I'm obviously in the wrong place, so—"
"Oh, no, sweetie, I think you're in exactly the right place, don't you, Horqua? Morning's been a bit slow, nothing to do but drink until you swam by. You'll be a tasty treat, won't you? Want some, Horqua?"
"Pass me another drink, Pleh; it's too early in the morning for anything energetic like that. If you want a little action that's your business; I am working on getting myself properly sloshed before breakfast. Pleh! Put it down and pass me a drink!"
"Help me, please!" Adora begged. "He's your friend . . . make him stop!"
Horqua opened its shell a little bit more, enough to show a set of eyes on stalks and a pink tongue. It looked like it was going to say something else; instead it fell over and closed its shell.
"Just you and me, sweetie. If I'm right, you shuck a clam before you eat it," Pleh started trying to get Adora's swimsuit off.
Adora fought back but she didn't have a chance. She screamed.
The Doctor watched as Adora slammed the door in his face. He would have protested, but he just slowly walked away. He knew he had treated Jack poorly in the past, but it had been a very long time since someone reminded himself of the fact and he felt annoyed that someone would challenge him, but also bad for his treatment of his friend. He decided he would wait and let Adora calm down before he came back; his relationship with Jack was not her concern but her anger toward him personally would have to be addressed.
He wandered through the halls, exploring the estate. He was just passing an enormous suite with many muffled voices of various types of creatures, when the door opened and Adora's agent came swaggering out. The reptile was just saying, "I'll come back later everyone; don't look for me until . . ." He closed the door, saw the Doctor standing there and started running in the opposite direction.
The Doctor immediately started after him. He was pretty speedy, but the lizard in front of him was fast and the Doctor could barely keep up. The went down and around past two restaurants, through a croquet court and a maze of passages, until finally the Doctor cornered him in a small alcove. Down below was a waterfall and a deep pool of water, with two creatures sitting at a table drinking like there was no tomorrow. The lizard looked like it was going to jump, but the Doctor managed to grab hold of a leg and pull it back.
"Not this time, you!" the Doctor growled.
The reptile squirmed, but the Doctor had a good grip. "What do you want me for?" he whined. "I told you already, the contract can stay the way it was!"
"I have no interest in your business dealings with Adora. I want to know where Jack is."
The gecko looked at him wildly, utterly confused. "What Jack? I don't know a Jack! He's not one of mine; you've got me confused with someone else!"
The Doctor was getting annoyed. "The man who hired you to get Adora to go to the party, the one who set all this up, your boss . . . that Jack."
"He's not a Jack and he's not my boss! He's just some weird-looking alien who told me to arrange for Adora to come to this party; he paid me a bunch in advance and then set a fee for each day she stays, that's all! I'm not trying to sell her out or anything . . . I thought it was someone who admired her work and wanted to meet her."
"What was his name? Not Jack, you're sure?"
"Not Jack, I swear! Bow-Face, or something."
The Doctor's eyes lit up. "The Face of Boe? What does he look like?"
"He's a huge head with tentacles in a jar. Doesn't want to be seen."
The Doctor let go of the lizard's leg. "Well, at least you're right in that respect."
The reptile eyed him suspiciously. "What do you want? I swear I don't know anything else and I wouldn't hurt Adora; she's a great client. She's not pushy, she's not a diva, never asks for the impossible like a set-up with some big name . . ."
"Like Reyapre?" the Doctor asked, glaring at Geptum.
Geptum looked shocked. "I didn't do that, just like you pointed out yesterday; that wasn't part of the plan! My whole objective was to get Adora-doll here and make sure she had a nice weekend. He first author's weekend was a complete disaster; I had to leave just after she got here for personal reasons and she was attacked by sharks the whole time. The second time she went I was there, but they made some lousy room assignments and she went home early. It's my job to see that nothing like that happens this time."
"Get me in to see the Face of Boe," the Doctor directed.
"I can't! You're not supposed to know about him; no one is!"
The Doctor looked at him sternly. "What if something were to happen, like Adora decided she wanted to leave?"
Geptum shook his head. "Wouldn't matter. I'd try and talk her out of it and if I couldn't the Man in Black would come and it would be over. He'd transmat me to wherever the Face of Boe is, which might or might not be on the grounds, I'd get paid and then I'd get kicked out."
"'Kicked out'? You're a legitimate agent; why couldn't you stay?" the Doctor asked.
"I would be allowed to stay I guess; I could hang out with my Antillan buddies, but . . . Adora's my only client; has been for the last four years. After working with her I found I couldn't stomach the crap other writers put me through. But please don't tell her; it might disrupt the balance and I don't want to do that."
The Doctor was going to say something else, but just then they heard a scream. Geptum immediately straightened, cocking his head. "It's Adora-doll! Where is she?"
They heard the scream again. Geptum looked over the edge and cried out, "She's down there, by the pool! Something's got her; we'll have to jump!"
Before the Doctor could move Geptum had already gone over the wall. The Doctor waited until Geptum was clear, then jumped in himself.
Adora kept screaming as the large octopus tried to get her swimsuit off. She dimly heard a splash, then a familiar voice called out, "Hands off, you moldering squid—the lady said no!"
"Get your own mermaid, lizard," the octopus spat back, "This one's in use."
"I can, do and will bite," Geptum warned, jumping lightly out of the pool. "You're slobbering drunk anyway, pal; you won't get a thing out of it."
Just then there was a larger splash, and the Doctor was in the pool. "Un-tentacle my wife right now, or you will regret it," he said menacingly.
"This was supposed to be a private party," the octopus huffed. It stopped struggling with Adora, but kept one tentacle wrapped around her wrist. The Doctor hauled himself out and stepped toward Adora while Geptum flanked it on the other side. "I caught this mermaid, I'm keeping it," it said stubbornly. "We're only having some fun."
"Someone isn't having much fun at all," the Doctor said, a dangerous look in his eyes. "In fact, if I'm right someone isn't having any fun. Let her go."
"Won't," the octopus shook its head.
The Doctor said in a terrible voice, "I am the Ka Faraq Gatri, and I order you to let her go! If you do not I will bring down the wrath of ages on your head and you'll beg to die!"
The octopus dropped Adora like she was a bolt of lightning and pressed itself hard into the concrete, gibbering. Geptum grabbed Adora by the hand and led her away from the scene. The Doctor said quietly, "This is what you will do. You will pack up your things, leave by the most convenient exit and drive yourself to the nearest police station, where you will admit to second degree harassment. You will never come to one of these events again and you will spend the rest of your miserable life thanking every god you can think of that I let you go. Is that understood?"
The octopus was still pushed into the concrete, wailing, its tentacles writhing. The Doctor gave it one more glare, then stepped over it, following Geptum and Adora. A security robot came tramping in, but let the Doctor through when the octopus started bawling, "Me, me! It was me!"
The Doctor went over to where Adora was crying into Geptum's shoulder. "I want to get out of here!" she sobbed.
"Where's your towel, Adora-doll?" Geptum asked.
"It . . . it's by the front edge of the swimming pool. I don't want it, though, I want to go!"
"I'll run and get it," Geptum said, hurrying away.
The Doctor waited while Geptum got Adora's things, then they both walked her up to the room Adora and the Doctor were sharing. The Doctor had Adora go in first and change while he and Geptum waited outside. Geptum sighed, "Well, that's just too bad. I'm out twenty thousand credits, Adora will never agree to come to one of these events again and you'll miss out on a fabulous party. Losers all around."
"We don't all have to lose," the Doctor pointed out. "Get me in to see the Face of Boe."
Geptum looked at the Doctor suspiciously. "What does 'Ka Faraq Gatri' mean, anyway?"
"Let me in to see him and I'll tell you," the Doctor promised.
"I don't need to know that badly," Geptum said flatly.
"Are you more afraid of him than you are of me?"
Geptum wouldn't look at him. "I'm not sure yet and I hope I don't have to find out. You and the Bow-Face guy are way out of my league . . . and my comfort zone."
"His name is the Face of Boe and you're my only way to get to him. I'm an old friend and I just want to know why he's being so nice to Adora."
"If I were you, I'd leave the why alone and just be grateful," Geptum advised.
Just then, the figure in the black suit appeared. Geptum sighed again and stepped forward. "Adora's going home and I'm not about to stop her, poor thing. Take me to your boss."
The figure nodded, and tossed something on the floor. Before Geptum could get to it, the Doctor jumped forward and landed on it with both feet. There was a scattering of color, and the Doctor found himself standing in front of the Face of Boe.
The Face looked at him, blinked, then said slowly, "I was not expecting you, but I should have known you would find a way to come to me. Your Adora is safe?"
"Safe, yes. She's packing up as we speak."
"It is a shame; I was hoping . . . but it is irrelevant now. The objective has been met. On the table there is an envelope for Adora's agent; please deliver it."
"Wait!" the Doctor called. "What's going on? What are you trying to achieve?"
The Face shook its head. "You will come to know in time, perhaps. You are not the only one with fixed points to arrange."
"Fixed points!? What—"
"Good-bye, Doctor. May we meet once more . . ."
The Doctor tried to ask another question, but the Face disappeared.
Just as the Doctor picked up the envelope for Geptum, the man in the black suit appeared. He threw down a transmat pad and said, "Please return yourself. This is not where you belong."
The Doctor would have argued, but there was no point. He stepped on the transmat square and returned to the space in front of his room with Adora. Geptum was still standing there, but looked surprised when the Doctor appeared.
"Did you get the answers you wanted?" the lizard asked.
The Doctor shook his head and handed the envelope to Geptum. The lizard took it, opened it, and started whooping in delight. "Seventy-five thousand credits—I just got seventy-five thousand credits! Wait until everyone sees this!" He turned to the Doctor and said rapidly, "Tell Adora I'll call her house communicator Onesday to see how she is and to tell her what Reyapre's agent and I set up; I'll say she had a personal emergency and get her off the hook. Get her home safe, Doctor." He dashed down the hall, still squealing.
Adora opened the door and questioned, "Doctor? Was that Geptum I heard? Sounded like he was excited about something."
"Nothing to concern you, Love. Now, can I come in? I'm still dripping a little."
Adora pulled him in hurriedly. "I forgot; I'm sorry. Come get dried off and dressed. I didn't even think . . ."
"It's all right, Adora; I'm fine, just soggy."
Adora sighed. "I'm going to lose everything, but I can't stay, I just can't, I'm . . ." She burst into tears.
"Geptum's going to cover for you, Love; don't worry about your career." He stroked her hair and said gently, "Let's get you home. I still have to finish your security system, which you'll definitely need now."
"That's right, my privacy, and the help from Reyapre! I wonder what they have in mind?"
"We're not going to find out now; we're going home." The Doctor was drying off and trying to wring out his trainers. He gave it up and reached for some dry clothes. "Get your things together and order a ground transport, Love. We're leaving."