Chapter 35: The Whole Story

Damon

Memories of that day were flooding his mind, the day he lost everything. He remembered it like it was yesterday and the pain, the guilt, the hate. They were all as fresh as they were, a year ago.

A part of him was frustrated with his own helplessness to change any of the events of that day, any one of the choices he made that led to those events. Another part of him acknowledged the fact that he could never get back what he had lost.

He shook with the force of the contradicting emotions. They overwhelmed him but the grief won over and he tried but failed to stifle a sob.

He lost his son.

He did not even get to have a full year with him before he was taken away. All those months of worry, going in and out of the hospital… He was so damn happy that day for finally getting a solution, a diagnosis and an effective treatment. Dan had felt so much better afterwards…

Oh God, he could not handle the hurt. It felt like knifes…no worse… it felt worse than knifes cutting through him. He would have taken a million cuts just to not feel like this… he would have taken all the lying, the deceit, the cheating but this? No one should ever feel like this. No one was supposed to feel like this.

Parents were not supposed to outlive their children. Children were meant to grow up… Dan was meant to grow up. They were supposed to have a big birthday party for him when he turned one and another one when he turned two, three and four and so on. He should have had a lifetime of birthdays and holidays. He should have lived to know his dad and to let his dad know him.

When he turned sixteen, Damon would have taught him how to drive and when he turned eighteen, he would have given him his car. They would have had fights over curfew but they would have watched the game together. When he graduated high school, Damon would have shown up to his graduation, filled with pride, clapping embarrassingly loud, when he went on stage in his cap and gown to receive his diploma. He would have supported him in whatever choice he made regarding his future because he would have tried his best to be a better father to his son than his own father was to him.

That was what should have happened, what was supposed to be but was not. Instead, he lost his son before he turned one and he was the only one to blame.

Elena

He crumbled and fell to his knees, as if the weight of his confession was too heavy to carry. One tear made its way down his cheek, his eyes staring right ahead, reliving the past that he had tried so hard to forget.

She found herself moving across the floor to where he was. She put her arms around him, she held him as he surrendered to his pain, to his grief, maybe for the first time, over his son. He was finally letting himself feel, letting himself cry. His head was buried in her hair and she held him tightly as she felt his body shake convulsively.

Somehow she knew those words, he had said, were more of a result of his pain over his terrible loss than the actual truth.

She did not know the whole story but she knew he blamed himself for what happened. God knew she had blamed herself for her parent's death for so long. She went years without truly living. Sometimes she still thought back and wished that she could change what happened that night. She wished that she was a better daughter, a better person. Then she reminded herself that there was nothing she could do to change the past. The only change she could do was in the now and she tried to practice that every day. She tried to be the best person she could be and each day, she had to try to choose wisely because her choices would one way or another end up affecting someone else and she had to live with that.

Today, her choice was to hold him. She held him and she held off judgment. Eventually, he stopped shaking, became quiet but she did not let go just yet. She let him decide when to pull away.

When he did, she did not start asking questions. In fact, she stayed quiet as she rose to her feet, taking his hand and motioning for him to follow her back to the bedroom.

He followed her back to the bed where they sat, backs against the headrest. Without any coercion from her, he started talking.

Damon

One year and six months ago…

He was in the hospital, pacing down a corridor with naked walls, waiting for those automatic doors to slide open, waiting for someone to come tell him anything.

He had become very familiar with this particular hospital during the last couple of months but this was the wrong ward. He knew the children's ward but this? He should not be here, in the emergency room.

He kept going over the day, trying to pinpoint the exact steps he made to end up here, in front of those doors, the doors that separated him from his sole reason for existence.

Obsessing over reasons kept him from losing it. It kept him going, moving six steps toward the doors and six steps back. He was immersed in his counting and his recounting when he heard his brothers voice behind him, calling his name, concern and worry weighing it down.

He turned to meet his brother's eyes. He might have called him again and told him to meet him here instead. Frankly, he did not remember what happened in the time between him taking that phone call to him ending up here, waiting.

"What did they tell you?" Stefan asked.

"Nothing yet," he said and resumed his pacing.

Another hour passed in silence, maybe two. He was not sure. Stefan was leaning against the wall and he was on his third step toward the doors when they finally slid open. A doctor in scrubs walked out and they both rushed to get to him.

"Mr. Salvatore?"

"Yes."

"I'm doctor Marten and I was one of the doctors working on your son. He was brought in with the ambulance after having suffered through some severe trauma. He also had difficulty breathing because of his asthma. We worked on him for three hours. He had several blood transfusions…"He kept going, saying a lot of crap that did not make sense and it was getting increasingly difficult to listen to what he was saying. "…we did everything we could but…"

"NO!" Damon interrupted. "Don't you fucking say it," he warned.

"Damon," Stefan put his hand on his shoulder trying to calm him down but he could not see. He could not think as a paralyzing pain formed in his chest and spread out to the tips of his fingers. The only thing he registered was the quietly muttered, "we lost him. I'm very sorry for your loss," before the doctor left and he felt himself stagger back to fall against the wall behind him.

"NO!" The screeching sound shook him back to the surface and alerted him to the presence of another person in the hallway. His eyes moved on their own to land on her, all bloodied and bruised, wearing a hospital gown and holding onto an IV stand for support. It did not prove much support as she fell to the floor in tears.

"No, no, no, Danny, don't leave me, please… I'm sorry, god I'm so sorry, please just don't leave me."

He was watching her, almost fascinated. He had never seen her react to anything this strongly and she was apologizing. He never knew she was capable of remorse. It was a very strange experience. The world was upside down. Yesterday, she did not care, today she was falling apart. Yesterday… hell two hours ago, she was a cheating whore and he was a scorned boyfriend. Now she was a grieving mother, a mother who lost her kid and he… he was not there, not really. He was observing, analyzing… finding new things to obsess over.

A nurse came to the scene. She stared at him with judging eyes as she tried to help her stand.

"You!" She was addressing him. "You! It was all you…" She struggled to get back on her feet with some help from the nurse who was now giving him her most hateful stare.

Katherine held onto her IV stand and walked the three steps to where he was. She leveled him with a burning glare. "It was your fault…" She pointed her finger at his chest. "You made me take your damn car."

He stood still and stared at a point right over her left shoulder. That must have frustrated her because the next thing he felt was the familiar sting of her fingers slamming against his cheek. He looked at her then to see the nurse pulling her away from him. She was sobbing and screaming, trying to struggle her way back.

"It was you! You bastard! You killed my son!" She screamed at him right before she took herself to the head like she was in pain and the next moment, she was on the ground, the nurse trying to shake her awake. Stefan tried to help but she was unconscious and soon enough people started appearing, both staff and patients. They must have been drawn there by the screaming.

He could not see Katherine anymore. She was surrounded by doctors and nurses. Medical terms were cast around and a defibrillator appeared out of nowhere. The last thing he heard was the sound of the jolt of her body against the hard floor before he felt himself being pulled away from the scene.

Next thing he knew, he was outside, in the parking lot. The sun had gone down a long time ago and the sky was tar black. The air was cool and fresh but he was struggling to breathe.

"Damon?"

It was Stefan again. It seemed like he had been saying nothing but his name the whole damn evening and it was getting on his last nerve.

"What?"

"Just say something," he pleaded.

Damon gave him his best don't-be-fucking-ridiculous look.

"Yes, Damon. Say something. You know? Scream… fight… beat the shit out of me… Just do something."

He saw the sincerity, the worry in his brother's eyes and he felt a burn stir in his chest. It felt like battery acid tearing up his insides and he felt his eyes moisten.

No!

He could not do this.

Before all this happened, he had a plan for his evening. He was going to drink some bourbon and let himself go. He had already wasted enough time but there was nothing keeping him from sticking with that plan for the rest of the night. Nothing was ever going to keep him from that again. He could fill his tub with booze and drown himself in it and no one could stop him, not anymore.

"There's no need for that, Stefan. No need," he said and clapped his brother on the shoulder.

Stefan did not look very convinced. In fact, he looked like he was not going to believe a word he said. Well, that was his problem. He shrugged to himself as he searched his pockets for his car keys. Then he remembered and the thought of throwing his fist into something, even his brother's face sounded appealing.

He needed to hurry.

"Do you have your car?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Drive me home."

"Are you sure?"

He gave him another look and whatever he saw, it shut him up and he started moving to his car.

Before they reached the car, Damon's phone started ringing. He took it out of his pocket and eyed it like it was poisonous.

"Aren't you gonna take that?" Stefan asked.

Damon kept staring at the phone.

"Here, let me."

It was a relief when his brother reached for the thing and grabbed it out of his hand but then Stefan took the call and his perpetual frown only deepened.

"It's Katherine," he said after he had hung up. "Apparently, her injuries were worse than they thought… She died from inner bleedings… Damon, I'm so sorry…"

He held his hand up to stop whatever cliché his brother was going for. "Just get me out of here."

Stefan did not say more, even though he knew he probably had lots to say.

Damon was thankful for the quiet drive home but when they finally reached the house, he jumped out of the car while it was still moving in his hurry to get inside. He walked into the den where the smell of liquor permeated the room. His eyes fell on the broken shards of glass littering the floor where he must have dropped his bottle from the afternoon.

Well, he had no shortage of good liquor. He found another bottle and Stefan walked in right in time to see him break the seal and draw a nice long first swig.

Somehow the sting of the whiskey took the burn away and he could finally breathe.

"Want some?" He asked Stefan as he poured some in a glass.

"That's it? The worst possible thing just happened and you're drinking overpriced whiskey? Your girlfriend just died! Hell, your son…"

"I know what happened, Stefan. I was there, remember?" He interrupted and the voice that came out of his throat was so cold and detached that he did not recognize it.

"Then why are you doing this?" Stefan was staring at him disbelievingly.

"You said it yourself. The worst thing that could happen did and I have nothing. Nothing's gonna bring back what I lost. Time is not suddenly going to move back to that moment when I could have changed what happened… This is it." He lifted the bottle in a toast. "The only thing I have left," he finished before he started chugging down the burning liquid.

Elena

"That was the last time I let myself think about what happened, the only explanation I offered Stefan for everything I was doing and after that I shut myself off. I tried every which way I could to avoid any emotions. I met you after more than seven months but I was still living in denial."

He finished talking but she knew he was not there with her just yet. All this time he had kept so much hurt, so much guilt buried inside, afraid to face any of it. Now he was suddenly forced to deal with it all at once and it was easier said than done.

Somewhere during his story, he had shifted to rest his head on her lap as she leaned against the headrest. Now her hands were running through his hair as they both were in deep thought. She was still trying to wrap her mind around everything, he had told her.

He had told her everything, from the day he quit working for his dad to the day he lost both his girlfriend and his baby in one fell swoop… an accident? How could life be so cruel to one person?

"Apparently something was wrong with the brakes…" he started lifting his head to look at her before he went on. "…but I could have sworn they worked just fine when I drove us home from the hospital." A new wave of pain rushed through his eyes and he pulled away. "Still I should have known… I should have had it checked… I made her take my car and I… I… It was my fault." He was sitting at the edge of the bed, his hands gripping his hair.

She moved to sit behind him, wrapped her arms around him from behind and rested her cheek against his back. "It's not your fault. You could not have known."

"It was my fault. I should have at least made sure that Dan was safe. I should have looked outside when I heard her leaving but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself," he said forcefully but his one hand held onto hers like she was his lifeline.

"You were hurt. You can't blame yourself for acting irrationally." She turned his face towards her before she went on. "We're only humans, Damon. Sometimes we make mistakes that affect people's lives, mistakes that end up hurting the people we love but they were mistakes and there is no way we'll ever stop making them because we're human. The only things we can do are to learn from them and try to do better."

She was surprised when he responded to her words with a kiss. She thought about pulling away because maybe he was trying to distract himself again but when she looked into his eyes, she saw a whole other story. A thousand and one emotions were flickering in them, the grief, the pain, the guilt were all there mixed with something she was not sure how to describe but they were all there on the surface and she realized that this was his way of dealing with all of it. She decided to help.

She surrendered herself to his kisses. She let him push her back to lie on her back. He slid her top off and moved to her jeans. Before long they were on the floor along with the rest of her clothes and his towel. He did not seem to be in hurry as he moved from one breast to the second then returned to her lips once more.

She was surprised again when he rolled them around so she was lying on top but she recovered fast and when she felt him nudging her legs apart, she helped sliding herself down his length then she started moving, rolling her hips to match his rhythm. It was slow and sensual, more about comfort than desire. She nibbled on his lips then moved along his jaw to his earlobe and then to the sensitive skin behind his ear.

When the coil in her stomach was finally strung to its max, she sighed, reaching her release. Two thrusts later, he reached his own release and she held onto him as he shook with the force of it.

When they were both finally down, she kissed him on the lips and before she could stop herself, three words spilled out of her lips in a whisper.

"I love you…"

She knew he heard her because of the sudden stiffening of his every muscle which did not bode well at all. For two seconds, she contemplated acting like nothing happened but he ruined that option when he spoke.

"What did you just say?"

Suddenly feeling a bit too exposed she held the covers to her chest as she sat up and brought her eyes to his. This time though, she had no idea what was going on in his head. Not even his eyes could give her a clue.

"You heard me." She was not about to say it again before she was certain of his reaction. God, she did not mean to drop this on him now. It just slipped.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you love me?"

"What kind of question is that?" She was starting to get annoyed.

"A legitimate one. How do you even know?"

Okay so she had not expected him to just return the sentiment and get on with the day but his reaction was confusing her. It was downright hostile.

"What's wrong with you?" She burst out.

"Nothing's wrong with me. I told you I don't believe in… You know what, never mind." He threw the covers aside, got up and headed for his walk-in closet. She sat with her mouth down by her knees for who knew how long when he walked out, fully dressed, avoiding her eyes and walking straight to the door.

"Where are you going?" She got out as he reached the bedroom door.

"Out," he shot and slammed the door behind him.

Xxx

She was confused, hurt and she felt betrayed. How did she end up here? Oh yeah, she let herself fall in love with a damaged man. With all her preaching about learning from her mistakes, well this was downright redundant. Everyone told her, she told herself, that it was a bad idea but she still went ahead and did it.

She deluded herself into thinking she was helping him change, become better. But it was all a lie she told herself because she was falling for him and she could not stop herself.

Did she really misinterpret everything that happened between them? She thought they had finally reached that ultimate connection where they knew everything about each other, where they were on the same wave length.

But how else could she explain his reaction to her words? It felt like he became someone completely different the moment she uttered those three words.

God, she was driving herself crazy trying to analyze everything that happened between them from the moment they met to the moment he left her naked in his bed with no explanation.

But that was why she called her aunt and told her she was coming to Sommer's. She needed some time with the kids even though she was there a couple of days ago but she missed being around them and her aunt could always use the extra hands.

She was two blocks away from the building when she felt it, a strange flicker in her peripheral vision. She felt like she was being watched and it made her uneasy. She turned to look behind her but there was nothing out of the ordinary. It was broad daylight for heaven's sake. There were people everywhere. She pushed the thought away and started walking a bit faster but the feeling was still there. She rounded the corner into a road that was not as busy and she hurried even more. Then she heard a change in steps behind her to match her own and she did not care if she looked completely crazy; she started running. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest when she heard the steps behind her break into a run. She could not afford looking back. She had to reach Sommer's as fast as possible.

There it was, just a bit longer, she told herself but then she felt the world tilt and a searing pain shot through her right ankle. She had tripped over something.

The steps were getting closer.

She clenched her teeth and scrambled back up. She tried to run but the pain in her ankle made her hump away like a damn pirate with a wooden leg. Next thing she felt was the crushing grip of someone's hands on her arms. She tried to struggle free but it was no use. She was about to scream for help when a wet cloth was shoved against her mouth and nose. Just before everything went black, she smelled the sweet scent of chloroform and the scream died in her throat.

AN: I am as always utterly thankful for your amazing support but I have to apologize for the too long wait. Gotta say, the news about Nina crushed my muse and took me a long time to get it back. I can say now that although I'm sad about it, I've accepted it.

Now onto more cheerful things. This chapter you guys was one of the first ones to drop on me when I first thought up the story. That's partly why it's called The Whole Story. Now we have finished all the flashbacks and what's left is only in the now which is not much actually. I'm not sure yet how many chapters we have left but we are definitely nearing the end of the story with the final act.

I hope you'd take the time to tell me what you thought about the chapter and if you want to see something happen in the story before the curtains close.

Love,

Mydarkside975