Chapter 45
"Can I get a carton of Marlboro lights?" Kali asked the clerk behind the counter.
"Chain smoker?" asked Sam coming up behind her dumping all of his items on the counter near the register.
"Not since the sixth grade." She flashed him a perfectly white grin. "My daddy caught me smoking in the backyard and that was that."
"Shocking. Kali Hill a bad girl."
He never could see her acting out. She seemed way too straight-laced to break any rules. She probably was a hall monitor in elementary school.
"Kalvin Hill doesn't play. Any bad was stamped out of me with swift precision."
Her smile had dropped when she brought up her father, Sam could tell something more was going on there. Maybe her dad was a tyrant like his own.
"So who are the cigarettes for? Got a crush on an inmate?" asked Sam teasing her.
He really didn't care about her smoking habits, but it seemed rude not to make conversation. Kali had insisted he come with her to the convenience store down the road. Mike had even let her drive his car, which was a shock to Sam. Mike never let anyone drive his cars, he was extremely protective of his babies as he liked to call them. They had spent most of the five minute car ride in silence, not even the sounds of the radio to drown out the weirdness. They had come into the store and gone their separate ways, again never speaking to each other. Curiosity was starting to get the better of him, and he was itching to know just what it was Kali needed to say to him. He suspected it would be something about Quinn, maybe something about her treatment or her mental state. There wasn't much else that he and Kali had in common to talk about.
"Something like that. Get everything you need?" she asked running her hand down her long very dark ponytail.
"Yeah picked up the essentials," said Sam assessing his pile of items. "Although I think Figgins probably packed everything she would need. He's efficient like that."
"Very thoughtful of you to pack Quinn a bag."
"I figured she might not be able to pack up her stuff at the hospital at this late hour, if I had decided to..." he trailed off, not wanting to voice anything about his father's deal out loud.
"You seem to have come to that decision pretty easily. Was all that hemming and hawing just for show?" asked Kali as she handed the clerk her credit card.
Sam shrugged. "I just couldn't leave her there." Who was he kidding? Even if the hospital had been a palace, he wouldn't have been able to leave Quinn behind.
"It's hard seeing someone you care about in a facility, but I promise you Sam, it wasn't as bad as it seemed." Kali pat him softly on the arm, the contact surprising Sam a bit. "She was starting to make a little progress."
"She can continue her progress at home. I just need her close. You know?"
Maybe he was being selfish, she might actually be better off in the hospital with around the clock care, but she seemed pretty good to him. Perhaps a little skittish, but basically it felt like the same Quinn he had always known. He had the means to bring the best doctors in the world to her. She didn't have to be locked away to get help. Now that he was back he could be there for her in every way, he owed that to her.
"I don't think she has anywhere to go Sam, in Lima I mean. She was living with Shannon Beiste before things got bad."
"She won't have to worry about that anymore. I'll take care of her." He pulled his silver monogrammed money clip from his pocket, the one all the Evans men received when they came of age, and removed a few bills. The clip was dented and the silver a bit tarnished, but it pretty much looked as he remembered. Apparently it had survived the crash, just like he had.
"That's sweet, but don't you think Quinn might want to take care of herself?" asked Kali leaning back against the counter watching the clerk ring up his items.
"Well yeah, but until she's able, I'll help her out. I just don't want her worrying about the small stuff."
"Providing for herself and creating a life is small stuff?"
"You are misunderstanding me," said Sam scooping up his bags from the counter. He put his finger through the loop of Kali's bag too, removing it from her hand. It wasn't like he was swooping in and taking over Quinn's life. He just wanted her to have as little stress as possible. Sam had to think that stress and lack of support might have caused her postpartum depression in the first place.
"Then explain," said Kali pushing through the door.
"Quinn can do as little or as much as she likes. I will support her no matter what. I've let her down for so long, I should have been there for her last year when she was having my daughter."
They slowly walked across the empty parking lot to the car, the cold wind chilling Sam through his button down. He had left his coat in the car, not thinking about the weather.
"You couldn't control any of that Sam. You were in a coma." Kali opened the driver side door and climbed in.
"I know that, but I shouldn't have been." Each time he thought of his accident he thought of Mercedes, he understood that she hadn't intentionally been trying to hurt him, but he still couldn't let go of those last shreds of resentment. If it weren't for Mercedes he might not have missed out on being around for Quinn when she needed him most.
"So say you had been conscious last year, what would you have done?" Kali asked when Sam settled into his seat beside her.
"I would've been a friend to her, a shoulder for her to lean on, there to listen, something."
He could have saved her. Quinn wouldn't have tried to kill herself if he had been around, she wouldn't have needed to, he would have gotten her help, noticed the change when things got bad. Maybe if he had been with her throughout her pregnancy, she wouldn't have gotten postpartum depression at all. She could have unloaded on him, instead of keeping all of her fears and pain bottled up to fester.
"And what about Mercedes and Puck? How do you think they would have felt about you letting Quinn lean on you?"
"Are you trying to shrink me on the sly?" he asked narrowing his eyes at her suspiciously. All of her questions were starting to sound like an impromptu therapy session.
"I would never do that. I don't work for free, besides no notebook. I think you're safe."
"Just your nosy side coming out?"
She laughed. "Exactly. So what about Puck and Mercedes? Remember no one knew Beth was yours until after she was born."
"It wouldn't have mattered if Beth were mine or not. I still would have been a good friend to Quinn."
The thing was Sam loved her. He could barely remember a time when he hadn't. Even if she had been having Puck's baby, it wouldn't have changed him wanting to help her. If she had let him, Sam would have gladly loved any child of hers as his own. That's what love was about, accepting everything about a person and letting it all into your heart. Sam didn't care that she was engaged to Puck, none of that changed how he felt about her. He knew if Quinn had given him a chance back then, he would have taken it, just as he still would now.
"You think she would have let you? She and Puck had reconciled when they found out she was pregnant. Would she have put that in jeopardy for you?"
"Quinn and I go way back, Puck would have had to accept my place in her life."
"You slept with his fiancé and cheated on his best friend , how understanding would you expect him to be?"
That part always managed to slip his mind. He had been married to Mercedes then. Cheating on his wife, just didn't ring true, maybe that was why the story about a one night stand with Quinn didn't feel real to him.
"I don't know Kali. It's not like I have a time machine to go test this all out. I'm just saying how I feel, what I would've have wanted to do."
"And how about Mercedes? You think your wife would have minded you being so close with Quinn?"
"She was divorcing me. I doubt she would've been a factor." If they hadn't crashed, she would have divorced him, even Mercedes admitted that. It was pointless to put her as a variable in a hypothetical scenario, because she wouldn't have been around anyway.
"You were fighting for your marriage," Kali reminded him.
"She had another man on the side. I don't think I would've fought for very long."
"Didn't your first wife have another person on the side?"
"Yeah, what's your point?" Sam double checked to make sure that Kali didn't have his file in her hand. She was bringing up ancient history with such ease.
"You fought pretty hard for her from what I've been told, even after you two were divorced."
"Brittany is not Mercedes. I loved Brittany and our life together, I wanted to keep that." His brain was screaming at him to shut up, yet his lips kept moving. Why was he even telling all of this to her?
"So you're saying you loved Brittany more so you fought more?"
"I suppose. I'm not sure how I used to feel about Mercedes so it's hard to say."
He'd been told that he and Mercedes had something very special, and very real. For Sam it was the same as being told that Santa Claus was real too, hard to believe completely until you see him with your own eyes. Secondhand accounts of a supposed great love didn't mean much, when his heart was empty around her. Blind faith was impossible when he looked at his wife and felt nothing, but then looked at Quinn and felt everything. His heart knew more than the tales his family was telling.
"So because you don't remember how things were with Mercedes last year before the accident, you can't predict how you would have acted around her had things been different?"
"Right. I don't know enough about that time to say for sure." It all was still a complete blank.
"Yet you are so adamant about how you would've been with Quinn."
"Quinn's different. I've felt the same way about her since I was in high school. I know how I would've been no question." That would never change no matter the circumstances or passage of time. He and Quinn were truly forever, Sam knew that to his core.
"Even when you were married to Brittany, you felt the same about Quinn?"
"Yes. Quinn and I will always be close no matter what."
"When you were married to your first wife, you and Quinn hooked up too?"
"What?" Sam sat back shocked Kali would even ask that. "No. I would never have cheated on my wife. Quinn was with Puck at the time anyway."
Sam let his mind go back to the time when he was married to Brittany, the happy times, before Santana came back and wrecked things, and he actually couldn't imagine cheating on Brittany. As much as he had always cared about Quinn, he wouldn't have broken his vows for her. If anything he would have let Brittany go, and then went to be with Quinn, but he never would have betrayed his wife in such a way. That's why the whole notion that he cheated on Mercedes made no sense. Sam believed in marriage far too much to break that commitment.
"Oh how could I have forgotten? You're 'Mr. Fidelity', except for that one time."
She was mocking him and he was getting annoyed. Kali seemed to like to prove her points at his expense.
"Apparently I was provoked that one time. Mercedes and that other man." That mystery man she wouldn't even name. She probably still was sneaking around with the guy. Sam wanted to hurt him just for having the nerve to touch his wife. That guy had some balls to mess around with an Evans.
"So it was all Mercedes' fault?" Kali asked as she finally started up the car.
Sam had been wondering if she had planned to hold him hostage in the car all night, he was very anxious to get back to Quinn.
"From what I'm piecing together, I would say yes. She played a big part in all of this."
If Mercedes hadn't been an unfaithful liar none of this would have happened. Sam was actually torn about whether to hate her or thank her at this point. If it weren't for Mercedes' actions he never would have been blessed with Beth or a second chance with Quinn.
"How about tonight? Will it be all her fault again?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Tonight, hotel room, alone, with Quinn."
"What about that? Quinn and I are old friends reconnecting."
"Purely innocent?"
"Of course."
First Mike, now Kali, both insinuating that he was going to have some sort of affair with Quinn. Caring about Quinn didn't mean he was going to go there with her, so they had kissed, it had been a long time since they had seen each other, passions flared, nothing more. Kali was making a big deal out of nothing.
"Sam, I'm not stupid," said Kali taking her eyes off the road briefly to look over at him.
"I don't know you well enough to verify the validity of that statement."
"I am so glad I dropped you as a patient," she huffed, tightening her grip on the steering wheel.
"Hey! I fired you lady," Sam shot back.
"I was going to drop you anyway. I even compiled some names of other doctors you might want to contact instead. Call my office on Monday."
"No wonder you didn't put up much of a fight. You wanted out."
She was a real piece of work, just because he didn't take her psychobabble as gospel, she was going to ditch him? He should have her written up or something, have her license reviewed. Kali certainly didn't seem to have the skills to be a practicing doctor.
"It's like you said, we aren't a good fit," she said through clenched teeth.
"Finally, something we both agree on."
"Yep," she said relaxing slightly. "And Beyonce. We both like her."
"True. So Kali what did you want to talk to me about?" Sam asked as they turned into the lot of the Holiday Inn.
She shut off the car, taking the keys out of the ignition. "Your wife."
"All right, I'm outta here. Got to find Quinn." Sam opened his door and put one foot out of the car.
"You can't run from this Sam, just because you don't like it."
He abruptly faced her. "I want one night to be me, not some freak who can't remember years of his life. With Quinn I can just be normal. I know her and she knows me."
"I understand that," Kali said softly, nodding her head.
"Good, so can you please shut up about Mercedes?"
"Mike and I are heading back to Lima, you won't hear another peep out of me."
"Thank god," Sam muttered under his breath as he got out of the car and opened the door to the backseat.
"One last thing," said Kali grabbing his arm when he tried to pick up his bags.
"Do you always have to have the last word?" Sam asked shaking her off in irritation.
"Call your wife and let her know Quinn is coming home. Don't blindside her with this Sam."
"I will tell her when I see her." He grabbed his bags and slammed the car door, leaving Kali sitting in the car.
"What if she's waiting up for you?" Kali asked as she jumped out of the car and rushed to stand in front of him. "Wanting to know how your visit went tonight?"
"Mercedes knows better than that. We don't even live in the same house, and when she's around I barely talk to her."
"You're a real class act," she said rolling her eyes.
"Don't judge me. You don't know what it's like to have to be married to a complete stranger."
"Cut the crap Sam," said Kali putting her hands on her hips and cocking her head to one side. "You hit on Mercedes like crazy in the hospital before you knew she was your wife. And before you try to deny it, I was in the room with you two that day, remember?" Sam pushed by her making his way back toward the hotel. Kali jogged up beside him, matching his quickened pace. "I heard all those innuendos you were throwing at her."
"Hitting on my nurse is not the same as being married to her," said Sam coming to a stop. She was so exasperating the way she kept going on about this. He really needed her to shut up.
"That's a pretty weak excuse. She's still the same person, you just don't like how she complicates things."
"I feel trapped Kali. She wants her husband back, and I can't give him to her. It makes me feel sick every time I look at her. All that hope. She's praying for me to get my memory back."
"Aren't you? Don't you want to remember?"
A few times he had wanted his memory back just for Mercedes, it was unbearable to see her look so pained. He felt relief whenever she left the room or went to work. Only then was he free from her sad brown eyes. She made him feel like a villain, like he was wrong somehow, for not loving her the way he used to, for wanting to spend time with Quinn. Sam couldn't spend the rest of his days feeling bad for things he had no power to change.
"It is what it is right now. I'm not the same man she married."
He had felt like two different people since he woke up, a foot in two different times, being around Mercedes made those divided feelings even worse, because no matter how he wished differently, both versions of himself wanted to be with Quinn. Whether it was 2014 or 2011, that fact remained unchanged, Quinn was the person he wanted to be with.
"Maybe not, but you're still her husband and you owe her some honesty."
"I don't owe her a damn thing!" he yelled flinging his bags to the ground. The parking lot was thankfully empty because Sam didn't think he had the strength to pull back from this scene. All night he had been needled by Mike and Kali about Mercedes. He wished they would just stay out of his life and let him make his own choices. They might have allegiances to his wife, but he certainly didn't, not after all she had done. "She was going to leave me for another man on our wedding day, she had planned to divorce me before the accident, seems to me she wanted out a few times. Now she's got her wish. She's free. She can quit the concerned wife act."
"How generous of you to let her go," Kali said not even trying to hide her contempt.
"Screw you Kali. I don't have to take this from you. You're not my doctor, so I don't have to listen to your bullshit."
"Right, you don't," said Kali pulling out a pen and paper from her tote bag.
"What's this?" Sam asked when she handed him the paper.
"Cede's cell phone number."
"I just told you to back off," Sam growled, balling the paper in his hand as he retrieved his bags from the ground.
"Just keep it. Good to have in case of emergency. You might want to check on your child."
"Kali you are so damn pushy," said Sam over his shoulder, not looking back to see if she was following him inside the hotel.
"You're welcome," Kali said loudly when he reached the lobby doors.
He needed a drink, he was so tense after talking to Kali. She really knew how to kill his mood, he was so close to telling Mike to skip the room rental and just take them back to Lima. Kali had pissed him off with all that guilt tripping about Mercedes. He pushed through the doors, cursing Kali under his breath, when he saw her. Quinn in white, legs crossed, playing with the ends of her hair, as she waited on a couch in the lobby. Suddenly all the tension left his body, and Sam remembered the reason he would endure anything, sacrifice it all. It was for her. Quinn looked in his direction, noticing him in the doorway, a smile lit up her face, and Sam's legs felt like jelly the longer he held her gaze. Quinn was there waiting, for him, finally. Not even Kali's nagging could ruin this night for them.