So I had this ready yesterday and I wanted to post it, and then the site decided to crash x) I don't know how many times I tried, but I'm pretty sure my mouse broke. But luckily it's working again, so here's the next chapter :D
And a thanks to everyone who reviewed and followed so far!
TMNT
He wanted this moment to last forever. Mikey was sleeping peacefully in his hold, as much as he could be peaceful. His face would sometimes crunch up with pain and fear, and sometimes he would weakly start to thrash but apart from that he was perfectly still.
His eyes closed and breathing softly against Raph's plastron. His beak almost touching the hard material covering his chest. Raph was watching his little brother in amazement and yet horror, glancing at all the scrapes that were still on his body, and the bandages wrapped around his arms and wrists.
He couldn't get himself to sleep, he was tired but ever since he had woken up some hours ago, he didn't want to fall asleep again. Watching his little brother closely, not daring to let him go anytime soon. Studying his face and his expressions.
He would make them pay, whoever did this to him, cut him open, chain him, muzzle and hurt him. He wanted nothing more than to rip out their throats, make them suffer and for once honor didn't matter, all that mattered was revenging Mikey's torments.
But for now he had to be there for Mikey. He was finally reaching out for them, seeking safety, and trusting them. And it warmed Raph that he was finally trusting him enough to be so close to him. Not shutting him out, and even nuzzling against him, he was still hesitant but even Raph couldn't deny his little brother was right next to him.
Slowly Mikey started to move slightly, whimpering and curling up more in his hold, burrowing his face in Raph's hold until even Raph was unable to see his face, only the slow whimpering indicating he was still here, and the warmth radiating from him.
"Easy little bro" Raph whispered and wrapped his arm a little bit tighter on Mikey's body. Immediately Mikey's head shot up, his eyes wide and staring at him, the strong arm around Mikey being the only thing preventing him from scrawling away.
When Mikey noticed it was Raph to pull him closer he relaxed slightly, lowering himself on Raph's plastron again but keeping his eyes open this time. And it pained Raph to see the same tears appearing in his eyes again, but not enough to let them drop.
Raph sighed slightly and wrapped his arm around Mikey again, carefully this time. And Mikey allowed it though never closing his eyes again. But he wasn't looking at Raph either, completely looking away from his older brother. They lay still for a few minutes and Raph only moved when he felt Mikey shifting beneath him.
Raph looked down when he felt something touch his neck, trailing along the rough skin. He hissed slightly at the stinging sensation and Mikey immediately withdrew his hand, guilt washing over his face as he looked away again. Raph slowly hovered himself up, so he could look better at his younger brother.
"Don't be Mikey" Raph whispered, he knew that look Mikey was giving him. He was blaming himself for his injury. For strangling him. "It doesn't really hurt, just sensitive, understood?" Mikey slowly looked up again, staring into his brother's eyes and slowly nodded, indicating he understood.
"Good" Raph said, smiling slightly at his younger brother before glancing towards the clock. It was already morning and he was sure Mikey was starting to get hungry, even he was feeling a little bit hungry and Mikey hadn't even touched most of his dinner, only a bit of his soup but the rest was still on his plate.
"Come on, you need to eat something" Raph suddenly said and carefully stood up, offering Mikey a hand. The younger brother hesitated, not accepting Raph's hand at first. Doubt, fear and guilt flashing over his face, and Raph immediately knew something was wrong.
"What's wrong Mikey?" Raph said, kneeling down so he was at the same height as Mikey, who was now sitting cross-legged on the bed. Raph forced himself to look at Mikey's face instead of all the cuts and bandages on his limbs, wrist and ankles, they horrified him but he didn't want to show Mikey.
"Are they….?" Mikey rasped, shutting his mouth the moment the words left his mouth. But Raph understood nevertheless. He was worried if his brothers were in the kitchen too. Raph sighed and grabbed Mikey's hands, squeezing them slightly.
"I think they are, but if you don't want them there I can ask if they leave." Raph offered, hoping Mikey would accept. It was understandable he wasn't ready to be confronted with all his brothers yet, and Raph had really expected him to nod, saying he indeed didn't want his brothers but instead he shook his head.
Raph couldn't contain the smile that was appearing on his face. Mikey was clearly scared about facing his brothers but he was determined to see them. "Yer doing good little bro" Raph smiled and held out his hand again, and this time Mikey accepted.
TMNT
Mikey was clutching Raph's hand as hard as he could, almost like his life depended on it as they walked into the kitchen. Mikey could feel the presence of his brothers nearing him. And it honestly freaked him out, being around so many people, even if there were only two.
None of them said anything as they entered the kitchen in April's house. Mikey tightened the grip on Raph's hand as he saw his brothers sitting around the table. Leo and Donnie on one side of the table, Both eating a simple breakfast, and both looking up when Raph and Mikey entered.
"Hey Mikey, Raph" Leo softly called out as Mikey did a few more steps into the kitchen together with Raph. But Leo also noticed the fear surrounding his brother's spirit, he was terrified, avoiding him most of the time. Raph nudged him slightly, giving him a comfortable squeeze.
"Hey" Mikey rasped uncertain, looking down immediately after that tiny word. And just with Raph, smiles spread among the faces of Donnie and Leo, hearing their baby brother's voice after all, it was raspy and clearly painful for him to use but it was his voice.
Mikey winced slightly and allowed Raph to lead him towards the chair, on the other side of Leo. He uncomfortably sat down and hugged his own arms close to his chest, unable to look up and face his brothers, gazing down in shame and fear.
"Casey and April are getting some groceries, do you want them to get something special?" Leo decided to break the silence, trying to assure Mikey that way. The freckled turtle slowly looked up, glancing over to Leo for bit but then nodded slightly, never opening his mouth again.
"What do you want?" Leo whispered, trying to get him to talk but Mikey merely shrugged his shoulders, gazing down again to avoid Leo's eyes, clearly not wanting to speak. And he should've known. Mikey refused to talk to them a whole day, not because he was mad, they all knew Mikey wasn't.
But he still refused to talk to them, though they still didn't know why, but now he had talked a bit didn't mean he would be talking all the time just like that, it would take time before he was the same again, and they had to be patient, allow Mikey to decide when he was ready or not.
Leo sighed slightly. "It's okay Mikey, if you don't feel comfortable you don't have to force or anything" Leo assured his little brother before standing up. "I'll make you some breakfast, you helping Raph?" Leo softly added, looking over to his immediate brother but then walking towards the kitchen.
Raph nodded a bit confused but followed Leo to the kitchen. He knew Leo was perfectly capable of making breakfast. It had always been Mikey's job, and they were honestly terrible at making breakfast but after Mikey had 'died' they all knew they had to do it themselves.
Their little brother wouldn't be making breakfast every day, he wouldn't be making dinner. Something he had always loved to do. Mikey was 'gone' so they had to learn to make breakfast themselves. All of them were able to make breakfast in a way, so there had to be a reason Leo wanted him to come with him.
"What happened last night?" Leo whispered as he reached for the refrigerator, looking for something he could make for Mikey. His voice was barely above a whisper, so Mikey wouldn't be able to hear their conversation, he didn't want to leave his brothers out, but this was something between Raph and him, and he would tell Donnie and Sensei later.
Their father had gone home after they had seen Mikey nuzzled close to Raph, and they had all seen how Mikey was slowly starting to trust them again, so Splinter had decided to go home again, to fetch some stuff from Mikey. When he 'died' they knew they had to sort out his room.
They didn't want to but it'd be too painful to be confronted with it all the time, so they had stacked all his belonging in boxes, planning on moving it elsewhere, but they never moved the stuff out, stashing it somewhere they wouldn't see it all the time. They couldn't do it.
It was the last thing they had, the last memory of their baby brother. They kept the bed, they kept the stuff in the boxes but never touching it. Only Splinter would sometimes reach out for Mikey's sketchbook. From all of his sons, Mikey was the only one to really honor his name.
His paintings were beautiful, and every time he found himself crying over the loss of his youngest son, seeing all the beautiful sketches and paintings Mikey would make. He wouldn't get mad, he wouldn't snap at anyone like his brothers would, he would draw to sort out his emotions, and they were absolutely beautiful.
April had gone through his stuff only one time, when they met Casey. At first they never told him about their lost baby brother, not even April, it was too painful to talk about that loss, and even though Casey knew something was wrong or missing, he never pushed it.
But after an encounter with Rahzar and Fish Face, they were forced to tell him. They had been taunting about Mikey's death, saying how they enjoyed hearing his screams as he slowly drowned on his own blood. The mutants barely escaped with their lives.
They were furious about it, and once they got home they all collapsed, mentally and emotionally exhausted. The memories of their baby brother crashing down on them again, the feel of failure, guilt, regret for letting him go out alone, and now Casey knew about Mikey.
It had been April to show Casey the pictures of Mikey. They had all collected it, all the pictures of Mikey and put them in a box. They didn't want to forget him, never in their life, but it was too painful to walk around the lair, seeing the huge smile of their deceased baby brother, only Splinter kept one in his room, next to the one of him, Miwa and Tang Shen.
Raph shook his head slightly, taking a deep breath and explained Leo what happened. How Mikey had woken up and how he was ready to leave when he noticed how terrified Mikey, but was stopped when Mikey called his old nick-name, practically asking him to stay.
Leo and Raph were quiet for a few moments, taking in everything Raph had said but then a small smile crept on Leo's face. It was still mixed with hurt and the same regret that had been in his eyes for months after Mikey's death but he couldn't deny the smile hearing how Mikey had reached out for Raph, like he'd always do.
"He trusts you Raph, you always had a strong bond" Leo smiled. "Even if you don't want to admit it, you two have always been close" He added, seeing at Raph was ready to protest. But even Raph knew it was true. They were so different, and yet they loved each other.
Of course the four brothers all loved each other equally, and they would all die for each other, but there would always be sort off 'preferences' no one favored one brother, but it had always been Leo and Donnie to be together, and somehow Raph and Mikey shared a really strong bond, despite being so different.
Mikey always viewed his older brother as a protector, and always came to him to feel safe. And right now it wasn't any different. He was seeking safety after all he had been through. Mikey had always felt safe in Raph's hold, it wasn't natural but the grip had always been strong and protective, and that's what he loved about him, and needed right now.
"He's still scared Leo….." Raph said, glancing back at Mikey. They all knew he had a long way to go before he could start to recover. But he was starting to accept them, seeking for help and that was saying he was starting to get better slowly.
"I know Raph… and I fear he'll always be. He has been there for a whole year, who knows what they did to him" Leo sighed, finishing up the sandwich he was preparing for Mikey. He gritted his teeth slightly, it was true, he had been there for a year, all alone. And if April hadn't found him, he would still be there.
"We have to make them pay Leo, everyone who did this to him" Raph hissed quietly, bailing his fists in anger. He didn't care what Leo would say about his decision, it didn't matter if Leo approved or not, he would kill them, all of them. He just hoped he did, they had to do this as a family.
"I know Raph, but not now…." Leo whispered, trouble flashing over his eyes. "I have to ask Donnie first… but I think it would be better if … Mikey would see them again, eventually" Raph blinked at Leo's statement, he wanted to scream at his older brother, asking him if he had totally lost his mind.
Bringing Mikey back to the place he had practically been tortured for a whole year, crying his guts out for his brothers and being completely terrified once he got back, but Raph couldn't bring himself to open his mouth. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't.
And with every silent second he began to change his mind. It was crazy what Leo was suggesting, and it could completely break Mikey down, but it could also help him greatly. Seeing the people who did things to him, but the other way around.
He wouldn't be the one being tied down, begging them to spare his life, or the pain. No, this time he would be the one to decide their fate, he could finally see they couldn't hurt him anymore. Raph slowly nodded, they could talk about this later, he was just glad Leo agreed with his plan.
They would make them pay, all of them. And despite everything father had taught them, not of those scientists were making it home again that night, Raph would make sure they wouldn't, ever again. In fact, none of them would leave the building alive.