Chapter 48
At least she had kissed him back, that had to mean something, be a good omen. She could have slapped him instead, but this whole just staring at him thing was driving him crazy. What the hell was she thinking? She had to have some reaction, some thoughts, he just told her he was falling in love with her, totally out of the blue, after seeing her again for the first time after nine months in a coma. Sam's stomach churned, as he finally turned away from Quinn's wide green eyes. He went over to the desk, pretended to be interested in the room service menu, all so he wouldn't have to face her. She must think he had completely lost his mind. Why didn't his mouth have a pause button? He was always blurting out too much, at the absolute wrong time.
Now that Sam was starting to think about it, he wasn't sure what he had been expecting to achieve with that all too honest declaration. At the time, he thought knowing how he felt would be a source of comfort for her, a way to let her know that she could trust him, trust in them. Sam should have known that Quinn wouldn't see it like that, she had never been the most demonstrative person, and sharing emotions, definitely was not her thing, at least not with him. Back in high school, he had been the one to say 'I love you' first, in fact he had been the only one of the two of them to say it. He had told her what was in his heart countless times back then, the words easier to express each time he'd said it. He had hoped that ease would be contagious, and that Quinn would relax and tell him she loved him too. That never happened, at least not with him, Puck got the words of love along with her heart.
This time he hadn't been expecting Quinn to say anything in return, he knew better than that, but he had hoped she would react in some way. Maybe it was shock. Sam quickly glanced over to the middle of the room, where Quinn still stood, now staring at her feet, rubbing her hands up and down her arms as if she were cold. She was only wearing that silk nightgown, it may have reached her mid calves but it was skimpy, lace and little straps on top, a long slit up the side that went almost to her hip. He should just go over there and warm her up, find her a robe, offer her a blanket, or better yet just wrap her in his arms. With that decided, Sam took a deep breath and approached Quinn.
She looked up startled. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you."
Quinn shook her head smiling, her eyes meeting his briefly, before again averting them to the floor.
"Quinn," he began, tentatively touching her shoulder. "About what I said earlier, I don't want you to think…"
She pressed two fingers to his lips, silencing him immediately.
"Don't say anything Sam. If you're going to take it back…"
"I'm not going to take it back," he said removing her fingers from his lips and holding them in his hand. "I meant every word."
Her green eyes sparked as a smile broke on her face.
"I can't believe…" she began, tears filling her eyes, overflowing onto her cheeks, that bright smile never leaving her face.
"Believe it, believe in me."
He'd done it again, put himself out there, exposing his feelings so blatantly, but with the way she kept looking at him, and her arms now wrapped around his neck, he couldn't quite bring himself to care about the pitfalls of his overeager mouth.
Holding both his hands, walking backwards, leading him to the bed, her smile transformed into something more, sexy and seductive. On the bed, flat on his back, feet on the floor, Quinn's hair surrounding him like a velvet curtain. She was on her knees straddling him, the soft silkiness of the beauty hidden under her gown, teasing him, making him rise to strain against his pajama pants each time she rocked forward and kissed him deeper. Running her hands through his hair, down his face, over his chest, again and again, her tongue sweeping his, intensity building each time he moaned. Sam might have forgotten many things, but he hadn't forgotten this, the feel of her in his arms, the taste of her kisses, and how he never could get enough of her.
Fingernails scraped his belly as she lifted his shirt, kissing her way up his torso as more skin became exposed. Over his head and tossed aside, his henley removed to allow Quinn free access to his bare chest. A rush of self-consciousness overcame him, as he remembered how he must look to her, so thin and pale. Sam braced himself for her reaction, relaxing when none came, except Quinn purring something low and incoherent against his ear, then she stood up, leaving him instantly cooled by her absence. Sam lifted his head to look at her confused at what had just happened to change things so abruptly.
"What?" he asked sitting up completely.
"I think I got carried away." Even in the near darkness, he knew she was blushing. "I didn't mean to just jump you like that."
Sam smirked. It was cute she thought he would have an issue with a little female aggression. Sam was all for it, dominant women were hot. Grabbing her around the waist, pulling her closer to stand between his legs, he pressed a kiss against her grey silk covered stomach.
"You don't have to apologize. I know I'm irresistible."
She swatted at him, a retort forming on her lips, but any further talk was silenced when he kissed her inner thigh, grazing it slightly with his teeth. She shuddered before him, grasping his shoulder tightly. Encouraged by her reaction, Sam gave her other thigh the same treatment. Then he stopped, moving his head from between her thighs, standing up, her nightgown falling back about her legs. She was biting her lower lip, her eyes already hazy with desire, her hands still on his shoulders as if she needed to hold on to remain steady.
"Beautiful Quinn." He kissed her full lips deeply. "I've missed you so much," he said when he pulled away.
"I've missed you too," she whispered, her eyes still closed from their kiss.
Embracing her, so tight, flush with his body, her breasts straining through the thin silk, spilling over the top, tempting him to bury his head in their creamy softness, sheer will kept his mouth focused on higher regions of her body. For now.
Kissing over her shoulders, up her cheeks, nips on her ear. "I couldn't wait to see you again," he said as he grabbed the back of her head and kissed her, swallowing any words that were on her lips. Her nails dug into his back, as she returned his kiss with matching intensity. Losing himself in her, blocking out everything but her delicious mouth and her tight body against his.
Somehow they had made it back to the bed, her hands in his hair, as he finally tasted the fullness of her bare breasts. Quinn arched against him, her movements constrained by his weight on top of her. He had trapped her between the bed and his body, taking control, making her moan as he explored her body with his mouth. She was ready for him, a slow smile spreading on her face as he hooked a finger in the waistband of her panties, dragging them down over her hips. She lifted up slightly from the bed, to assist him in his task. Sam sat back surveying her long legs spread before him, after he removed the grey silk panties and tossed them to the floor. Her nightgown cocooned around her middle leaving the rest of her completely uncovered, beautifully naked, and all his.
He fell on top of her, drawing her in for a kiss, his one hand holding her hip, the other, in his favorite spot, lost in her hair. Their kisses intensified as his fingers inched closer to her core, Quinn strained against him, eager for him to reach his destination. She raked her nails over his chest, as a finger hit that sweet spot, teasing it with flickers of pleasure as he coaxed her into submission.
"You started wearing your dog tags again?" she asked breathlessly, her hands running over his chest.
"What?" Sam asked not really caring what she was saying, too focused on kissing her nipples into hard peaks.
"This chain." Quinn pulled on the chain around his neck. Sam looked down confused for a moment about what it exactly was.
"Oh. That." He leaned in and kissed her, tugging on her lower lip lightly as he pulled away. "That's not…"
"Is this your wedding band?" she asked interrupting him.
"You think we can talk about my jewelry later?" he asked returning his attention to her breasts, squeezing them, loving the feel of their softness against his hands. "We're sort of in the middle of something."
"Why is it around your neck?" she asked shifting away from him, covering her breasts with her arms. "Are you trying to hide it from me?"
Sam opened his mouth, then quickly closed it, completely at a loss about what to say. It was just a ring on a chain, it had nothing to do with the two of them, but something was telling him that his answer to that question might make or break his night.
"Things are complicated with Sam. There's more going on that you know. He needed to see Quinn." Mercedes prayed being around Quinn would be the solution, the magic button that made his memories return, because she wasn't sure how much more she could take of Sam treating her like someone he didn't care to know. "Got anymore beer?" Finn pulled another bottle from his pocket and handed it to her.
"So that was Sam on the phone earlier? Back at the club?"
"Yep," she said before taking a huge swallow of her beer. "He was worried about me."
"So is he back from..."
"From visiting his mistress? Apparently. He said he was staying at a hotel tonight though. They were tired from the drive."
"That makes sense. He's still recovering, probably still weak."
"He was strong enough to take his ass upstate though. Never seen a man push through physical therapy so fast. Chalk that up to Quinn and her magical pussy."
Finn spit his drink out all over the grass at her words. "What?" he asked still sputtering.
"Ignore me. It's just the beer talking."
He grew uncharacteristically quiet and Mercedes searched her fuzzy mind for something to fill the silence. "I used to love swinging as a kid. I'd run off to the park and stay there for hours."
"I can picture that. Two braids and a big smile."
"Something like that." Actually she hated her hair in braids, always meant she would have to spend time with a strange man. "I used to like to drive too, really fast down the Santa Monica Expressway."
"So you had a lead foot huh?"
"I just wanted to be free. If I drove fast enough it was almost like I could get away."
"I've been there. I used to bike though, only had a learners permit at the time. Back in Denver I would take those hills like I was a champion cyclist training for the Tour de France. You should've seen my calves."
"What were you running from?"
"My life. Let's just say moving to Lima might have been the best thing for me."
"Did this have anything to do with a girl?" Mercedes asked although she already knew what his answer would be.
"A very special girl," he replied, his face falling. "Ever feel like the one person you love the most is dragging you down at the same time?
Mercedes simply nodded unable to find the words to state her agreement. That sentence basically summed up her whole life at this point. "Was it a bad break up?"
He took a sip of his long neglected beer. "I still feel bad about it, but I was leaving."
"You couldn't help that your family moved to Ohio."
"My grandparents live in Colorado. I could have stayed, my mom was all set to let me."
"So why didn't you?"
"Sometimes you have to run to save your own life." He half laughed, seeming a bit embarrassed by his statement. "Dramatic I know for a high school student, but I was drowning and it was coming down to her or me. So I left."
"But you didn't break up with her right away?"
"I hoped things would feel differently in Lima and we could make it work, but some things just can't be different, I suppose. Just have to live with the life you're dealt."
"Now I see why you're a philosophy major. You're pretty deep Finn."
"Nah. I just start sprouting profound shit when I drink. My mind's still focused on the big stuff 90% of the time."
"Booze and women?"
"That's college life."
"I don't believe it. I see you now Finn. You're putting on an act."
"We're all actors Mercedes, some of us are just better at making our costumes seem real. One day I'm hoping to get behind yours."
"How much have you had to drink because this stuff is getting intense?"
Finn laughed his face transforming back to his usual boyish self before her eyes. "I only had one. Got to get a pretty girl home safely, besides I don't like to drink on an empty stomach. My poor belly is empty."
"Blame Puck, he distracted me with a lecture."
"About what?"
"The virtues of marriage believe it or not. Like I would take relationship advice from a guy that has hooked up with both Quinn and Santana. His taste is suspect."
"Some guys have a type I guess."
"Puck's is crazy chicks. What's yours?"
"I don't have one really. Definitely not into crazy though. Sweet is always good. I'm a sucker for the sweet ones."
Their eyes met and she smiled looking away when something in his eyes seemed to change, his normal sparkle darkening to something she couldn't describe.
"Like Sugar, even her name was sweet." Her eyes grew wide as he words left her mouth. "Oh crap. I'm sorry Finn. I said the S word. I shouldn't have brought her up."
"We've been talking about Sam all night too. I think our S-free zone was just a pipe dream."
"Well we tried. It was good for a while. I was so furious when we left the club and now I'm so much better. Thank you for that."
"I think it was more the swings than me." he said rattling the chains in his hands. "Anytime you want to escape come over."
"I miss my little Audi. It sort of felt like my ticket to freedom. Now I don't even have that anymore. I hate to drive ever since the accident."
"I bet riding a bike would give you the same feeling as driving in your old Audi."
"I've never rode a bike before."
"What? How can that be?"
"Never learned."
"That's just so wrong. And it ends today." Finn jumped off the swing. "I'm going to teach you."
"Right now?"
"Yes now." He held out his hand. "My bike is right inside."
She shook her head but reluctantly put her hand in his and let him pull her up from the swing. "Fool do you know what time it is? You'll wake the neighbors."
"We're on Fraternity row the neighbors are either drinking, sleeping or having sex. I think we're good."
Mercedes continued to shake her head, a smile on her face, as she trailed behind him.
"Why would I try to hide it?" asked Sam running his hand roughly through his hair. "You know I'm married."
"Yeah and married people wear their rings on their fingers, unless they are trying to conceal their status."
"Mercedes put it on the chain. I guess she used to wear it while I was in the hospital."
"Oh. I can see that. Safe keeping and all that."
It did make sense, not that it made Quinn feel any better, the image of Mercedes sitting vigil by his bedside, his wedding ring suspended around her neck, a monument to their love, was now stuck in her mind.
"Right." He smiled. "Now where were we?" he asked leaning in for a kiss.
Quinn turned her head right before his lips made contact. "What made you decide to wear it now?"
He exhaled sharply, rolling off her onto his back. "I'm not sure why I'm wearing it actually. It didn't feel right putting it on my finger, when I asked for it back."
"You asked for it?" she asked pulling the top up on her gown, covering herself.
"Well yeah, I was sort of curious. I'm trying to wrap my head around this whole marriage thing."
"Does having the ring help at all?" Quinn touched the ring, running her finger along the thick platinum edge.
"Not so much."
"That's too bad. I'm sure you're desperate for answers."
"I can't see why I would have married her. She doesn't make sense."
Quinn sat up, pulling down the bottom of her gown as she shifted to sit with her back against the headboard. "Never made sense to me either, but I know you loved her."
"I talked to you about her?" Sam asked sitting upright next to her.
"Quite a bit. We commiserated over broken hearts together."
Quinn smiled remembering those warm summer nights on the balcony at the Beacon. She felt so close to Sam then, like she could tell him anything and he'd understand. Quinn couldn't help but wonder what would have happened between them if his car hadn't crashed, if he had gotten that divorce. Would they be together now? Happy with their daughter?
"Okay then, maybe you can help me. You were at the wedding. How did I seem?"
The wedding had caught her by surprise, just as it had everyone else. Quinn knew he was enamored with Mercedes, their attraction was immortalized forever on the net, but when he had announced their engagement at Thanksgiving dinner she was completely taken aback. If he had said he had reunited with Rachel, she would have understood, Sam had been head over heels for Rachel for almost a year. But Mercedes, she wasn't anyone that mattered to him, she had always been an annoyance, an afterthought. He had called her a distraction, the first time Quinn had met her, disliking the too talkative girl on sight. Who marries a distraction?
So Quinn had gone to his wedding, as a show of moral support since no one else seemed to be on his side, and she was surprised by what she witnessed that day. Sam was happier than she'd seen him in a long time. Grinning from ear to ear, bouncing from guest to guest, nothing could get him down, not even his parents exchanging murderous looks at each other from across the room. For Quinn that was the first time she took Sam's relationship with Mercedes seriously.
"Happy, extremely happy. It was nice to see you all smiles like that. I didn't get to see much of the ceremony though, I had to leave."
"Why did you leave early?"
"I was feeling sick, went to the hospital," she said quickly, hoping to avoid the subject.
"Was it serious?" asked Sam, looking at her with concern.
"I don't really want to talk about all that now." Quinn patted his arm in an attempt to reassure him that all of this was about nothing.
Her reassurances didn't work, Sam continued to press her.
"You can trust me Quinn. What happened?" he asked running his fingers through her hair.
She looked across the room, focusing on the stripe of light on the wall. "At that time I thought I was pregnant, turned out I was very wrong."
"Did you get a false positive on a test or something?"
"Sort of," she replied swallowing the lump in her throat. It still was hard for her to talk about, such an embarrassing and painful situation.
"Quinn…" Sam put his arm around her shoulder, holding her against his side.
She couldn't look at him, she knew she'd lose it if she did. "I had a hysterical pregnancy Sam. There you have it crazy Quinn somehow tricked her body into thinking it was pregnant. I should have been committed back then." Wiping the tears on her face with the back of her hand she moved away from him, hugging her knees to her chest.
"Don't say things like that. You're not crazy."
"Delusional pregnancies, suicidal thoughts, depression, all of that spells crazy these days."
Sam rubbed her back in slow circles, Quinn leaned into his hand, liking the feel of it on her body. "Sounds like you just hit a rough patch to me."
"There are things you don't know. Maybe stress did lead me here."
Maybe it was too soon for her to be out of the hospital, she had a list of mental ailments that completely confirmed the need for her to be locked away. As much as Quinn tried to be strong, to face all of her mistakes, a part of her was terrified that something could go wrong again. She'd face some emotional roadblock and lose her sanity again.
"I want to know everything about you and your life. Tell me what happened," he said turning her to face him.
"Not tonight. I just can't handle it all right now."
"Okay, we don't have to talk anymore about it."
He hugged her tightly, trapping her arms against her sides, his hands falling through her hair, and onto her lower back. She inhaled deeply, surrounded by Sam. He had this way of always making her feel stronger, better, loved, even with a simple embrace. She relaxed into him, shutting her eyes, feeling as if she could stay there in his arms the rest of the night. His lips on her shoulder and then on her neck pulled her out of her trance.
"Maybe we should get some sleep, the sun will be up soon," she said leaning back trying to put some distance between their bodies.
Sam didn't move, his arms still wrapped around her body. "We've got late checkout. Sleep can wait." He kissed her lips, gentle pressure, urging her to open herself to him.
"I'm tired." Quinn pulled away, pressing her hands against his bare chest.
"What's really going on Quinn? You were into this just a little while ago."
She shrugged as she crawled to the foot of the bed and retrieved Sam's shirt. "It's been a long day, it's finally hitting me," she said as she handed the shirt to him.
Sam frowned as he took the shirt from her hand. "Is it the ring? I'll take it off." He pulled the chain over his head and threw it across the room. "Better?"
"Ring or no ring, doesn't change the fact that you're married." She crossed her legs Indian style, remaining at the foot of the bed. It was safer down there, far from his roving hands and very tempting kisses.
"Since when do you care so much about my marriage?" he asked yanking his shirt over his head. "We conceived Beth while I was married."
"Oh so you're saying I'm a slut that doesn't care about commitment or the sanctity of marriage?"
Despite her questionable choices in the romance department over the years, she had never gotten involved with a married man. Well not until that night with Sam, but that was different, extenuating circumstances, and it was just a one time thing. Other than that, Quinn had made it a point not to even go down that very complicated road. Married men were just off limits. Not that anyone would believe her now on that point. The media had painted her as a home wrecker and spending the night alone with Sam in a hotel wasn't helping things. Thank goodness they had registered under Mike's name. The last thing they needed was for some overeager member of the paparazzi to stake out on their doorstep.
"I never said that, but obviously what's between us is bigger than either of our relationships."
"I told you before Sam, we had sex because we were sad and hurting. It wasn't about any secret feelings for each other."
She set him straight, and she would continue to do so until he understood the facts, but it was sort of nice that Sam actually thought the night they slept together was about more than just comfort sex. Quinn at times wished it truly had been. Their daughter could have been conceived within the confines of a loving relationship instead of during a drunken romp on the floor.
"I think you're kidding yourself. We chose each other that night for a reason. I don't sleep with women I don't care about."
"Yes we cared about each other, we were friends, but we weren't trying to be together romantically."
"I wouldn't break my vows just for a quickie with a friend. It had to be more than that."
"It was more than that. Mercedes broke your heart. I had never seen you so wrecked before." Mercedes had almost brought him to tears and to his knees. Quinn realized she hated her just a little bit for doing that. All Sam had done was love her, he didn't deserve to be cast aside for another man.
"If she had hurt me so badly, why did I stay married to her?"
Quinn had no clue what sort of magic spell that girl put on Sam to get him to forgive her for all the crap she'd done. Quinn had always wondered if it was just Sam's guilt about cheating that made him stay with Mercedes.
"You worked it out, you forgave her. Only you can answer that."
"Except I don't remember."
"Maybe it will come to you in time."
"It doesn't matter. Come here," he said grabbing her wrist and pulling her back up toward him on the bed. "Whatever held me to her then, is gone now. The only woman I want is you," he said his green eyes silently pleading for her to believe him.
"Are you considering a divorce?" asked Quinn trying not to get pulled under by him. She couldn't think straight when he was this close and she needed to keep her wits about her.
He rubbed his thumb against the inside of her wrist. "I've considered it repeatedly, and if I had my way I would've filed the papers by now."
"Why haven't you?" she asked watching his thumb move back and forth. Even his thumbs were turning her on tonight, she really need to back away from him.
"It's complicated," he said dropping her hand and leaning back against the headboard.
"Maybe you haven't done it because a part of you doesn't want to," she suggested.
Quinn didn't fully believe that was the case, but she had to be sure, Sam had been pretty into his phone call earlier, so much that he hadn't even heard her open the bathroom door.
"Why would you say something like that?" he asked raising his voice, his face contorting in anger. "I've told you she's a stranger to me, I feel nothing for her."
"Sam I heard you on the phone."
"I explained that already. Mercedes dating some other guy is not acceptable, it reflects badly on me."
"I'm talking about the other stuff. I heard you flirting with her."
Sam looked shocked, as if Quinn had suggested the impossible.
"I wasn't flirting."
Quinn couldn't tell if he were lying or in a deep state of denial.
"I know you. I know when you are putting out your sexy vibes. You were giving them to Mercedes big time during that phone call."
"You must have heard wrong, I was just talking to her."
Sam truly seemed to believe that the way he spoke to Mercedes on the phone was casual, which made it all the worse for Quinn. It meant he had shifted into that intimate flirting tone without even realizing it, as if it were such a natural thing for him to do.
"What happened between you two?"
"I told you it was one night and I didn't know who she was then."
Did he actually think the fact that he didn't know Mercedes was his wife at the time made her feel better? As if she would prefer him hooking up with a random caregiver rather than a woman he had a connection to? He'd told her that while he was in the hospital he kept thinking about her and their time in the tent, yet clearly in between all that thinking he still had time to hit on his nurse.
"Did you sleep with her?" she asked not backing away from this subject. Something had happened between Sam and Mercedes and Quinn had the right to know what it was.
He shook his head. "I was weak and in the hospital."
That wasn't a real response, couples got intimate in hospitals all the time. Illness brought people closer.
"Did you go farther with her than you and I went tonight?"
His hands had been all over her body, roaming beneath her night gown, dipping below the waistband of her panties. He'd kissed from her toes, to the contours of her stomach, to the nape of her neck. His tongue had playfully teased her nipples when he slid her straps off her shoulders, easing her breasts into exposure over the lacey v-shaped neckline of her gown. Her legs wrapped tightly around him, her gown bunching around her waist, his kisses setting her body on fire, Quinn had been ready to be with him completely. All arguments about the sanity of the situation had left her mind once he said those three little words. Sam loved her, nothing else mattered.
"Quinn what's with all the questions?" he asked bringing her back from her thoughts.
"Answer me please." Quinn insisted, anxious to hear his explanation.
He paused, scratching his temple as he studied her. Quinn could tell he was considering his response carefully.
"Yes we went farther," he said slowly.
"That's what I thought," said Quinn, throwing back the sheet and getting out of bed. "I need some air." She searched the floor in the dark for her Uggs, hastily pulling them on her bare feet when she finally located them.
"Are you seriously mad at me right now?" asked Sam scrambling out of bed to stop her.
Her hand was on the door knob when he reached her. She had no idea where she was going but she needed to be away from him. Too much, too soon, she'd just gotten out of the hospital and Sam had gone from making promises about the future to professing love in a matter of hours. Then to top it all off, he admitted to some sort of sexual encounter with his wife. Quinn just wasn't ready for this level of drama.
"Yes I'm mad! You were about to make love to me, when not a few hours earlier you were flirting with your wife."
"A wife I can't remember," he countered putting his back against the door.
"Didn't stop you from getting physical with her though, did it?" She crossed her arms over her chest, daring him to find a plausible answer for this. As far as Quinn could see there wasn't one. Sam was willing to sleep with Mercedes one day and then her the next.
"I think I get it now," he said narrowing his eyes at her. "You're trying to let me down easy."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're not interested in being with me, so you're picking a fight with me to get out of this," he said suddenly angry again.
"I never said I wasn't interested. I'm very interested. I want you so much, you're practically all I think about."
He was taking it wrong, the last thing she wanted was for him to think she didn't want him. They had already spent far too many years trying to overcome that misconception. Quinn had resolved that this time would be different. She'd be honest about her feelings and make sure he knew exactly where he stood with her. She owed him that much after all that had happened with Puck and Mike.
"So what's the problem?" he asked relaxing, trying to hide a smile. Sam reached for her elbow pulling her closer to him. "Talk to me Quinn. You want me and I want you. So what's stopping us from being together?"
"Your wife!" She yanked her arm away from him. "I'm not some whore you can turn to because life at home is unsatisfying." Quinn went back to the bed and sat down.
"I never said you were. I want a future with you. I want you to be my home, not Mercedes," he said sitting next to her on the bed.
"So why can't you divorce her?" Quinn asked turning to take him in, his features clearly defined in the moonlight.
The contours of his face outlined by angular cheekbones, and a rugged jawline, created a chiseled beauty that always made Quinn melt. Her eyes dropped to his full mouth and for a moment she almost gave in to her urge to kiss him, to feel that softness once more, but she held back remembering that same mouth had also been all over Mercedes not so long ago.
"There are circumstances beyond my control," he said looking away.
Quinn thought he might say more, but he didn't. It annoyed her that he was being so vague. He claimed to want to be with her, yet he couldn't give a straight answer. That didn't work for her.
"Like what? You want to screw her first before you toss her aside?"
"How could you ever think I would do something like that?" he asked rising to his feet. "Playing around with multiple women is not my style."
"You did it before, with me and Penny. And come to think of it, you sort of did with Rachel and Mercedes. I think this is exactly your style." She jutted her chin out challenging him with her posture.
He wasn't getting away with this, she wanted the truth, even if it ultimately hurt. Finding out now that he had feelings for Mercedes, while her heart wasn't totally entrenched was better than being hit with that fact later.
"You're not playing fair," he said turning away, throwing up his hands. "Tossing around history I know nothing about."
"You're right. Let's just stick to the present. After you found out Mercedes was your wife, and you knew about me and Beth, did anything happen between the two of you?"
Quinn's heart pounded in her chest, as Sam hesitated with his response. Now that she had opened this subject, she wished she hadn't. She was kidding herself, her heart was already in deep. Right or wrong she wanted to be the only woman that Sam Evans loved.
"Happen?" he asked looking at her with a slack jaw blank stare.
Sam was giving the same dumb look he used to have in high school whenever she caught him red handed, especially when that red hand was up another girl's skirt. Not to say that Sam had cheated on her in high school, he hadn't, but plenty of girls tried to tempt him away. Quinn was happy that Sam never strayed back then, but she had to believe that he enjoyed all that female attention more than he was letting on. Quinn was sure that Kitty Wilde had given Sam many freebies, a flash here, a grab there, in her attempts to snag him. Sam had to have enjoyed all of that at least a little bit.
"Don't play dumb. Happen as in getting physical."
"I told you I didn't sleep with her," he said as he walked toward the window, leaving Quinn to stare at the empty space where he once stood.
Quinn turned toward the window to watch Sam, his back to her, staring out into the night. In the lowlight she couldn't make out details, just his silhouette in the glow of the moon. He was very thin, Quinn realized, she hadn't noticed it before, too overwhelmed of just being able to touch Sam to analyze how his body felt. Now as she watched him the effects of the coma became evident, months of immobility had robbed him of his lean athletic build.
"So you haven't touched her since you found out she was your wife?"
All of this shouldn't have mattered so much, Quinn knew what the situation was for Sam before she agreed to stay the night with him, she'd known for months, longer than that. Knowing the reality was far different when she was forced to face it head on, his wife wasn't as easy to forget, to shove to the back of her mind, when Sam was wearing his wedding ring around his neck and admitting to sexual encounters.
Finally he responded, letting it all out in a quick burst. "One kiss, but only because I was trying to calm her down. I felt bad for her."
As she expected Sam hadn't left his wife untouched, even though he said he felt nothing for her.
"Big hearted Sam, never could resist a damsel in distress. Are you staying with her out of pity?"
"No!" he said turning around abruptly. "I would never do that."
"Then what is going on Sam? You claim not to have feelings for her, yet you're not leaving her. That leads me to believe that there is more going on between you two than you're telling me."
"There's nothing going on. Can't you just trust me?" he asked.
"No I can't. I'm not an idiot I can tell you're hiding something."
He leaned back against the window, hands in his pockets, head tilted upward. "It's not what you think Quinn. I can't divorce her, because if I do you'll have to go back to the hospital, and I can't let that happen."
"What do you mean I'll have to go back? I thought you got the judge to overturn his ruling." She hadn't actually asked him how he pulled this off, she had just assumed he had pulled some strings with the judge to get her released.
"I tried Quinn, but I was blocked at every turn. No one would talk to me."
"Artie said the same thing happened to him," she said almost under her breath, thinking back to her conversations with Artie.
"My father made me an offer that would get you out free and clear."
Sam never looked at her, his eyes anywhere but in her direction. He sounded tired, as if letting this out physically drained all the energy from his body. He seemed drawn and defeated.
"And that offer said you couldn't get divorced?" All of this was starting to worry her. Dwight was involved, none of this could be trusted.
"In exchange for your freedom, I have to stay married to Mercedes for nine months, really married, living with her, public appearances, the real deal."
"Wow." Quinn's heart sank with the realization of just what Dwight had set up for his son. He was trying to force Sam to spend time with Mercedes probably in the hopes that his memory would be jarred.
"And if I leave her before the time is up, or if she leaves me, you have to go back to the hospital," he said sinking into the chair at the desk, holding his head in his hands.
"Does Mercedes know about this?" asked Quinn fighting back tears. She thought Sam flirting with Mercedes was their biggest issue, turns out things were far worse.
"I'm not allowed to tell her about it. I have to make her think I really want to be married to her."
"That's so cruel. Your dad is a sick bastard."
Forcing a sham marriage, trapping the three of them in this lie, making Quinn have to sit on the sidelines and watch Sam fake it with his wife. Dwight had figured out a way to dole out his own form of cruel justice, far worse than what the courts could ever have cooked up.
"I couldn't agree more."
"So where does that leave us?" Quinn asked, the tears she had tried to suppress, finally starting to fall. Quinn already knew the answer to that question. Nowhere. Dwight had seen to that.
"I've been thinking a lot about that," said Sam standing in front of Quinn, taking both her hands and pulling her to her feet. "Nine months really isn't that long, we can make this work. Even though I have to live with Mercedes I won't be truly with her, and we can find ways to spend time together. Then at the end of the year I can divorce her and we can be free to be together." Sam smoothed the hair around Quinn's face, looking intently into her eyes, so full of hope.
"You want me to sneak around with you?"
Twisted irony had placed Quinn once again in this spot, the cheater, the secret lover. For months she fantasized about a new life, a better future, with Sam and Beth, a life filled with honest commitment, love and of course family. Quinn had known it was all a dream back then, she wasn't so far gone not to notice that Sam had a wife that he loved, and when he came out of his coma he would be with her once again. That was the outcome Quinn had expected, until he responded to her voice and woke up for her. It felt like a sign of change, that her dreams had merit and could one day actually come true. The past few weeks strengthened her belief in the possibility of them, of finally getting it right with Sam. His memory loss and lack of interest in his wife, while unfortunate, also brought about some positives, it gave Quinn a glimpse of that silver lining, of that so often unattainable feeling of hope. She should have known better. Dreams are forgotten with the morning light just as hope slips through the fingers like shimmering sand. Quinn wasn't getting a second chance with Sam, she didn't even deserve one after all she'd done, and deluding herself into believing she would just proved that point.
"I wouldn't put it like that. I want us to not let my father keep us apart. All we have to do is keep a low profile, and he'll never have to know."
He held her close, kissing the top of her head. Felt so right in his arms, he made her feel like it all could happen, that they could make it through Dwight's torment.
Reality fell over Quinn once more, hugs were not enough to thwart Dwight Evans. "What happens if Dwight finds out we are seeing each other?"
"He'll send you back to the hospital." Sam said quietly.
There it was, the final nail, the noose tightening around their necks, Dwight had them completely stuck.
Quinn pushed out of his arms. "Sam this is insane. Dwight calling all the shots, controlling our lives, it's like being in jail."
Worse than jail, no warden would be as diligent as Dwight Evans. He would be watching their every move.
"At least we'll have each other, and Beth will get the chance to know her mom. I don't want you stuck upstate away from us. I need you in my life Quinn," said Sam approaching her, only stopping when Quinn held out her hand preventing him from coming any further. She didn't want to be touched. She wanted a drink. Grey Goose would do wonders for her nerves.
"I told you I don't have custody of Beth, that will take time."
Sam just didn't get it. Coming back to Lima wouldn't magically make them a family, especially not with Dwight on their backs. Being upstate was starting to feel like a better option. It would certainly hurt a whole lot less. Having to watch Beth grow up without her, bonding with her father, but not even knowing her, being forced to love her daughter from a distance, the thought was almost too much for her bear. Could she actually endure a life like that? Living in the same town as her baby but not allowed to be a part of her life?
The hospital dulled that pain, a barrier from the bleak reality that Beth's world had nothing to do with her. Knowing Sam would be around did comfort her, but Quinn wasn't sure she could handle hearing updates, cute little stories, and progress reports from Sam on a regular basis. It almost felt like it would be picking at a slowly healing wound. How could she recover when the pain was staring her in the face each day?
"We can work on getting Beth back together. I will figure something out."
"Sam I don't know, if I can do this with you. I appreciate all you've done to help me, and I'm really thankful to be out of the hospital, but I don't know if this is going to work."
Both hands on her cheeks, he kissed her hard ending her protests and her coherent thoughts. Quinn didn't fight it, she opened her mouth, kissing him deeper, winding her arms around his neck. It would be so easy to let this happen, to keep falling into him, never caring where she would land.
"There are ways to be discreet," he said kissing her again. "No one will know. I can get us a place to meet, we can take trips out of town." He smiled, his lips looking red and used. "It will be like our own secret love affair," Sam whispered before brushing another kiss across her lips, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand as he pulled away.
Quinn shook her head, more for her benefit than his, she needed to physically shake herself out of this fantasy Sam was creating. "You make it sound so romantic."
"I think it is."
Same old Sam, so sweet, head filled with dreams, heart so full of love. Quinn was glad he hadn't lost this part of himself, that he still believed in love and its power to overcome anything. If only she were still seventeen, and able to fly off and follow her heart. This time she would be brave and take Sam's hand and see the places he had promised to show her. Here they were over ten years later and Sam was offering his hand again, this time there was no other boy dividing her heart. Sam was the only man she wanted. If only he were free.
"The problem is every time we meet up, you'll be cheating on your wife. Are you okay with that?" she asked straining to read his eyes in the dim light.
"I don't feel married," he said slow and resolute, a truth not an evasion.
"Well I feel like you're married, and I can't do it," Quinn said stepping out of his arms, crying now and not bothering to hide it. "I'm not going to be your mistress. I've hurt enough people in my life, I need to be better than that. Beth deserves a mother that can think beyond her own selfish desires."
"Beth needs her parents to be together."
Quinn silently agreed. Beth did need her parents together, but not like this.
"Sam you mean so much to me, I want to be with you," she said grabbing his hands, holding them tightly. "The old me would have jumped at the chance to have you any way I could, but I can't be that person anymore."
"So are you saying you want to go back to the hospital?" he asked seeming very confused. It must seem like this was coming out of nowhere for Sam. They had been so close to something just an hour ago, and now she was letting him go.
"No I'm saying we need to respect your father's deal, and abide by it the way he intended. You go home to Mercedes and Beth, and I'm going to try to get my life back on track, then in nine months…" She hesitated, staring at the floor, not knowing the words to finish her thoughts. Where would they be in nine months?
Sam lifted her hair and gripped the back of her neck, the intensity of his words flowing through him. "Life is so short, I've already lost so much time. I don't want to waste anymore. I don't want to spend nine months miserable without you."
"I'll still be here. Someone once told me that we're forever. I'll be your friend for as long as you'll have me," she said removing his hand on her neck and bringing it down to her lips, kissing it softly.
"I need a partner, someone to share my life. I don't need a friend," he said pulling away to sit on the bed.
"Maybe I need one. It's been so hard here without you. I'm just getting out of the mental hospital, I have to figure out how to get back to Beth. Things will be difficult enough for me, I don't want to add a clandestine affair to it all. We could just take things slow, get to know each other again. You've missed a lot, I might not be the same person you remember."
"Fine," he sighed. "Quinn we can try things your way for now, but it won't last, friendship will never be enough for us. What we have is undeniable, and soon you'll be craving for more."
"We have been just friends for years," she said sitting next to him and resting her head on his shoulder.
"Best friends I hear."
"Yep. We had a really good relationship."
"Didn't stop us from having sex though."
"Sam…" she said lifting her head.
He looked at her, eyes squinting with mischief. "I give it a week before you're back in my bed."
"Sounds like a challenge."
"More like a promise," said Sam, his voice dropping.
"You're so damn cocky," she said playfully, trying to laugh away the butterflies that sprung to life in her stomach.
"Not cocky, just confident in us. We are meant to be, and this time nothing is going to hold us back, not my father's stupid deals, not your sudden onset of morality, not even my wife. Our family will happen."
One last touch and then that would be it.
She sat up on her knees next to him sliding her arms around his neck. The feel of his hair, the green of his eyes that darkened when he looked at her, the way his full lips curved into a smile, she would miss all of that. Those perfect pieces of Sam to be stored away until she had the right to cherish them. The little sounds he made, low in the back of his throat, when the kiss was good, when he wanted more, when he wanted her, Quinn would tuck that away too, for the future, whenever that might be.
Quinn leaned in rubbing her nose against his, butterflies fluttering when he smiled in reaction, his forehead falling against hers. She pressed her lips against his, kissing him gently, slow and sweet, inching closer to his body, as his hand tangled in her hair.
Just one last kiss, and then no more.
Out the front door and down the stairs Finn guided his blue and silver bicycle down the driveway to where Mercedes stood. It was a big bike with large wheels that reminded her of the soles of Puck's hiking boots. Mercedes knew nothing about bicycles, so she wasn't even sure what type this one was, all she knew was that it was huge.
"This thing is massive. No way am I going to reach the pedals."
Finn considered her statement, looking at the bike and then at her. "Just hop on there short stack and let's see what we're working with."
Shakily she approached the bike and lifted her leg over ungracefully. Between her very tight jeans and the beers she had consumed, her balance was shot. Finn kept a firm hold of the bike as she got on.
"I don't think this is a good idea Finn," she said as she settled on the seat, clinging to the handlebars, her high heel clad feet dangled nowhere near the pedals.
"Get off the seat for a second. Like just stand up," he said rubbing a hand over his short brown curls.
Mercedes followed his direction standing on the ground, bike between her legs while Finn crouched down behind her fiddling with the seat. The clanking sound of metal against metal as Finn made adjustments took her back to another cold night.
Her cherished Audi had finally conked out after miles up and down the Santa Monica Expressway and a trip across country to Ohio. Its long very loved life came sputtering to an end on a dark stretch of road in Lima. She was on her way home from a late class, humming a nameless song with a beat that seemed forever stuck in her head, thinking about how Shane was going to come over later that night to help her study after his shift at the hospital. No AAA, because she could barely pay her insurance as a part time aide and full time student, and no answer from her dad or Shane, which came as no surprise since both were on call. Beiste was at a restaurant convention, and Puck and Quinn had a romantic night planned, that he was so excited about, she couldn't dare interrupt.
Mercedes' list of who to call in case of an emergency was woefully short and the one name left on her list she didn't dare call. Although, no one would ever say she lacked nerve. So she had called Sam Evans that night fully expecting to get cursed out or hug up on after all the games she had played with him while working as his assistant. Now that she had quit her job at D&E, her association with Sam had been extremely limited, mostly relegated to caching glimpses of him around town or hearing about his exploits in passing from Puck.
Less than fifteen minutes later, Sam rolled up in a shiny new Porsche, and a crooked smile on his face. She expected he'd call a tow and drive her home, but instead he totally surprised her and rolled up the sleeves of his pale green dress shirt and popped up the hood of her car. Shivering in the cold, she watched him work, metal clanking against metal, the rustle of his shirt as he moved, Sam never said a word to her and Mercedes somehow managed to hold her tongue as well. Twenty minutes later he stood, closed the hood of the car, and took the keys that she was holding from her hand. Still Mercedes said nothing as he climbed halfway into the car, because his legs were too long to fit with the position of her seat, and started it up. Looking quite pleased with himself he stood in front of her, hands shoved in his pants pockets and grinned. Mercedes remembered rolling her eyes and muttering something about him being a cocky bastard but she couldn't help but smile too.
The glow from his car lights made his eyes look unnaturally green like kryptonite in those Superman movies and she found herself getting pulled toward a place she had been struggling to forget. Instead of just thanking him and driving on, she reached out and caressed his cheek, wiping a smudge of grease from his pale skin. She let her hand linger, as always crossing lines and taking liberties with him, when saner women would have let it go. And they had a moment there on the side of the road, and this time she was sure it wasn't just in her head, though Sam never said anything to add validity to that belief. Once time caught up with the pace of her heart and she realized she had been staring at him for countless minutes, she finally looked away and whatever hold they had over each other was gone. He'd told her she had a pretty smile that night, randomly, out of the blue as he walked back to his car.
Mercedes wasn't sure why that nothing little memory popped into her head tonight, when all of her thoughts of Sam were far less pleasant.
"Try the seat now," she heard Finn say.
So she did. This time her feet reached the pedals and they both grinned overly excited by something so small.
"So it's just like riding those bikes at the gym, but this one moves."
"Does this butt look like it has been to the gym?" Mercedes asked playfully.
Finn turned a bright shade of red as his eyes fell toward her butt on the seat. Mercedes deflated at his reaction. Why had she made that butt comment? She really needed to control her mouth and her pitiful tendency at pointing out her own flaws. Finn knew she was flabby, no sense in reminding him.
Then he was at her feet sliding off her shoe before moving to the opposite side to take off her other one. "You won't get far in these," he explained as he placed her heels on the grass.
"I don't know about this." Mercedes slid off the seat putting both of her bare feet on the cold ground. "I'm going to bust my ass. I just know it."
"You think I'd let anything happen to an ass that fine?" he asked with a quick wink as he yanked down the knit cap he had put on her head earlier. "I've got you. Okay?"
Before she could even respond he had put up the kickstand with his foot and had one hand on the handlebars and the other on the back of the seat. Slowly she got back up on the seat and put her feet on the pedals, internally giving herself a pep talk.
"My mom made me learn to ride on the grass," Finn said as he guided the bike toward the street. "She was terrified I would get hurt on the pavement but…"
"Where's the fun in that?" Mercedes asked cutting him off.
He flashed a grin. "Exactly. So pedal like at the gym."
And she did, with Finn by her side as she tried to remain upright. Not too long the wind whipped by her ears as she began to pick up speed. The cars parked on the street were starting to blur and she was really going. Feeling almost free, but very shaky on the bike, Mercedes looked to her side to tell Finn how amazing this was, only to discover he wasn't there. In an instant everything shifted, the wind had stopped and she was falling, but instead of hitting the hard asphalt like she had expected, she hit something sort of soft and warm.
"Oh my god Mercedes are you okay?" he asked breathing heavily near her ear.
There was a tiny thread coming loose on his quilted dark green jacket and she was itching to yank it loose and that was all she could focus on was that one thread and the rumble in her belly, that was starting to flow upward through her chest. Warm hands were on her face pulling her attention. How could his hands be so warm when it was so cold outside?
"Are you hurt?" he asked sounding worried. One of his thumbs stroked her face in a rhythmic motion like a windshield wiper but only on her skin. It felt nice and relaxing and made her give in to the warmth in her chest, letting it flow until her shoulders started to shake as if some unknown force had taken over her body and was demanding she feel something different. Mercedes was so ready for different, anything besides the constant ache of loneliness in her chest. Then it happened on a cold night in the middle of the street half way on Finn's lap, she felt it bubble from her lips, giggles, so foreign to her ears, then laughter, and finally just a stupid grin.
Finn looked confused, dropping his hands from her face, but he was smiling too his dimples on prominent display on his face.
"You have really cute dimples," she said for no reason at all, except for the fact it was true. He turned red again, though not as bright as before.
"And you have really cute cheeks," he responded, which made Mercedes smile even wider. "If you put the two of us together we'd make a really cute cabbage patch kid."
The giggles returned at that and she couldn't help but wonder how much they'd had to drink. "Finn what do you know about cabbage patch kids?"
He lifted his shoulders and looked away. "I used to play with one as a kid."
"That is so cute."
"Before you start squealing, it wasn't mine. He belonged to my mom. Brown hair, two dimples, and yellow overalls, she used to say he looked like me. She kept him in the middle of her bed, like decoration, and sometimes I would go and get him and bring him to my room. I used to set up these elaborate scenes with my actions figures like cities and battles and stuff and I would make the cabbage patch kid walk through it kicking down buildings and stepping on figures like Godzilla attacking Tokyo."
Mercedes bent over in laughter. "What? You made a cute little doll into a monster?"
"It was freaking awesome." Finn was excited now. Talking with his hands and smiling as he told the story of his monster cabbage patch doll. "The destruction he caused was legendary. I wish I had video of it."
"What was his name?"
"Megalathor. But my mom called him Rodney."
"You made that up," she said as her laughter started to fade. She shifted away from him and scooted up to her feet.
"I did not," he said hand over his chest looking offended. "Ask my mom."
She extended her arm toward him, offering to help him up from the ground. He waved her hand away and popped to his feet in a single motion and was off to retrieve his bike.
"That's a cute story Finn. I wish you had pictures too. I would have loved to have seen Rodney, I mean Megalathor. I never had dolls growing up."
"Really? Why's that?" he asked as he walked the bike over to her.
She shrugged as they walked side by side down the street back toward the house. Mercedes winced with each step of her bare feet on the cold pavement. "Just never did. I had lots of books though."
"A bookish tomboy, I like that mix. So how did you manage to get through childhood without learning to ride a bike?"
"Not many places to ride when you're living in hotels."
She didn't bother to correct him on the tomboy thing. Better for him to think that she didn't like dolls than to know that her mom just never bothered to get her any. Her mom preferred to spend money on necessities like enticing clothing, spa appointments and drugs. Mercedes was pretty much an afterthought for her mother unless there was money to be made. She could see that now, but for most of her life she had thought she had done something wrong to make her mother dislike her so much. That was why she worked even harder to do everything her mom asked without complaint. If she did everything right, her mom would have no choice but to love her. Right?
"That's a shame," he said softly. "But now you have me." Finn was suddenly cheerful again. "Whenever you want to ride, I'm available." His dimples surfaced and his brown eyes sparkled making her feel like he was offering so much more than his bike.
"Thanks Finn. You've been a good friend."
"Yes!" He cheered. "I've been upgraded to friend status. You know what that means."
"Uh…no."
"Means I get the right to pinch those cheeks." Dropping the bike he lunged toward her. Mercedes yelped as she dodged out of the way.
"You better stay away from me boy!" She yelled as he chased her down the road.
The cold air burned in her lungs as she ran, and her feet hurt as they hit the pavement, but Mercedes couldn't remember the last time she felt so good. Even after Finn had given up and they were settled back in his car, the feeling still didn't subside. Laughter still bubbled in her throat and her smile just wouldn't go drop as they backed out of the driveway messing up the lyrics to an old Bon Jovi song about running away.