Chapter 52
"Oh my God," yelled Santana with a huge smile and a small scream. She pulled Quinn into a tight hug right in the middle of the open doorway. "It is so good to see you free and not in white."
"Thank you. It is good to be free," said Quinn a bit less energetically but still smiling. "Maybe we should come inside, I don't want us seen."
Quinn guided Santana through the door into the suite, before any passersby noticed two women hugging and smiling like lunatics. She needed to keep a low profile.
"You told me five times on the phone, not to tell anyone you were in town. What's with all the mystery?" asked Santana throwing her coat and purse on the couch, before walking over to the small bar in the room.
"We're just not advertising I'm out of the hospital yet," said Quinn, sitting on the couch. Quinn wanted to be sure Sam told Mercedes she was back in town, before strolling the streets. It was the decent thing to do.
"Why not? Did you break out or something?" she asked, as she pulled out a glass and poured herself a soda.
"No," she chuckled. "Nothing as dramatic as that. Dr. Hill signed the papers and everything. I am officially a free woman."
Santana took a seat on the couch next to Quinn, pushing her coat aside. "Kali did this?"
"Yesterday Sam came to visit me. He brought Dr. Hill with him."
"I was about to ask you which of your handsome heroes came to your rescue, should have known it was Sam."
"It was completely unexpected. I thought he was just coming up for a visit, I never expected I'd be leaving with him. I didn't get a chance to pack my things or say goodbye to Iley. I pretty much just left with the clothes on my back."
"Tell me everything. How did all of this go down?"
"It's not that exciting actually. Sam came to see me, then I talked to Dr. Hill, then Sam came back in the room asked me to dessert and next thing I knew I was out."
"That was a seriously edited recount. What are you not saying?"
"It was very emotional. I'm not ready to share okay?" Quinn hoped Santana would let it go. Too much had happened and she hadn't had time to process it all yet.
"Not okay. We're girlfriends, all we do is share. Shoes, men, and juicy info about reunions with our true loves."
Quinn scrunched her face in distaste. "I hate that word. True love. I really think it a bad omen or the signal to attract heartache."
"Pain is what lets you know it's real. They can't hurt you if they don't matter."
She leaned back on the couch with a big sigh. "I need to only have meaningless flings because this true love stuff keeps kicking me in the ass."
"What happened Quinn?" Santana asked, kicking off her shoes and pulling her feet up under her on the couch.
"Santana it was like a fairy tale," Quinn said with a smile. "Sam came into the visiting room, looking gorgeous, and I looked at him and I felt it, like everywhere. Then he hugged me and I knew I never wanted him to let me go."
"I love nice strong hugs. Puck gives the best hugs, like he folds me into his whole body."
"Sam gives great ones too. And it was more than that, we got a chance to talk some. He told me how happy he was about Beth and how he loved that we had her together."
"I told you Quinn," said Santana grabbing her arm. "Sam was crazy happy about all that."
"He gave me a picture of him and Beth together. Things couldn't have been more perfect."
"All this sounds amazing, so where's the heartache?"
"He told me he was falling in love with me," admitted Quinn looking away, feeling a bit shy. She was almost embarrassed to be this happy. Every time she thought about Sam telling her he was in love with her, she wanted to float away. She was that giddy about it.
"In the middle of the hospital?"
"No at the hotel later."
"Ok hold up there girl. I think I need to add some rum to this coke, because I have a feeling things are about to get good. You, Kali and Sam were at a hotel together?"
"No, just me and Sam, Dr. Hill went back to Lima with Mike."
Santana frowned. "Mike?"
"Sam isn't supposed to drive yet, so he had Mike bring them upstate. Then when I was released the four of us headed back to Lima together."
"Road trip from hell," said Santana rolling her eyes dramatically.
"Exactly. I don't know how I held it together. Mike was making loaded comments the whole ride, Sam was totally confused. It got to the point where I just wished Mike would have ended the torture and blurted everything out."
"But he didn't right? I know Mike has issues but I can't see him telling his brother he was sleeping with his dream girl in the middle of the car."
"Mike didn't say anything about that. But he had tons to say when he saw Sam kiss me."
"What kind of kiss?" asked Santana, leaning toward Quinn eagerly.
"The really good kind, in the backseat of the car."
That's all Santana was going to get out of her. She didn't need to know that the kiss was good she felt lightheaded, that she could still feel the sensation of his lips for almost an hour afterward.
"What did Mike say exactly?"
"He pulled over, dragged Sam out of the car, I couldn't hear most of it but I know he brought up cheating and Mercedes."
It would have been bordering on humiliating if she hadn't still been reeling from that kiss. Quinn was too much in a daze to focus on the fact that Mike was treating his brother like a teenager.
"Of course he did, because Mike is a sad little man that likes to make sure everyone is as miserable as he is."
Another thing Quinn had in common with Santana. Mike. They both had major issues with the man, stemming from their regrettable decision to date him.
"I'm not so sure about that. Mike was the one that paid for our hotel room. I don't know what Sam did to convince him but Mike left Sam and me at that Holiday Inn all alone."
Mike did have a heart for his brother. That was the only thing that saved Quinn from having to explain her relationship with Mike to Sam last night. It was a welcome reprieve, of course, Quinn knew it was temporary. She planned on telling Sam all soon. Maybe since now they had decided to be just friends the news would be easier for him to take.
"I know I asked for the whole story but I can't take anymore. Did you sleep with him or what?" asked Santana, grinning.
"Santana I wanted him so badly, I was so ready, more than ready. I had been waiting for my chance to be with him for so long. And he was so amazing, the way he was all in, saying everything I only believed I would ever hear in my dreams. I never thought it would be possible for him to feel this way about me, not now, after everything," said Quinn the words rushing out of her even as she tried to put a cap on her happiness.
"Then he told you he loved you and you freaked?"
"No way, I think that is what sent me over the edge. I got chills when he said it. He wants to have a life with me and Beth." Every single thing he said was exactly what Quinn had been longing to hear for months. He felt what she felt, he wanted what she wanted.
"I'll hand it to Sam, he doesn't play around, so upfront and direct. That is so sexy in a man."
"Very sexy, half naked ready to take it to the next level sexy. Then Mercedes got in the way." One minute Quinn had been on fire, literally about to beg Sam to make love to her, the next she was completely dowsed. Mercedes was a cold shower on her passion.
"Mercedes?" Santana's dark eyes widened. "Who invited Little Miss Sunshine?"
"She wasn't physically there. He had his wedding ring around his neck."
If only she hadn't seen that ring, maybe she and Sam would be together right now, planning their future, making up for lost time, definitely making love. She'd missed her best friend more than she could adequately express in words. Quinn thought that maybe if they had a chance to get intimate, she could show him how she felt, let her actions prove how much he'd been missed.
"I'm confused. It wasn't on his finger, so what's the problem?"
The problem was Sam didn't do things for no reason. Wearing that ring meant more than he was saying. He could have put it in his pocket, kept it in a drawer, but he chose to wear it. Something about that unnerved Quinn.
"Why did he have it on at all? He doesn't even remember her."
"Did you ask him?" Santana asked.
"He said he was wearing it just to see if it would help him figure things out or remember anything."
"I can see that. I still don't see how you let a little ring stop you from sleeping with the man you've wanted for almost a year. And don't try to argue with me, I know you've been in denial about Sam all this time."
Quinn wasn't going to argue. The secret was out and she felt better for it. It was such a relief to stop fighting her feelings for Sam.
"I've been in denial about a lot of things, like the fact that he's still very married." Ring or no ring that was a fact that wasn't going to change, not for nine more months at least.
"Doesn't remember her, so doesn't count," said Santana shaking her head as she sipped her drink.
"That sort of thinking only works in Santanaland. The rest of us try to live by the rules of society and for better or for worse means just that, Sam and Mercedes may be going through hard times, but they're still married."
Quinn had a broken engagement, and had her share of affairs, but she still believed in marriage and the sacred strength of vows.
"If Sam told you that he loved you and wanted a future, he obviously doesn't take much stock in his current marriage."
That was one thing Quinn wasn't so sure about. Sam had told her he didn't feel married, yet he was wearing his ring around his neck, and yelling at Mercedes about going out with other men. Sam was a man that took marriage very seriously, despite the fact he didn't remember his current one, Quinn had to believe that a part of him respected their union. It wouldn't be Sam if he didn't care at least a little bit.
"He can't leave her though."
Quinn wanted to tell Santana about the deal Dwight had trapped Sam with, she would have loved to have someone to confide in, but Quinn knew Santana was far too talkative and loose with secrets to entrust her with this. She'd have to suffer through it alone for now.
"Why can't he? Is that little witch guilt tripping him into staying? I will go over there and beat her down for standing in the way of my girl's happiness. She thinks she calls all the shots, acting like Queen B of the Evans family, had the nerve to tell me that I wasn't invited. Who does she think she is? That little girl doesn't know who she's playing with," Santana grumbled, more to herself than to Quinn.
"What are you talking about Santana?" Quinn asked, semi amused at her friend's sudden rant.
"Sorry. Don't mind me. Continue, why can't he leave his child bride?"
"He had some complicated excuse, basically his father wants him to take the time to get to know Mercedes before making any decisions." That was the heart of Dwight's deal anyway. Dwight wanted Sam around Mercedes and not her.
"Since when does Sam do what Dwight says?" asked Santana skeptically.
Quinn shrugged. "This time he's going along with it."
It was one of the most romantic gestures anyone had ever done for her. Sam was willing to shelve his happiness for her freedom. Just thinking about it made her teary.
"There's got to be more to it. Sounds like Dwight's up to something."
Quinn could see Santana's mind working and that never led to anything good. She had to throw her off.
"Even if Dwight is playing dirty, I actually agree with him this time. I think Sam should get to know his wife." Hopefully Santana would ease up on trying to figure out Dwight's motives if she knew Quinn was in agreement with the man.
"Quinn did you mix up your pills this morning? You are not making sense. Sam should be as far away from Mercedes as possible," she said talking slowly to emphasize her point.
"Before the accident, Sam really loved Mercedes, maybe he needs to explore that."
Another fact Quinn couldn't ignore. Sam had confided in her before the accident. Quinn knew how much Mercedes meant to him. How would he feel if he knew she was standing in the way of him being with his wife again?
"Is that really what you want? Sam rekindling with his wife."
"No. I want him to be with Beth and me. I want us to finally get this right, to be together and stay that way, but if Sam got his memory back tomorrow he would want Mercedes, not me."
There was no disputing that sad truth. A month together in this hotel, and Sam didn't make any moves toward her. He just wasn't interested.
"How do you even know that? You two have a child together, that means something, and you spent all that time together here at the Beacon before the accident. Isn't that when things started to change between the two of you?"
"For me, but not for him. He wanted his wife back, that's all he wanted. Now he has her back and he doesn't even appreciate it."
As his best friend, a part of her felt so badly about that. When she put her own feelings aside, and focused on what Sam wanted, it was awfully sad that he finally got that shot he wanted with Mercedes and he couldn't even remember her to take advantage of it. Quinn really would never have wished something like this on him, even if it did lead to them building a life together with Beth.
"Shit happens for a reason. Maybe they weren't supposed to get back together. She would have divorced him if that car hadn't crashed."
Santana was so blunt. She didn't like Mercedes, so she couldn't find a reason to care, but even though Quinn wasn't fond of the girl either, she couldn't ignore what she saw with her own eyes, what she knew was true. Mercedes loved Sam and that was the main motivator for all her actions since the crash.
"She really loves him. I can tell."
"Big deal. He doesn't feel the same away about her, so she's going to have to suck it up and move on," said Santana dismissively, as she got up from the couch to refill her glass.
"I think Sam feels more than he's letting on. They got really close while he was in the hospital, like I think he slept with her."
She hated feeling like Sam was lying to her, and maybe he wasn't, he probably was lying to himself more than anything, which didn't make Quinn feel much better. In the back of her mind she knew that Sam wasn't telling her the whole truth about his feelings for Mercedes.
"No way, he was all hooked up to those tubes. I doubt he was getting it up."
"Sam and I got pretty hot last night and when I asked him just what went on with him and Mercedes, he admitted they had gotten hotter than we did." And they had gone pretty far, so for him to have done even more with Mercedes, all that could possibly mean was that they had sex.
"He was flat on his back in a hospital bed, she probably took advantage."
"I heard him on the phone with her Santana when he thought I was in the shower. He was flirting with her about some sexual encounter they had. If Mercedes took advantage, he was her willing victim."
Whatever had happened, Sam liked it. Quinn shuddered when she remembered him mentioning a repeat performance. She was just in the other room and Sam had been lounging on the bed, talking to his wife about having another go. Quinn felt a little queasy just picturing it.
"I think I get it now. You were hurt and jealous because Sam was on the phone with Mercedes and he had his ring, so you used that as an excuse not to sleep with him because you were starting to freak out."
"I'm not freaked out. It was the best thing when Sam told me he loved me. And if I were jealous, I wouldn't have told him to go home to his wife."
Knowing Sam loved her made her feel safe and secure, finally someone that cared and would always be there. She was the opposite of freaked out whenever she thought about that. Sam loving her made Quinn feel like anything was possible. The problem was Mercedes and his connection to her. Where would that leave Quinn if he suddenly got his memory back? She didn't want to lose Sam, never again.
"Oh my God, Quinn you didn't?" Santana put down her drink on the bar, and rushed back over to the couch, flopping beside her.
"It was the right thing to do. I don't want to be the kind of woman that sleeps with a married man and doesn't care about the consequences." She was better than that, she had to be, for Beth.
"This isn't the typical situation though."
"Look Santana, Mercedes has custody of my daughter, and even though Sam is back now to take over, she's still her stepmother. I can't pretend that Mercedes won't be a part of Beth's life."
She hated it, but she couldn't deny that Mercedes had been good to her child. Things might have been so much worse for Beth if Mercedes weren't around.
"Get Sam to change that. He doesn't need Mercedes to raise Beth."
"You don't know how many times I've wanted to tell him that, but it would be the wrong decision. Beth's life has been in an upheaval because of me. Mercedes has been the only thing normal in her world. I can't take that away from her, not until I can give her what she needs. When I get settled and back on my feet, then I can step in and bring my baby home."
"It's crazy how our lives are paralleling right now," said Santana.
"What do you mean?"
"Oh just stuff the torn between two lovers stuff, I'm trying to save you some pain so please hear me out."
"Is this about Brittany?" asked Quinn. She knew that Santana had been struggling with her feelings for Brittany, even after their break up.
"Yes. Isn't it always? When I'm with Brittany everything clicks, but then I go and do something to screw things up and she's out the door. I don't know how many more times we can survive this roller coaster ride. I'm so scared I'm going to hurt her again." Santana quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.
"You and Brittany are spending time together again now right? Puck mentioned some things to me."
"Brittany wants us to settle down and create this perfect family, basically everything I've ever wanted."
"Is that why things ended with you and Puck?"
"Brittany asked me to marry her." Quinn was shocked. Brittany and Santana had one of the worst breakups she had ever seen. It seemed implausible that they would ever be talking about getting back together. "Somehow she managed to forgive me for Puck, for Dave, for everything," Santana added as if she had read Quinn's thoughts.
"What about Puck though?"
"I love Puck, he knows that, but I'm not the one for him, never have been."
"He's really hurt right now. He barely likes to talk about it."
"He's not hurt over me Quinn. I think he's more upset over you and the fact that you and Sam might be getting together."
Quinn shook her head. Santana completely had the wrong idea. "We talked about this. Puck and I are just friends."
"I know," Santana said quickly, not seeming convinced. "I'm just talking really. The point I'm trying to make is this. Don't get in your own way. Screw this up and Sam and Mercedes will be living happily ever after with your child. Kids bring people together."
"I know that and Sam and I have Beth." The perfect little symbol of their connection.
"Sam and Mercedes have Beth," Santana said quietly, looking Quinn in the eyes.
Quinn looked away. "That's temporary. I'm going to get my baby back."
"Quinn, I know you are going to make that happen and Beth will be home with you one day, but I think you might be kidding yourself if you think Sam will be in tow."
"If he loves me, he will be. I have to have faith in that."
Faith was all she had to hold on to now. It was faith that brought Sam back from his coma, got her out of the mental hospital, and even led Sam to profess his love. Quinn was gripping her faith hard with both hands, praying that she wouldn't be let down this last time. She and Sam would make that family with Beth.
"You sent him to live with a banshee. You don't think Mercedes is going to do everything in her power to win him over? By the time you're ready to take Beth back, Sam will be so wrapped up in her, probably making babies, renewing their vows. He's going to have that family you want, without you. You can't just sit back and let that happen."
"Mercedes is not going to stay with a man that doesn't want her, besides I think she's already moving on. When I overheard Sam on the phone he was questioning her about being out with another guy."
"This was last night?" asked Santana, running her hand through her long black hair.
"Yeah."
"She was out with Finn Hudson. Puck told me they went to see some band."
"See she's moving on."
Mercedes was so young, her head would be turned by so many guys over the next few years. There was no way she could deal with the kind of commitment that Sam wanted, a life with a home and kids. Mercedes was still in her prime, finding herself, she didn't need to be tied down.
"How was Sam acting when he found out she was with Finn?"
"He was agitated, even started yelling, but Sam told me that Mercedes being seen out with another guy reflects badly on his family name and that's why he was so upset."
"And you believed that? The Evans family has one of the shadiest reputations in the world, one cheating spouse is not going to wreck their image. The fact that he had a baby with you has been national news for months. Mercedes going out with some kid is only a footnote in comparison."
"Santana you're not helping. I need to stay firm in my decision." She was like the devil on Quinn's shoulder, tempting her to go down the dark path of adultery. Quinn needed to block her out, she had to resist.
"While I respect your convictions, I think you are making a big mistake."
"I don't. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to."
"What if Sam is supposed to be with his wife? Can you live with that?"
She didn't want to think about this. There had been too many signs that this was her chance with Sam. They had to end up together, or else nothing made sense in this world anymore.
"If that's the case then I guess I'll have to. It would prove our feelings weren't strong enough to endure this."
"Did you tell him how you feel about him? Really tell him."
"I told him I wanted to be with him."
"And? Those three little words?" asked Santana.
"I didn't get around to saying that much, I mean I thought it would be better left unsaid anyway since he was going to go deal with Mercedes."
More like she thought it would be like putting salt in his wounds. How could she have told him that she loved him, and in the next breath tell him to go back to his wife?
"You left the door right open for her. You might as well have made them a candlelit dinner and threw rose petals on the bed."
"What are you talking about?" Santana was so dramatic, but a niggling voice within her was starting to think Santana might be onto something.
"He's probably thinking you don't love him and that's why you told him to go home."
"After last night I'm sure Sam knows I care." Santana was so off base. Sam knew how much she cared about him. He had to know, she practically had said it in so many ways.
"If you didn't say the words, I doubt he trusted anything else you said. Men are so basic when you get down to it, they just want to be loved, fed, and sexed. Simple and direct. If you didn't look into his eyes and say 'Sam I love you.' He's going to be feeling rejected."
Quinn buried her head against the arm rest of the couch, whimpering. "He was really quiet on the ride back to Lima and he looked sad when I wouldn't let him come up to the suite, but I just thought it would be easier on us if we said our goodbyes in the car."
"Quinn you've known the guy for years, how are you this clueless? Have you ever told Sam you loved him before?"
"Well…no actually...not in so many words," she said lifting her head, but staying put on the couch. Quinn was too dejected to move. Had she ruined everything? Sam was probably someplace hurt and mad at her, probably having comfort sex with his wife. Oh God.
"Okay we're going to fix this. You're going to go to Sam and tell him what's in your heart, simple and direct," said Santana excitedly, pulling on Quinn's arm. Quinn didn't budge.
"I don't even know where Sam is, he's probably with Mercedes." If Santana were to be believed, he was probably sipping champagne on a bed of roses with Mercedes right now.
"Actually I have a pretty good idea where Sam will be tonight. And we're going to go see him."
Santana's eyes danced as whatever plan she was concocting in her brain took shape.
"Santana, can't this wait until tomorrow? I'm totally unprepared to face him." Quinn just wanted to hibernate, hide out in the hotel for a while until the sting of Dwight's deal wore off.
"No, this can't wait. Don't you get it? You can't let Mercedes get the jump on you. You sent Sam right into the lion's den. Mercedes is probably pulling out all the stops on him right now. That girl's going to do everything in her power to keep him with her. Luckily for us, she has plans tonight that will keep her from doing a full out assault on the man."
"What kind of plans? What's going on?" Santana was up to something and Quinn was starting to get very concerned.
"Don't worry about that. We need to hurry," said Santana sliding into her shoes. "I'm taking you downstairs to the hotel boutique and we are going to charge the most fabulous dress to this suite."
"Santana, I don't know. Let's just stay in and watch chick flicks and eat popcorn," Quinn pleaded.
"After. We will sit up all night and giggle about how you gave Sam Evans the best birthday of his life because you finally told him you loved him."
His birthday. Quinn cringed. She'd pushed him away on his birthday weekend. Damn she was an idiot. He really must think she was heartless.
"Maybe you're right. I want him to know how I feel, even if we aren't going to be together right now." Quinn stood up smoothing out the wrinkles in her blue dress.
"I know I'm right, get your shoes on. We need to shop fast, so we can go. We've got to beat Mercedes to the punch, because once that little tyke starts pulling at his heart strings you're going to have a real battle on your hands."
Fear started to build in the pit of Quinn's stomach. What if Santana was right and by not telling Sam what was in her heart she had inadvertently lost him? She had just wanted them to be good people and honor their commitments, but what if her hesitation, her inability to let go and give Sam her whole heart, what if that led Sam straight into Mercedes' arms?