I always hated waking up in the middle of the night. I would wake up utterly exhausted and desperately wanting to go back to sleep, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't go to sleep any time soon in the next hour. Hours I'd be awake, just merely staring at the ceiling and thinking about new inventions, or trying to fall asleep again, but all those attempts were in vain. I always hated it because it would leave me exhausted in the morning.

I could handle staying up all night, in a way, but somehow I just couldn't handle waking up in the middle of the night. Every morning after such a night I'd be incredibly frustrated, even more than usual. And I could barely function properly. A quiet sigh escaped my lips and I just gave up, cracking my eyes open and blinking for a few seconds. This wasn't my room, it was Raph's.

Something warm was next to me and when I looked to my left I saw the sleeping face of my older brother. Leo had taken his bandana off and I found myself frozen for a few seconds. Huge bags were under Leo's eyes and even while he was sleeping he seemed so tired, and the way he was practically curled up against me made him so vulnerable, just like a year ago.

My breath hitched in my throat slightly and my fingers softly reached out, carefully ghosting over Leo's face. Leo shifted slightly beneath me but didn't wake up which made me frown. This wasn't the leader I remembered, but most importantly, this wasn't my oldest brother I remembered. This was the normal teen he rarely saw. The scared and young boy beneath his 'leader mask'. The one that practically killed himself by thinking it was his fault that Mikey had died, the one that cried his heart out over his death, and the same one who had to be strong no matter what.

"Don, you awake?" a low voice suddenly interrupted the silence and I could barely contain myself from shouting back at him. But a quick glance at my sleeping brother made me rethink that thought. I didn't want to wake him, especially seeing how exhausted he really was. Instead I merely grunted and carefully sat up, and look up to see Raph looking at me.

"Obviously" I whispered and looked down on my baby brother, and yet again I could feel my stomach turn. "How long have you been awake?" I asked, trying to take my eyes off my little brother. I couldn't stand seeing him like this. But eventually, no matter how hard I tried my eyes trailed back to Mikey's hopeless and vulnerable body. He was tightly curled up against Raph's body and Raph had an arm around him.

Small droplets of sweat were trickling down his face and an expression of pain was written all over him, he was obviously having a nightmare, again. It wasn't a bad one, not yet at least. But only by looking Raph in the eyes I knew he was thinking the same as I was thinking, it wouldn't be long before it would get bad, and Mikey would once again wake up screaming in fear.

"Dunno" Raph shrugged slightly. "Been awake for a while but couldn't get up without wakin' Mikey up. What about you, Ya seem pretty tired?" He retorted and watched me closely, waiting for an answer. I merely nodded and lay back down, staring at the ceiling. It was true what Raph said, and I hadn't thought he wouldn't have noticed. I was pretty sure I was having the same bags as Leo right now, And just like Leo I wasn't wearing my mask.

"I just woke up, but you know I can't fall asleep again" I simply responded and closed my eyes for a while, just listening to the soft breathing of both Leo and Mikey. That is until a snicker interrupted my thoughts and I couldn't help but to roll my eyes at Raph's reaction. It wasn't a secret that they all thought it was hilarious, the inability of falling asleep again. And they would often make jokes about it in the morning. Not like I cared, it mostly cheered me up in the morning I was feeling cranky again.

A soft smile made its way up my face as I thought of those moments we used to have every morning I woke up like that. Come to think of it, it had always been Mikey who made jokes about it, Leo and Raph merely went along. Sometimes they added things, and other times they just laughed. My smile however faded when I remembered why it had stopped, Mikey's disappearance. His death.

I still remembered the first time. It had been 2 weeks after he had disappeared and everything was going well. And with well I meant the fact that we were all falling apart. Raph only trained and talked his heart out against Spike, Leo was even worse than Raph, over the last twee weeks he had lost so much weight, and his muscles began to disappear, even though he was always in the dojo. He wasn't eating properly, he wasn't sleeping properly, and that was affecting his health badly.

I wasn't any better, I barely slept and I practically survived on coffee to stay awake. Every time I would sleep I would think about my baby brother. Every time I closed my eyes his screams rang through my head from the DVD, and every time I remembered the reactions when I looked up from the blood. The tears in father's eyes, the rage on Raph's face and the crushing guilt in Leo's eyes.

And it had been two weeks already, I barely slept and much to my shame I lost just as much weight as Leo did. Almost to the point it wasn't healthy anymore. I was tired, and I skipped training because I was feeling sick a lot. And that particular morning I was feeling worse than usual. I woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare, about Mikey, and I couldn't sleep afterwards. And that was the first time there was nobody to cheer me up. And it honestly crushed me from the inside out.

"What's gonna happen tomorrow Don, to Mikey?" Raph suddenly asked, his voice strangely vulnerable and it made me frown. Raph rarely sounded like this but at the same time I knew why. It was the fact that he didn't know what to do. When someone was injured, Raph would defend him, when someone was having a nightmare, he comforted them. But right now nobody knew what to do. Mikey was way too scared to be 'fixed' and I closed my eyes at the question.

"I don't know Raph, I honestly don't know" I answered in all honestly and I slowly pried my eyes open again. "I have to check his wounds tomorrow, but other than that… I have no idea what we should do" I added unsure. A strange uncomfortable feeling washed over me, reaching my bones. I had always been our family doctor, and while I didn't enjoy stitching my brothers up, or relocating bones, I wasn't grossed out by it, I knew I was helping them.

But just thinking about checking on Mikey's wounds make me strangely sick and with this uncomfortable feeling in my whole body. I had seen them once, and that horrified me. It was different from a cut during a fight, it was different than breaking a bone during sparing. He was strapped down, his limbs were cut open while he was completely defenseless and alone. These wounds weren't just a simple injury, they held a complete story, a one year long story.

"He won't like it, it'll freak 'im out" Raph pointed out and I nodded numbly. Of course I knew it. I was already feeling sick over the thought alone, and I wasn't the one who had been kidnapped and tortured on for a whole year. And while I was already not looking forwards to seeing the wounds, I couldn't even predict how Mikey was going to react, if he would even let me.

"I know that, but I have to check on him" I said, realizing Raph couldn't see me nodding while I was laying down. "You should be there if he wants you to be. He trusts you the most, you have the strongest bond no matter how much you deny it" I added with a confident voice. We all loved each other dearly, and no one favorited one brother over another, and yet we kind off did.

Mikey would often come to Raph to seek comfort instead of me and Leo. And at the same time I would go to Leo first for advice instead of Mikey or Raph. It was something we stuck to once we were smaller. And once we grew older, we never grew out of it. And while it helped Raph a lot in the past, with Mikey coming to him and likewise, Mikey helping Raph out when he needed it, it also broke him when Mikey had 'died'.

Raph huffed slightly but decided not to press the subject and even from here I could hear him yawning. Being awake in the middle of the night and talking for who knows how long must've taken a toll on him. And in a few minutes I could hear his soft breathing through the silent room, indicating he had fallen asleep again. I lay awake for half an hour before I followed Raph, finally falling asleep too.

TMNT

It was exactly the type of scene where you could hear the clocks slowly ticking by. The only thing that could be heard was the soft breathing of the only two people in the room, together with the ticking of the clock. Tick tack, tick tack, tick tack. On and on as the scene torturously played itself, slowly as the actions took place. That was exactly what I was feeling right now.

The only sound I dared to make was my own breathing, and even it was barely audible it was still way too loud. Mikey however made no noise or something. If it wasn't for the steady rise of his plastron I would've thought he would've stopped breathing at all, but he didn't. His head was turned away and his eyes were partly open. The usual bright blue eyes were dull and the white part was a shade of red from all the crying.

I quickly pried my eyes away from his and turned back to his arm, slowly continuing to unwrap the white bandages around his arm. Each and every revealing more of his battered skin, it horrified me. The bandages ran all the way from his upper arm till his wrists. And the long surgical scar began in the middle of his shoulder and his elbow, running all the way down and stopping just before his wrist. But the scars didn't stop there.

Once the last arm was exposed I continued with his wrist. And just with his scars, I knew what was beneath it, and yet I couldn't help but to gasp inwards. I didn't want to show my baby brother my shock, knowing he must be feeling worse at the moment. His whole wrist was filled with healing cuts, and the texture of the chains was practically drilled into his skin.

I threw the bandages away in the bin and gently picked up his left arm, looking at the cut a bit closer. 45 stitches were used to sew his skin together, and the same were on his legs. With each passing second Mikey started to tremble more and more, and tears were once again streaming down his face, his eyes squeezed shut as tightly as possible so he wouldn't have to look at his wounds.

I gently lowered his arm again and stood up. The stitches were holding, and there was nothing I could do about them other than letting them stay until his arm has healed enough. I only had to disinfect it again, just to be sure, and wrap them again. His wrist didn't require stitches but there were large wounds all over so it needed to be kept clean, which meant it had to be disinfected and wrapped too.

I grabbed the bandages and disinfect as fast as I could and walked back to my little brother but stopped walking as soon as I saw my little brother. His eyes were wide with fear and his arms were trembling more than usual, his eyes fixed on the collection of stitches in his arm. Tears were now freely streaming down his face and I had to stop for a minute so I wouldn't burst into tears right then and there. I cursed silently, just seconds I was gone, and only in that little time I had failed to protect him form his own scars.

"Mikey" I softly called out and walked over to him, putting everything away and gently taking his hands. "Look at me please, you're safe. No one will ever hurt you again. We're here for you" I softly spoke to him, and gently guided his head so he was facing me instead of his wounds. His blue eyes were shining from all the tears lingering in his eyes and I used my thumbs to wipe the tears away that were now streaming down his face.

"R-R..aph" He hiccupped softly, staring at me with pleading eyes. "P…ple-ease" I was shocked for a few seconds, he was the one who didn't want anyone else in the lab while I worked on his wounds and right now he was asking for someone else to be with him. I knew why he didn't want to. Even if he didn't want to admit it, he was scared out of his shell, being in the lab. And having too many people around would only remind him. I got it, and so did Leo and Raph. And right now he wanted his older brother in here.

"I will get him okay?" I quickly said as I noticed his breathing started to get more labored. "Just stay calm, I will be back within seconds" I added and rubbed his arm to assure him before I stood up, If he wanted Raph, I couldn't ignore his request I didn't want him to get another panic attack. Taking a last look at my baby brother I left the lab, entering the living room. I quickly scanned the room and frowned when I didn't see Raph, or anyone else, right away.

I looked back once more until I heard a loud crash in the dojo. My eyes widened slightly and I started to run towards the source of the sound, only to be greeted by my two older brothers. Raph was on his plastron with his arm twisted behind him and Leo standing right on top of his shell and holding Raph's arm painfully behind his shell.

"Oh hey Don" Leo grinned as he saw me standing in the dojo and quickly let go of Raph. My immediate older brother huffed and rolled onto his shell, holding his arm painfully to his body. Leo grinned once again and extended his hand and helped Raph with getting up. Raph rotated his arm slightly and winced at the sore feeling before turning to me.

"Hey" I greeted Leo before turning right back towards Raph and I frowned slightly. "Mikey wants you in the lab, he isn't doing too good" I said softly and motioned for him to follow. I didn't want to be so straight to the point, especially with everything that happened to Mikey, but I had no choice honestly. Mikey was so close to a panic attack just seconds ago, and he was asking for his older brother to calm him down.

Raph frowned slightly and I knew he was thinking the same thing as I was thinking. He was questioning the sudden change in behavior of Mikey. One time he even refused to go into the lab with me to check on his wounds, then he demanded I'd be the only one to go with him, practically forbidding anyone else from going into the lab, and right now he was begging for his older brother to come into the lab, something was off about it. And me and Raph both knew it.

"What's up with 'im Don, what's with the sudden change of…." Raph started as we neared the lab but he stopped midsentence and his eyes widened. "MIKEY NO!" He suddenly screamed as loud as he could and he was gone within seconds, but he was too late. Despite all of his ninja training, despite all his reflexes he had built over the years, and the promise he had made, he was too late. I screamed as loud as I could for the rest to come, for anyone to come before I jumped after Raph with speed I didn't know I possessed.

"Get a towel now!" Raph screamed as he tried everything he could to keep the blade from touching Mikey's skin again. "Mikey please, you're safe. Stop" Raph pleaded as blood poured onto both of them. I couldn't think, I could only act. Bottles fell on the ground as I reached for one of the bandages I was going to use but I didn't care about them and immediately pressed the bandages onto the bleeding wound.

"L-Lemme go.. I wanna die. .. I-I want to d-die" Mikey cried, tears streaming down his face and tried everything he could to press the blade against his skin again and with a strong flick I knocked the blade out of his hands. "NO!" Mikey cried out and tried to break free from Raph's death hug but each second he slowed down more and more. Blood continued to seep through the bandages until my hands were coated with his blood as well.

"Don't you dare Mikey, stay with us, please" Raph half growled, half pleaded and pressed him closer, ignoring all the blood on top of him. "Mou daijyoubu dakara otouto, mou daijyoubu dakara" Raph repeated but the bleeding bundle in his arms wasn't listening. Mikey flushed from all the color in his face as more blood left his broken body. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and his head fell backwards, then he lost consciousness.

TMNT

Mou daijyoubu dakara – You're safe.

Otouto – Little brother

TMNT

Hey, don't look at me! This was the episode I based this on! :( *hides in a corner* And with that I also finally caught up to the episode, at least the parts I wanted to include. So if you do want to watch it, you can now do so without spoilers for this story ^^

Now if you excuse me, I'll hide in my basement for the coming.. I don't know.. months.? *runs away*